self imprisonment

In the personal development arena, you’ll often hear the words or phrase self-sabotage. But what is self-sabotage? It’s no different than self-betrayal. And that phrase feels a bit icky. It also feels more truthful, too.

Self-Sabotage vs. Self-Betrayal

When you choose to self-sabotage (i.e., get in your own way, choose thinking/behavior patterns that don’t serve you, etc.), you’re also betraying yourself. When you decide to sit in pain, anger, and sadness beyond the time those feelings have served you, that’s a betrayal of your heart. Essentially, you’re also keeping yourself in mental/emotional prison, too.

Human behavior has always fascinated me. I enjoy people-watching and hearing people’s stories about what makes them who they are, and I have made it my mission to figure out who I am and why I do the things I do. But if I had asked myself long ago this one question: In What Ways Am I Betraying Myself? Perhaps I would’ve realized what needed to change far sooner.

Our thoughts generate feelings, which prompt us to act – or not to. Considering thoughts can be changed, it would be safe to assume that our emotions and actions would follow suit, too. So, if you realize all the ways you are betraying yourself (your thoughts), and feel a desire for things to be different, better, or more (i.e., grief), then you have a litmus test for your actions. If the thing you think you want to do doesn’t align with your desire for your experience to be different, better, or more, then you know it’s not what you need to do.

Ways I Used to Betrayed Myself

Here are some examples of ways I have betrayed myself. If any of these resonate with you, then you have a starting point of where to look to heal.

  • Looking for validation/affirmation from others.
  • Quieting my voice when the situation didn’t feel right in my gut.
  • Getting wrapped up in other’s emotional turbulence (taking their “stuff” on as my “stuff”).
  • Keeping toxic relationships in my life far too long.
  • Not addressing my mental/emotional health earlier in life.
  • Not understanding/creating boundaries.
  • Living in the past (or the future) – neglecting many present moments.

What I Do Now

Now that I’ve shared how I’ve betrayed myself, I think it’s important to share how I’ve turned these betrayals against myself around.

  • Trusting my inner-knowing. No one will ever know me as much as I know myself, and no amount of outside validation/affirmation will mean more than the validation/affirmation I can give myself.
  • Speaking up for myself—saying what is or isn’t okay—is a big way we can honor our hearts and spirits.
  • I am mindful of when I feel myself taking on others’ negative energy and then addressing it. But first, if I know the situation could bring this feeling on, I am more mindful going into the situation in the first place. I imagine myself in a golden, protected bubble of light where that negativity doesn’t affect me. Similarly, I have become more mindful of the energy I bring to situations. Because we get back what we put out, right?
  • As you grow, evolve, and change, those toxic relationships around you naturally fall away. We don’t need to push any sort of agenda on others. The only thing we have 100% control over is ourselves.
  • Addressing my grief head-on has been the biggest game-changer of my life. Had I only known in my twenties what I know now, I could only move forward and pay it forward, too. Addressing my inner pain allows me to help others address theirs. Addressing your inner world has ten-fold ripple effects on your outer world.
  • Boundaries? What the heck are those? I never knew what it meant to have boundaries, why they were necessary, how to create them, or how to respect others’ boundaries until I got to the other side of grief recovery. And, this book is a game-changer, friends. If you follow me on FB or IG, you’ll know I’ve shared this before, but WOW! I love this book! It has biblical references but is not preachy or in-your-face about God. I almost didn’t read this because of the reviews; I didn’t want another biblical-fluff book. This book is not. It is practical and will teach you all you need about boundaries.
  • When we go through life wallowing in our sorrows, our minds are stuck in the past while our hearts fight to find hope for the future. And when we’ve stuffed our past for so long, we do everything we possibly can to avoid it and find ourselves always looking to the future, chasing the next thing. All the while, we’re never fully living in the present. Who do you are betraying? Well, not only yourself but also your family.

Do you see how self-sabotage is a “fluffier” word than self-betrayal? When you start to awaken to all of the parts of you that make you you, it becomes natural to begin to call things what they are. And it also makes healing possible. Awareness is a beautiful thing.

Journal prompt for you: How am I betraying myself?

much love, victoria

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