Ep 189 Stepping Back To Move Forward: Lessons From Spirit

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

For this week’s episode, I drew inspiration from an oracle deck by creator Colette Baron-Reid called Postcards from Spirit. Its message to you, my audience, and myself was the importance of stepping back to observe our thoughts and behaviors. This card pull reading inspired me to share my personal experience in decision-making as it relates to my business and how stepping away helped me gain clarity. The episode touches on human design, emotional authority, and the traps of fear-based decisions while offering encouragement.

Key Points Discussed: 

  • Oracle Card Inspiration: Victoria begins by sharing an Oracle card reading meant to provide guidance for herself and listeners.
  • Observation as a Tool: Emphasizes the value of being an observer of life’s situations rather than reacting impulsively or emotionally.
  • Personal Anecdote on Decision Making: I share a recent, behind-the-scene experience in making a business decision.
  • Human Design Insights: This is a brief introduction to Human Design elements, such as ’emotional authority,’ that impact decision-making processes.
  • Growth Through Challenges: Encourages embracing opportunities that push us beyond our comfort zones for personal growth.
  • Grief Reflections: The observation theme is connected to grieving, urging listeners to examine their beliefs about suffering and healing.
  • Taking Action Toward Peaceful Living: Inspires listeners to take small steps towards observing their inner selves for peace.
  • I invite anyone who wants to further the discussion or would like additional support to reach out for a free consultation.

RESOURCES:

_______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we’re often swept up in a whirlwind of emotions and hurried decisions. This week on Grieving Voices, we delve into the profound wisdom found within Colette Baron Reid’s Postcards from Spirit oracle deck – a message that serves as a gentle reminder about the power of stepping back to gain clarity.

The Message: Neutrality is Key

The card pulled speaks volumes: “Observe rather than act.” It’s an invitation to take a breath, step out of the chaos, and look at situations with fresh eyes. In doing so, we allow ourselves space for neutrality in decision-making. But what does it mean to be neutral?

Neutrality doesn’t imply indifference or lack of care; instead, it means approaching decisions without being clouded by intense emotions or biases. It’s about finding balance between detachment and engagement – observing your thoughts and feelings without immediately reacting to them.

Personal Reflections

As your host Victoria shared from her personal journey, making significant choices such as investing in a business coach can stir up an array of emotions including fear, excitement, doubt, and hope. She navigated this crossroad through journaling and open discussions which allowed her to step back from the emotional edge.

Here are some ways you can apply this practice:

– Journaling: Write down your thoughts without censorship. Seeing your fears or hopes on paper can make them less overwhelming.
– Talking it Out: Discussing options with trusted friends or mentors provides new perspectives.
– Waiting Period: Give yourself time before making big decisions; sleep on it if necessary.

Applying Wisdom Amidst Grief

Grief has its own complex layers that affect decision-making processes profoundly. When you’re grieving – whether over lost loved ones or past versions of yourself – old beliefs may surface like uninvited guests at dinner time.

Ask yourself:
– Am I choosing based on fear?
– Are my decisions trying to avoid pain rather than embracing growth?

Observation becomes crucial here because grief can obscure our view like foggy glasses. By cleaning those lenses through observation, you might find peace amidst turmoil.

Supportive Steps Forward

Remember that observing isn’t passive; it’s an active process towards informed choices leading toward healing and potential fulfillment. As mentioned in Grieving Voices podcast:

1) Reflect deeply on how past experiences influence current choices.
2) Seek support when needed – consultations offer professional guidance.
3) Embrace patience with yourself during difficult times.

Tune In For More Insights

If these ideas resonate with you or spark curiosity about navigating life’s challenges more mindfully—be sure not miss next week’s episode! Available across platforms like iTunes, Google Podcasts & Spotify (you can even ask Alexa), each session aims at empowering listeners towards unleashing their heart’s full capacity—because ultimately unlocking one’s heart unlocks life itself!

Let us all remember: there is immense strength found within moments where we choose simply observe before leaping into action—it is there that clarity emerges from calmness much love until next time!

Episode Transcription:

Victoria: Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to this week’s episode of grieving voices. I am your host, Victoria. And I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for today’s episode in just decided I would pull a card from one of my oracle decks to see if I felt inspired. And I chose my favorite deck to pull a card from. And it’s called postcards from Spirit, and it’s from been created by Colette Baron Reid, who is the bestselling author of the map and uncharted. I have not read her books, but I might have to just because I absolutely love this deck so much. I bring it to expos and public events that I go to where I share about grief recovery and the grief work that I do and energy healing, and I ask people if they would like a a card pulled. And the is the deck I usually use and it’s amazing to me how people read these cards and they’re brought to tears. It’s as if it really is a message from one of their dearly departed, just giving them a message of of hope or comfort or just exactly what they needed to hear that day. And so when I pulled this card, I pulled it with the intention of what my audience, what you out there may need to hear today. And So I’m gonna read the card and then I’m just gonna share some reflections around it and my thoughts about it. Deer you. Now as one of those times, you’re being asked to add some distance. Take a step back and do nothing but observe. Don’t worry about how long it will take to regroup. Just know it’s temporary and actually an opportunity to take a breath, slow down and look at how far you’ve come. Decisions for the highest good are made when you have clarity, which comes from being open to information from both the intellect, and the intuition. When you step into the role of observer, it’s as if you turn on a switch that allows your soul to be an essential part of the information gathering and decision making process. In this way, you can approach things from a more neutral and non judgmental place. We know you’ll make the right choice. Trust us when we say now is not the time to get too close to the fray. Step back now. You will be glad you did. When I read that, I thought a lot about just how we go about our day to day, not even being an observer. Of our own behavior, of our beliefs, of the thoughts that we have about ourselves, Maybe even others, judgments of others, a quick glance and we have this quick thought We don’t observe our own thoughts. We don’t take the time enough to observe ourselves, our behavior, our thoughts, our beliefs, all of it. And I think what I’ve personally learned just even through human design, in my human design as a manifesto, which I’ll link in the show notes if you’re not sure what that is. I’m not gonna go down that rabbit hole today, but what I learned is, for me, what I need to do to get my clarity and to observe is to step away from whatever it is is activating me in the moment. Whether it is a decision to be made or I’m gathering information like this is the perfect card probably for me and this is probably something I needed to hear too. But a reminder for me and you that if you are an emotional authority in human design, which is fifty percent of the population, If you are an emotional authority, you have to ride your emotional wave. We are not in a Claire And we are not clear in our decision making process. We are not in a neutral place. When we make decisions on an emotional high or in an emotional low. I’ll give you an example. I recently was like February or so I had been well, starting in January, actually, I had been debating on if I wanted to hire the certain business coach. And I it just threw me into this emotional roller coaster that was so unexpected it was a significant investment. I’d never invested that much in myself nor for my personal development in my business for I’ve invested plenty. Trust me, in my certifications and in learning. And growing for my business, but never to this degree. And it really just threw me for a loop. I I mean, I was I couldn’t sleep. I was trying to intellectually rationalize why I thought I wanted this, why I couldn’t afford it, or why I didn’t deserve it, or all these things like it was it was literally like an emotional roller coaster. And but what was at the heart of it was that in what I came to understand when I stepped away and journaled through my emotions, which, you know, I have a defined throat. If you have a defined throat, you need to get this stuff out. I think either way, you need to get the stuff out, but, you know, emotionally or you know, with sound or singing or poetry, like, the if you have a defined throat, like, you have a motor in your throat that needs to get things up and out verbally. And So I started to do that. I started to talk with some trusted friends, talk it through with trusted friends, journal it through, and really did my due diligence on making sure that I was gonna get to a place that I felt like it was a decision that was coming from a neutral place and that I wasn’t trying to intellectualize my decision, and I wasn’t trying to shut down my intuition at at the same time. Honoring both, the both and, like, I can feel scared, but I can also feel excited about this opportunity Not knowing, will I ever get this opportunity again to work with this person? At the end of the day and after weeks, trust me, it was weeks. I even asked for an extra week to give my final decision, which they were so graceful in doing. I came to the decision that this is exactly what I needed. And what I wanted for myself and for my business and I can tell you that it has been one of the most stretching things I have ever done in recent years. Aside probably since I went through my grief recovery program, since I worked through my grief the very first time. In twenty nineteen when I got certified and went through the program for great recovery myself. So a lot’s changed for me since that time, but just since signing up with this coach, it was almost like that act of of choosing and doing that has really stretched me and that’s what I wanted. I wanted growth in a different way. I wanted to challenge my beliefs around what I deserved or what was, you know, money. Money is a huge issue for so many people. But I found a way. I found a way, and I have made a way. And because it was a priority, for me. And but I had to come to the place of being an observer first. And how many decisions do we make? Not observing. Just making a fear based decision. For the most part, I think most of us make fear based decisions. Had I said no to this opportunity, which I was looking at it like an opportunity number one, but had I said no to it, I thought that through to the end, like, I would have I I would have felt like I missed an opportunity to expand and grow my business in a way that I couldn’t see it for myself. And also, I know myself well enough to know then I need some accountability. And, you know, so some of us, you know, do really well answering to ourselves what some of us need. More than that, some of us need accountability, partners, or somebody to, hey, did you do that thing? And I’m very good at pushing people off the ledge. Of whatever it is they’re trying to do or wanting to do. So if you need a ledge pusher like I’m your gal, if there is a dream or a goal that you’ve been putting on the back burner and have been afraid to do, I can be your courage, your ounce of courage that you need. And I can be your pusher because I love pushing people. To meet their potential. And that comes back to my u map, which I have Maximizer in my top ten, so I love to maximize other people into their meeting their potential. Anyway, I’m getting on a tangent of view map and human design and all of that. But coming back to this card, I want you just to think about and maybe listen to it again in the framework of your grief. You know, if you’re not observing yourself, and your beliefs, and your grief, what is that costing you? Do you believe that you are just destined to suffer the rest of your life? That how you’re feeling today? Is how you’re just always gonna feel and why bother? That was me at one time? That’s a lie. I’ll tell you that is a lie. Check-in with your intuition. Make a point to observe yourself. Observe your behavior, observe your thoughts? Like, why am I thinking this way? Why do I think that is true? What is the evidence? What proof do I have? We will always look for the proof in whatever of how we perceive things. We will look for the proof to back that up. Right? We don’t like to be challenged in our in our thought patterns and beliefs. Particularly, we don’t like it. But that’s what I think is what’s keeping so many people stuck in their grief in particular. Is they’re not being challenged in that way. They’re not challenging themselves. They’re not being the observer of their own selves because we can we can project our pain and our suffering on other people all we want, but it’s not gonna bring us to peace. That’s an inside job. Peace is an inside job. And it starts with being an observer. And that’s that’s my reflection on this card and I’m really glad I just, you know, I needed some inspiration for today’s episode, and I it was the perfect card. For today, for you, and for me, a reminder of how far I’ve come, Since I’ve been working on my grief in early twenty nineteen, my life has just exploded in the best way. In growth, in learning, and It’s expanded in all areas of my life really. You know, I worked out this morning and it was a really hard workout. That I hadn’t done in quite some time. In fact, I hadn’t picked up weights in quite some time. I had been doing power walks and stuff, but because I’d yeah. I’d hired a biz I’d I’d hired a health coach and was working with her and did was doing awesome. But for whatever reason, I can’t remember there was something that happened and it just kinda derailed me and I just I wasn’t picking up the weights anymore, and now I’m back to square one. When you don’t use it, you lose it. And that is the truth when it whether it’s your body, your mind, your heart, If you don’t give yourself love, you lose it, you start to lose it for yourself. And So yeah, I hope this inspired you to take some sort of small action today If you want to discuss further or talk deeper about whatever came up for you, I would love that. I’m all for free consultations. If I can better help and serve you, I that’s what I’m here to do. And otherwise, I will see you next week here in iTunes. Google Podcasts or Spotify wherever you’re listening to me. It’s available on all platforms. You can even say, Alexa, play, griving voices, podcasts, and it’ll start playing. So, I’m here when you need me. And remember, When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

 

 

Ep 184 Alexandra Cole | Coping with Grief: Self-Care, Parenting, and Life with Human Design

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

Are you ready to embark on a journey that could transform your understanding of purpose, parenting, and personal healing?

This week on Grieving Voices, I welcomed Alexandra Cole, a former corporate consultant turned human design coach. After a decade in the Fortune 500 sector, Alexandra pivoted to guiding individuals and families in finding their purpose through human design—a system that combines astrology, I Ching, Kabbalah, and the chakras.

Born in London and raised in Amsterdam with an education from Princeton University, she now resides in Santa Barbara with her husband and young son. Her journey into motherhood inspired “Thriving by Design,” a toolkit designed for parents to understand their child’s unique traits.

Alexandra shares her personal story of loss—losing her mother at age ten—and how it shaped her emotional world. She explains how understanding one’s own human design can be instrumental during grief and aiding parents to align better with their children’s innate designs.

She discusses the five energy types within human design: Manifestors (initiators), Projectors (guides), Generators, & Manifesting Generators (consistent workers who need joy-based work). Each type has different ways of investing energy for fulfillment and purpose. The conversation also delves into parenting aligned with your child’s energy type—such important information and particularly helpful when parenting grieving children.

This insightful discussion highlights how embracing our inherent nature according to our human design can lead us toward more authentic and aligned lives.

If you’re curious about how your unique blueprint can shape your way forward—in joyous times or challenging ones—I encourage you to learn your human design and listen to this episode because sometimes the most authentic path is the one that is tailor-made just for us.

RESOURCES:

CONNECT:

_______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Unlocking the Power of Human Design in Grieving, Parenting, and Self-Discovery

In today’s fast-paced world, where change is constant and life often throws us curveballs, understanding ourselves and our loved ones can sometimes feel like deciphering an enigmatic puzzle. But what if there was a blueprint—a design—that could help us navigate these complexities with greater ease? Enter Human Design, a revolutionary system that combines ancient wisdom with modern science to offer profound insights into our personalities.

Recently on Grieving Voices, we had the pleasure of hosting Alexandra Cole—once a corporate consultant for Fortune 500 companies who has now found her calling as a human design coach. With her international background and diverse experiences shaping her approach to coaching, she shared how human design has become an invaluable tool for personal growth during grief, enhancing parenting techniques, and managing life’s myriad challenges.

The Transformation Journey: From Corporate Consulting to Human Design

Alexandra’s journey from advising corporations to coaching individuals speaks volumes about the transformative power of purpose. Her work through “Thriving by Design” demonstrates how aligning one’s career with their inner calling can lead not only to personal fulfillment but also make significant impacts on others’ lives.

Understanding Ourselves Through Grief

Grief is unique to every individual; it shapes itself around each person’s energy type. Alexandra emphasizes that knowing your human design can reveal personalized paths for healing when you’re navigating loss or adversity. For example:

– **Manifestors** may need solitude to initiate their own grieving process.
– **Projectors** might seek deep understanding before they can find closure.
– **Generators** require activities that reignite their spark amidst sorrow.
– **Manifesting Generators**, much like generators but with added complexity due to their multifaceted nature.
– Lastly,** Reflectors**, whose sensitivity means they deeply mirror those around them—and thus may absorb collective grief which needs careful navigation.

By recognizing these patterns within ourselves based on our energy types in times of mourning or crisis—we allow space for compassion towards self-healing journeys tailored just right for us.

Parental Guidance Enhanced by Human Design

Parenting is arguably one of life’s most challenging yet rewarding roles—and here too human design offers remarkable guidance. By acknowledging each child’s unique energy type (be it Manifestor or Reflector), parents are better equipped at fostering environments where children thrive authentically rather than conforming them into ill-fitting societal molds.

For instance:

– Encourage your child when you see them light up doing something they love—this physical response signals alignment with their true nature.
– Recognize that while Generators have abundant energy reserves—they must be wary not becoming ‘yes people’, overcommitting themselves away from joyous pursuits
– Understand Reflectors’ need for supportive surroundings given their heightened sensitivities reflecting back the health—or dis-ease—of communities around them

This knowledge doesn’t just cultivate healthier relationships between parent-child dynamics; it paves the way toward nurturing well-rounded individuals grounded in self-awareness from early stages onward.

Better Relationships Through Energetic Understanding

Human design isn’t limited solely to introspection—it extends outwardly enrichening relational dynamics too! Partnerships benefit immensely when both parties respect differing energetic requirements (imagine respecting your partner’s need for dynamic mornings versus quiet evenings). This framework fosters deeper empathy & effective communication leading towards harmonious co-existence amid diversity in temperaments & preferences alike!

Resources at Your Fingertips

Alexandra provides multiple avenues through which anyone interested can delve further into this transformative field:

1) Personal sessions via alexandracole.com
2) Wellness products including customized reports at thrivingbydesign.com
3) Her book “The Purpose Playbook”, guides readers towards living out authentic purposes

These resources serve as tools aiding one along paths whether seeking solace during grief-stricken times or simply aspiring towards more aligned living overall – all underscored by honoring inherent uniqueness above external expectations thrust upon us!

As we wrapped up our conversation filled with gratitude & enlightenment —it became clear why nurturing individuality holds paramount importance across facets ranging from parenting strategies down even unto embracing personal narratives woven uniquely within tapestries called ‘life’.

To live authentically—isn’t just sound advice—it’s foundational ethos empowering thriving existences no matter what storms come ashore!

Episode Transcription:

Victoria Volk
00:00:00 – 00:00:27
Thank you so much for tuning in to grieving voices. I’m very excited to, bring a guest. We haven’t had a guest in a little while here on the podcast. And today, Alexandra Cole is joining me. She is a former corporate consultant turned human design coach after a decade of helping fortune 500 identify and articulate their why she pivoted to help individuals, families, and couples do the same.

Victoria Volk
00:00:27 – 00:01:18
She uses human design as a tool to help her clients pursue their purpose with more clarity and confidence. Alexander is passionate about translating insights from her clients, human design charts into actionable strategies for optimizing their relationships, well-being, careers, finances, and family life. She was born in London, raised in Amsterdam, educated at Princeton University, and now lives in Santa Barbara, California with her husband and 2 year old son. Becoming a mother inspired her to create thriving by design, a collection of tools, cheat sheets, and online courses designed to give parents insight into their child’s unique sensitivities, preferences, and gifts, as well as tactical tips for how to support them. Alexandra is happiest when moving her body, eating good food, exploring new places, and in deep conversation with new or old friends.

Victoria Volk
00:01:19 – 00:01:35
I love that. I love deep conversation too. And I love human design, and I honestly can’t even remember how I got into your sphere, but I did. And you share the same name as my middle Alexandra. I love the name.

Victoria Volk
00:01:35 – 00:01:53
Beautiful name. But there was something I found interesting when I was looking into, I don’t know, I opened an email, then you you know, you get down a rabbit hole. And then I found your wellness. The wellness design report or well by well by design report. And that’s how we kind of connected.

Victoria Volk
00:01:53 – 00:02:30
And I’m just thinking, like, gosh, this would be a really good topic for to bring on the podcast for people, especially particularly grievers who, you know, sometimes you just don’t know what you need. And this well by design report can be a good place to start. Like, if I just wanna feel better, how can I feel better that is aligned with who I am and how I was created and how I was made? Right? And, and I absolutely love also the idea of arming parents with information and knowledge to help them be let’s see.

Victoria Volk
00:02:30 – 00:02:37
What’s the word I wanna use? A more aligned parent for their child.

Alexandra Cole
00:02:32 – 00:02:32
Yeah. 100%

Victoria Volk
00:02:33 – 00:02:37
Based on their child’s design. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:02:37 – 00:02:37
Mhmm.

Victoria Volk
00:02:38 – 00:03:00
Because if youngest is 15, if I would have known what I know now about human design, about my own design, about my kids, All 3 of them are manifesting generators. I’m a manifester. Like, I was exhausted. Like, motherhood, like, totally exhausted me to the point where, like, you can question, like, oh my god.

Victoria Volk
00:03:00 – 00:03:02
What did I sign up for?

Alexandra Cole
00:03:03 – 00:03:12
I can only imagine. I have one little manifesting generator, and that’s already a lot. I can’t imagine having 3 of them running around.

Victoria Volk
00:03:12 – 00:03:16
And they’re all, like, the first 2 or 18 months apart and the yeah.

Alexandra Cole
00:03:16 – 00:03:16
Wow.

Victoria Volk
00:03:16 – 00:03:20
Yeah. I had 3 under in 5 under 5 years. So

Alexandra Cole
00:03:20 – 00:04:21
That’s impressive. Especially as a manifester, that is incredibly impressive. And, I mean, I would also say too, from a grief perspective, I think both of us lost a parent very young in life. And if I had understood my design better or if, God forbid, anything like that ever happens in my immediate family, having human design as a tool to just better understand a child’s emotional world and how they’re designed to navigate these types of major traumas and just life changing events, especially when it comes to kind of your environment and how that shifts. It allows you to show up in a much more kind of supportive way for that child because you know exactly kind of what their patterning is and how to, yes, align with that and support that in how you are tending to them and caring for them.

Victoria Volk
00:04:21 – 00:04:39
I really wanna get to your story in how you got to where you are in with human design and how this all came to be. And so would you please take us back in time and to that loss and how like, what transpired  in the in between?

