Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, solo episode |
Seven Takeaways From 2023
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In a world constantly throwing curveballs our way, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But what if we could find wisdom in unexpected places?
In this week’s episode, I share some personal key takeaways from my 2023 life experience that might just inspire you to view your daily challenges through a new lens.
From never underestimating the power of saving pennies to your future feeling like it could come down to a coin toss, there are lessons weaved through all of our life’s experiences – including parenting!
Children have this remarkable ability to bounce back from setbacks with an enviable positivity—something adults often struggle with. They can also be some of our best teachers, too! A couple of my favorite life takeaways come from my parenting experiences.
Additionally, through this week’s episode, you will learn how persistence can pay off, not just in terms of goals or ambitions but also in terms of advocating for your health. And that embracing authenticity, self-awareness, and looking at relationships as mirrors are all unexpected places we can gain wisdom.
It is my hope, that by the end of this week’s episode, you’ll feel inspired to learn more deeply about yourself, perhaps look at situations in your life with a renewed or fresh perspective, and be open to the learning that is always available to us. Whether the teachings happen through parenting, other relationships, courses, programs, mentors, or just plain old crappy situations, the opportunities to grow are boundless.
In 2024, may you discover more of what makes you amazing, the shadow parts that may need some healing and love, and what matters most to you. Remember: self-knowledge empowers us beyond others’ perceptions.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Victoria Volk
(00:00:03 – 00:00:18)
Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to Grieving Voices, Voice, and Happy New Year. Happy 2023. I hope this coming year is filled with health and prosperity for you.
Victoria Volk
(00:00:19 – 00:00:58)
And today, I just wanted to share seven takeaways from 2023, and I’m just gonna dig right in. So this first takeaway and a nugget of wisdom it’s from my 98-year-old aunt who passed away in early 2023. And the takeaway is change is money too. In a world where cash is becoming less and less king, where many places don’t even take cash, which is mind-blowing to me. She managed to tuck away more than $20,000 over her lifetime in loose change.
Victoria Volk
(00:00:59 – 00:01:23)
She would keep it in her deep freeze in a coffee can. And, I guess when you’ve lived through the great depression and had nothing, you learn the value of saving and making every penny count. And, yeah, change is money too. Right? When I find a penny on the ground, I pick it up because all day long, you’ll have good luck.
Victoria Volk
(00:01:23 – 00:01:30)
Right? But I always say to my kids, change is money too. Pennies are money too. It all adds up. Takeaway number 2.
Victoria Volk
(00:01:31 – 00:02:01)
Our kids can be our best teachers if we pay attention. And although I support my kids playing sports, I am not a parent with the mindset that sports are life. I believe the magic of who we are is in the mind, not in our physical abilities. But, anyway, even though my son didn’t get to play much in basketball and mostly sat on the bench, he still showed up at practice every single day. He still put in the work.
Victoria Volk
(00:02:01 – 00:02:20)
And during the games, he was the loudest cheerleader for his teammates. He was the one who pumped everyone up, and I have zero doubts that his attitude made a difference. He didn’t pout. He didn’t whine or complain. He showed up as himself, which was enough.
Victoria Volk
(00:02:21 – 00:03:09)
As adults, things don’t always go according to plan or how we hope, but how we respond to life’s challenges reveals to us where we may have some growth opportunity. It’s not lost on me that just the year before, my son had had a life-changing accident that had caused a massive shift in his attitude. And he couldn’t play football that same year, which he loved, but he showed up anyway for his team as their water boy. So just as kids go through adversity and they often will learn and grow, as adults, we too can see challenges as an opportunity to grow and evolve or allow them to beat us down. So When adversity comes your child’s way, just be an observer.
Victoria Volk
(00:03:09 – 00:03:35)
See how they respond. Because if they’re responding in a way that isn’t necessarily in a growth trajectory, maybe there’s something there for you to learn. What are you emulating for your children in terms of how you respond to life’s challenges? Because they are always watching. They were always listening, and they are always observing.
Victoria Volk
(00:03:38 – 00:03:59)
Takeaway number 3. Never give up on a mission. One of my missions was to become a certified excuse me. Certified veteran-owned small business. That’s a mouthful. Since I had started the Unleashed Heart, in January 2019, which hello.
