Are you the type of person who is always looking for the silver lining in a situation? Or, do you tend to give more thought to what is or could’ve been?
There’s no right or wrong answer here. I’ve just thought this week about how differently we’re all wired.
For the most part, since childhood, I’ve considered myself as optimistic. Likely because of the crappy things I experienced in my youth. Even as a kid, I recognized there is always someone who has had it worse. Always. I don’t say that lightly. And, it’s not even that I was taught this, because I don’t believe I was. I think it’s something I felt and witnessed. And perhaps this is what’s been burned into my heart. And, when I put myself in their shoes, and allow my imagination to take me to that person’s experience, and feel what that would feel like, suddenly, all that I’ve endured doesn’t seem so hard.
But, all that empathy, optimism, and always looking to the future (when I get older, I’m going to do this, I’m going to experience that, etc..) kept me from really feeling what I was experiencing in the present. I look back on my childhood and recognize that I spent a lot of time in my imagination.
Silver linings are great; as long they’re not a coping mechanism to deflect from what’s going on in the heart. Children, in my opinion, do this naturally, though – as a way to protect themselves. And, children are also more sensitive to the energy of others, and often pick up on and perceive situations differently than adults.
Although I believe we have tendencies that are hard-wired and written into our DNA, I equally think that early traumatic experiences re-wire our brains and create physical changes on a cellular level. I’m starting to dive into the topic of trauma and it impacts on our bodies, but I find it fascinating and will share as I learn.
In the meantime, I guess I will continue to be one of those annoying people who are always ready to point out the silver lining of a situation. However, what I’ve learned through grief recovery is that firstly, it is most important to acknowledge and not minimize the human experience someone else is having.
Everyone sees situations through their lens of experience. And, that’s why the Grief Recovery Method is so powerful. We learn to be a heart with ears for others; removing the lens through which we see the world, and giving someone else the presence of heart – and heart alone.
When we begin to work on our inner “stuff,” we see our lives (and the lives of others, too) from a different perspective. It also becomes a lot easier to see the silver lining for ourselves, too. Because, when you get 5-12 people in one group sharing their deepest pain, I guarantee you’d rather keep your problems. And, it’s not to compare, again – that’s not what we do in Grief Recovery. But, the awareness of that alone has the power to illuminate the grief in our lives – in a way, nothing else can. And that is why we can never heal in isolation.
What is a silver lining-feeling you desire in your life? How do you wish to see a situation differently?
Think about it this way; those who survived as POW’s (the late John McCain, for example) or Holocaust survivors (for example, this book by Viktor Frankl, which has been on my “to-read” list for far too long), are some of the greatest optimists you’ll ever meet. When I’ve watched interviews, recently this one shared on CBS Sunday Morning for the 75th Anniversary of Auschwitz, I could feel their optimism, despite what they’ve endured. I’ve been to the Dachau Concentration Camp; just walking the grounds was a sobering experience.
Where does optimism come from, if not from our life experience?
I’ll leave you today with Frankl’s words:
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

P.S. Heads up! Next week Monday, I’ll be sharing a birthday week promotion! You’ll have an opportunity to book Reiki sessions at a discount for that week only (can be used later) – due to my schedule; sessions are limited! Also, there is a discount for the 7-week One-on-One Grief Recovery Program. Stay tuned! I will be sending my email list the info first if you’d like to get in on the birthday shenanigans! 🙂