Alexandra Cole
00:04:40 – 00:05:22
Oh, man. That loss was early on and probably well before, obviously, human design even was at all in my kind of frame of reference, but I lost my mom to breast cancer at age 10. I’m the oldest of 3 kids, and at the time, we were living in the Netherlands. And my dad did an incredible job of kind of stepping in and trying to play Mom and Dad, we were surrounded by an incredible support system. So all things considered, I look back and can only feel grateful in a way for having experienced it in the way that I did.

Alexandra Cole
00:05:22 – 00:06:25
But nonetheless, right, at 10 years old, experiencing such a huge loss, especially as the eldest child, I think, forced me to grow up very very quickly and forced me to kind of grapple with some of these, like, bigger life questions, a lot earlier on than the average 10 year old, let’s say. So I think I was quite a mature teenager in terms of my life experience, but also kind of, like, my way of connecting and understanding others. And especially when it came to my emotional world, I was very aware of all the emotions I was feeling. I just didn’t necessarily feel like it was appropriate for me to express those anymore because I wanted to be strong for my family. So for a good 8 years, I shut down my own kind of emotional response and probably a huge part of that grieving process.

Alexandra Cole
00:06:26 – 00:07:01
Until fast forward at 18, I moved from the Netherlands to the United States, and my mom had actually studied in the United States. So it was kind of a little bit of, like, following in her footsteps. And I get here, and within the 1st year, I fall madly in love with this American man. And it was the first time since losing my mom that I had this huge fear of losing this individual and the impact that that might have. And it kind of actually opened the door for me to experience grief because I was, 1, I think, far enough removed from my family where I felt like I could do that.

Alexandra Cole
00:07:01 – 00:07:55
And 2, I had this trigger of someone I cared so deeply about, and the thought of losing him was, like, such a kind of miserable like, the the pain was, like, so great associated with that that I allowed myself to finally grieve, and I think I cried. Like, basically, I made up for those 8 years of not shedding a tear. And this poor man, who I’m now married to, so I can I can say this? Like, he was incredible, but he probably didn’t understand everything that I was kind of processing and going through at the moment itself. Anyway, fast forward a few years, I graduated college and picked the path of least resistance in the sense that I very much went down the road that I felt like everyone expected me to and that I felt pressured to in a way, which was a very kind of corporate path in management consulting.

Alexandra Cole
00:07:56 – 00:08:29
And I kinda had most of my life planned out. I was a very kind of a logical, rational thinker when it came to kind of where I thought I was heading. And maybe that was also part of all of those years of kind of shutting down that emotional world even though my emotions, especially according to human design, are my most trustworthy inner compass. I just wasn’t listening to them. A few years into that career, a friend of mine asked me to help her brainstorm a new business idea that she had.

Alexandra Cole
00:08:30 – 00:09:09
And I would meet with her before work. I would meet with her after work, and I was doing 12 to 16 hour days. So this was like a commitment to meet with her, but I became so passionate about what it was that she was working on to the point that she eventually asked me to leave my job and cofound this company with her. And I think I thought about it for maybe a few days and felt this full body just yes in response to it. It was a complete conviction that this was what I was meant to do, and it came from this place of genuine excitement and passion.

Alexandra Cole
00:09:10 – 00:09:28
And it was such a departure from how I had lived my life before, which was very much kind of like, mind oriented that the fact and I did. I ended up leaving my job, starting this company with her, and we had no clients. We had no track record. We had no funding. We had no experience.

Alexandra Cole
00:09:28 – 00:10:07
Nothing. We made it all work, but it was a few months after that that I reflected on this this leap and how I was able to make it with so much confidence and conviction when really there was, you know, no logical reason to do so. And it set me on this path of self development, trying to better understand what that was inside of me and why I finally allowed that to make the decision instead of the kind of rational brain. And that’s what ultimately led me to discover human design, which told me, like, hey. Listen.

Alexandra Cole
00:10:07 – 00:10:52
You’re actually here to listen to your gut, to listen to your emotions. And the more I started leaning into that, the more myself I felt. Like, I had I realized that for those past, like, 10, 12 years, I had been kind of a you know, trying again to live up to this expectation that I thought other people had of me, of who I needed to be for them in that moment, and had lost the essence of who I was along the way. And so that’s really what human design allowed me to do. And after several years of just kind of using it to heal myself and to allow myself to grieve in many ways, I started using it with other people, friends and family at first.

Alexandra Cole
00:10:52 – 00:11:14
And over the course of a few years, it kind of blossomed into this side hustle and then something more than a side hustle. And now here I am working with clients every day, helping them better understand, you know, the most aligned use of their energy and how to become a more authentic version of themselves.

Victoria Volk
00:11:15 – 00:11:56
I’m curious too for you. I’m sure I already know the answer. But what if what human design has helped me to is to better understand the environment in which I lived with the people that I shared it with. Right? So for instance, especially a parent, you know, if you don’t have their exact details, you know, birthplace and things like that, it can be a little difficult, but what did that give you when you, when you started to learn more about human design and, and for being so young and losing your mother, did it help you to really get to know her in a way that you couldn’t because she’d passed, you know, through her human design?

Alexandra Cole
00:11:57 – 00:12:06
Such a good question. Yes. It did really help me with that. And, also, it helped me see certain parts of myself that I share with her. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:12:06 – 00:12:47
And also understand why certain aspects of her are so memorable to me and other parts, you know, you it’s it’s hard for you to understand unless someone else kinda tells a story and you’re like, like, oh, right. I guess she was like that too. One thing that human design really helped me understand, though, is the fact that so my dad is also an emotional. He’s an emotional manifesting generator, and my brother and sister are non emotionals. And so for people who aren’t familiar with human design, what this means is that both my dad and I experience the world first and foremost through our own emotional lens.

Alexandra Cole
00:12:47 – 00:13:34
Like, we have this inherent emotional bias about how we are experiencing everything around us. And we feel our own emotions first and foremost, and they’re very much supposed to inform how we operate. My brother and sister, they feel other people’s emotions first and foremost. So their kind of experience of the world is more shaped by other people’s emotions, and they sometimes have a harder time distinguishing where they end and where someone else begins. And I think with if you think about our kind of family unit, obviously, my dad is going through an insurmountable amount of grief and was making a concerted effort to actually share that grief with us.

Alexandra Cole
00:13:34 – 00:13:43
Right? He took the approach of, I wanna be open with my kids. I wanna talk about how sad I am. Right? And so he did that.

Alexandra Cole
00:13:44 – 00:14:09
But because both my brother and sister are open emotions, they were incredibly sensitive to that. So they picked up on everything and then started kind of absorbing it and carrying that weight. And I think as a 10 year old, I intuitively saw that and decided, you know, there’s not there’s no space for another emotional in this family. Right? Like, I can’t do that same thing.

Alexandra Cole
00:14:09 – 00:15:00
So I’m just gonna kind of, like, shut mine down so that my dad can have that space and we can kind of all absorb or at least maybe even with my siblings. Like, I’m gonna try and shield them from my dad’s emotions, right, instead of add to that kind of, like, fire hose effect. Like, recognizing that and the role that made forced me to play has been really helpful, not just in kind of making sense of kind of my journey, but also making sense in my relationship with my dad and why certain things that he does trigger me so much. Right? And so I think those that, especially in these past kind of 5 years in becoming a mom, I’ve reflected on this a lot, and human design has definitely been, invaluable in that process.

Victoria Volk
00:15:02 – 00:15:05
And how has that shaped how you parent your son?

Alexandra Cole
00:15:05 – 00:15:37
So my son is also an emotional, and my husband is a nonemotional. So I think just knowing what I know about human design, the biggest takeaway here is that kids, a lot of it is nature. Right? They come into this world with a certain set of patterns and behaviors and sensitivities. And as parents, there’s this tendency to want to kind of manage and control that.

Alexandra Cole
00:15:37 – 00:15:55
And we think that’s that we’re protecting them in a way. Right? We think we’re we’re setting them up for success. But, really, what I’ve learned is that the best thing you can do as a parent is kind of do less. Like, step back and allow them to kind of grow into that little human they’re designed to be.

Alexandra Cole
00:15:55 – 00:16:40
And having their human design chart makes that much easier because you can kind of see, oh, wait. Actually, they’re living their design because especially when who they’re designed to be might be different from you or opposite from you in terms of how their emotions work or how they’re designed to communicate or make decisions. We only know what we know and we look at the world again through that kind of, like, biased lens. And so when you’re raising a child, it’s really hard to let go of that, and human design has allowed me to do that. So, for example, when my son has an emotional reaction to something, and he’s a very emotional child because his first reaction is always gonna be this, like, big emotional outburst.

Alexandra Cole
00:16:40 – 00:16:48
My husband’s response to that typically is, you’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay. There’s no need cry. No tears.

Alexandra Cole
00:16:48 – 00:17:10
No tears. Right? Like, that’s just because he is not emotional, so he doesn’t understand the significance of allowing yourself to kind of feel those feelings. I, on the other hand, and now I’ve also, you know, not trained, but coached my husband to respond in a similar way, I will just give my son a big hug and say, let it out. Let’s ride this emotional wave together.

Alexandra Cole
00:17:10 – 00:17:34
Right? Like, tell me what you’re feeling. Tell me what happened. Right? And I don’t ever try to shut that down because I know that this if I start to kind of manipulate his emotional experience, he is gonna lose it’s like losing a limb, right, for him because it’s such an important way of how he is designed to make sense of the world.

Alexandra Cole
00:17:35 – 00:17:50
And if he doesn’t feel like he can trust it or he feels like it’s wrong to respond emotionally, he’s gonna do what I did for 8 years and pay the price. So that’s just one small example of how I’m using this as a parent.

Victoria Volk
00:17:50 – 00:17:57
And when it comes to grief, that is a massively important example. Massively.

Alexandra Cole
00:17:57 – 00:17:57
Yes. Yeah

Victoria Volk
00:17:58 – 00:18:15
And if you if your child is a manifester, good luck to you. Oh. I know. You know, I’ve learned, like, I was probably just an some sort of enigma to my mother. Like but you know what?

Victoria Volk
00:18:15 – 00:18:23
I learned that my mother was is a projector, which I was like, woah. That makes sense.

Alexandra Cole
00:18:24 – 00:18:47
Yeah. That makes so much sense. And that’s one of the things that I love about human design is it does give it allows you to see other people in a much more objective way, where you can start to understand, oh, this is why I must have been so challenging for my mom. Right? And it is just it doesn’t excuse any behavior.

Alexandra Cole
00:18:47 – 00:19:25
It just gives you a different lens through which to kind of witness and observe and see the things that happened, because, yeah, as a manifester, right, part of what you’re here to do is to trigger people, like, in a way. Right? Like, you are here to challenge people. And sometimes that can feel really uncomfortable. And if as a parent, you’re not cut out for that or you don’t know how to handle that and you’re not aware of where that’s coming from, it can be really challenging.

Alexandra Cole
00:19:25 – 00:19:41
And she would just have wanted to kind of shut your manifesting tendencies down. Right? Or in an effort to protect you, she’s like, you can’t be this big. I need to, like, I need to limit this person. I need to kind of, like, you know, encourage them to control it.

Alexandra Cole
00:19:42 – 00:19:52
Exactly. Exactly. When, really, what a manifester kid needs to be able to do is, like, do their thing. And with complete freedom, throw a tantrum. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:19:52 – 00:20:12
Like, let it out, get angry, and move on. But if you tell them, like, you can’t do that, that’s not appropriate, That manifestor is gonna grow up to be a shell of who they actually could be. Because, again, they don’t trust any of those, like, inner voices that are communicating to them constantly or trying to.

Victoria Volk
00:20:13 – 00:20:27
Amen to that. I can tell you wholeheartedly. Because I first discovered human design, like, a little over a year ago.

Alexandra Cole
00:20:20 – 00:20:20
Wow!

Victoria Volk
00:20:20 – 00:20:26
So it has been like yeah.

Alexandra Cole
00:20:27 – 00:20:27
Yeah.

Victoria Volk
00:20:27 – 00:20:53
Mind blowing. So since we’re on this topic, can you quickly run down do a rundown of, like, the child You describe the child manifestor because that’s what I am. But can you quickly just kinda describe the other types, energy types.

Alexandra Cole
00:20:40 – 00:20:40
Yeah.

Victoria Volk
00:20:40 – 00:20:53
Children, for people who are listening, who may feel like there’s I I think this can help with conflict within parent child dynamics. So I think it’s I’m glad the conversation went here.

Victoria Volk
00:20:53 – 00:20:53
So.

Alexandra Cole
00:20:54 – 00:21:20
Absolutely. And as I describe it too, this also applies to adults, and to inner children. Like, a lot of the time when I talk about when I, you know, share content through that parenting lens, I get responses from people that say, you know, this helped me so much to heal my inner child Mhmm. And trauma that I experienced as a kid, just understanding what that, like, little version of me must have been experiencing in that moment. So there’s 5 energy types.

Alexandra Cole
00:21:20 – 00:22:13
And just kind of at a very high level, this whole system, human design, essentially, it’s based on your birth time date and place and the energetic frequency that was present in the exact moment you took your first breath. And you wanna imagine it’s like you were imprinted with this energetic frequency. And the chart itself is like that, like, blueprint to how your energy is designed to operate in the most authentic and the most effortless way. Right? Like, when you are listening to that blueprint and operating in alignment with it, there’s this element of flow to life where you’re still gonna encounter challenging situations, but you’ll move through them with a sense of confidence and conviction and trust in your own kind of inner authority to be able to overcome those things.

Alexandra Cole
00:22:14 – 00:23:12
So the foundation of this system is something that we call an energy type, and I often describe it as, like, the outer layer of the onion where there are so many more nuanced layers to the system that get into an incredible amount of detail in terms of, you know, how you’re designed to eat, the types of environments that are most supportive for you, how you’re designed to communicate and emote and all those things. But the first piece to understand is your energy type. There’s 5 different energy types, and each type has a slightly different way of investing energy in order to get the greatest return on that investment in terms of fulfillment and purpose and reward. So we talked about the manifestor and the manifestor little kid. Manifestors, their energy is designed to be quite extreme in terms of highs and lows.

Alexandra Cole
00:23:12 – 00:23:55
Like, they’ll have these, like, huge creative emotional bursts where literally they can go for days on this, like, energetic high, and then it’ll come crashing down and they will need to rest, reset, recharge. But, ultimately, that’s because manifestor’s role in this world is to initiate, to create things, to challenge that status quo and initiate newness and novelty. And so you need a lot of, like, powerful energy to do that, and you also need to not give a damn about everyone else around you. And that’s that triggering piece that I was talking about. And that’s why when you meet a little manifestor kid, they’re just off doing their thing.

Alexandra Cole
00:23:55 – 00:24:04
Right? Like, they get this urge. They need to, you know, dig a hole in the garden. And they just grab the shovel, and they just start digging. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:24:04 – 00:24:27
They’re not here to ask for permission. They’re not here to look for validation. They’re just here to follow those urges and convictions. And as a parent, again, that can be really triggering because we’re told we have to control our kids, and our kids’ behavior is a reflection on us. And so when that kid just grabs that shovel without asking and starts digging, your immediate reaction is, hey.

Alexandra Cole
00:24:27 – 00:24:54
You didn’t you didn’t ask me. We can’t just do that. Right? And so you can imagine how that leads to a lot of pressure and conditioning for that child to not be themselves and to adapt and adjust. And suddenly, these manifestors start to ask for permission and look for validation, which prevents them from starting the magical movements and things that they are supposed to.

Alexandra Cole
00:24:54 – 00:25:37
So that’s the manifestor kit. Then the second kind of, group I’d like to talk about are projectors. So projectors make up about 20% of the population, and projectors are very much the kind of guides. So if manifestors are here to kind of initiate and be the spark, Projectors are here to refine and guide and optimize. And so projectors actually have a much more moderate ebb and flow of energy, and they are really most effective when they can focus on one thing at a time and dedicate themselves to something for a short intense burst of time, and then they too need to kind of rest and reset.

Alexandra Cole
00:25:37 – 00:26:15
So projector kids are the types of kids that, one, are gonna be fascinated by how things work and kind of optimizing or understanding how to, kind of improve or better something. Like, they love fixing and solving things. And they’re gonna be able to kind of sit quietly working on a puzzle or with some type of toy for that, like, kind of short intense burst of time. And then they’re going to need to kind of rest their mind and sit back and almost observe. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:26:15 – 00:26:50
There’s a there’s a lot of power for a projector in just being free to observe instead of there being pressure to actually create or output. Projectors sometimes, though, because they have that ability to see how something can be done better, they can come across as quite critical. And if they tend to kind of share their insights and observations without being invited to do so, it can come across as a little bit of a, like, know it all. Right? Or, again, overly, like, a glass half-empty kind of thing.

Alexandra Cole
00:26:50 – 00:27:44
And so for projectors, the name of the game is really learning to wait for that invitation, to wait to be recognized, to wait to be acknowledged, to wait for someone to kind of celebrate your ability to problem solve or your natural gifts that all projectors have and kind of invite you to share those. So if you have a projector child, really being mindful that, like, all they want is for you to see them clearly and for you to invite them to share their gifts. They’re not here to go and initiate in the same way that manifestors are. They’re really here to be a little bit more passive until you invite them in. And they also are gonna need a lot of alone time, and they are going to do best when they have your 1 on 1 attention as opposed to, you know, bigger groups of people, which can be quite overwhelming for that projector initially.

Alexandra Cole
00:27:44 – 00:28:34
Now we get to the largest cohort of people, and that is the generators and the manifesting generators. So these two groups together make up about 70% of the population, and that’s because this group’s energy is very consistent. These generators and manifesting generators are here to almost act as, like, the motors of society in the sense that they have this ability to apply themselves in a very consistent, persistent way to things. And they don’t have that ebb and flow as much as the manifestors and the projectors do. Now for generators and manifesting generators, it’s really important that they are applying that energy to think that excitement excite them and bring them joy.

Alexandra Cole
00:28:34 – 00:29:01
So for them, it’s a really kind of physical response that they will feel towards something. Even, you know, if you have a generator, a manifesting generator child, pay attention to what their body does when they are loving what they’re doing. Right? Whether it’s they’re eating their favorite food and you hear them just go, like, mmm, they, like, start making noises. Or my son, when he’s doing something that he really enjoys, he starts to rock back and forth.

Alexandra Cole
00:29:01 – 00:29:28
Right? Or he does this, like, happy dance. It’s a very physical response. And so as a parent, pay attention to where what gives your kids that physical response because that’s a clear telltale sign that they’re meant to do more of it, that it’s a great use of their time and energy. When generators and manifesting generators are forced to do things that don’t really excite them or light them up, it’ll be quite draining.

Alexandra Cole
00:29:28 – 00:30:35
But because they have that consistent source of energy, they don’t necessarily hit that point of burnout like a manifestor or a projector will. And so what’s really hard is that most adult generators and manifesting generators have been conditioned to basically be these martyrs that say yes to every request, do a lot of stuff for other people because it makes that other person happy, and they happen to have the energetic capacity to do so. But they’ve lost touch with what actually brings them joy and what excites them. And so they’re operating at, you know, 50 to 60% of their full potential, and that full potential can only be accessed when they prioritize their own joy and excitement. And so as a parent of a young generator and manifesting generator, helping them recognize that, helping them realize that, like, they don’t have to say yes to doing what other people want them to do, and it is completely valid to prioritize their own needs and what brings them joy, even over yours as the parent.

Alexandra Cole
00:30:35 – 00:31:11
Right? Like, that’s a really important lesson for them to learn. The slight difference between these two types is that whereas generators can be a little bit more focused in their application of energy, manifesting generators are nonlinear beings, and that they have a little bit of that manifestor erratic nature while they will move very quickly from one interest to the other, and they love a variety of things. And they’re like I mean, with my son, for example, I’ve learned to never clean up after him because I think he’s done. And I then, as the generator mom, I’m like, okay.

Alexandra Cole
00:31:11 – 00:31:34
I’m gonna start to organize and clean this up. But, actually, he wants to circle back to it an hour from now after he’s, like, pulled out another 5 other toys. Right? And when we’re on an airplane, I have to have, like, you know, 20 different activities versus if I had a projector child, maybe I just need 3 and he could play with each for an hour. My son needs to just, like, constantly cycle through things.

Alexandra Cole
00:31:35 – 00:32:16
So that’s the generator manifesting generator, and then the very last type is a reflector. And reflectors are just as the name suggests. They’re like these magical unicorn snowflake kids that are highly sensitive and really designed to reflect the health and well-being of whatever community that they are a part of. So they are the product of their environment in many ways, And a reflector is like a mirror. So, if you have a reflector in your family, looking at them and how they’re doing and how they’re showing up and what their health and well-being is like is going to tell you what’s going on with the rest of the family.

Alexandra Cole
00:32:17 – 00:32:44
Because they are constantly absorbing everyone else’s energy, emotions, fears. Right? All of that. And in a way, they are then reflecting that back to you. And so for reflector children, it’s really important for them to understand how to manage this hypersensitivity because it can really throw you.

Alexandra Cole
00:32:44 – 00:33:12
Right? Because you can be feeling totally good, and then one person walks into the room. Right? Or one kid comes to class that day and is dealing with something really, really and you don’t even know what it is, but you feel in your body suddenly this grief or pain or anger that isn’t yours, and yet you’re still experiencing it as if it is. And so that’s something that is a lot for a little child to handle.