Victoria Volk
(00:03:59 – 00:04:30)
My 5 year anniversary is coming up on the 19th., It was a goal of mine since then, since I started this business. It took 4 years, but I accomplished just that in January of this year. One of the main reasons it took so long was partly my own mental blocks and beliefs around how hard or arduous I believed and viewed getting it done, which it was it’s a lot of paperwork. And the process just seemed very daunting to me.
Victoria Volk
(00:04:31 – 00:05:06)
However, President Biden had actually passed some sort of bill or something. I can’t recall right now what it was, but that made the process easier and more streamlined. And literally in one day, I had the information submitted and heard back within a few days that it was a done deal. So I am a certified veteran-owned small business, so that’s pretty awesome. But before we dive into takeaway number 4, if you need some support in completing a mission, perhaps Magicmind may be for you.
Victoria Volk
(00:05:07 – 00:05:42)
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Victoria Volk
(00:05:43 – 00:06:03)
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Victoria Volk
(00:06:04 – 00:06:28)
Why settle for the ordinary when you can experience the extraordinary with MagicMind?, Elevate your mind, elevate your life. Visit magicmind.com/jangrieving voices and use the code grieving voices to save 20% on a one-time purchase or even more when you choose the subscription option. The link is in the show notes. Alright.
Victoria Volk
(00:06:28 – 00:06:49)
So takeaway number 4, be yourself. Everyone else is taken. This gem is another takeaway from an experience with my son. He had applied for a nursing scholarship program at a university. And of the over 100 applicants, he was chosen as an alternate.
Victoria Volk
(00:06:50 – 00:07:22)
He is still in that program, but the only the one thing I had told him when he was being interviewed was to be himself. I knew the growth he had had in the year prior set him up for that day, and he learned so much about life and himself. And our relationship exponentially improved, including our communication. And being interviewed by that panel for the scholarship didn’t require him to embellish or stretch any truth. Surely, he could have done that, but stating why he was there, being honest, and sharing from his heart was all that was required.
Victoria Volk
(00:07:23 – 00:08:08)
I too have found that the more I lean into the fact that who I am is enough, that I don’t have to change myself for the approval of others, and that knowing that what I have to offer the world and having and expressing passion for my endeavors is enough. The world can feel like 1 giant popularity contest, particularly in social structures of work, relationships, and certainly in business. However, imagine the freedom of just being yourself and that being enough. That may seem naive and Pollyanna of me, but rejection is a wound most of us are familiar with; it doesn’t feel good. And we carry that wound – often for a lifetime.
Victoria Volk
(00:08:09 – 00:08:31)
So, again, be yourself. Those who are meant to be in your life will be, and those who aren’t will fade into the background. Which brings me to takeaway number 5. No one will ever care more about you and your health and body more than you. Advocating for yourself is self-care.
Victoria Volk
(00:08:32 – 00:08:58)
This one is still a little raw for me. I’m still processing the experience I had with my health for the majority of 2023. Basically, for 10 months straight, I felt like I was in a fight or flight state, feeling like I was in medical limbo. It started with a mammogram in early February. It would take 10 months for me to get a clear-cut answer as to whether or not I had breast cancer.
Victoria Volk
(00:08:59 – 00:09:43)
I felt like my life came down to the flip of a coin. I had gotten a BI-RADS 3, probably benign result, which just google it. You’ll find the answer, what that really is, because there’s a scale they have. But, however, after even a follow-up 3 months later, after and after my one breast was becoming larger than the other, it was still not determined what the lumps, which I had 1 in each breast, actually were. In fact, 3 months later, after pushing for a second opinion reading of the radiology which, hello, is a patient’s right, and I felt shamed for wanting and pushing for it.
Victoria Volk
(00:09:43 – 00:10:13)
It still could not be determined by that 2nd radiologist what the lumps actually were. It would take another 6 months in going to a different facility with different and better equipment. In my opinion, after seeing the difference side by side that I got the clear answers I was seeking and that I felt confident in those answers. And that’s really all I wanted. I wanted to feel confident in the results, and I didn’t feel confident.
