two phrases that ease suffering

Have you ever had a re-framing thought that completely offered a new perspective? A different way of looking at a situation that totally flipped your heart and feelings towards a situation that eased your suffering?

Two phrases came up repeatedly for me in 2020. I thought I would share them with you because, my friend, they helped ease so much unnecessary suffering. And, feel free to share this as “life-coaching” advice to your bestie the next time they express their hurt or frustration, particularly towards another person.

The two phrases are:

I don’t know what I don’t know.

and…

Consider the source.

Think, right now, about someone who has left you feeling a bit jaded. They may have seemed to be aloof, flaky, not being the supportive friend as you believe they should be, etc. Now, apply either one of these two phrases to that situation.

Let’s take the first one: You don’t know what you don’t know…

  • Could they be feeling ill lately?
  • Have they received some terrible news (perhaps related to finances, family, or themselves) and haven’t communicated that to you?
  • Or, maybe they don’t know how to be there for you. They may feel like they’re doing just fine in that department while balancing their own life demands.

How often do we learn of the tragic news of someone who completes suicide, and it completely catches us off-guard. We’re baffled because “they seemed fine.” Or, we learn that someone has been suffering at the hands of an abuser. Maybe, too, the stress of finances, children, and life itself is just really taking a toll mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually on another. (SO MUCH GRIEF IN ALL OF THESE, BTW)

We grieve all sorts of situations in our lives. And, grief often makes us feel (and operate in life) out of sorts. Consider, too, that when you feel like you’ve been wronged, there’s another human on the other side of that emotion. You’re allowing that situation to take up your valuable brain and heart space and filling it with anger, resentment, frustration, or whatever you’re feeling towards the other. When in reality, there may be a valid explanation for the behavior of the other person.

‘Tis better to think the best of others than ruminate and stew on a self-created story. 

Now, the next one: Consider the source…

  • Has that person always been that way? But, when it counts (and they’re made fully aware of what’s going on), have they been there?
  • Would they intentionally be avoiding you (or the situation)?
  • Have they done so in the past?

If the latter is the case, then perhaps you need to re-think your friend circle and those you rely on in tough times. Or, take a hard look at how you communicate your needs to those you care about and those who care about you in return.

When considering the source, think about who they are as a person, why you have that person in your life, the value they bring to your life, what they have been going through, what they’re experiencing, etc.

Say, and apply, these re-framing statements to any relationship. Seriously. You can consider these two phrases in your relationships with co-workers, the rude store clerk, your best friend, or your spouse/significant other.

A shift in perspective can change EV-ER-Y-THING.

If you do this, let me know how it changes a situation/relationship in your life for you! I’d love to hear how this tip helps ease you of so much unnecessary suffering.

much love, victoria

 

 

P.S. Did you find this blog post helpful? If so, I’d love for you to share it because sharing is caring! And, I care about others, not necessarily suffering. I bet you do, too! 💕

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