Alexandra Cole
00:33:12 – 00:33:57
And you might notice that reflectors do get sick more frequently. They do feel overwhelmed a lot depending and they’re very sensitive to environment, people as well as just, like, the energy and the vibe of the setting that they’re in. So as a parent, the best thing that you can do with a Reflector Child is teach them that a lot of the time what they’re experiencing isn’t actually theirs to carry. Right? And, also, be super mindful of, like, what are the environments and people that they seem most at peace around, and how can I make sure we’re spending most of our time in those types of places and avoiding the people that seem to, like, have the greatest triggering effect on them?

Victoria Volk
00:33:58 – 00:33:59
That was a lot.

Alexandra Cole
00:33:59 – 00:33:59
I know.

Victoria Volk
00:34:00 – 00:34:00
Thank you so much.

Victoria Volk
00:34:00 – 00:34:15
No. In a good way. In a in a good way because I hope people listening can are reflecting on their own lives and take from what you shared and apply it. And, hopefully, they already know their body type or their energy type.

Alexandra Cole
00:34:15 – 00:34:16
Energy type.

Victoria Volk
00:34:16 – 00:34:38
Yep. And or have their design. Right? They know their design. And if you don’t, I’m gonna put a link in the show notes where you can find that information out and then come back and listen to this again and find your children’s human design and listen to this, like, 2 or 3 times if you have to really take in what was shared because I think it’s so important.

Victoria Volk
00:34:38 – 00:34:49
The stuff that we I can’t even imagine being a reflector. Like, that just sounds so exhausting to me. Do I even know a reflector? I don’t even know if I know a reflector.

Alexandra Cole
00:34:50 – 00:34:54
I mean, they’re 1 only 1% of the population. So it’s possible that you don’t.

Victoria Volk
00:34:54 – 00:34:57
Well, in manifestors are, like, 9%. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:34:57 – 00:34:57
Mmm.Yup

Victoria Volk
00:34:57 – 00:35:08
So we’re kind of a rare breed too in a way, but no. Thank you so much for all of that. It’s just good for me. I’ve heard it, you know, I’ve heard it in other ways. And it’s when you hear it a different way, it’s just yeah.

Victoria Volk
00:35:08 – 00:35:27
I really love that. So thank you so much. I wanna go back to, like, your story though, and, like, how this all kind of played out, like, so with your relationship so when you first met your now husband, did you know his human design? Were you into human design? Not not at that time.

Victoria Volk
00:35:27 – 00:35:28
Not yet.

Alexandra Cole
00:35:28 – 00:35:30
Nope. Not yet at all.

Victoria Volk
00:35:30 – 00:35:30
Yeah.

Alexandra Cole
00:35:31 – 00:35:56
Yep. And it’s been I I often credit human design to, you know, the fact that we still have a thriving relationship now 16 years later. Because neither of us were really planning on meeting our person that young. We still wanted to do a lot and travel a lot. And we, especially him, needed a lot of freedom to explore all those things before we settled down.

Alexandra Cole
00:35:56 – 00:36:29
So we didn’t get married until 10 years after we met, and then we took another few years before we had our son. But learning about his human design allowed me to be such a better partner for him because up until I learned about it, there were certain aspects. So he’s a projector, right, which, like I said, projectors need a lot of alone time. And I remember so distinctly, even in college too, you know, we’d have these, like, free afternoons. And my immediate response was, great.

Alexandra Cole
00:36:29 – 00:36:50
Let’s go do something. And you could tell he did not want to. Sometimes he kind of appeased me, but most of the time, it’s like, I just I just kinda wanna be by myself in my room. And I could not understand, and I would take it personally. So I would assume, oh, he’s not into me or he’s not into me as much as I’m into him.

Alexandra Cole
00:36:50 – 00:37:25
Right? And when I discovered that he was a projector, it all made so much sense. And I could finally stop taking those things personally because he would just sit in his room and watch a movie. And in my head, I’m like, well, I could just watch the movie with you, but it wouldn’t have been the same. Like, he really needed to be in his own aura, his own energy in order to fully recharge from the just busyness of being in college and playing a sport and you know, the whole social scene and life, like, that was really important for him.

Alexandra Cole
00:37:25 – 00:38:27
And I wish I knew in college because it would have saved me a lot of anxiety. But especially now also, you know, becoming parents and understanding, for example, that for a projector, starting his day slowly is really really supportive and allows him to show up more fully as a dad and as a partner later on in the day. Whereas for me, as a generator, I kind of wake up and immediate this is not true for all generators, but for me, I kind of have this, like, you know, steady current of energy that I can use as a parent. And so I take the majority of the morning shifts because I know that then later on, if I need him around dinner time, my husband’s gonna be present and ready to go. But if I or on the mornings where he does have to do the, you know, 6:30, 7 AM wake up, by the end of the day, he’s shot, and he needs more of that solo time to recharge.

Alexandra Cole
00:38:27 – 00:39:12
So it’s just learning to understand that and then not comparing his energetic outputs, right, to mine because they’re incomparable, and one isn’t better than the other. It’s just different. So when he has a solo weekend, for example, my husband knows that he can only be on, quote unquote, as that parent for 2, 3 hours at a time comfortably before it starts to become really really difficult. So he will, in advance, make sure he’s got his parents that are gonna take a little window, that we’ve got a babysitter that might take the little window to set him up for success. Whereas I am much better able to just kind of grind it out for 48 hours.

Alexandra Cole
00:39:12 – 00:39:36
Right? And for me, the more important thing is making sure that throughout the day, I get to do things that excite me and bring me joy and that I get to take my son to, like, my favorite coffee shop or treat us to, you know, a delicious dinner or get an hour at my, like, favorite Pilates studio. Like, that’s much more important to me and is not at all significant to my husband in that case.

Victoria Volk
00:39:36 – 00:39:45
I love that. What’s interesting is that I learned that my husband and I, he’s like the male version of me. We’re both

Alexandra Cole
00:39:45 – 00:39:47
Is he also a manifestor?

Victoria Volk
00:39:47 – 00:39:51
4, 6 emotional manifestor. Exactly.

Alexandra Cole
00:39:49 – 00:39:50
Wow.

Victoria Volk
00:39:51 – 00:39:51
He and I both.

Alexandra Cole
00:39:52 – 00:39:53
What are the odds? Like, that

Victoria Volk
00:39:53 – 00:40:12
Like what are the Odds? I 20 years. 20 years. But just knowing the things that I know, like, I’ve been kinda digging into the gates of love, which really has I mean, we have a lot of these, what are they called?

Victoria Volk
00:40:13 – 00:40:14
The gates of compromise?

Alexandra Cole
00:40:14 – 00:40:16
Yeah. Compromise channels.

Victoria Volk
00:40:16 – 00:40:41
Yeah. We have, like, 5 of them.

Alexandra Cole
00:40:18 – 00:40:18
Mhmm.

Victoria Volk
00:40:18 – 00:40:41
And so just learning about those has been really eye opening and, like, just how he, like, you know, he’s he’s such a giver of of love and affection and, like, being the provider. And and when he’s not feeling like he’s getting something , getting that in return, like, the equivalent of that, like, he can feel a little bit of

Alexandra Cole
00:40:41 – 00:40:43
Taken for granted. He got anger.

Victoria Volk
00:40:43 – 00:40:43
Exactly. Yeah.

Alexandra Cole
00:40:43 – 00:40:43
Yeah.

Victoria Volk
00:40:43 – 00:40:53
So as a manifestor, anger is not our self theme. So when I feel myself getting angry about anything, it’s, oh, what what’s going on?

Alexandra Cole
00:40:54 – 00:41:22
And that’s another really good one to be aware of in partners and in kids too. Right? Because each of those energy types I just described has, you you know, what Victoria just mentioned, this not self theme, which is basically what comes up when you are compromising on your natural energetic pattern. And so for manifestors, that’s anger. So if you notice your child getting angry, your manifestor kid, it’s usually just a sign that they’re being limited in some way.

Alexandra Cole
00:41:22 – 00:42:05
They’re being forced to not listen to that, like, urge that they want to follow or pursue. And for a generator or manifesting generator, it’s gonna be frustration. So if you notice your child getting frustrated, right, or feeling more of that, like, stuck, that frustrated energy, that’s usually a sign that they’re being forced to do many thing too many things that don’t light them up, that aren’t exciting to them. And as a projector, the not-self is bitterness or a lot of the times it comes across as resentment. So if a projector is, you know, not being invited or recognized enough or they feel like they’re pushing themselves too hard beyond their energetic capacity.

Alexandra Cole
00:42:05 – 00:42:29
Right? They’re not given enough time to rest and recharge. They’ll start to get resentful about that. And then reflectors, the final one is disappointment. So if you notice that a reflector is, like, constantly disappointed in themselves or in the world and they just feel let down, that’s a sign that they probably, aren’t in the right environment.

Alexandra Cole
00:42:29 – 00:42:44
Right? That they’re not surrounded by the right people and that they are not able to or that they have absorbed far too much of everyone else’s energy and don’t really know what to do with it or can’t figure out how to let it go.

Victoria Volk
00:42:44 – 00:43:04
So how has this information helped you specifically? Because I’m sure you’ve had more grieving experiences since your mom’s passing, but how has the losses you’ve experienced since then? Been in how do I wanna word this? I think you know what I’m getting at. But, like

Alexandra Cole
00:43:04 – 00:43:04
Mhmm.

Victoria Volk
00:43:05 – 00:43:05
How do you use

Alexandra Cole
00:43:05 – 00:43:08
How do I use human design to support that process?

Victoria Volk
00:43:08 – 00:43:17
Yes. And where would one look at their human design to see where like, where are some areas for people to look in at their human design when it comes to grief?

Alexandra Cole
00:43:17 – 00:44:00
So it’s helped me in so many ways, and 3 come to mind immediately. The first being the energy type piece, and this is mostly around how to support yourself best as you go through that grief. So, again, for me, I know I’m going to feel most like myself and most energized when I am creating enough space to do things that light me up and bring me joy. So even in the face of well, especially in the face of grief, that becomes that much more important, right, to carve out that time for myself. And for projectors, for example, rest becomes that much more important that you’re not pushing yourself.

Alexandra Cole
00:44:01 – 00:44:32
And for manifestors, like, honoring your energetic ups and downs and your desires in that moment and letting go of what other people think becomes that much more important when you’re going through grief. So that’s one. The other piece is that emotional center that we already talked about. So I know that for me, it’s really important for me to allow myself to feel my feelings and to ride that wave. And I can now almost enjoy that process in a weird way.

Alexandra Cole
00:44:32 – 00:44:47
Right? Because I know it’s gonna I know that wave is gonna crash at some moment. Usually, there’s this wave like pattern to emotions, which I think also very much mirrors grief, right, where it kind of, like, comes rolling in. It builds. It builds.

Alexandra Cole
00:44:47 – 00:45:05
It builds. Then there’s this crescendo moment where you’re feeling so much. And then, eventually, that wave crashes, and you kind of find yourself bobbing at the surface in more of kind of that cool, calm, collected space. And you’re still feeling, but the charge has disappeared. Like, it’s less overwhelming.

Alexandra Cole
00:45:06 – 00:45:30
And so understanding that pattern has helped me a lot because I can kind of gauge where I am on that wave, and I can know, okay, it’s gonna crash soon, and that’s the place where I really wanna sit and reflect for a little bit. And be like, okay. What is what is this feeling trying to tell me? Because I know for me that the feelings are always trying to communicate something. So that’s another piece.

Alexandra Cole
00:45:30 – 00:45:55
I allow myself to really sit with things more as opposed to feel like I need to act or do something to resolve it. I know that that wave pattern is gonna continue to exist. Whereas, if you are an open emotional or a non emotional, so that emotional center is what we call undefined and you know you’re more sensitive to other people. If you’re going through grief, you might actually wanna isolate a little bit more. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:45:55 – 00:46:36
You might actually wanna remove yourself from the other grieving people because you it will almost overshadow your ability to kind of sit with your own grief because you’re gonna be feeling everyone else’s and then feel pressure, right, to respond to that or do something about their grief. So that’s a really helpful insight. And then the last thing that I’d say is looking at profile. So there’s this element in human design called profile, which speaks more to your personality and really to the how, to, like, how you approach things in life. And there’s 12 different profiles, and each profile consists of two numbers.

Alexandra Cole
00:46:37 – 00:47:14
And each of the numbers in the profile represent, like, an archetype that lives within you. So when Victoria was just saying we’re both 4 6 manifestors, the 4 6 is her profile and her husband’s profile. Each of these numbers also can tell you a little bit about, like, how you might process grief most effectively. So really quickly, the number one is known as the investigator archetype. So these are people who will want to know as much as possible and get into the research and feel most comfortable when they have all the data points and all the information.

Alexandra Cole
00:47:15 – 00:47:40
Right? So, for example, when it comes to grieving, these might be the people if, let’s say, it has something to do with an illness. Their immediate thing is I’m gonna research everything that, like, possible about this particular illness and, like, what the statistics are saying or they might delve into, I want to understand like the science behind grief and, like, what the different stages are. Right? Like, that’s very much the, like, one line.

Alexandra Cole
00:47:40 – 00:48:46
The 2, number 2 line is the naturally gifted person. It’s the person who, kind of picks things up very easily, intuitively, and naturally, doesn’t really need to study anything, but just knows in their bones certain things to be true or how to do certain things, Twos benefit a lot from alone time and having the ability to kind of in a safe cocoon-like space do their thing. So in times of grief, a 2 might feel like they really they just wanna, like, close the door to their bedroom and cry or journal or whatever that might look like, but they might feel this need to wanna do it themselves and to really get, like, fully absorbed in their own process and whatever feels good to them at that moment in time to move through it. Threes are like the experimenters. Threes are the the people who learn best through trial and error and throwing stuff against the wall and seeing what sticks.

Alexandra Cole
00:48:46 – 00:48:57
So if you’re a 3 and you’re grieving, you might try all the different things. You might try a certain form of therapy. You might try journaling. You might try painting. You might try meditation.

Alexandra Cole
00:48:58 – 00:49:22
Right? And you just keep kind of, like, whatever you hear about or whatever sparks your interest, I encourage you to experiment with it and see if it supports you and feel supportive. Because the only way you’re gonna figure out what is going to help you through this grieving process is by just trying a lot of different things. And you won’t know just from hearing it from a friend. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:49:22 – 00:49:39
And just because it worked for the friend doesn’t mean it’s gonna work for you. You’ve gotta try it for yourself. Then there’s the 4. Fours are the relationship oriented people who are very sensitive to the quality of the relationships in their life. They’re very gifted connectors.

Alexandra Cole
00:49:40 – 00:50:21
They’re also people who, you know, get equally as lit up by social interactions as they can get exhausted by them, but it’s this, like, love hate relationship. Right? As you as you probably know, Victoria. So for fours, though, the support system is really really key when it comes to grief, making sure that you feel like you have those individuals in your life that you can vent to that are gonna show up for you, and being very aware of, like, what are the resources that I need, human resources as well as otherwise, in order to feel most supportive supported during this time. 5 is the problem solver.

Alexandra Cole
00:50:22 – 00:50:46
5 are the people who just immediately go into, like, fix it mode. Fives are also very much like, they feel a lot of responsibility. I have a 5. So you can see how, right, as a kid, my immediate reaction was, like, I’m gonna go into problem solving. I’m going to be the person that everyone in my family can rely on, and so that means shutting down my own emotions.

Alexandra Cole
00:50:46 – 00:51:33
So fives oftentimes have a lot going on below the surface that no one can see because they feel like they have to uphold a certain level of kind of responsibility, and they really hate disappointing other people. And they don’t like feeling vulnerable even though the vulnerability is actually the key for them. So for fives, finding even the one person or the one setting in which you can truly be vulnerable and allow that hard outer shell to kind of, like, disappear for a moment in times of grief is essential. Because in most situations, you’re gonna wanna be that, like, problem solver, and you can’t always be that. You need to also take care of yourself and your own needs in that sense.

Alexandra Cole
00:51:34 – 00:52:12
And then the last number, the 6, is the role model, and sixes are people who are wise beyond their years. They’re kind of these, like, natural advisers, very fair, very objective, and very reflective too. So for sixes as you’re going through grief, a lot of it will be reflecting on and observing kind of what’s coming up for me, what might that mean in almost like a bird’s eye view type of way. Right? Like, very much kind of, feeling almost like a little bit removed as if you’re looking at yourself going through that grieving process.

Alexandra Cole
00:52:13 – 00:52:45
But sixes might also, again, feel pressure to, play that role model part and therefore also not get, like, pulled under by their grief. And so it’s important for sixes to kind of still lean into that other number that they have because you always have 2 numbers in order to help them actually do that work because they’re very quickly gonna wanna go into, okay, what have I learned from this grief, and how can I now use that to support other people through the same process?

Victoria Volk
00:52:45 – 00:52:50
This has been gold. Just absolute gold. I how are you on time?

Alexandra Cole
00:52:50 – 00:52:54
I’m good. I probably should start wrapping it up though soon.

Victoria Volk
00:52:55 – 00:53:27
Okay. Oh, because I wanted to talk more about your story a little bit more, but, I wanna ask though quickly. So knowing what you know now, like, what gives you the most hope for the future? And, also, what is it about human design that you feel, you can bring into or how what would you suggest for Grievers to that’s not even a good question either. I’m trying to I wanna ask, like, a 1,000,000 questions right now because I’m I’m pressure root center.

Alexandra Cole
00:53:28 – 00:53:30
Mhmm. Just let it let it sit. You’ll get there.

Victoria Volk
00:53:32 – 00:53:48
Okay. What would you like to share? What do you think? I’m gonna just I’m gonna put it in your hands because you know human design far beyond my my capabilities. So what do you think is most important for people to know that you haven’t shared already?

Victoria Volk
00:53:48 – 00:53:57
And also the most important lesson and things that you have gotten from human design that you’re taking forward and that you’re utilizing in your life.

Alexandra Cole
00:53:57 – 00:54:28
I think I’ll keep it as simple and succinct as possible and say that the whole system of human design is built on this premise of differentiation, science of differentiation. Like, each of us is designed intentionally to be unique and different in terms of the way our energy works. And that, by definition, means that everyone is designed to grieve differently. Right? Like, there is no one size fits all approach to grief.

Alexandra Cole
00:54:28 – 00:54:59
And so I really encourage you to, you know, find some type of solace in that too. Right? That, like, just because, you know, something worked for someone else in your life and it’s not working for you, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means that you haven’t found the most aligned way for you to process that grief. And a lot of it comes down to understanding yourself on this, like, whole another level and trusting yourself.

Alexandra Cole
00:54:59 – 00:55:44
And I think that, again, we live in a world that puts so much pressure on us to be a certain way, to operate in a certain way. There’s a very clear right and wrong way to do things. And as a result, we compromise on or shut down and ignore those inner voices that, as kids, are much louder and then as adults kind of fade away into the background. And I hope that the grieving process serves as a way for you to start to get to know those voices again, to start to hear them more clearly, to start to kind of shut out all the shoulds that you’re feeling pressure to live up to from the outside world and really tune into what do I need, what does my body want. Right?

Alexandra Cole
00:55:45 – 00:56:26
How am I responding to whatever it is that you might be facing in that moment in time? Because if you can allow the grieving process to do that, you will come out on the other end so much stronger and more aligned and in tune with who you are really here to be. And if nothing else, right, that the grieving process is such a powerful way of just, like, shedding more layers and coming closer to, like, that authentic self. So accept and embrace this idea that we’re all here to do things differently and use this as an opportunity to kind of get to know what that unique recipe looks like for you.

Victoria Volk
00:56:27 – 00:56:29
I actually have a program. It’s called do grief differently.

Alexandra Cole
00:56:30 – 00:56:33
There you go. I didn’t even know that. See?

Victoria Volk
00:56:33 – 00:57:09
But it is a framework, and it is evidence-based. And so as I’m listening to you, I’m like, I’ve seen this work for so many different types of people, so many different personalities, of course, so many different energy types. Right? And so it is like, it is very much about digging into the emotional climate within you. And it’s individualized because it’s it’s a framework that you apply to your grief, not to your neighbor’s grief, your mother’s grief, your sister’s grief, your brother’s grief, whatever.

Victoria Volk
00:57:09 – 00:57:21
And I think that’s why it works because it’s individualized to you in your experience. And I think that’s why it works. But thank you so much. I absolutely loved this. I seriously have loved this.

Victoria Volk
00:57:21 – 00:57:55
I geek out on human design. I’m still in my own explore more exploration and experiment to, of course, and I think that will be a forever ongoing thing. I am a huge proponent of anything that helps us understand ourselves better because I think the most important thing that we can give ourselves is compassion and grace. Not like a grace as a past, but a grace of just self-grace for being able to honor yourself, who you are in the moment, and given yourself that compassion that maybe you didn’t receive growing up. Because of who you were.

Victoria Volk
00:57:55 – 00:58:11
I love Human Design for that reason. Clearly, it’s been a gift for you in your grief experience. And I really, I would love to have you back sometime again, because this was so good. This was really so good. So I really appreciate your time today.

Victoria Volk
00:58:11 – 00:58:16
And, yeah, just so so many so much thanks to you for sharing.

Alexandra Cole
00:58:16 – 00:58:18
Thank you for having me.

Victoria Volk
00:58:18 – 00:58:32
I’m so impressed. Like, you just, like didn’t have to look up notes. Like, you knew it, like, the back of your hand. So I’m very impressed by that and impressed by you and everything that you shared today. Anything else you would like to share?