Victoria Volk
(00:10:14 – 00:10:47)
Because number 1, no one explained anything. Number 2, they were unclear. And 3, having dense breasts and knowing the changes I had experienced only added to my concern. And I have to give a shout out to the VA and my doctor and the care that was given to me and having my concerns listened to. Without my VA doctor being on board with my concerns, validating that there was something there that should be looked into further, I would probably still feel like my future was down to the flip of a coin.
Victoria Volk
(00:10:48 – 00:11:32)
I can’t even put into words the mind fuck that 2023 was for me because of this. But it was because of this experience that I decided to take my health into my own hands and control what I could control. If I was going to have cancer, I wanted my body to be prepared for a fight. I got myself a nutrition and fitness coach, and in 3 months, transformed my relationship with food, learned all about macros, the importance of protein, particularly how women don’t eat near enough, and I definitely wasn’t eating near enough, and lost a total of 15 inches even though I only lost 5 pounds. But I felt the strongest I had in years.
Victoria Volk
(00:11:33 – 00:12:06)
I’m still working with that coach, and I’m currently in a cut, which hasn’t gone as I hoped as I had some setbacks. Again, coming back to the whole mind fuck this whole ordeal was. So with the holidays behind me, I’m getting back on track, and that feels good. I feel like I can go into 2024 with this whole deal behind me, but I want to share that as I was going through breast cancer. This whole scare of it being just a mere possibility.
Victoria Volk
(00:12:07 – 00:12:34)
2 of my previous podcast guests had found out that they did and do have breast cancer. Lindsay Joy and Maha Bodi. Please go check out their GoFundMe links in the show notes. Lindsay Joy has made it to the other side of her treatment, and Maha is just at the start of her cancer journey. When I found out about Maha’s diagnosis just in the last 2 weeks, I found myself going into warrior mode.
Victoria Volk
(00:12:34 – 00:13:20)
I realized that I had prepared myself for the worst news of my life. And when I received the good news, it was as if that warrior energy had nowhere to go. I’ve had to recognize how my experience from the situation or how my experience was influencing how I was showing up in conversation with. Only in zooming out from the situation have I been able to see that I still have some healing to do around that whole experience. It turns out when you feel like you’re preparing for something not good, when your intuition and gut tells you something isn’t right, but then that turns out to be wrong even in the best way, it screws you up a little.
Victoria Volk
(00:13:21 – 00:13:48)
So I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately, struggling with how can I ever learn to trust my intuition again when I had it so wrong, and that’s where I’m working to heal? Meanwhile, someone I know 2,000 miles away has been completely blindsided. Some people may ask, why me? Here I sit wondering in some weird fucked up way. Why not me?
Victoria Volk
(00:13:49 – 00:14:19)
So, yeah, that really did a number on me, and I’ve been leaning on the tools in my toolbox. But the one thing that has helped me most is having the awareness around it all. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, which brings me to takeaway number 6, relationships are mirrors. When my girls fight like cats and dogs, I remind them that friends will come and go, but you always have your sister. Friendships are just playing fucking hard sometimes.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:19 – 00:14:42)
People will disappoint you. People will not show up how you need them to. Your triggers will show up as projections and fears, and others will respond. It’s the way of the world. What I didn’t understand until I dove headfirst into human design later in 2023 is that as a manifestor type, I’m always initiating others.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:42 – 00:15:00)
Always. Manifestors are here as the initiators. It’s not a surprise to me that I find myself initiating transformation in the lives of others as that relates to their grief and emotional stories. I was built for this work. It is the energy I chose when I came into this physical body.
Victoria Volk
(00:15:01 – 00:15:47)
I’m here to initiate change and action and bring ideas and things into physical form. This is not an energy I can turn off. It just happens, and it just is. Discovering this about myself and having this newfound awareness, reflecting and looking within helped me to recognize where this was causing suffering in my life within the context of relationships. It wasn’t the initiating that was causing the suffering being who I am, but rather not being conscious of it, not showing up to relationships without the conscious awareness of it is what was causing me unnecessary suffering because sometimes, others are simply not ready for it or just flat out reject it or me.