Alexandra Cole
00:58:32 – 00:58:50
No. I think that’s it. And just thank you for the work that you do too. I mean, I have there’s a special place in my heart for grief and finding frameworks and support to, you know, guide people through those moments in life. So thank you for the work you’re doing as well.

Victoria Volk
00:58:50 – 00:58:56
So how can people work with you? Because you have 2 websites. Right? You have 2 different websites.

Alexandra Cole
00:58:57 – 00:59:34
Yeah. I have 2 different websites. One of them is more just my personal website where you can book sessions, 1 on 1 sessions. Although I will say, because I’m about to have a baby, those sessions will pick up again in May or June, I would say. So that’s alexandracole.com. For all my other offerings and products, it’s thrivingbydesign.com, and that’s where you can find the wellness report or the well-being report that Victoria was talking about at the beginning, which takes your chart and translates it essentially into your optimal recipe for well-being.

Alexandra Cole
00:59:34 – 01:00:16
And we look at everything from rest and nourishment to mental and emotional health. So a lot of the things that we touched on today will come through in that report, but it’s very specific to well-being. It’s not, like, a broad overview of your chart, let’s say. I also, on that website, have something called Raised by Design, which is for parents who want to, at a very high level, understand their child’s design. It’s like a 20 page summary of just kind of the, like, main points that you need to understand with very tactical strategies for how to actually support your child in that way, in the most aligned way.

Victoria Volk
01:00:16 – 01:00:18
And that’s specific to your child’s chart.

Alexandra Cole
01:00:18 – 01:00:21
Correct? That’s specific to your child’s chart.

Victoria Volk
01:00:21 – 01:00:21
Gold, people.

Alexandra Cole
01:00:22 – 01:00:22
Yeah.

Victoria Volk
01:00:23 – 01:00:23
That’s gold.

Alexandra Cole
01:00:24 – 01:00:36
Yeah. So I mean, there’s a lot of other also free resources and different things on Thriving by Design, but those are 2 reports that I, you know, are worth calling out specifically.

Victoria Volk
01:00:36 – 01:00:37
How about the purpose playbook?

Alexandra Cole
01:00:38 – 01:01:22
The purpose playbook is my book that I wrote, you know, after that experience of just kind of leaving the corporate world and reflecting on, you know, what allowed me to do that with so much conviction and confidence. It doesn’t actually even talk about human design. It’s very much like a framework for helping people pinpoint, like, what their purpose and mission is in this life and how to go pursue it in a aligned way. So I wrote that book back in 2019, came out in 2020. So if you’re looking for more of the kind of step by step process to articulate and live out your purpose in life, that’s that’s a really helpful resource too.

Victoria Volk
01:01:22 – 01:01:27
I bet you could come up with a second book knowing what you know now.

Alexandra Cole
01:01:27 – 01:01:36
Maybe. I know. I know. It’s just such a big endeavor, and I’ve been you know, my biggest projects these past few years have been kids. So once I get past that, who knows?

Alexandra Cole
01:01:36 – 01:01:37
The next will be a book.

Victoria Volk
01:01:38 – 01:02:26
Quickly, the few things that from the ebook, I just wanna share from the well by design. For me, it was so surprising things were, exercise in the afternoon to cleanse my system, which I found I naturally tend to do that sometimes. I was very surprised to learn that I don’t need much food to, yeah, I don’t need as much food to feel nourished, which I was really surprising to me because I’ve just went through a coaching thing and, you know, a lot of it was like macros, and I had to eat so much food, so much food, and I had so much energy, but, you know, I could tell my something was waning at some I know it’s a point, you know, when it came to my digestion and stuff. So that was interesting. And not surprising is that I’m prone to overthinking, which but it’s so good too.

Victoria Volk
01:02:26 – 01:02:42
So I really highly recommend that people check that out. And I’ll put all of the information in the show notes, but I just wanted to quickly share that. Yes. The well by design report is excellent. I the raise by design, get your hands on it because, you know, your children are a product of your parenting.

Victoria Volk
01:02:42 – 01:02:42
Right?

Alexandra Cole
01:02:44 – 01:02:54
100%. Yeah. In a way. They’re they’re actually very like, they have their own makeup, but as a parent, you can either support or negate it. And that’s the key.

Alexandra Cole
01:02:54 – 01:03:04
Right? Like, we wanna actually, as parents, encourage them to become more of themselves as opposed to more of what the world expects them or wants them to be.

Victoria Volk
01:03:04 – 01:03:14
Yeah. No pressure.

Alexandra Cole
01:03:05 – 01:03:05
I know.

Victoria Volk
01:03:05 – 01:03:14
But I think when it comes to grief, right, this is why this information is so important and why I wanted to have you on. So thank you.

Victoria Volk
01:03:14 – 01:03:17
Thank you again. Thank you again for being here.

Alexandra Cole
01:03:17 – 01:03:19
Of course. My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Victoria Volk
01:03:19 – 01:03:24
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

 

Ep 175 Seven Takeaways From 2023

Seven Takeaways From 2023

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

In a world constantly throwing curveballs our way, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But what if we could find wisdom in unexpected places?

In this week’s episode, I share some personal key takeaways from my 2023 life experience that might just inspire you to view your daily challenges through a new lens.

From never underestimating the power of saving pennies to your future feeling like it could come down to a coin toss, there are lessons weaved through all of our life’s experiences – including parenting!

Children have this remarkable ability to bounce back from setbacks with an enviable positivity—something adults often struggle with. They can also be some of our best teachers, too! A couple of my favorite life takeaways come from my parenting experiences.

Additionally, through this week’s episode, you will learn how persistence can pay off, not just in terms of goals or ambitions but also in terms of advocating for your health.  And that embracing authenticity, self-awareness, and looking at relationships as mirrors are all unexpected places we can gain wisdom.

It is my hope, that by the end of this week’s episode, you’ll feel inspired to learn more deeply about yourself, perhaps look at situations in your life with a renewed or fresh perspective, and be open to the learning that is always available to us. Whether the teachings happen through parenting, other relationships, courses, programs, mentors, or just plain old crappy situations, the opportunities to grow are boundless.

In 2024, may you discover more of what makes you amazing, the shadow parts that may need some healing and love, and what matters most to you. Remember: self-knowledge empowers us beyond others’ perceptions.

RESOURCES:

_______

NEED HELP?

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If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

 

Victoria Volk
(00:00:03 – 00:00:18)
Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to Grieving Voices, Voice, and Happy New Year. Happy 2023. I hope this coming year is filled with health and prosperity for you.

Victoria Volk
(00:00:19 – 00:00:58)
And today, I just wanted to share seven takeaways from 2023, and I’m just gonna dig right in. So this first takeaway and a nugget of wisdom it’s from my 98-year-old aunt who passed away in early 2023. And the takeaway is change is money too. In a world where cash is becoming less and less king, where many places don’t even take cash, which is mind-blowing to me. She managed to tuck away more than $20,000 over her lifetime in loose change.

Victoria Volk
(00:00:59 – 00:01:23)
She would keep it in her deep freeze in a coffee can. And, I guess when you’ve lived through the great depression and had nothing, you learn the value of saving and making every penny count. And, yeah, change is money too. Right? When I find a penny on the ground, I pick it up because all day long, you’ll have good luck.

Victoria Volk
(00:01:23 – 00:01:30)
Right? But I always say to my kids, change is money too. Pennies are money too. It all adds up. Takeaway number 2.

Victoria Volk
(00:01:31 – 00:02:01)
Our kids can be our best teachers if we pay attention. And although I support my kids playing sports, I am not a parent with the mindset that sports are life. I believe the magic of who we are is in the mind, not in our physical abilities. But, anyway, even though my son didn’t get to play much in basketball and mostly sat on the bench, he still showed up at practice every single day. He still put in the work.

Victoria Volk
(00:02:01 – 00:02:20)
And during the games, he was the loudest cheerleader for his teammates. He was the one who pumped everyone up, and I have zero doubts that his attitude made a difference. He didn’t pout. He didn’t whine or complain. He showed up as himself, which was enough.

Victoria Volk
(00:02:21 – 00:03:09)
As adults, things don’t always go according to plan or how we hope, but how we respond to life’s challenges reveals to us where we may have some growth opportunity. It’s not lost on me that just the year before, my son had had a life-changing accident that had caused a massive shift in his attitude. And he couldn’t play football that same year, which he loved, but he showed up anyway for his team as their water boy. So just as kids go through adversity and they often will learn and grow, as adults, we too can see challenges as an opportunity to grow and evolve or allow them to beat us down. So When adversity comes your child’s way, just be an observer.

Victoria Volk
(00:03:09 – 00:03:35)
See how they respond. Because if they’re responding in a way that isn’t necessarily in a growth trajectory, maybe there’s something there for you to learn. What are you emulating for your children in terms of how you respond to life’s challenges? Because they are always watching. They were always listening, and they are always observing.

Victoria Volk
(00:03:38 – 00:03:59)
Takeaway number 3. Never give up on a mission. One of my missions was to become a certified excuse me. Certified veteran-owned small business. That’s a mouthful. Since I had started the Unleashed Heart, in January 2019, which hello.

Victoria Volk
(00:03:59 – 00:04:30)
My 5 year anniversary is coming up on the 19th., It was a goal of mine since then, since I started this business. It took 4 years, but I accomplished just that in January of this year. One of the main reasons it took so long was partly my own mental blocks and beliefs around how hard or arduous I believed and viewed getting it done, which it was it’s a lot of paperwork. And the process just seemed very daunting to me.

Victoria Volk
(00:04:31 – 00:05:06)
However, President Biden had actually passed some sort of bill or something. I can’t recall right now what it was, but that made the process easier and more streamlined. And literally in one day, I had the information submitted and heard back within a few days that it was a done deal. So I am a certified veteran-owned small business, so that’s pretty awesome. But before we dive into takeaway number 4, if you need some support in completing a mission, perhaps Magicmind may be for you.

Victoria Volk
(00:05:07 – 00:05:42)
Magicmind is sponsoring this episode. And as a user myself, this little 2 ounce shot of green magic that helps me get into a 7 hour flow state. It helps you dial in on what you’re setting out to get it to accomplish with lion’s mane mushroom, cytocholine, and more for focus, cordyceps mushroom, and ceremonial matcha, and more for energy, and ashwagandha and turmeric and even more for less stress. You’ll be wondering where it’s been all your life. Listeners of Grieving Voices can now get an exclusive offer.

Victoria Volk
(00:05:43 – 00:06:03)
Head to magicmind.com/grievingvoices, and enter the code grieving voices at checkout for 20% off your order. Yes. You heard that right. 20% off just for being a part of my podcast community. And this month in January, they’re also launching in all sprouts markets.

Victoria Volk
(00:06:04 – 00:06:28)
Why settle for the ordinary when you can experience the extraordinary with MagicMind?, Elevate your mind, elevate your life. Visit magicmind.com/jangrieving voices and use the code grieving voices to save 20% on a one-time purchase or even more when you choose the subscription option. The link is in the show notes. Alright.

Victoria Volk
(00:06:28 – 00:06:49)
So takeaway number 4, be yourself. Everyone else is taken. This gem is another takeaway from an experience with my son. He had applied for a nursing scholarship program at a university. And of the over 100 applicants, he was chosen as an alternate.

Victoria Volk
(00:06:50 – 00:07:22)
He is still in that program, but the only the one thing I had told him when he was being interviewed was to be himself. I knew the growth he had had in the year prior set him up for that day, and he learned so much about life and himself. And our relationship exponentially improved, including our communication. And being interviewed by that panel for the scholarship didn’t require him to embellish or stretch any truth. Surely, he could have done that, but stating why he was there, being honest, and sharing from his heart was all that was required.

Victoria Volk
(00:07:23 – 00:08:08)
I too have found that the more I lean into the fact that who I am is enough, that I don’t have to change myself for the approval of others, and that knowing that what I have to offer the world and having and expressing passion for my endeavors is enough. The world can feel like 1 giant popularity contest, particularly in social structures of work, relationships, and certainly in business. However, imagine the freedom of just being yourself and that being enough. That may seem naive and Pollyanna of me, but rejection is a wound most of us are familiar with; it doesn’t feel good. And we carry that wound – often for a lifetime.

Victoria Volk
(00:08:09 – 00:08:31)
So, again, be yourself. Those who are meant to be in your life will be, and those who aren’t will fade into the background. Which brings me to takeaway number 5. No one will ever care more about you and your health and body more than you. Advocating for yourself is self-care.

Victoria Volk
(00:08:32 – 00:08:58)
This one is still a little raw for me. I’m still processing the experience I had with my health for the majority of 2023. Basically, for 10 months straight, I felt like I was in a fight or flight state, feeling like I was in medical limbo. It started with a mammogram in early February. It would take 10 months for me to get a clear-cut answer as to whether or not I had breast cancer.

Victoria Volk
(00:08:59 – 00:09:43)
I felt like my life came down to the flip of a coin. I had gotten a BI-RADS 3, probably benign result, which just google it. You’ll find the answer, what that really is, because there’s a scale they have. But, however, after even a follow-up 3 months later, after and after my one breast was becoming larger than the other, it was still not determined what the lumps, which I had 1 in each breast, actually were. In fact, 3 months later, after pushing for a second opinion reading of the radiology which, hello, is a patient’s right, and I felt shamed for wanting and pushing for it.

Victoria Volk
(00:09:43 – 00:10:13)
It still could not be determined by that 2nd radiologist what the lumps actually were. It would take another 6 months in going to a different facility with different and better equipment. In my opinion, after seeing the difference side by side that I got the clear answers I was seeking and that I felt confident in those answers. And that’s really all I wanted. I wanted to feel confident in the results, and I didn’t feel confident.

Victoria Volk
(00:10:14 – 00:10:47)
Because number 1, no one explained anything. Number 2, they were unclear. And 3, having dense breasts and knowing the changes I had experienced only added to my concern. And I have to give a shout out to the VA and my doctor and the care that was given to me and having my concerns listened to. Without my VA doctor being on board with my concerns, validating that there was something there that should be looked into further, I would probably still feel like my future was down to the flip of a coin.

Victoria Volk
(00:10:48 – 00:11:32)
I can’t even put into words the mind fuck that 2023 was for me because of this. But it was because of this experience that I decided to take my health into my own hands and control what I could control. If I was going to have cancer, I wanted my body to be prepared for a fight. I got myself a nutrition and fitness coach, and in 3 months, transformed my relationship with food, learned all about macros, the importance of protein, particularly how women don’t eat near enough, and I definitely wasn’t eating near enough, and lost a total of 15 inches even though I only lost 5 pounds. But I felt the strongest I had in years.

Victoria Volk
(00:11:33 – 00:12:06)
I’m still working with that coach, and I’m currently in a cut, which hasn’t gone as I hoped as I had some setbacks. Again, coming back to the whole mind fuck this whole ordeal was. So with the holidays behind me, I’m getting back on track, and that feels good. I feel like I can go into 2024 with this whole deal behind me, but I want to share that as I was going through breast cancer. This whole scare of it being just a mere possibility.

Victoria Volk
(00:12:07 – 00:12:34)
2 of my previous podcast guests had found out that they did and do have breast cancer. Lindsay Joy and Maha Bodi. Please go check out their GoFundMe links in the show notes. Lindsay Joy has made it to the other side of her treatment, and Maha is just at the start of her cancer journey. When I found out about Maha’s diagnosis just in the last 2 weeks, I found myself going into warrior mode.

Victoria Volk
(00:12:34 – 00:13:20)
I realized that I had prepared myself for the worst news of my life. And when I received the good news, it was as if that warrior energy had nowhere to go. I’ve had to recognize how my experience from the situation or how my experience was influencing how I was showing up in conversation with. Only in zooming out from the situation have I been able to see that I still have some healing to do around that whole experience. It turns out when you feel like you’re preparing for something not good, when your intuition and gut tells you something isn’t right, but then that turns out to be wrong even in the best way, it screws you up a little.

Victoria Volk
(00:13:21 – 00:13:48)
So I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately, struggling with how can I ever learn to trust my intuition again when I had it so wrong, and that’s where I’m working to heal? Meanwhile, someone I know 2,000 miles away has been completely blindsided. Some people may ask, why me? Here I sit wondering in some weird fucked up way. Why not me?

Victoria Volk
(00:13:49 – 00:14:19)
So, yeah, that really did a number on me, and I’ve been leaning on the tools in my toolbox. But the one thing that has helped me most is having the awareness around it all. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, which brings me to takeaway number 6, relationships are mirrors. When my girls fight like cats and dogs, I remind them that friends will come and go, but you always have your sister. Friendships are just playing fucking hard sometimes.

Victoria Volk
(00:14:19 – 00:14:42)
People will disappoint you. People will not show up how you need them to. Your triggers will show up as projections and fears, and others will respond. It’s the way of the world. What I didn’t understand until I dove headfirst into human design later in 2023 is that as a manifestor type, I’m always initiating others.

Victoria Volk
(00:14:42 – 00:15:00)
Always. Manifestors are here as the initiators. It’s not a surprise to me that I find myself initiating transformation in the lives of others as that relates to their grief and emotional stories. I was built for this work. It is the energy I chose when I came into this physical body.

Victoria Volk
(00:15:01 – 00:15:47)
I’m here to initiate change and action and bring ideas and things into physical form. This is not an energy I can turn off. It just happens, and it just is. Discovering this about myself and having this newfound awareness, reflecting and looking within helped me to recognize where this was causing suffering in my life within the context of relationships. It wasn’t the initiating that was causing the suffering being who I am, but rather not being conscious of it, not showing up to relationships without the conscious awareness of it is what was causing me unnecessary suffering because sometimes, others are simply not ready for it or just flat out reject it or me.

Victoria Volk
(00:15:47 – 00:16:28)
I am not here to respond like most of the world who are manifesting generators and generators. So having to wait to respond or approaching relationships from a place of wounding, which number 1, being rejection, which is a core wound for manifestors just because of how our energy works was only being mirrored back to me and showing me where I had my own inner work to do. I worked through this over the course of months. And when I came to a neutral place after only riding my emotional authority wave for literal months, which will only make sense to you if you’re familiar with human design. But if you’re an emotional authority, hello.

Victoria Volk
(00:16:28 – 00:17:19)
I see you. But only after riding that wave and then using my strategy as a manifestor, which is to inform, did I feel emotional freedom? I was no longer approaching things from wounding, but rather a clearly communicated line in the sand that I would no longer be waiting to respond and that I would no longer be waiting to be wanted and included in those relationships. Relationships are a huge theme that I will be continuing to explore in 2024 as a manifestor because I’ve all already learned how valuable the information news when it’s actually put into practice. I will continue to experiment with my strategy of informing and learning how I can be more aligned according to my energy type in all aspects of my life.

Victoria Volk
(00:17:20 – 00:17:40)
There’s so much gold there to learn and discover. I Highly recommend checking out your human design. And if you’re ready, dig deep and see how it can help you better understand yourself and others you know and love. And there will be a link in the show notes to that. And finally, takeaway number 7.

Victoria Volk
(00:17:41 – 00:18:13)
On the note of awareness, if there’s something you want to learn, there’s a program, course, or mentor for it. Seek out the teachings for the support. In 2023, I got a speaking coach to help me learn how to write a captivating speech and become a better presenter and speaker because one of my goals is to do more public speaking. Again, this comes back to my strategy as a manifestor, which is to inform. I get to inform through this podcast, through online content, and the work I do with clients.

Victoria Volk
(00:18:14 – 00:18:44)
Public speaking is just another avenue where I get to align my life with my strategy to inform. I’ve also taken a few other programs that are helping me to explore my wishing more deeply because hello. I really got it wrong, so I’m trying to learn more about that. I’ve also been reading books on human design and a program for manifestors specifically. And I’m also, exploring other teachings to help me build my authority as a grief expert.

Victoria Volk
(00:18:46 – 00:19:06)
We live in an amazing time where information is literally at our fingertips. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I have never understood boredom. But with 3 thinking themes in my Youmap and a thirst for knowledge and information. In my mind, there is always more to learn.

Victoria Volk
(00:19:06 – 00:19:57)
And with my manifestor energy, there’s always something to do even if it’s meditating and learning to just be, which is also something I intend to incorporate more back into my life in 2024. Meditation is amazing for getting to a neutral state. And as an emotional type, it behooves me to empower myself in that department. So these are my takeaways, my 7 takeaways from 2023, some a bit heavy, some a bit lighter. But I think all of them are little golden nuggets of pieces that I’ve personally taken away, through my 2023 experience and have learned from and will continue to learn from moving forward into 2024.

Victoria Volk
(00:19:58 – 00:20:39)
So in the show notes, you will find, information for the sponsor for Magicmind. You will find the GoFundMe for Lindsay Joy and Maha Bodi. There will also be a link to learn your human design and also a link to Youmap information. I just briefly touched on the Youmap, but the thing is the more you know yourself, the less you look to others to tell you who you are. So whether that is through Youmap, through human design, through all of these things that are available this information available at your fingertips to help you to better understand yourself.

Victoria Volk
(00:20:40 – 00:21:03)
And that’s actually been one of my missions probably since about 2014 to really understand myself, which is an ongoing process. And I don’t imagine I’ll be stopping anytime soon. So thank you for listening to this week’s episode., I hope you found it helpful. I hope you found it inspirational.

Victoria Volk
(00:21:04 – 00:21:39)
Maybe some pieces resonated with you that, you’d like to share with me. I would love for you as a listener to inform me. If you found this helpful or any other episode for that matter, it is my service to you in doing this, and it lights me up. And so thank you so much for being here, for listening in 2023, for sharing the episodes if you did, for leaving a review if you found it bowl. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life.

 

Ep 167 Amy Douglas | The Manifestation of Grief Through Our Human Design

Amy Douglas | The Manifestation of Grief Through Our Human Design

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY: 

Amy joins me for a second recording, and this time, we’re digging into the energy centers of the Human Design tool.

According to MyHumanDesign.com, where you can discover your Human Design, it’s a roadmap for living your life. It can teach you to recognize that not all advice is the best advice for you. Additionally, Human Design can help you realize your innate gifts and traits to embrace who you came into this life to be.

Like all tools, it’s information, and what you do with it, if anything, is entirely up to you. Information is just knowledge. However, applied knowledge is wisdom.

Human Design has personally helped bring to my awareness my blind spots, areas of relationships, and my being that I couldn’t see from an outside perspective because I wasn’t aware of them until Human Design helped me realize them. Do you see how this tool can be the mirror you’ve been looking for? Or perhaps your spleen is running the show, and you’re too afraid to look?

In today’s episode, you will learn, head to root, about the 9 Human Design Energy Centers and how grief often manifests and shows up in these energy centers, whether you have been defined (colored in) or undefined (white).

Before listening, and only if this resonates or you’re curious (listen to your HD authority on that), go to www.mybodygraph.com first to get your Human Design body graph, then hit play and prepare yourself for some a-ha moments, friends!

RESOURCES:


CONNECT:

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If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

 

Victoria Volk: Thank you for tuning in to grieving voices. If this is your first time listening, thank you for joining me and my guests today. And if you’ve listened before, thank you for tuning back in. And actually, if you listened before, you may have heard my guest today, she appeared on episode one sixty four, which aired on ten seventeen, twenty three, from betrayal and loss to manifesting joy. And today, we’re gonna dive deep into human design, and I’m so excited for this conversation because I wanted to be able to provide listeners who are curious and interested in learning their human design what that means for them and apply it to grief because that’s really what this podcast is about. And so that you can have another tool in your toolbox for information and knowing yourself. And I think that’s really my personal mission for myself for several years now since probably twenty fourteen. And I’m all about any tool that helps me to better understand myself, my tendencies, how I’m wired, how I show up in the world, where I might falter, what my my blind spots might be. Right? It’s information and we can’t change something we don’t know or acknowledge. Right? Isn’t that what Dr. Phil says? We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. So anyway, thank you so much for coming back to the podcast. And I’m excited to dive in. So let’s do it.

Amy Douglas: Yes. I’m so happy to be here again and talking about subject obviously that’s very near and dear to my heart. I see so much to be offered to your listeners, to the collective, to anyone who is ready to take a deep dive into their own personal journey. And while if you’ve listened to the episode, that we aired together on the seventeenth of October I shared parts of my journey that has led to different periods of time where I’ve experienced, grief and trauma and loss and just and I think once I really shined the spotlight on myself, you know, when you’re going through things, I I can only speak to you, Victoria, and your listeners about my personal experiences. Of course, I can with any clients I’ve worked with as well. But my journey is the most the one that I can be the most vulnerable and authentic in sharing. And I think there were a lot of years where I would project what was happening in my life onto someone else or something else like, there was very much a very conditional cause and effect of how I was operating in the way that I was allowing myself to experience life. And I think it’s a those words are important allowing myself because we all get to choose how we are experiencing life. And until we empower ourselves to create awareness on what we’re doing, wow, blame, and projection, and all that seems pretty simple. But when you turn and put the focus on yourself, and say, alright, what role am I playing and what’s going on? And I think that was a huge catalyst in twenty sixteen for myself of what I started doing. I was just like, alright. I can only control. And again, anytime I use that word, it is in the highest vibration because as I shared control as a manifestor is one of the four core wounds. So I don’t wanna be controlling and I don’t wanna be controlled, but controlling this scenario is I am only responsible for my actions, my beliefs, and how I am choosing to be. And when I brought human design; well, when it came to me and I was ready to allow myself to dig into it, it shined so much of that spotlight on how I was allowing myself to show up in the world. And because my belief system is we choose this for ourselves before we’re even brought into the world, I could see where I was not empowering myself to align with what I chose. And that can really hold energy in the body, the body graph is very much about the body. And grief can be held in a lot of areas if you’re not aware. And so the gift is once you become aware, then you get to do something about it and you can no longer be unaware.

Victoria Volk: Mhmm. And I think that’s where the challenge is and the fear is for a lot of people to do really deep introspection and reflection work because you can feel powerless and you can feel like you don’t have a choice. But then once you realize you do, not doing anything is a choice too. Right?

Amy Douglas: So, yes. Yeah. Oh, yes. Anytime somebody tells me I’m stuck, and please, there’s no disrespect for you. I’m not diluting what anyone is experiencing. But stuck is also a choice. Mhmm. Right? And so it and it’s okay if you’re choosing that, but let’s just not choose it forever. Right? Let’s really tune ourselves to what we can do for ourselves. And I think oftentimes we look outside of ourselves. For other people? Are there systems? Are there something? Are there to quote unquote fix? And while I am happy to have as many tools in my tool belt toolbox as there possibly can be, it really starts with me. It’s always me versus me. And so, human design just gave me language to where I could look, for how I might not be an alignment for what I chose for myself, which in the world of grief, can be, where am I not letting myself deal and process or where am I inviting myself to escape from? One of the gates has the potential for addiction.

Amy Douglas: And so that’s very real if you’ve something traumatic and you don’t wanna feel it and you don’t wanna deal with it. I have some of the energy in my design because I shared in the last episode I’m a thirty five year recovering binge eater. That was my go to. I do. I have that activation in my design. So it’s almost affirming. Okay. I’m not, it’s like, okay, I see where this shows up. But now that I know when I get activated by something, I then have I have power to choose what I do with that because it’s and I almost I’ve done it so much of my work. It’s like, I almost laugh at it now, like, there you are again.

Victoria Volk: And that’s gate thirty-five with addiction.

Amy Douglas: Well, gate twenty-four is the addiction gate. That’s ashna. Yeah. And it’s a processing thing. It’s like, oh my gosh, there’s so much mental processing in the ashna. That’s one of the center of the nine centers in the human design body graph. And that I must make sense of this. I must do this. There’s something that has to be done. It’s an awareness center. Awareness centers do not mean that you have to do. It is about being aware. And so if you’re tired of not knowing what to do about it, does that constant spinning, then we see sometimes people choosing to numb out from it. Right? And that’s very real. So there’s no shame in it, but the awareness is important of it. Because I’ve heard so many times from all the beautiful people in my life that I’ve been able to work with, they’ll say something like, again, I’m not diluting this, but something was modeled for them. My dad was an alcoholic. Such and such was this and this. And so they feel like because that was modeled, that’s what they chose. But when I can show them that there’s actually something in their charts, get all of a sudden, they feel like, okay, then it’s something that I can manage and navigate. And that feels different than what has been conditioned upon us. Because conditioning happens from everything outside of us, all of our experiences, everything we witness hear, see, feel, all of those things. And while there’s a lot of gifts and a lot of that, it also shows us and tells us how we’re supposed to be or what we’re supposed to be doing, and we actually get to navigate that for ourselves. We’re all so incredibly unique.

Victoria Volk: And that can be that’s where the those belief systems come in. Right? Like, I believe that I must be destined for this life because that’s what always been. Like, my father, my grandfather, my great grandfather, they were all alcoholics. So I must this must just be just part of the ancestral pattern that continues. Right? And I wanna come back to something you mentioned with the Ashna, the head center, like the hamster on the wheel, the spinning energy.

Amy Douglas: Yes.

Victoria Volk: Just in biofuel tuning, that often shows up on the other, depending on which side of the head it’s on, the spinning, the masculine or the feminine, the right to the left, people generally can have hip issues on the opposite side. So the spinning, that spinning pattern can show up as this energy of manifesting itself in the hips. So I just wanted to share that briefly too. That biofuel is connected.

Amy Douglas: Everything is connected. I had biofuel tuning done for the first time when I was in Costa Rica doing my human design reader training, which was magical. And I was blown away by that experience. And boy, you were spot on. You were beacon right to me when you shared that because I do. I carry a lot of that in my hips. And she spent a lot of time with me. And then, of course, I was so what’s the word I wanna use? Naive. I was like, oh my god. I feel fantastic. Like, this is great. Like, I’m so grateful for you. I think I joked not even knowing that I was joking that I was fit and she just kinda laughed at me. She’s like, so this was just one sis.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. Exactly.

Amy Douglas: You’re gonna go back to your ways and it’s all gonna be what but it just it was really it was very enlightening and so brilliantly, Orca’s rated for me to learn more about myself. So, yeah, that modality is no joke. Very powerful.

Victoria Volk: And it’s all about science too, which I geek out on. When people are looking for their at their human design, which they can get at mybodygraph.com, then I’ll put a link in the show notes. When they’re first looking at their body graph for me too, like, I think I looked into it maybe over a year ago and it was a lot. It’s overwhelming. It’s like, okay.
well, great that’s I’m a manifestor. So what? You know? But I think what I’ve uncovered as I’ve been diving back into it recently, is how it’s impacted my relationships, like learning about how my design rubs up against others people’s design. Right? Like, how we show up in relationships. That has been a like, that’s been, like, mind-blowing for me to have certain awarenesses. Around my energy of, what’s the word, initiating others, and the impact that can have and not really understanding that power that my energy holds. Two, and how as a manifestor, like yourself, how this aura that we have, it’s not easily penetrated and which explains why my circle has is very small. Right? Like, I surround myself with, like, small quality relationships rather than quantity. So I’ve been personally learning a lot, which has been what which has been really fun. And it really is an experiment. Right? It’s an experiment. Like, once you know this stuff, like, experimenting with it and seeing how it shows up. So someone, I’ll shut up now, looking at their human design. What are some areas that you can you speak to the different energy centers, whether they’re defined or undefined and how that relates to grief?

Amy Douglas: Yes. Yes. So there are nine different centers. So everybody has a body graph that holds nine centers. What’s different and unique is what your activations are and what that means is if you have certain things quote unquote lit up or defined, there’s color to them in your design. And so of the nine centers, each one holds us very specific energy within it. And I love to get people really in tune with the energy that’s offered in each of the centers. If that’s something that you’re just wanting to take on and get just your beat wet with. That’s a really good place to just kinda start understanding it because language can be used that you understand. So we’ll just stop start at the top of the house, the head center. The head center is a pressure center, and it’s a very curious center. Whether you’re defined or not. If you’re defined, you’re very you have consistent clear access to the energy in that center, and this is where inspiration and our questions come from. And so I want you to think, you, Victoria, have it defined. I do not. So oftentimes, you don’t necessarily need to pay. You’re not observing necessarily what’s going on outside of you and how this speaks to grief, where I am very attuned to what’s going on in my world because it’s where I get inspired. Your inspiration comes from within you.

Amy Douglas: So I want you to hear how grief can get trapped. This is, again, my perspective, this is not the law each person. That’s what I love about design. It’s your own experiment. It’s your own experience. But the way that I see grief can get trapped here or that you can present with it is, again, it’s this I must like, I have all these questions. And for you, you’re stuck in your own sense of questioning, and there’s a loop that happens. And for me, it’s like, everybody else must know the answer to this. Everybody else, it’s so either you’re looking outside or you’re trapped within. And that’s kind of where grief can sit there. And this is going to be a pattern you’re going to hear as I go through these nine. So then we’ll move down to the ashna.

Amy Douglas: The ashna is the center that answers the questions that come in the head and it’s an awareness center. So it’s not the same pressure that’s in the head. I must do the thing. I must get the answer. This is oh, I must conceptualize everything that’s coming through. You, Victoria, have it defined. I do not. So you’re just spinning with concept realizing, you know, like, why do I have this Greek? Why is it still here? What does this mean to me? Why can’t I move past it? And I’m pretending to be certain about, well, this is why and this is what I to do. Right? Like there’s I’m kind of, like, glossing over it, not letting myself sit with it as much. And the awareness of it, I’m not sure what the hell to do with it. That’s that’s just through truth, and you know what to do with it. And yet, what you’re doing with could be on a spin cycle. It could be that energy of stuckness. Okay?

Victoria Volk: Is this where that pollyanna kind of Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

Amy Douglas: Yeah. So then the throat center, is our manifestation centers, our communication centers, how we let out what’s going on in our body to the rest of the world to know what’s happening. This is such an important center as it relates to grief. So whether you’re defined or undefined. Defined we often have a very consistent way of our articulating what we’re experiencing. As manifestors, sometimes it’s gonna come out as anger, especially when we’re misaligned. And so just watch out for that. We don’t It’s not personal. Right? And especially if we have emotional authority, and I’m talking layers on, you hear some conditions to this, but it’s just there are layers to this system. I’m trying to make it just really user friendly and digestible.

Amy Douglas: But if someone has this undefined, they are great speaking on behalf of others, but this is really important to empower yourself that it’s safe to share. Find the platform. For me personally, with my design, I want to process it myself a lot before I’ll let someone else in and whom very much to your point, we keep a very small circle of Victoria and that’s okay. It’s okay. It’s important. It’s how we protect ourselves. And that’s our unique, org type as a manifestor. A manifesting generator would have a million people they’re gonna talk to it. Right? There’s just like the more the merrier, right, type of thing. So there are layers to helping you identify how you can empower yourself to move that energy, that emotion out of your beautiful communication center to allow you because oftentimes what happens is when we hear it come out We’re like, we can then have an opportunity to have a reflection. No different when we’re sharing it with someone else. It empowers them to have an objective perspective. So really choose wisely. Right? You don’t want someone that’s trying to manipulate your situation. Oh, you just need to get over it. That is not the person that you wanna share this with.

Victoria Volk: So can I ask quickly then, is that is that the splenic? Speaking, because, you know, the very emotional. I’m an emotional authority. You’re an emotional authority. So when we hear, you should just get over it. Is that a splenic authority speaking? With the deep mind, throat or not necessarily?

Amy Douglas: I think it’s just somebody who’s deeply conditioned and it’s not okay to speak your truth and what you’re going through. And so I don’t want to because someone who’s splenic could also just be such a beautiful presence for them to reflect something back to you. In a very safe space container, splenic authority, people are just like super in the moment, but they’re not gonna be someone that’s gonna necessarily spout out something that could potentially be just like limiting. That feels limiting. Just get over. It feels very limiting. Like, you’re not even giving me the space. To want to share what I’m experiencing. So I don’t wanna label it as because I’m sharing that that feels hard and harsh. Right? And that design our designs have the opportunity to have low vibe and high vibe. That’s just all there is to it. And so while someone could express it either way. I don’t wanna put parameters necessarily around, you know, where the definition is.

Victoria Volk: That makes sense. I almost I almost feel like a splenic. It would be it’s almost like they’re almost the type that they may not speak all the time or they may not be the one that’s always talking, but yet when they talk, people listen.

Speaker 1: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Definitely. And again, the worst thing we can do for someone that does have splenic authority is ask them, are you sure? Because it’s so in the moment. And you and I who have emotional authority asking us, are we sure? It’s kind of like a joke. Well, hell, I don’t know. This is just kind of how I feel. It feels really real really I feel really sure about it at the moment, but let’s check back with me. That’s why we say there’s no truth in the now. But it feels very true for us in the moment. So that communication center is so important. Now, if you have this undefined, it’s important to surround yourself with people that will give you the spaciousness to not limit how long it takes you to get to what you’re wanting to share. You and I, Victoria versus Saint. We’re probably gonna whip it out in no time. But someone that has an undefined throat has a lot that they’re they may, you know, come around and dance around it a little bit and then come back. And that’s okay and it’s beautiful. But again, it’s really empowering yourself just surround yourself with someone that is aligned to listen to what you’re allowing yourself to get out. And then you’re gonna have aha’s from it. And if you have that safe trusted person, they’re gonna have some really, you know, deep reflections for you. That’s why talk therapy, coaching scenarios, that kind of thing, helps you I can’t see inside my own glass. So journaling, inviting myself to audio, you know, file what I’m going through, helps me see it, but it’s still my glass letting someone else help shine the light on what I’m experiencing is so important. Such a big piece of releasing grief. Right?

Victoria Volk: Oh, that was good. Okay.

Amy Douglas: G Center. G Center is all about your sense of direction, sense of who you are, where you’re going. And grief here can be trapped in I don’t know who I am now that I don’t have this person in my life or I’ve had this, loss or breakup or fill in the blank with whatever it is, and I’m lost without them. And I do not have a defined g center nor do you Victoria and we’re kind of meant to quote unquote feel lost. And that’s okay because it, there are breadcrumbs that lead us to the next thing that we’re meant to experience. But this is where we could get locked into that cycle of, like, oh my gosh, I can’t exist now. I can’t do this, and that is so not true. It’s just It’s not true. It’s a story we’re telling ourselves. And so when we you start to hear that kind of thing, it’s like, oh, okay. And then for someone that might have it defined who’s always been on a certain path and always know who they are and express themselves that way, and then they get jolted out of that reality they could be in a spin cycle too because now they don’t have their own sense of self. And this is where I’m gonna come back to. This is the deep self-work that is necessary. Like, I know who I am. I know where I’m going. I love myself. Those are the things that come out of that beautiful G center. So really inviting yourself to connect back to that and whatever practice feels the mind for you. Then we move on to the beautiful, powerful, heart center, The heart center one would think this is where holds all of our emotions. No. This is our will power. And this is our enoughness. I like to call the enoughness center. And so just think about that. I mean, we could just put a pin in it right there.

Amy Douglas: If you already are experiencing something in your life that is emtronic or whether it’s loss, whether it is just anything that just feels really, really hard. Somebody that doesn’t have this defined like me, Victoria, you do. My go to is, well, I wasn’t worthy of it or I didn’t deserve it or I’m not enough type of energy. I must prove myself for that to be my thing. And that could be a really shitty spin cycle. For someone who’s experiencing grief and trauma and trying to move through something, where for you that has it defined. You could go in a bit of a spin cycle too of this is not what I wanted for myself. This is not what I desired. How did I allow this to happen? Right? Like, it’s that control thing. There’s a lot of control, energy, controlling of resources, that kind of thing, controlling of my community in the heart center. And so if you feel out of control of it for someone who has that defined, you can start telling yourself stories with that too. And I hope what everybody’s hearing, I’m here now in the fifth of nine centers. Again, so much is this of you. What you’re empowering yourself to believe about yourself. And guess what the gift of that is, the only work that has to be done is on you because we cannot control anything around us. We cannot control the media, which I don’t even listen to. I’m not even on social media hardly ever. So that I mean, and I would we could have a whole episode on what those things do to get trapped in someone’s body.

Amy Douglas: So if you wanna start somewhere, shut that shit off in your life. And allow yourself to be with you, period. My sister, my oldest sister, who’s a splenic manifestor, just went on a seven night silent retreat. To shine the light on herself for what she’s like, I’m fifty six. I’m done with this. I’m gonna work on it. And I gave her some little pointers, which was fun, but it’s important that we give ourselves the spaciousness to focus on ourselves And so with every center I’m going through, I want you to hear this is what you can do for you. I want so many of your of the anybody that’s willing to listen to understand this work can be done on yourself to heal. It’s so important. And so while we look outside of ourselves a lot, when you shine the light within, it’s important that we give ourselves the spaciousness to do that.

Amy Douglas: Then we move on to the emotional solar plexus, such a fun center. Fifty one percent of the population has this defined, so you’re either defined. Or you’re with somebody around somebody that’s not. Right? So this is where all those emotions and those feelings and those moods and just it could be very a very tumultuous center. It’s packs a punch for sure. And so what I wanna say here is, first and foremost, if you’re defined, I want you to celebrate it. I definitely resisted celebrating it because you are wired and mechanically built to process your emotions. You are built for this. If it is undefined, it doesn’t mean you’re not built for this. What I want you to do first and foremost is to check-in with yourself if the emotions that you’re feeling are even yours. Because when you’re undefined in the sender, you are feeling it. The magnitude of it is amplified by anyone around you that does have it defined. So think about a grief cycle if there’s a loss in the family. And you’re the only one that doesn’t have that center defined. And that people around you are processing their emotions. They’re spitting them out, sharing them, that kind of thing. And you’re it doesn’t feel safe for you to do that. But then you’re feeling the emotions of everyone else amplified.

Amy Douglas: I have a perfect example of this I shared in the last episode that my beautiful sister’s husband passed away right after my dad did and her precious at the time sixteen year old daughter was the one that found her dad in the shower gone, lesser heart. And this precious my beautiful precious niece has, really had a road to go of because she was and her daddy was everything. Right? And she is the only one in her little immediate family that has a defined solar plexus. My sister and her son. So, my niece’s brother do not have a defined solar plexus. Okay? So every time something was happening in her life and what she was experiencing when she was going to express it. My beautiful sister was there just holding her with it. But my sister was amplifying what she was experiencing and her daughter felt as though she had to comfort her own mom Right? Because it was just like it was so much for my sister. And because we are built to navigate it, then we kind of take over the soothing and comforting.