Victoria Volk
(00:15:47 – 00:16:28)
I am not here to respond like most of the world who are manifesting generators and generators. So having to wait to respond or approaching relationships from a place of wounding, which number 1, being rejection, which is a core wound for manifestors just because of how our energy works was only being mirrored back to me and showing me where I had my own inner work to do. I worked through this over the course of months. And when I came to a neutral place after only riding my emotional authority wave for literal months, which will only make sense to you if you’re familiar with human design. But if you’re an emotional authority, hello.
Victoria Volk
(00:16:28 – 00:17:19)
I see you. But only after riding that wave and then using my strategy as a manifestor, which is to inform, did I feel emotional freedom? I was no longer approaching things from wounding, but rather a clearly communicated line in the sand that I would no longer be waiting to respond and that I would no longer be waiting to be wanted and included in those relationships. Relationships are a huge theme that I will be continuing to explore in 2024 as a manifestor because I’ve all already learned how valuable the information news when it’s actually put into practice. I will continue to experiment with my strategy of informing and learning how I can be more aligned according to my energy type in all aspects of my life.
Victoria Volk
(00:17:20 – 00:17:40)
There’s so much gold there to learn and discover. I Highly recommend checking out your human design. And if you’re ready, dig deep and see how it can help you better understand yourself and others you know and love. And there will be a link in the show notes to that. And finally, takeaway number 7.
Victoria Volk
(00:17:41 – 00:18:13)
On the note of awareness, if there’s something you want to learn, there’s a program, course, or mentor for it. Seek out the teachings for the support. In 2023, I got a speaking coach to help me learn how to write a captivating speech and become a better presenter and speaker because one of my goals is to do more public speaking. Again, this comes back to my strategy as a manifestor, which is to inform. I get to inform through this podcast, through online content, and the work I do with clients.
Victoria Volk
(00:18:14 – 00:18:44)
Public speaking is just another avenue where I get to align my life with my strategy to inform. I’ve also taken a few other programs that are helping me to explore my wishing more deeply because hello. I really got it wrong, so I’m trying to learn more about that. I’ve also been reading books on human design and a program for manifestors specifically. And I’m also, exploring other teachings to help me build my authority as a grief expert.
Victoria Volk
(00:18:46 – 00:19:06)
We live in an amazing time where information is literally at our fingertips. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I have never understood boredom. But with 3 thinking themes in my Youmap and a thirst for knowledge and information. In my mind, there is always more to learn.
Victoria Volk
(00:19:06 – 00:19:57)
And with my manifestor energy, there’s always something to do even if it’s meditating and learning to just be, which is also something I intend to incorporate more back into my life in 2024. Meditation is amazing for getting to a neutral state. And as an emotional type, it behooves me to empower myself in that department. So these are my takeaways, my 7 takeaways from 2023, some a bit heavy, some a bit lighter. But I think all of them are little golden nuggets of pieces that I’ve personally taken away, through my 2023 experience and have learned from and will continue to learn from moving forward into 2024.
Victoria Volk
(00:19:58 – 00:20:39)
So in the show notes, you will find, information for the sponsor for Magicmind. You will find the GoFundMe for Lindsay Joy and Maha Bodi. There will also be a link to learn your human design and also a link to Youmap information. I just briefly touched on the Youmap, but the thing is the more you know yourself, the less you look to others to tell you who you are. So whether that is through Youmap, through human design, through all of these things that are available this information available at your fingertips to help you to better understand yourself.
Victoria Volk
(00:20:40 – 00:21:03)
And that’s actually been one of my missions probably since about 2014 to really understand myself, which is an ongoing process. And I don’t imagine I’ll be stopping anytime soon. So thank you for listening to this week’s episode., I hope you found it helpful. I hope you found it inspirational.
Victoria Volk
(00:21:04 – 00:21:39)
Maybe some pieces resonated with you that, you’d like to share with me. I would love for you as a listener to inform me. If you found this helpful or any other episode for that matter, it is my service to you in doing this, and it lights me up. And so thank you so much for being here, for listening in 2023, for sharing the episodes if you did, for leaving a review if you found it bowl. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life.
Educational, Grief Tips, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Life with Human Design, Pespective, Podcast, Resources |
Amy Douglas | The Manifestation of Grief Through Our Human Design
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Amy joins me for a second recording, and this time, we’re digging into the energy centers of the Human Design tool.
According to MyHumanDesign.com, where you can discover your Human Design, it’s a roadmap for living your life. It can teach you to recognize that not all advice is the best advice for you. Additionally, Human Design can help you realize your innate gifts and traits to embrace who you came into this life to be.
Like all tools, it’s information, and what you do with it, if anything, is entirely up to you. Information is just knowledge. However, applied knowledge is wisdom.
Human Design has personally helped bring to my awareness my blind spots, areas of relationships, and my being that I couldn’t see from an outside perspective because I wasn’t aware of them until Human Design helped me realize them. Do you see how this tool can be the mirror you’ve been looking for? Or perhaps your spleen is running the show, and you’re too afraid to look?
In today’s episode, you will learn, head to root, about the 9 Human Design Energy Centers and how grief often manifests and shows up in these energy centers, whether you have been defined (colored in) or undefined (white).
Before listening, and only if this resonates or you’re curious (listen to your HD authority on that), go to www.mybodygraph.com first to get your Human Design body graph, then hit play and prepare yourself for some a-ha moments, friends!
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Victoria Volk: Thank you for tuning in to grieving voices. If this is your first time listening, thank you for joining me and my guests today. And if you’ve listened before, thank you for tuning back in. And actually, if you listened before, you may have heard my guest today, she appeared on episode one sixty four, which aired on ten seventeen, twenty three, from betrayal and loss to manifesting joy. And today, we’re gonna dive deep into human design, and I’m so excited for this conversation because I wanted to be able to provide listeners who are curious and interested in learning their human design what that means for them and apply it to grief because that’s really what this podcast is about. And so that you can have another tool in your toolbox for information and knowing yourself. And I think that’s really my personal mission for myself for several years now since probably twenty fourteen. And I’m all about any tool that helps me to better understand myself, my tendencies, how I’m wired, how I show up in the world, where I might falter, what my my blind spots might be. Right? It’s information and we can’t change something we don’t know or acknowledge. Right? Isn’t that what Dr. Phil says? We can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. So anyway, thank you so much for coming back to the podcast. And I’m excited to dive in. So let’s do it.
Amy Douglas: Yes. I’m so happy to be here again and talking about subject obviously that’s very near and dear to my heart. I see so much to be offered to your listeners, to the collective, to anyone who is ready to take a deep dive into their own personal journey. And while if you’ve listened to the episode, that we aired together on the seventeenth of October I shared parts of my journey that has led to different periods of time where I’ve experienced, grief and trauma and loss and just and I think once I really shined the spotlight on myself, you know, when you’re going through things, I I can only speak to you, Victoria, and your listeners about my personal experiences. Of course, I can with any clients I’ve worked with as well. But my journey is the most the one that I can be the most vulnerable and authentic in sharing. And I think there were a lot of years where I would project what was happening in my life onto someone else or something else like, there was very much a very conditional cause and effect of how I was operating in the way that I was allowing myself to experience life. And I think it’s a those words are important allowing myself because we all get to choose how we are experiencing life. And until we empower ourselves to create awareness on what we’re doing, wow, blame, and projection, and all that seems pretty simple. But when you turn and put the focus on yourself, and say, alright, what role am I playing and what’s going on? And I think that was a huge catalyst in twenty sixteen for myself of what I started doing. I was just like, alright. I can only control. And again, anytime I use that word, it is in the highest vibration because as I shared control as a manifestor is one of the four core wounds. So I don’t wanna be controlling and I don’t wanna be controlled, but controlling this scenario is I am only responsible for my actions, my beliefs, and how I am choosing to be. And when I brought human design; well, when it came to me and I was ready to allow myself to dig into it, it shined so much of that spotlight on how I was allowing myself to show up in the world. And because my belief system is we choose this for ourselves before we’re even brought into the world, I could see where I was not empowering myself to align with what I chose. And that can really hold energy in the body, the body graph is very much about the body. And grief can be held in a lot of areas if you’re not aware. And so the gift is once you become aware, then you get to do something about it and you can no longer be unaware.