Amy Douglas: And so another way for you to look at and shine a light on how am I moving through my emotions. Am I sure that they’re mine? Am I taking on that of others? Wow, in a grief scenario, I mean, if we could shine like there’s two centers and that I want to touch on, and this one is a huge one that to do with feelings and moods and emotions and what you’re going through. So knowing this could be a huge catalyst for how you allow yourself to process what you’re going through. And there are so many ways to allow yourself to move through it, is the awareness alone is gonna be really key.

Victoria Volk: Do I have it defined?

Amy Douglas: You too. Yeah. Because that’s what makes this that makes this emotional. Yeah. We have that beautiful thirty-five, thirty six.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. So I mean, what you’re saying in a nutshell is those that have it defined become the emotional caretakers?

Amy Douglas: Because we’re kind of built for it. But then but then can you imagine the person who does it and what they’re feeling they’re feeling it like on steroids. And it’s not like those of us aren’t feeling it that way too. I’m not trying to minimize it, but we’re mechanically built to allow ourselves to process it. And someone that doesn’t, they’re not consistently wired to process it, and then they’re feeling the impact of everybody else around them that is consistently wired. So then they’re like, it’s really important to identify. Is this mine? Must I carry this? Or can I lovingly put it on that soft little fluffy cloud and let it move on by? And then I can sit with and be me again. And so it’s like allowing yourself to truly physically move out at the energetic space of those that have it defined so that you can check back in with yourself. Am I okay? Is this mind to carry? Is this mind to process? Do I have to do anything with this? Because you don’t. And by the way, those are how this undefined, this solar plexus undefined, you really avoid conflict and confrontation anyway and sometimes truth because it’s hard. You don’t like, well, what do I do with it? Where those of us haven’t defined aligned, deconditioned. We’re like, I’m hitting this head on. Right? Mhmm. And I avoided this. You guys I’m not trying to make this sound so simple. I avoided my emotions for years. I stepped it down with foods deliciously so I didn’t have to deal with it. And I’m grateful that that was a tool I had in my tool built to provide me comfort. And now I want to do it in a way that feels so much more empowering and not filled with guilt and shame because anybody that has had an eating, a challenge, a challenging relationship with eating and food, don’t want to feel shame or what they choose to feel their body with. Right? So it’s there’s a lot of letting go there as well. I had a lot of grief of letting go of my relationship with food, for sure, because it had been such a tool I’d use to comfort myself for so long, so then it’s like crap, what do I use now?

Victoria Volk: Well, and look at where the the solar plexus is. Right? Yeah. The whole gastro into

Amy Douglas: Oh yes,

Victoria Volk: It’s a little stomach. Like, you know, the organs that are there. Right?

Amy Douglas: Yes.

Victoria Volk: Yes. Is this where is this the center where we see projection manifest too? Is this word

Amy Douglas: Say more?

Victoria Volk: So, like, if I’m projecting my feelings onto other people.

Amy Douglas: Oh, yeah.

Victoria Volk: Is this word that coming from. And is that Yes. More app to be someone who’s defined as undefined? Okay. Yes.

Amy Douglas: Yes. Yeah. Because undefined is just kinda, like, like, I’ll have my undefined people in my life reach out to me and they’ll be like, are you feeling? How are you feeling today? Even my son who is also defined, but our designs are so similar. He’ll, like, send me a text. Mama, how are you feeling today? Anything going on? Because he’s because we, like, channel each other’s. My daughter, my son and I, we channeled each other stuff. My son was nauseous, like the whole time my daughter was pregnant. It’s just like you can’t make this stuff up. And so he’s just checking in. Even though all three of us are emotionally defined, we can still feel that. It’s just we have a more consistent way to process it especially once we’re more aware. That’s that’s the key. Right? Awareness

Victoria Volk: Can I ask to like, is this where someone would think that they might be highly sensitive? Or

Amy Douglas: Yes. Like, empathic. Empathic. Yes.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. So Okay.

Amy Douglas: So highly sensitive empath typically equals not defined. Right? Because the theory although, I would say, I’m very sensitive. I’m quite seasoned.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. I think. Yeah. That’s why I’m asking

Amy Douglas: I would say that I’m definitely an empath. Hello? I’m here. I’m a healer. I’m here to help others. I know that. And yet, of course, I am because I’m not so depleted. Because I have the consistent, you know, way of allowing myself to process it. Now, it took practice of, please, if you’re listening to your I did not feel that way, neither did I in the beginning.

Victoria Volk: I didn’t either.

Amy Douglas: Right. It took practice. But the person who has this undefined is just like, and they feel it and they take it on and it can manifest as things in their body for sure. Like, adrenals can just be go shot. And it’s just it’s important to really check-in on, is this yours to carry or not? And I really empowered myself to create a practice when I was done with the client session of just it’s this isn’t mine. I’m gonna send them some energetic love. They are fully equipped to handle this and move through this. And I’m here to support them, but it is not mine to carry going forward because they were in the beginning, I definitely carried it. Definitely carried it.

Amy Douglas: Okay. A beautiful sacral center. So seventy percent of the population has this defined. Victoria and I do not. Okay. So this is a powerhouse. This is the life force energy, the generational, let’s go go go type of thing. I can do the thing. And so someone that has this defined, which is likely, the dominating, parts of your listenership. I mean, that’s just, the population, that’s how it is. They often where how grief can set with them is I shouldn’t be still dealing with this. Right? Like, I must do the thing to move through it. This is where escapism can often set in. From my perspective, this is what I have witnessed, and I shared very briefly, but my partner lost his son in twenty one, his middle son, to an ATV accident at the young age of twenty. And my partner has a defined sacral. And so you kinda just wanna go and do just do. Just use that energy, do do do. And my invitation for someone is while I want you to move through, but I don’t want you to escape from it. And so just really checking in with, am I using this energy, this fuel to my highest good? Am I using this in a healthy way? And those of us that don’t have it defined, it’s this feeling of, I’m not doing enough. Another enough center. And so just checking in. I’m moving through what I’m experiencing at my pace and it’s beautiful. And then for the person that has the equipped energy, are we trying to escape from anything here? And am I just constantly being busy? So I don’t have to deal with this. And I would say, I showed up on my life as a manifesting generator until I knew. I was very conditioned to show up that way. And this is exactly I dismissed my emotions and I just stayed busy. Because if I stayed busy, I didn’t have to deal with it. Right? And so I was very misaligned with how I was using, you know, my beautiful design.

Amy Douglas: Okay. The spleen, we touched a little bit on, but this is that second center that can really, really impact how you’re processing and empowering yourself to move through grief because the spleen is a primal instinct. It’s your health. It’s your well-being. It’s what must I do to survive? And the spleen is with the area that we tend to hold on to things that are no longer serving us. So I want you to think about this from the perspective of if you’re holding on to the light that you had before the traumatic experience occurred, then you’re not letting yourself move forward. And whether it’s defined or not, we can definitely hold on to things, but it is a lot more common for someone who has this undefined to be living in a very fear-based state. And not letting themselves move through what’s no longer serving them. It’s great to hold on to the memories, but it’s just time to live in the present, and the spleen is very present moment to moment. And so it’s inviting you to process where you are in the exact moment that you’re at. And it’s another awareness center. It’s a very powerful awareness center because it can empower you to shine the light on what am I doing right now? Is the serving point me? What can I do to empower myself to move forward? Like, one of the gates, is like fear of repeating the past. And so if you’re stuck in a spin cycle of I created this trauma in my life that I’m now grieving from, but I’m afraid to do anything else, because, what if I repeat the same thing that I just did? And the thought processes is your spleen is there to tell you in the moment to moment what is best for you? Are you willing to listen? Can you shut off your head center telling you, you must do this, you must do that? Can you shut off if your emotions? Can you not shut them off? But can you navigate those long enough to allow yourself to hear what the spleen is telling you? Because it’s always guiding you to your highest truth. The low vibe of this, and you don’t listen, we dismiss it. It’s that sixth sense you guys. It’s the one that we’re taught to dismiss. It’s the one that you’re like your hair stands up and you’re like, why did that happen? But we we don’t we can’t describe, we can’t defend it, and this is the area that we don’t wanna ask, are you sure? Right? Because it is it is so it’s intuitive, but it’s also very like I said, it’s just it’s in the moment. It’s instinct. It’s primal. And so if you’re holding a lot of grief in this area, forward movement probably isn’t occurring. So what’s not serving you? What could I do different in this very moment? And am I letting whatever is going on in my head dictate what I’m doing because we’re not meant to make decisions anywhere above the throat.

Victoria Volk: Oh, and if you haven’t defined ashna, and then you have an open solar plexus. Like, that’s like a that’s a triple threat.

Amy Douglas: Yes. Yes. Again, we chose this, so we’re not trying to say, oh, god if anybody’s looking at the design, like, shit. No. I have that. No. No. This says awareness. Okay. No. No. No. And I’m not gonna do this going forward. Right? Yes. Everybody’s design it was beautifully orchestrated the way that you chose, and it’s so unique. And so let’s let’s empower ourselves to attach to it in a way that invites us to move in the direction of the alignment that we, you know, really ultimately created for ourselves.

Amy Douglas: The last center is the root center. Anybody that knows anything about the shock resistant, this is that grounding center, but it’s also a pressure center. It’s the pressure to do. It’s the pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure. And what I see as potential grief in this center and the body parts that it’s connected to definitely has to do with not taking any kind of action. No for no, like, I’m gonna just stay quote unquote stuck. The pressure is there for me to do something different, I don’t know what to do with it. And if you have it undefined, you’re likely feeling pressure from everything outside of you, and if that doesn’t feel aligned, that’s because it’s not your pressure again. Anything that’s not defined is coming from outside of you check-in if it’s yours and this root pressure to do to be to act to whatever. It’s meant to be for your highest goods, so just check-in. And this is another one of those kind of timing things. It’s it’s a timing center. I have it defined. I feel pressure all the time, but mine is connected to my spleen. So mine is not talking to my solar plexus at all. And so mine is connected to my spleen, which is moment to moment. And so, oftentimes, my pressure is truly movement to move through things to take action on things. And from a grief perspective, I can also share that I felt like this would because I didn’t have the define I don’t have the define sacral. This is kind of probably where I felt the moment to moment. I must do something because whatever I was doing wasn’t serving me, and I was aware of that from my spleen. And so I might let’s let’s move let’s move this move. Or maybe giving myself the spaciousness to sit in some stillness and process what I was experiencing before I just let myself jump and go do something because there was a little bit of escapism in that center for me, within the absence of the sacral. So I know that was a lot, but it just just the energy of understanding that can be such a catalyst for your own healing. I mean, it’s such a beautiful journey anyway. And I’m giving yourself this spaciousness to learn some of this can be a real game changer. Just I mean, I can. I’m living proof.

Victoria Volk: And can you speak to a little bit of the gate was it thirty six sixty four? Or is that oh, no. The gate of crisis, which is oh,

Amy Douglas: Thirty six. Yeah. That is a gate thirty six crisis.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. Can we speak to that a little bit? Because if people are, because this is oh, grief. Right? So

Amy Douglas: You know, I mean, it’s gate thirty six is my main sun gates. And what that means for anybody when they’re looking. It’s it’s the most prominent energy in my design. K? It’s what I chose for myself and it’s in the solar plexus and I have the solar plexus defined. Because you can have your main sun gate in a center that’s not defined. That’s that’s beautiful too different journey. And so even like I shared in our past episode, it’s not that I feel like I just navigated a ton of really tumultuous, chaotic crises in my life. But then when I go to share them with people, they’re usually just like blown away and I’m like, oh, but I’m really built for this. What’s important for me is to share my emotional experiences, how I have navigated them with others. That is literally what I was that’s what people need from me. Your main sun gate is the energy that people need from you. And so my thirty six, what they need is for me to share what I have experienced and navigated, which by the way, I didn’t do. I didn’t even tell anybody in my family I was getting divorced. Right? Like, I am one that I kind of hermit when things are going on. And I’m really, while I know why I do that. It’s my twelve twenty two energy, which is also an emotional wave. But that’s important for me to kinda glean what I’m experiencing before. I’m ready to articulate it to the other. And then once I do, it gives permission to others to navigate their own. Because when we’re silent about these things and remember, I had built a facade that made it look like I had everything figured out and everything was fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s always fine. You know, I can handle this. I can do this. I mean, that’s the energy I held, which was so not true. I was completely broken on the inside. But now I see that this thirty six, this gate of crisis is really important for me to share what I have gone through. So if you have this activated in your design, you’re built and you’re wired for these things. And you often may not feel like it has been a perpetual crisis in your life. I joked with Victoria before we started today, morning started out with a couple of crisei, and I literally just gave myself a moment of, okay, cool. That’s how we’re starting today. You know, I see you. I’m gonna put you on a bookshelf and I’ll come back to you, because I have things. But that has been so much work that has empowered me to get to that point. If recognizing acknowledging, this is what I’m built and wired to do. So if it is defining in your body graph, you’re wired for it. If it’s not defined, you’re probably gonna feel it a bunch more when you’re around somebody that it is. And it probably feels harder, you know? And that’s okay. Okay, that’s what you chose. So let’s find a way to help you navigate through it.

Victoria Volk: So if someone is looking, if let’s say, someone’s listening, and they’re looking at their body graph, and they’re looking at their spouses. Mhmm. So what are some things that you look at as a body graph reader when you’re looking at relationships?

Amy Douglas: Oh, it’s one of my favorite things to do. It’s so fun to help someone really shine a light. We call them connection charts. Okay? So that’s where we have the opportunity to put two body graphs together and see how they relate, interact, connect. And when we do that, you have the each individual on each side, you know, so that we’re all individual. But then when we come together, you get to see the gift of what happens in that dynamic. And I like to tell people that there are what’s called like attraction channels, there are these electromagnetic sparks. So it’s like, you have a gate that marries to a gate of mine that then we connect, and then it lights up to centers. And it’s just like, hey, we feel like you can clean me, that Jerry McGuire bullshit. Right? Like, when it completes us people, we’re all complete humans, but it can really feel like, oh my gosh. Get me. And then, like, you and I, Victoria, we both share a channel. So you and I both have the thirty five, thirty six, so, like, we get each other. We can talk about that.

Amy Douglas: But then there are ones that can be more dominating, so you’ve got the whole channel, or the compromise where you’ve got the whole channel and I just have one part of it, not the whole thing that compromise is where I really like to pull people and just help them create awareness. I know I’ve said that word we could probably put a counter out there for this is where friction could occur. Because you’re dominating in this area and I have a snippet of it, but you’re trying to pull me to believe your way of seeing this. And while I’m happy to witness the way that you see it, but it doesn’t have to I don’t have to see it your way. And can you imagine the conflict that happens in just that area. And then, like, with those electromagnetic and the things, it’s, like, all of a sudden, if your partner didn’t have a defined spleen, but being with you, they do. They’re probably gonna feel really safe with you. Like, it’s just it’s trying to light on how we support one another. And then wears their potential for our own growth in our journey. And I always offer it like as soon as I learn design, I did my son and his girlfriends and my daughter and her now husband, and I was like, okay, you guys now look, I am helping shine a light on potential friction in the future. But now that you have awareness for it, there doesn’t have to be any friction. And I’m not trying to be like polyana sunshine and puppies. Right? We still are humans. But oftentimes, the conflict that arises is based on our conditioning. It’s like, oh, we had a core wound there.
You just hit on it. This is where we get that opportunity. Communication is everything in relationship. And so when you can see this, like, I do I often do this as gifts, for people that get married, like, okay, people this is what I see. And so I’ll just do a recorded thing. Now some of them wanna do it live, which is great because they wanna ask questions. But oftentimes, the husband is not nearly as intimate nor offense to any of your male listeners, but they’re like, look, I got this figured out. But then the ahas that come out of it are just I did it for one couple and literally she was like, she sidebar, she wanted me to find all these things. She’s like, oh my god. This annoys me about him and this and this. Can you touch on these things so he’ll stop doing that? And as it turned out, she was such a controlling force and he had an undefined throat and hers was defined. She was speaking over him for him all the things and so I shined a light in a totally different way than what she was asking me to. She said they stayed up all night talking about the reading because we did it live and that I still check-in on them. And their their communication is so much better. She no longer speaks for him. Like, the things that you can glean from what you understand that’s the gift that I see so much in human design is that it offers us to see why someone is the way they are.

Amy Douglas: Now we can’t always see all the conditioned stuff. But it’s like, oh, I understand. It’s okay. You’re beautifully different than me. And that’s beautiful. And it’s okay. But boy in a connection chart, you’re like, when we bring pull together, it’s important that they see those differences and start instead of trying to forever and always change someone. I don’t wanna be changed. Why am I trying to change anybody? Right? It has empowered me to see my partnership. It’s such a more beautiful light. And then you can even do it for the whole family dynamic, which is called a Penta, which is just layers and layers Victoria.
Right?

Victoria Volk: Well, and I can see the value in that as for a parent and a child. Yes. Especially getting to those teen years maybe, probably even before, maybe, nip stuff in the bud. Right? Do it when they’re

Amy Douglas: Oh my gosh. And those are some of my favorite mini readings. Like, I’ve done it for moms with their kiddo. They’re like, what? You just tell me tell me what’s going on.
Their designs are so different And this one instance, I just did that little twenty five minute audio file for her precious little daughter. And the mom listened to it a couple times, and she got her husband to listen to it. And finally, they listened to it as family totally changed the dynamic in the household. I mean, twenty five minutes, guys. Like, are we kidding?
Can I get that simple? Yes, it can. Just showing and highlighting the different ways that we show up in the world just removes a lot of conflict, you know. And therefore, probably a lot of grief in a relationship and, you know, what you’re navigating in your life, how you’re processing. It’s like, oh, I see how you’re doing that. I want to give you space to do that. You don’t have to do it my way. You know, I was raised where the way they it was done was the way to do it, like, from, you know, a hierarchical perspective. I dropped the hierarchy once I got divorced. I said, nope. We’re all equals here, you know, and everybody gets a voice. This is before I even knew design. I’m so grateful I did because that hierarchy while I get it, I hear parents out there going, well, wait, then who’s in charge? Well, sometimes my I mean, my kids have been my greatest teachers, so maybe sometimes they were more in charge. Even though I was the head of the household. And that’s okay.

Victoria VOlk: I just had an idea. So if I had your knowledge, and your know how, I think this would be super fun. To host, like, a people would register, pay, and register to have you would get their body graph, individuals who are looking for their match. Looking for love. Looking for like, looking for the real deal. Right? Mhmm. And you a host like this It’s like speed dating. Right? Except you’ve paired them based on their body graph. Like, wouldn’t that be amazing?

Amy Douglas: Oh my god, I would love to see that unfold. That could be so much fun because really I’m just saying from what I see because I have no controller of how they’re conditioned. Right? Right. And so I cannot see, what has happened from that perspective.
I’m literally just looking at their blueprint. Right? Their body graph, but And so based on that, there was, like, electromagnetic sparks and how they could see and support one another. That could be so fun. But outside of the conditioning, then they take it from there. Right? They take it from there.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. The body graph matchmaker.

Amy Douglas: Oh my god. That’d be so fun

Victoria Volk: I just, like, gave an idea to the masses so you better know. You want me to edit this out later? Just let me know.

Amy Douglas: No act. No. Maybe someone will get us get on board with us to do it. That’d be great. You know, we’re the initiators, Victoria. We don’t see this thing.

Victoria Volk: That’s true.

Amy Douglas: He’s gonna build this for us. You just drop that out as magically as you’re meant to, and now somebody else can get in touch with this and say, alright, we’re ready to do this.

Victoria Volk: Oh, couldn’t you, like, matchmaker cafe? Like, body graph matchmaking cafe, like, seriously, like, I’m just, like, oh, yeah.

Amy Douglas: That could be so fun. That could be so fun. And again, there’s no it’s there’s no absolutes to this. What you do with it from here is up to you, you know, because especially if you’re not truly living into your design.

Victoria Volk: That’s true.

Amy Douglas: Could be really different. Really different.

Victoria Volk: So what are some examples that you’ve seen? I mean, you don’t have no names or anything like that. But examples of how someone’s graph was manifesting as grief in their life, like areas of challenge and things like that, like different examples. Can you give a few?

Amy Douglas: My goodness. Yes. Yes. Yes. So I had a beautiful client who was navigating a divorce and when we started working together, it wasn’t she wasn’t to the place yet where she was ready to allow herself to believe that divorce was the right path. Mhmm. And she’d experienced a divorce already. So can you imagine you’re letting yourself believe that you’re not enough? I did this wrong again repeating the past, you know, those fear centers and that was the heart and the spleen that I just touched on, those two centers, you know. God, I’m just gonna do this again and then again. And we looked and navigated the energy in her design and what she was holding on to that was no longer serving her. And really inviting her to get out of her head, you know, that definition up there she was defined and it just believing that logic and was the way to make decisions for herself which was not at all the way and where she did was dismissing her emotions because she’s emotionally defined and where she was just dismissing those completely, which had so many messages oh my gosh, you guys, like, what we’re feeling, what our body is navigating, those pings, those, like, oh, those are just crystal clear messages that we get to tune into, but our mind wants to shut them down and dismiss them. And she really allowed herself to go deep, really, really deep, and the divorce was hard. And we looked at his design and it made a lot of sense of where he had a lot of stuckness he was very, very well defined, almost all centers defined. So those people don’t have a tendency to be as flexible. And so and he and he wasn’t willing to listen or change or really have open communication. And so it was important for her to move past that and not carry the things that he wasn’t willing to change. As if she did something wrong or wasn’t enough. Oh my goodness. She is flourishing now. She is such a beautiful aligned human and an amazing relationship that is so so aligned. And I think empowering herself to see so much of how she was trapping. Like, she had a lot of body pain. We talk about the hip, but those kind of thing. She had a lot of that, and that is stored grief. I am a firm believer that, like, Fibromyalgia has just stored grief. And I’m not minimizing. I’m not saying that if you can invite yourself to find practices to help, like, whether it’s cathartic, whatever it is to move through it, you’d be amazed how the body will respond to that, and hers has responded beautifully beautifully. So it is possible. It’s so possible.