Victoria Volk: Mhmm. And I think that’s where the challenge is and the fear is for a lot of people to do really deep introspection and reflection work because you can feel powerless and you can feel like you don’t have a choice. But then once you realize you do, not doing anything is a choice too. Right?
Amy Douglas: So, yes. Yeah. Oh, yes. Anytime somebody tells me I’m stuck, and please, there’s no disrespect for you. I’m not diluting what anyone is experiencing. But stuck is also a choice. Mhmm. Right? And so it and it’s okay if you’re choosing that, but let’s just not choose it forever. Right? Let’s really tune ourselves to what we can do for ourselves. And I think oftentimes we look outside of ourselves. For other people? Are there systems? Are there something? Are there to quote unquote fix? And while I am happy to have as many tools in my tool belt toolbox as there possibly can be, it really starts with me. It’s always me versus me. And so, human design just gave me language to where I could look, for how I might not be an alignment for what I chose for myself, which in the world of grief, can be, where am I not letting myself deal and process or where am I inviting myself to escape from? One of the gates has the potential for addiction.
Amy Douglas: And so that’s very real if you’ve something traumatic and you don’t wanna feel it and you don’t wanna deal with it. I have some of the energy in my design because I shared in the last episode I’m a thirty five year recovering binge eater. That was my go to. I do. I have that activation in my design. So it’s almost affirming. Okay. I’m not, it’s like, okay, I see where this shows up. But now that I know when I get activated by something, I then have I have power to choose what I do with that because it’s and I almost I’ve done it so much of my work. It’s like, I almost laugh at it now, like, there you are again.
Victoria Volk: And that’s gate thirty-five with addiction.
Amy Douglas: Well, gate twenty-four is the addiction gate. That’s ashna. Yeah. And it’s a processing thing. It’s like, oh my gosh, there’s so much mental processing in the ashna. That’s one of the center of the nine centers in the human design body graph. And that I must make sense of this. I must do this. There’s something that has to be done. It’s an awareness center. Awareness centers do not mean that you have to do. It is about being aware. And so if you’re tired of not knowing what to do about it, does that constant spinning, then we see sometimes people choosing to numb out from it. Right? And that’s very real. So there’s no shame in it, but the awareness is important of it. Because I’ve heard so many times from all the beautiful people in my life that I’ve been able to work with, they’ll say something like, again, I’m not diluting this, but something was modeled for them. My dad was an alcoholic. Such and such was this and this. And so they feel like because that was modeled, that’s what they chose. But when I can show them that there’s actually something in their charts, get all of a sudden, they feel like, okay, then it’s something that I can manage and navigate. And that feels different than what has been conditioned upon us. Because conditioning happens from everything outside of us, all of our experiences, everything we witness hear, see, feel, all of those things. And while there’s a lot of gifts and a lot of that, it also shows us and tells us how we’re supposed to be or what we’re supposed to be doing, and we actually get to navigate that for ourselves. We’re all so incredibly unique.
Victoria Volk: And that can be that’s where the those belief systems come in. Right? Like, I believe that I must be destined for this life because that’s what always been. Like, my father, my grandfather, my great grandfather, they were all alcoholics. So I must this must just be just part of the ancestral pattern that continues. Right? And I wanna come back to something you mentioned with the Ashna, the head center, like the hamster on the wheel, the spinning energy.
Amy Douglas: Yes.
Victoria Volk: Just in biofuel tuning, that often shows up on the other, depending on which side of the head it’s on, the spinning, the masculine or the feminine, the right to the left, people generally can have hip issues on the opposite side. So the spinning, that spinning pattern can show up as this energy of manifesting itself in the hips. So I just wanted to share that briefly too. That biofuel is connected.