Amy Douglas: I had another one who had just more of a traumatic childhood Open heart, energy were not enoughness. And she had what we refer to as sacral authority, that life force energy. So it’s that gut response. You know, you know in the moment what the thing is to do. And that’s the center you can ask, are you sure? Like, okay, just checking in. Do I have enough information? Is this right? She wasn’t operating from that. Again, head definition, she was operating from okay. So I have all these stored experiences. I was always told I wasn’t enough. I know I have to prove myself because my heart’s open. Right? So, I must prove I’m valuable and I’m worthy, and I’m not trusting my gut responses, so I’m navigating, I’m getting all the sources out side of me to tell me what’s right, and then I’m checking in with my logic and my head telling me if that is right. So she’s dismissing all of her body wisdom. So we kept coming back to does that feel in your body? What is your body telling you? Bringing her back to her body wisdom? Oh my goodness. How she operates is such a different human now? It’s just so you could hear it in her voice in the way that she breathes, and having to completely open solar plexus, she’s not taken on the shit of the people around her. You know, that’s what she was doing. She was really caring that and harboring that and not having a defined spleen. She was scared to death about a lot of things. Like, she didn’t have to be. That’s a choice. It’s a choice because fear and excitement are born in the same place in your body. Your mind is the one that labels it as such. And so you guys, once you can see what you chose for yourself and how you’re operating outside of it, taking the steps and the decommissioning to move into the alignment of what you chose for yourself helps you move it out of you, that grief the traumas, the stuckness out of you.

Victoria Volk: Oh, this was so good. So good. Jam packed with information that I know will serve so many people who listen to this. So if you’re listening to this and you found this helpful and beneficial. And you’re curious and interested in human design. I highly recommend you check out your own body graph and listen to this episode again. If you’re, listen to it and I’m like, oh, I’m gonna check out my body graph and then come back and listen to it again because will listen to this as I edit it, but they’ll probably listen again just because there’s so you always hear something new, I think.

Amy Douglas: So you ready for it. Right? Like, you integrate in chunk sizes. That’s why that’s why when I do readings, I start with the foundational one. And then we can go deeper.
But it’s important you empower yourself to integrate what you have learned so that you’re available to learn the next, you know, snippet. And we all do that. And again, that’s an awareness thing too. So and I would love to offer any of your listeners just like I did on the last one that twenty five percent off of any of my readings using the coupon code “Grieving Voices”.

Victoria Volk: Yes. And I will put that information in the show notes as well. Anything any other final thoughts? Anything you’d like to share?

Amy Douglas: Well, I also have a podcast. So if you’re curious, you did about hearing about lived experiences. We, my podcast co-host and I, our podcast “Love Human. Be Spirt. And we share all of our lived experiences and a lot of minor emotional folks, okay, through the lens of human design, but we do it in a very like, we don’t we try not to use a lot of the human design words because they’re weird, but we try to share with you just our lived experiences while we’re reflecting on where that might be found in your design and it’s we have a lot of fun doing it. So we try to make it lighthearted. We have a lot of great guests. Victoria. We need to have you on there. So Yes. Yeah. It’s just it’s it’s a safe place to land. We’re not teaching and preaching. But we’re just sharing what we’ve experienced. And I think that is the gift of inviting you to move through things. It’s hearing inviting yourself, I can do oh, they navigated this. I can too. It’s like it’s giving permission to to move through what you’re experiencing and shine the light on bright might be holding on to something that’s not yours.

Victoria Volk: So good. And that’s where we create change in our lives. Right?

Amy Douglas: That’s right. Yes.

Victoria Volk: Well, thank you again for coming back on. Again, we could we go into more layers of this and maybe we will down the road. We’ll see. Because I I have I actually have more work to do with you, and so perhaps I can do another episode and of what I’ve all learned Right? Maybe at that point. So that would be kind of fun. Yeah. Thank you so much for this.

Amy Douglas: Oh, welcome. It’s my pleasure. Yes. I’m happy to be here.

Victoria Volk: And where can they find you?

Amy Douglas: My website, amyadouglas.com.

Victoria Volk: And I will put that in the show notes as well. And in the meantime, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

Ep 164 Amy Douglas | From Betrayal and Loss To Manifesting Joy

Amy Douglas | From Betrayal and Loss To Manifesting Joy

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY: 

How much betrayal and loss can the heart take within less than two years?

Today’s guest shares how betrayal, loss, unsurmountable grief, and a decline in health catalyzed her personal growth.

Amy chose to empower herself by getting a life coach and learning new tools that enabled her to recalibrate her life and move forward beyond the hurt, pain, and emotional hurricane she felt stuck in for too long.

In this episode, we dabble into Amy’s experience with Human Design, what she’s learned about herself, and how Human Design became the permission slip to radically change things, including leaving her corporate job.

We have all experienced something that challenges our beliefs and who we thought others were. We may question who we are and our role in the mess, and often, fear and expectations play a role and serve a purpose in making sense of our experiences.

Listen to today’s episode to hear Amy’s perspective on fear, how learning her Human Design helped her change her approach and point of view of expectations, and so much more!

RESOURCES:


CONNECT:

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If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Victoria Volk: Thank you for tuning in to grieving voices. I’m so excited for this episode because I’m talking with Amy Douglas. She is a human design reader. And I have been working with her as her client. But today’s episode is about her sharing her grief journey in what she’s learned through human design about herself and her grief. And I’m just really excited to bring this knowledge to the podcast because, like, one of my favorite quotes is the more you know yourself, the less you look to others to tell you who you are. And so human design is just another tool in the toolbox to help you to better understand yourself. And so Amy, thank you so much for being here and sharing about your journey today and thank you for your time.

Amy Douglas: Well, thank you for inviting me. I’m thrilled to be here. I’m excited for our conversation. Grief is not something that we all love to touch on but reflecting on it and empowering ourselves to move through it’s such a critical part of our own evolution and definitely human design. I feel like in my journey with human design. If I were to say, you know, that I have felt grief by learning my design, it was the grief of not allowing myself to be what I chose for myself for so many years. And the grief of thinking or feeling that those ways that I chose for myself and my design were wrong because they’re not it’s just sad, we’re so full of not enoughness and design hasn’t powered me to release a lot of that, not enoughness, offer some deep compassion and understanding for myself and others. I love your quote. It’s so true. I see so many people looking to others for the answers, the right ways to do things, and they’re all within us. We just really get to take the time, to sit with ourselves, to uncover that.

Victoria Volk: People might not be familiar with human design can you just briefly cover what that is? And also too, like, we are both manifestors design, which is only like nine percent of the population and often the most misunderstood. So imagine the grief that that has caused us in our lives alone.

Amy Douglas: So true in being female manifestors. Right? Like, there’s there’s so many layers to it. So human design is, another one of those architectural ways to help us discern, kind of who we are. But there are a lot of different modalities that were brought in together, but I want you to just if you hear nothing else, it’s basically the blueprint or the owner’s manual, operators manual, that you chose for yourself to tell you how you are meant to be existing in this three-d experience. And who knew? We had an owner’s manual that told us so many ways like how we’re meant to make decisions, and how we process fear, and how we’re meant to digest food and life there’s, I mean, down to so many things that it really just offers you the opportunity to say, oh, this is what I chose for myself. Very much to your point instead of looking to others to help point us in it, quote unquote, right direction.

Victoria Volk: And I imagine like me who’s just now starting to get down the human design rabbit hole again after I dabbled in it maybe a year ago and just coming back to it now. But or human design, how did you navigate life without this manual? And what was your life experience before coming into human design?

Amy Douglas: So, I think I’m probably not different than many. We use our eyes and ears. To show us what is the path that we’re meant to take. And so whether that is witnessing it from loved ones, having someone tell you how to be and how to show up. I had a lot of that in my household. I’m the youngest of three girls. There was a lot of like this, be like this, don’t say that, don’t do that, don’t be too much, did it at, like, not necessarily the Barbie monologue, but you could probably put some words to that as well. And so I was trying to run at a pace in my life that I had witnessed was the way like, there was a lot of pride and applause for being really busy doing a lot of things and not like being quote unquote lazy there. That was a really that l word was really kind of ingrained into our household. We were not gonna tolerate laziness Well, can we redefine what lazy is? Because like, I mean, we all have the opportunity to sit and be with who we are.

Amy Douglas: I think a big pivotal change for me that led to a lot of grief in my life in twenty fourteen. I had a lot of loss in my family. I lost my dad in April. He was only sixty seven and had been battling a lot of hard stuff for nine years. So, we kind of said he had nine lives. And the last one was the taker. And then shortly after that, my mom became very ill. A lot of it was grief. Let’s be honest. They’ve been together their whole life. She ended up spending the entire summer in the hospital almost lost her a couple times. She had severe ulcerative colitis and thankfully, she’s got it at bay, but it was really challenging to negotiate and navigate her being in the hospital after losing dad. And her grieving in the hospital, in a hospital bed was traumatic. And then not no sooner did we get her home and my brother-in-law dropped dead in the shower. I mean, my mom and my sister within four months becoming widows together, it just was insurmountable. And yet I was kind of the rock in the family. Like, we’re all gonna be fine. I’ll help take care of everything. And that’s kind of what I did. I never really let myself feel anything. And honestly, to be real just completely transparent, I kinda like shut off my heart after my divorce about five years before that. I kinda just said, alright, my husband of seventeen years been together twenty, father both of my children left with my best friend. I don’t know where to process that, so I won’t I’m just gonna put on the happy face and exist. Run at the pace that I know will have me running away from any of those feelings. And then fast forward losing, so many family members and just a lot of grief with that.

Amy Douglas: And then in twenty fifteen, my dog who’d got me through my divorce and was only four years old, was diagnosed with lymphoma, and I’m like, oh, hell no, that’s the one person in that note has seen witnessed everything, one person, one thing that had witnessed everything. And so then, you know, whenever I lost him toward the end of fifteen. I was like, what the hell am I doing? And sixteen just really started a deep journey of just my own self discovery and just a lot of letting go of ways of thinking that I had to be. Really giving myself the opportunity to be very curious what I was feeling in my life. Started my journey. I hired a coach. I didn’t I mean, from the Midwest. We didn’t know what those words but my good friend, Google said that’s what you need sunshine if you’re gonna pull out of this. And so I hired a coach out of the West Coast and I was still a very much a trust bit verify kind of person. So it felt only right for me to get the education myself didn’t tell Seoul, did everything under the radar. I wasn’t allowed to moonlight in my corporate life that I was still running a ridiculous pace at. And I empowered myself through lots and lots of deconditioning, lots of letting go, which is the practice that you use in the coaching modalities and just the healing spaces of the world. In twenty nineteen, the beginning of twenty nineteen, I quit my corporate life. And that’s the year that design brought itself into my experience. And I was like, okay, I know now that I’m ready for you, but I had to do for myself a lot of the layers of letting go and, you know, getting curious versus and dropping judgment and letting myself feel things again for the first time. I hadn’t done that. I really shut that part of me off. And design came when it was meant to, and I think it does for many. I resisted it first I was like, oh my god. Just another thing to tell me, whatever. But it wasn’t a questionnaire. I wasn’t answering questions, I know how to manipulate those to get the letters I want or the data that I want. This is very specific information about your birth details. So you can’t really fake those. And it just led to just a really beautiful way of me embodying and trusting myself and believing in myself and allowing me to be unapologetically me, which is what I said I was gonna do when I left my corporate life and I think human design was the open permissions slip to do that for me.

Victoria Volk: Was there a certain moment? Do you remember where you were? What you were doing? Like this was there like this aha moment or was this was there a certain thing? Or thought or experience. Because sometimes we have these pivotal moments, right, that just change the trajectory of our life. Like, because I know so many people who might be in the corporate hamster wheel, who are scared to leave that behind, who desire to venture onto something that is a more authentic expression of who they are. What do you say to those people? How did you do that?

Amy Douglas: In July of twenty eighteen, when I was still going through well, I was in a mastermind with a bunch of coaches, and we were all supporting each other and just I never thought I was gonna lead my corporate life. Like, that wasn’t even in my radar. I was a single mom raising my children on my own. Right? And I had one daughter that was in a private college that was ridiculously expensive. The labeling of it was irresponsible. Right? If I did that. It was safe and secure for me to stay where I was even though I was really it was becoming very clear that I was miserable. My body, our body is our greatest messenger. And from about twenty sixteen, and I’m sure this was very, very grief-related, I started having all these warning signs. My hair was falling now. I had extreme insomnia. I thought for sure that I was gonna have a heart attack in my sleep and my children were gonna find me dead in the morning. Just all these terrible fears, Western medicine, is like your picture health. I am an avid exercise or eat really healthy, meditate, I all the things. And yet, what was I dismissing? What was I not paying attention to? So I think for me to answer your question in July of twenty eighteen, I wrote a contract I was at a conference with a bunch of my peer coaches. And I wrote a contract with myself of what it was gonna take for me to actually leave my corporate life. Like, I’d been ruminating on that all of twenty eighteen. Like, could I do this? Is this really what I want? Can I be free? Like, freedom has been my word since my divorce and peace, which is the signature of a manifestor, okay, has been something that I have been for lack of a better word victory chasing like, okay. What does that feel like? When am I gonna know when I have it? What’s available to me when I do? And so I wrote this contract out, very logically very corporate intense. It’s like these things must be true in order for me to leave. And my peer coaches just gave me a little, a little tap. I had them sign it as my witnesses. I was like, okay, I’m making this contract. These things must come true. And one by one over the course of the next six months, I just they were all limiting beliefs and I just let all of them go. One by one. Those were things I did not have to note that did not have to be true because they were limitations. What are limiting beliefs? They’re beliefs that limit you. From the thing that you wanna be having, being, or doing. And so by December, it was just like, oh, yeah, I’m doing this. Actually, I was on vacation in November. And I said to another couple, well, I’m leaving my corporate life in January. That’s the first time I’d set it out loud. Then I was like, oh, and very manifestor like Right? Say it out loud, and then it becomes your reality. And then by the time I did it on January second, it was a transaction. It was like it was already done. And so I think the aha was actually that contract witnessing my peers going, wow, she’s still really holding herself back without saying those words. Right? Just being intuitive enough to witness their receipts of whatever I was trying to create for myself. And then doing the work to show myself. I didn’t have to have all of these things in place because again, I was creating that safety and security which is not allowing yourself to really take the leap for what you want in your life. And I finally did.

Victoria Volk: I don’t want to gloss over all of the losses that you just scribed before. And but I also wanna talk about this the idea of fear. So can we go back in time though to that divorce? And do you think that that was a catalyst for you to start coming into your own? Really?

Amy Douglas: Oh, my heavens. Yes. I used to make a joke. Like, it was and it’s very, like, I hear it in bitterness now, but it’s like, I take a vote and I always win. What I need to do for this and who gets to do that. And I used to say, but I’m like, how do you do it? How do you do everything on your own? I’m like, well, I figured out that once he left, the only thing he really did that I wasn’t already capable of doing was put the Christmas tree in the Christmas tree stands and open the pickle jar. So I stopped buying pickles. That was easy. And every time I bought a Christmas tree here, I did that, I brought the Christmas tree stand to the Christmas tree farm and had them install it because I can. So it’s just do you see, like, it was just like, did I have the avoidant attachment style. I have now I understand that I have that. And so it’s like, I didn’t need them anyway, type of energy. But it did really empower me to be like, okay, I now get to look at what I in those in those days, I was still saying what I need to do, what I should be doing, what I have to do. I don’t use any of those words anymore. Need, should, and have to, are full of resistance. It’s what I get to do. And it took me a couple years to get there, right? Because I was still really proving my open heart, proving to myself that I could do this. I didn’t need him. I’m good, losing my best friend along with it was hard. That grief is real. It still stings. And just people through your most trusted people in your life gone in a flash and that image of what your life was. It was real. It was really beautiful life. And I remember sitting in the car with my kiddos, we were getting ready to go into a movie. Same year of the divorce. And it just was somber because we used to go to the movies as a divorce, and it was one of our favorite things to do. And I just presidential. I turned the car off. And before we went into the theater, I said, I’m aware there’s only three of us in here. And yet, I’m so grateful that there’s the three of us in here. So how can we make this the best that it can possibly be? And I think that was a real catalyst for all three of us to just be like, okay, we can grieve the loss and we still do. And yet, we can create something different. And that helped us crawl out of a lot. I think because we just prescient it. We were honest about what we were feeling. We kinda did this thing of what are we sitting in the car, staying in the car. So if you’re mad about things or just it’s okay. It’s safe in the car. Safe in the car. And then it’ll stay in the car when we get out. We don’t have to take it with us, you know. We just tried to create some spaces that felt like we’re not gonna be judged for how we’re feeling. Right?

Victoria Volk: I love that. I love that idea. How old were your children at the time?

Amy Douglas: So they would have been Ten and twelve. Yeah. Nine and eleven, ten and twelve, those were some really really hard in eleven and thirteen because Yeah. Those were some really hard years. Yeah. I think, honestly, Victoria, My son just turned twenty three. He has had a major health journey this year. Oh, my goodness. And I think we are both. He’s also an emotional manifestor like us. And I think he is allowing himself to grieve the loss of his childhood, Mhmm. And I’m so proud of him doing it now. And not waiting and carrying it all these years. He’s like, maybe I should’ve waited a couple years, like, till I got out of college and I’m like, you. Happens when we’re meant to, let’s not let’s not resist it.

Victoria Volk: And the best friend. I mean, I imagine too, like, in the relationship you had an extended, like, in your friendship with her, but in your marriage with your husband, you had not just those relationships, but you had circles of friends. Right? And so it’s not just the husband and it’s not just the best friend, it’s the circle of friends, too. Like Mhmm. Was everything just gone and one fell swoop? Like,

Amy Douglas: Yes. Yes. Yes. And we were not from the town that we were in, that this happened, we were, transplants. And we hadn’t been here long enough to really I mean, you know, three or four years just doesn’t feel like long enough where, she and her husband were lifers. Well, now, ex husband were lifers and there was just a lot of scrutiny, a lot of harshness on myself and my children. And the sporting events that you would look forward to going to. Now we’re just so isolating and dreadful. And praying the kids weren’t treated differently, but both of them were. It was just terrible. It was because they had kids and their kids were the same age as our kids and the same gender and so in the same classes and

Victoria Volk: Oh my gosh.

Amy Douglas: A lot of finger-pointing, a lot of assumptions. And while I used to say I just grew really thick skin, I think it was just the epitome of learning that what other people thought about me were none of my business because what really mattered was what I thought about me. That’s the only way I knew how to keep moving forward because I knew I was a good person. I knew that I was gonna come out of this. I knew my children were amazing. And yet, man, just a lot. I tried to get them to just like, you know what? We’re just gonna travel. I’m gonna get a tutor. Run do our own lives, but, you know, too much change, just way too much change for everything. So

Victoria Volk: I’m glad you mentioned that because my next question was going to be, did you ever just consider, like, packing all your bags and just going somewhere else and starting over and making a fresh start and without all of these reminders. I mean, whether your husband passes away or whether you get a divorce or whether it’s this scandal scandalous relationship that you’re describing, where it’s two couples, families are being torn apart. It can be very easy to just, again, like you said, add on more change in things. What like, to have the self-awareness about that, like, and to have really the courage and the strength, to stand up to it. Mhmm. I don’t know a lot of people like you. I’m just gonna say that. I mean, I mean, I’ve been doing this podcast for four years and just knowing the nature of grief and the trauma that had probably on you and your life and your kids. Most people would have just ran the other way. I never think, what was it? You think that

Amy Douglas: My daughter, she’s my oldest, and I put the house on the market. I didn’t. It was a big house. We lived on a lot of acres. We had a horse farm because my daughter used to gloved ride horses, and it was gonna be a lot to just take care of and maintenance and expensive, etcetera. And she just begged. She just said, can we just not change this? And I said, okay. We won’t change the physical location, but we are changing the energy of the inside, and we just changed so many things. I repainted everybody new furniture made rooms, different rooms just to create a totally so it wasn’t like, oh, I remember sitting in here as a family. Right? I just It was like just giving ourselves a quote unquote facelift, just like, okay. If we can’t move and create a new experience somewhere else, we’re going to create a new one here for ourselves. And I’m like, or whatever color you want your room, whatever furniture you want. Like, if you had want bunk beds because you’re done with this, let’s just change it up. Let’s change everything that we can and see what it feels like. Open g center, all three of us, so that felt really good for us. And I would have escaped in a heartbeat. And yet, I really needed to honor where they were. And when they came home and wounded by something that was said. We just I pressed it for him. I just let them talk about it and shared with them kinda what I just shared it’s not really any of our business. And I know they chose to share what they were feeling, but they don’t know us. And you’re the one that gets to look in the mirror every day and lay your head on your pillow every night. So just choose how you want to feel about yourself and that little eye rubber your glue. Whatever bounces off me, sticks to you. Like hold that little childhood chant as best you can and don’t be afraid to tell others if someone has wronged you because we’re not here to take it all in and not get any support. I had them through, counseling if they needed it. I ended up with a life coach for my daughter. That’s what really counseling just was hard. And they just wanted to keep repeating what you’d been going through, and she just wanted she’s like, I don’t wanna feel this anymore. I wanna look at where I am and look at where I’m going and that’s what coaching offers. And it was so pivotal for her. I mean, she and my ex-husband were they were, like, two peas in a pod. So that was hard. She and I thought to be out the female in the We both wanted to raise my son and now we both celebrate that we both raised my son. But it was a big dynamic change in the house. It was a lot to adjust too. And while I did a lot of my own morning and grieving after they were at bed at night, I just didn’t really want them to know that I was going through that for some reason. Now they have both their twenty three and twenty five and have both said to me, god, mom, why’d you make it look so easy? And now I wish I wouldn’t have. But yet, I was doing the best I could with what I had new then. And now I’m honest and I share with them how dreadful it was. How unbelievably hard and I thought many mornings they would find me, in my bed, gone. And while I’m grateful for the ways that I have learned, I tell them all the time I raised you through a lot of my unresolved issues, unresolved traumas, unresolved grief, and I can help presence anything that you’re feeling now, and there’s nothing wrong with anything that you’re feeling. And that feels really good to just be able to have we are the closest tight-knit threesome, and it’s fun because my daughter marrying down my son. It’s inevitable. And just like building that and deepening that, it’s so fun to be a part of. But yet, there’s nothing that’s off limits that we talk about anything and everything. And I don’t know that we would have victory if we would have stayed married. I think we would have lived in that paradigm that, okay, we’re the adults and you’re the kids, and I just let all of that go. Nope, we’re all equals here. Everybody gets a voice. So thank goodness for that.

Victoria Volk: I had full body chills as you were sharing just about the, like, because what I heard what so many grievers do is they put on this armor to be strong for everybody around them. And so what I hear you saying is that you wished you would have dropped that armor in front of them. Mhmm. More.

Amy Douglas: And as I said, our body is our greatest messenger, grief is trapped in our body for sure. And I know that what was happening when my body was sending me louder and louder messages. And so finally, I started listening. I you know, before I just had the headphones on and the, like, the little of those things called the little blenders, you know, it’s like, I gotta move forward. Everything’s forward. Everything’s forward, I’ve gotta show them, you know, I’ll take on all their pain, so they don’t have to feel it. You know? And that wasn’t the answer either. But yet, at the time, it was the solution that felt most aligned until it didn’t And then once I started doing my own work and sharing it with them, you can hear it in them, you know, my coaching, what was what was happening for me, I started embodying and then there’s that ripple effect and my son just latched onto it like, Thank goodness. My daughter was a little more resistant. She’s got a little more energy in her design than I do, and she’s like, I know more than you, and they both do. Which is brilliant. My kids are my greatest teachers by far, but we were all open to hearing each other, giving each other the space to share who we were, what we were feeling And I’m grateful for that. And I’m grateful for the messages my body kept giving me. Otherwise, I would have kept up the facade that I’d built so well for myself, very intentionally because I didn’t want anybody to think that there was anything wrong. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I’m always fine. I’ve had a friend tell me before. I never know if you’re happy. I never know if you’re sad. I never know if you’re hurting. Because you just show up and you listen in such a beautiful way. And I remember thinking, I don’t wanna do that anymore. I can be unapologetically me. That’s just the language that I knew when I left my corporate life. That’s that’s what I was choosing.

Victoria Volk: Which brings me to a question of when do you feel like it’s the manifestor type, and we’ll get into the types maybe yet in this episode or maybe not. If not, we’ll we’re gonna do a part two, friends. We’ll do a part two, and it’ll be all about human design because I love that rabbit hole, but do you feel like for a manifestor specifically anyone listening as a manifestor type, which you can find on or can you find that out?

Amy Douglas: My body graph is probably the easiest one. So and you need to know your birth time, hour, and minute your birth location, city and state, country, whatever that is, and then obviously your date of birth. Most people know that one without question. But that time and the location could be a little tricky. So those are just three important things. You plug them in and butter bing, butter boom, it spits it out for you.

Victoria Volk: So if you find out you are a manifestor, my question is, do you feel like it’s a manifestor thing that we really don’t allow ourselves to be held. We really don’t allow ourselves. Like, is it a manifestor thing? Do you see?

Amy Douglas: So much. So much. And we have what’s referred to as a closed protective aura. So we’re not easily read. We’re very mysterious. So because we’re not easily read and I had built a facade for myself that no one could see, I was impenetrable. Right? Like, unless I was sharing. And oftentimes now that I do understand that I am really, really meant to share my emotional experiences It helps others. That unlocked such as, like, wait. People wanna know this. People want to hear what I’ve been through. I thought that’s what I did for others. It just And I think, our aura doesn’t empower us to Like, we kind of we’re, like, a little bit off the, you know, like, I’m not sure. A little standoffish. Is this safe? Do I wanna be a part of this? You know? Or oh my goodness, is this gonna be exhausting once I get in? We don’t have the same level of energy as, seventy percent of our counterparts. So I think I’d always been juggling some of that, but just dismissing it, which is why my body got louder and louder, you know. A lot of adrenal fatigue, that’s not uncommon at all with manifestors by any stretch. Not knowing when an up is enough. We do not have that sacral energy that our counterparts do. And so and then you combine that with my open heart, which is, again, lots of human design lingo, but you put those two together and we just we don’t know enough is enough. And I sure didn’t, I was just like, nope, I have to do this. I have to, that’s just the way that and then I started softening and I was like, oh, no, I don’t. And I love my life so much differently than I did before. I love myself differently before because if I woulda loved myself, I wouldn’t have had to build a facade. Right?

Victoria Volk: Mhmm.

Amy Douglas: Because I wanted people to see me a certain way. And now I don’t care what people see because I know who I am and the right people I will be attracted to and will attract back to me to them.

Victoria Volk: Do you feel like there is a period of time where you were looking back at all of your friendships and relationships with people on just thinking how not fake but not authentic. Because if you’re not showing up, knowing who you are, knowing what you bring to the table, understanding what your desires and needs and wants are, you’re showing up for whatever that person wants you to be. So there’s no truth and honesty in that relationship.

Amy Douglas: Actually, I have put a lot of thought into this and a lot of my learning through design. So I have an undefined g center like you. And we’re really we are chameleons and we’re meant to’s, I did have someone say to me once, cut your suit different with your corporate people. And then with your kiddos, you’re so different. And then when you hang out with us, group, you’re so different. We’re meant to. We’re meant to because we’re trying those things on and then allowing ourselves to is this kind of like, which how do I wanna mold and what do I wanna do? So I’m grateful for the years. I allowed myself to do that. I think it felt right in the moment. I think there were things that I was craving that I thought that I could get with some of the connections I was in. And once I started doing my own growth journey that really started in twenty sixteen, I was realizing the toxicity in some of the choices once I was learning more about myself. But until then, I really do feel like my connections were genuine, but I don’t know if they were for migrate or good. I think it was because, oh, they needed something from me. And I felt good about giving that. And while I still get to do that in relationship that I have, that’s not what I’m most drawn to anymore. And a lot of my growth led to letting go of people in my life. And thankfully, I’m designed that it is relatively easy and comfortable for me, and I know it’s not for the other, but it’s not mine to carry. The longer I hold onto it, the more I’m resisting what’s really meant for me. And that has become an easier and easier process for myself, especially learning my design, and the connections that I crave and desire, but I didn’t realize how much I loved my own alone time. That’s very, very common for manifestors too.

Victoria Volk: I very much do too. Mhmm. So what was the role of fear in all of that life experience as you were going through all of that. And can you speak to, like, fear in our human design just a little bit? In your human design and just.

Amy Douglas: Yeah. So a lot of the fear is housed in the spleen, which is one of the nine centers that builds the body graph of human design. I have a defined spleen as to you. And so what when we have something and I’m using that word defined, It just means that we have consistent access to the energy that’s in that center. And the spleen is very instinctual, it’s very primal. Right? The bears coming, I must run. Okay? Let’s face it folks. We don’t have a lot of bears chasing us anymore. But we still are wired to feel that fight or flight. And I think the only fear that I feel like I have connected to in my life. Like, last year, I was living in Florida, and hurricane in came. And I had no fear for it whatsoever. And I was sitting in the eye for hours and everything around me was completely destroyed. I never even lost power, I lost connection with the outside world because we lost wifi, which was devastating for my six-month pregnant daughter. And I wish I could take that back because she has an undefined spleen. So what that means for her, she doesn’t have a consistent way to process that fear. And so it’s like, fear of not enoughness, fear of rejection, fear of repeating past mistakes. There’s a lot of that that’s housed in that center where I don’t feel a lot of that. I think my fear way back before I started my own journey was, what will everyone else think? And now I couldn’t care less, or how am I gonna screw up my kids? That’s the heaviest fear in the world. Is how can I make this easier for my children? Because they didn’t ask for this. And I’m an adult and they’re not emotionally mature enough to navigate this. Quite frankly, I wasn’t even sure if I was. Because as you heard me say early on, I just buried it down. I’m a thirty five year recovering binge eater. They never knew I was doing that. Hell, my ex-husband never even knew, but I was a binge eater. Right? I know how to hide things. But what was I hiding from? Basically, myself. And so I am thankful I’m also in my profile, I’m three in human design. And so I am just like, hey, run out there and see how this works or not. And I have done that my whole life. And I don’t have a lot of fear with like, when I moved to Florida, everybody was like, oh my god. You’re leaving everything behind. I’m like, I know is it great? They’re like, you don’t know anybody. I’m like, nope. Do you even know where you’re gonna live? Yes. I secured that online, like everybody else in the world, I have a lot of that energy about myself anyway, and I don’t go into with, like, I think that contract with myself in July of twenty eighteen has helped a lot in my journaling of flushing out any limiting beliefs that somebody might label as fear. Mhmm. And I just don’t I don’t like fear and excitement or born in the same place in our body. It’s our mind that labels it as such. And so I choose excitement. That’s what I choose.

Victoria Volk: I love that. One thing we talked about before we started recording was because you have so much loss. This is where I’m, like, where do we start? Right? And I had my losses starting very early on in my life. I was a young child. And so I feel like I’ve gotten the worst part kind of over with. Hopefully, I mean, I pray that that’s the case. Right? But before we start recording, we were talking about how we both share that. Thirty five, thirty six channel. It’s that channel of emotional experiences. And I also have what did you say? I had the incarnation cross. There’s I mean, we keep going too.

Amy Douglas: Yeah. You have thirty five in your cross. So that it’s definitely a part of, you know and thirty five is more of that element of, like, desiring change and the thirty six part of it is that crises energy. It’s like something chaotic. There’s emotional turbulence in your life. And so then that kind of pushes you to the throat center of like, okay, what can I change? The biggest part of that wave, that abstract wave is what that thirty five, thirty six is referred to. It’s very emotionally volatile, is our expectations. And think about what we have in the world of expectations. Right? Of others, of the world, of our own experiences, etcetera. And this piece of my design has been absolutely life-changing for me to connect with because I didn’t realize how much chaos I was creating my own life by having these expectations out there. I cannot have expectations of others or anything that is outside of my air coating control because I want control in the highest vibration. Control is a core wound for manifestors. We don’t wanna be controlled, and we don’t wanna be controlling. And I’ve been on both sides of those that fence for sure. And so when I learned this about myself, it’s like, oh, I can drop the expectations. Like, my partner would say something to me and I hung onto it like it was the law. We were doing this. Right? Like, oh my gosh. And then when we didn’t because he’d forgotten he’d even said it, I’m like, I made it mean something about me. Like, I wasn’t worthy, I wasn’t deserving, and of course, or going back to that attachment. Well, I didn’t need it anyway. Right, that avoidant attachment. I didn’t want that anyway. And now, I just have a lot more clarity. And when he does have all these ideas and suggestions, It’s just like a little fluffy cloud and I let it float on by and I don’t hang on to it like the law. It’s more of like wouldn’t it be nice if? Type of energy, and then any expectations I have on myself, I really want to check-in on those. Am I being hard on myself again? Am I trying to prove something? I have nothing to prove. I’m enough exactly as I am. I have enough. I know enough. I am enough. And that has been a critical part of my journey. And then sharing that with others, like, especially if I see someone like you, Victoria, who has this wave. It’s like, what are we expecting? And who are we expecting it of? And how can we allow ourselves to release a lot of that? Because then it will really, you know, that way it won’t hit a way that it could if we have these expectations. And then just noticing that we’re meant to share those experiences as well it really is a game changer for a lot of people. We’re not meant to just harbor them ourselves at all. And that was that was something that I just I thought was unheard of. Why would anybody else wanna hear my trials and tribulations? Well, because it invites others to share those too, and that’s how we move through these things. And we move grief and disappointment and disgust, all those things through us when we empower ourselves to talk about it.

Victoria Volk: And then you can weave in what kind of energy type you are. If you’d have the thirty five, thirty six. Yeah. So if you are a manifesting generator or a generator, like, go do some exercises, go work out, like, just do some high impact stuff, right, to get those emotions out. But as a manifestor, is it the same? Like, to do the same? Like, what’s

Amy Douglas: So it really depends on the mechanics of your design. I have a defined route, and my route is connected to my spleen. And so that has me being someone who is really meant for movement, but any emotionality find your practice. Some people it might be meditation, just really quiet stillness. Right? Some people it might be really cathartic, like just especially as manifestors. I had my podcast co-host get me a damn it doll. You heard of those?

Victoria Volk: No.

Amy Douglas: Oh my gosh. So it’s this little doll that’s all fluffy and it’s like I can use it to hit things. Right? Or throw things or I can act as if I’m gonna pull its legs off And at first, I was like, oh, that’s so harsh, but it is so cathartic. Like, I invite clients to, like, get their anger out on pillows. And letting yourself move through it, throw access, like just move through it, you’re be surprised, dance it out, shake it off, whatever that practice can be, there are symptoms based on your mechanics of how you might do that, that anybody that is feeling something emotional, find a way to let yourself let it out holding it in is literally the worst thing you can do for yourself. But yet, that’s what I was taught Victoria. Like, nope. Suck that back in. Do not share that. And so then I stuffed it down. Stuffed it down. Stuffed it down.

Victoria Volk: And particularly as manifestors anger.

Amy Douglas: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Victoria Volk: Don’t show your anger.

Amy Douglas: And this is my son who referenced, is an emotional manifestor. That’s something he said to me recently. Thank you mom for letting me witness your anger. Because instead of, like, my daughter had a very sensitive head, and that was not the most patient person, manifestors typically aren’t doing her hair in the morning before school, before I had to go to work, it’s like all of these things. And then she, you know, they would hurt, and I have to go slower. And more than one brushes were broken. Thankfully, I never used it on her, but I would throw them or smack them down on the counter to get my anger out. And it is important that we let ourselves do that. And my son who has a lot of that anger, certainly at his age too, like things aren’t going your way. Like, letting yourself let it out, fear of judgment or shame. There is no shame in those expressions. Let it out. It often has a great message. Right? We’re misaligned with something.

Victoria Volk: For sure. And I think about too, like, in that thirty five, thirty six, what’s been helpful for me is recognizing that when you were talking about expectations, like the grief that causes us, the self-suffering that we put ourselves through by, it’s like, like you said, when someone says something you take as you take them at their word. Right? And so we can find ourselves in these situations where, well, this is how it’s always been. It’s always been this way. We’ve always we’ve always been this way. It’s different now. You’re different now. Is it a self-practice? Or is this something to communicate with the people in our lives Like, does the human design help us find the language to communicate this?

Amy Douglas: Yes.

Victoria Volk: These things?

Amy Douglas: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, a hundred percent. And again, going back to what the activations are in your design helps you share and empowers you to share your truth. And I think it’s a you said, is it this or is it that? And I wanted to say yes. Yes and both. You have to find your own practice. Wow. I just said, have to. You get to find your own practice. Right? It is important that you find a way to connect that you feel that release. You and I, Victoria, we will feel peace with that release. Right? We also will find peace we’re sharing it with others. It’s important based on our mechanics. Our connection from where all those emotions are coming from, from go straight to the throat. They are meant to be expressed. But somebody else’s mechanics in their design might look different, and so I can help invite them in the ways that they can allow and empower themselves to get through that too. But I do believe, especially in this instance for you and I, it’s a hundred percent both. I don’t think people are meant to just keep things in. That’s not safe. And I don’t care if it is an expression of like they do it in a journal or they they write a book or they have an audio file that they add to daily. I went in December of twenty two, so almost a year ago, I moved from doing a written handwritten journal to an audio app that I speak into. It transcribes it if I wanna see other words, but then I also get to listen to the emotionality of what I was feeling and experiencing. I was a very turbulent time of my life. I was thrust out of Florida where I was loving my life because my daughter was having a terrible pregnancy and I couldn’t not be there with her. I knew I didn’t want to go to Michigan in the winter. Are you kidding me? I didn’t want anything to go north. Right? And yet I did. And it was very I was holding her and her fear and her concerns and the status of her health and all of those things. And if I wouldn’t have created that practice for myself to let it out, journaling just felt like writing it down. I felt like I was filtering it. Felt like I was like, what if she found this? What if she came over and found what I was and in the audio file, it just felt safer trapped in my phone. I don’t know. You find the practice that empowers you to let it out. That’s what I’m offering.

Victoria Volk: I love that. And I think that’s a brilliant place to and this recording today. But first, I wanna give you an opportunity. And you’ve shared so much, and I feel like I do feel like I’ve glossed over so much of your losses because it’s a lot and I feel like each one of these could have their own episode. I mean, really, truthfully, I feel like I’m doing a disservice to you and your grief and to my listeners. I really do. Like, I feel like I’m shortchanging your story here. I’m giving emotional and I don’t know. I don’t know why. I mean, I know why because I’m emotional, but it’s so much. Yeah.

Amy Douglas: And yet, you give me the space to share. And this is what I’m meant to do. Right? This is what I’m meant to do. And I’m double-barreled, is what it’s referred to.
So both of my emotional waves go from my solar plexus to my throat, our emotional center to our communication center, And so one kind of softens the other. And so the way that I feel called to share it is empowering for me. And it’s like part of my deconditioning process because you gave me the space to share it. And if I don’t sound emotional about it, it’s because I’ve done the work to let myself say, it’s okay. I’ve been through it. I’ve navigated it. And now I am meant to share it so others can have their space. And feel empowered and safe and almost given permission to do it for themselves as well. So I don’t feel like it’s been glossed over. At all. Mhmm. I felt like you’ve given me the space to share. And if it helps someone else, oh, that feels so delicious to me.

Victoria Volk: To me as well. So thank you for sharing that. And I want to give you an opportunity to share how people can the different ways people can work with you. And we’ve got, the holidays are coming up. It’s we’re still in October yet, but the holidays are coming up, and you’d shared briefly or recorded recording. One of your offerings is a great Christmas gift, so please share how people can work with you and where can they find you.

Amy Douglas: So the best place to go, I’m not a big social media person. It’s not uncommon kind of in my manifestor world. But Amyadouglas.com is my website and that has and there’s a page for all of my offerings. If you’re curious about human design, the one that you’re referencing Victoria is that little audio file. I do about a twenty five minute mini reading. It is full of deliciousness. It’s like the first glance of everything I see about your design, and it’s so fun to share. I have a lot of moms that give it to their kiddos. Also, by the way, it’s so great for the moms to hear about their kiddos. Because we think how can they be mine.
We’re so different. Hello? We’re all different and we all choose. And it’s so beautiful to witness seen a mom and a child understand each other without those that hierarchical position. Right? So you can see that I also weave human design into a lot of the ways that I support others in coaching. And those offerings are on there as well. I have digital courses. So, and you can connect with me on what I think that’s probably just the best place. I will happily offer your listenership twenty five percent off of any reading. And I’ll give you a coupon code if you want me to have the coupon code be the name of your podcast. Does that feel

Victoria Volk: Yeah. Sure.

Amy Douglas: Most recorded for you. So The Unleashed Heart will be the coupon code

Victoria Volk: or grieving voices.

Amy Douglas: Grieving voices. Okay. The Unleashed Heart is your website. Right?

Victoria Volk: Yep. Yep.

Amy Douglas: Okay. So the coupon code will be Grieving Voices which would afford any of your listeners twenty five percent off of my human design offerings. And happy to connect. I even have, like, a little thirty minute call if you just wanna chat about what might be best for you. You can sign up for something like that as well.

Victoria Volk: Thank you so much for your time today, and your strength and your courage have I just adore you. I’ve gained so much I mean, I respected you before, but just hearing all that you’ve gone through and experienced, I really, as a manifestor to a fellow manifestor, like, thank you. Thank you for sharing. We are small, but we are strong in mighty in numbers. So the world needs you and the world needs all of us to understand ourselves better because like you said, it’s the ripple effects of that. And the work that we do within ourselves that changes the world. So Yeah. It’s pretty

Amy Douglas: Beautifully said. Yes. Thank you, Victoria. It’s been my absolute pleasure to be with you today.

Victoria Volk: And stay tuned for the part two to come out. We’ll get that scheduled soon because I really am excited to dive deep into all things human design. So until then, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

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