Amy Douglas: Everything is connected. I had biofuel tuning done for the first time when I was in Costa Rica doing my human design reader training, which was magical. And I was blown away by that experience. And boy, you were spot on. You were beacon right to me when you shared that because I do. I carry a lot of that in my hips. And she spent a lot of time with me. And then, of course, I was so what’s the word I wanna use? Naive. I was like, oh my god. I feel fantastic. Like, this is great. Like, I’m so grateful for you. I think I joked not even knowing that I was joking that I was fit and she just kinda laughed at me. She’s like, so this was just one sis.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Exactly.
Amy Douglas: You’re gonna go back to your ways and it’s all gonna be what but it just it was really it was very enlightening and so brilliantly, Orca’s rated for me to learn more about myself. So, yeah, that modality is no joke. Very powerful.
Victoria Volk: And it’s all about science too, which I geek out on. When people are looking for their at their human design, which they can get at mybodygraph.com, then I’ll put a link in the show notes. When they’re first looking at their body graph for me too, like, I think I looked into it maybe over a year ago and it was a lot. It’s overwhelming. It’s like, okay.
well, great that’s I’m a manifestor. So what? You know? But I think what I’ve uncovered as I’ve been diving back into it recently, is how it’s impacted my relationships, like learning about how my design rubs up against others people’s design. Right? Like, how we show up in relationships. That has been a like, that’s been, like, mind-blowing for me to have certain awarenesses. Around my energy of, what’s the word, initiating others, and the impact that can have and not really understanding that power that my energy holds. Two, and how as a manifestor, like yourself, how this aura that we have, it’s not easily penetrated and which explains why my circle has is very small. Right? Like, I surround myself with, like, small quality relationships rather than quantity. So I’ve been personally learning a lot, which has been what which has been really fun. And it really is an experiment. Right? It’s an experiment. Like, once you know this stuff, like, experimenting with it and seeing how it shows up. So someone, I’ll shut up now, looking at their human design. What are some areas that you can you speak to the different energy centers, whether they’re defined or undefined and how that relates to grief?
Amy Douglas: Yes. Yes. So there are nine different centers. So everybody has a body graph that holds nine centers. What’s different and unique is what your activations are and what that means is if you have certain things quote unquote lit up or defined, there’s color to them in your design. And so of the nine centers, each one holds us very specific energy within it. And I love to get people really in tune with the energy that’s offered in each of the centers. If that’s something that you’re just wanting to take on and get just your beat wet with. That’s a really good place to just kinda start understanding it because language can be used that you understand. So we’ll just stop start at the top of the house, the head center. The head center is a pressure center, and it’s a very curious center. Whether you’re defined or not. If you’re defined, you’re very you have consistent clear access to the energy in that center, and this is where inspiration and our questions come from. And so I want you to think, you, Victoria, have it defined. I do not. So oftentimes, you don’t necessarily need to pay. You’re not observing necessarily what’s going on outside of you and how this speaks to grief, where I am very attuned to what’s going on in my world because it’s where I get inspired. Your inspiration comes from within you.
Amy Douglas: So I want you to hear how grief can get trapped. This is, again, my perspective, this is not the law each person. That’s what I love about design. It’s your own experiment. It’s your own experience. But the way that I see grief can get trapped here or that you can present with it is, again, it’s this I must like, I have all these questions. And for you, you’re stuck in your own sense of questioning, and there’s a loop that happens. And for me, it’s like, everybody else must know the answer to this. Everybody else, it’s so either you’re looking outside or you’re trapped within. And that’s kind of where grief can sit there. And this is going to be a pattern you’re going to hear as I go through these nine. So then we’ll move down to the ashna.
Amy Douglas: The ashna is the center that answers the questions that come in the head and it’s an awareness center. So it’s not the same pressure that’s in the head. I must do the thing. I must get the answer. This is oh, I must conceptualize everything that’s coming through. You, Victoria, have it defined. I do not. So you’re just spinning with concept realizing, you know, like, why do I have this Greek? Why is it still here? What does this mean to me? Why can’t I move past it? And I’m pretending to be certain about, well, this is why and this is what I to do. Right? Like there’s I’m kind of, like, glossing over it, not letting myself sit with it as much. And the awareness of it, I’m not sure what the hell to do with it. That’s that’s just through truth, and you know what to do with it. And yet, what you’re doing with could be on a spin cycle. It could be that energy of stuckness. Okay?
Victoria Volk: Is this where that pollyanna kind of Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.
Amy Douglas: Yeah. So then the throat center, is our manifestation centers, our communication centers, how we let out what’s going on in our body to the rest of the world to know what’s happening. This is such an important center as it relates to grief. So whether you’re defined or undefined. Defined we often have a very consistent way of our articulating what we’re experiencing. As manifestors, sometimes it’s gonna come out as anger, especially when we’re misaligned. And so just watch out for that. We don’t It’s not personal. Right? And especially if we have emotional authority, and I’m talking layers on, you hear some conditions to this, but it’s just there are layers to this system. I’m trying to make it just really user friendly and digestible.
Amy Douglas: But if someone has this undefined, they are great speaking on behalf of others, but this is really important to empower yourself that it’s safe to share. Find the platform. For me personally, with my design, I want to process it myself a lot before I’ll let someone else in and whom very much to your point, we keep a very small circle of Victoria and that’s okay. It’s okay. It’s important. It’s how we protect ourselves. And that’s our unique, org type as a manifestor. A manifesting generator would have a million people they’re gonna talk to it. Right? There’s just like the more the merrier, right, type of thing. So there are layers to helping you identify how you can empower yourself to move that energy, that emotion out of your beautiful communication center to allow you because oftentimes what happens is when we hear it come out We’re like, we can then have an opportunity to have a reflection. No different when we’re sharing it with someone else. It empowers them to have an objective perspective. So really choose wisely. Right? You don’t want someone that’s trying to manipulate your situation. Oh, you just need to get over it. That is not the person that you wanna share this with.
Victoria Volk: So can I ask quickly then, is that is that the splenic? Speaking, because, you know, the very emotional. I’m an emotional authority. You’re an emotional authority. So when we hear, you should just get over it. Is that a splenic authority speaking? With the deep mind, throat or not necessarily?
Amy Douglas: I think it’s just somebody who’s deeply conditioned and it’s not okay to speak your truth and what you’re going through. And so I don’t want to because someone who’s splenic could also just be such a beautiful presence for them to reflect something back to you. In a very safe space container, splenic authority, people are just like super in the moment, but they’re not gonna be someone that’s gonna necessarily spout out something that could potentially be just like limiting. That feels limiting. Just get over. It feels very limiting. Like, you’re not even giving me the space. To want to share what I’m experiencing. So I don’t wanna label it as because I’m sharing that that feels hard and harsh. Right? And that design our designs have the opportunity to have low vibe and high vibe. That’s just all there is to it. And so while someone could express it either way. I don’t wanna put parameters necessarily around, you know, where the definition is.
Victoria Volk: That makes sense. I almost I almost feel like a splenic. It would be it’s almost like they’re almost the type that they may not speak all the time or they may not be the one that’s always talking, but yet when they talk, people listen.
Speaker 1: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Definitely. And again, the worst thing we can do for someone that does have splenic authority is ask them, are you sure? Because it’s so in the moment. And you and I who have emotional authority asking us, are we sure? It’s kind of like a joke. Well, hell, I don’t know. This is just kind of how I feel. It feels really real really I feel really sure about it at the moment, but let’s check back with me. That’s why we say there’s no truth in the now. But it feels very true for us in the moment. So that communication center is so important. Now, if you have this undefined, it’s important to surround yourself with people that will give you the spaciousness to not limit how long it takes you to get to what you’re wanting to share. You and I, Victoria versus Saint. We’re probably gonna whip it out in no time. But someone that has an undefined throat has a lot that they’re they may, you know, come around and dance around it a little bit and then come back. And that’s okay and it’s beautiful. But again, it’s really empowering yourself just surround yourself with someone that is aligned to listen to what you’re allowing yourself to get out. And then you’re gonna have aha’s from it. And if you have that safe trusted person, they’re gonna have some really, you know, deep reflections for you. That’s why talk therapy, coaching scenarios, that kind of thing, helps you I can’t see inside my own glass. So journaling, inviting myself to audio, you know, file what I’m going through, helps me see it, but it’s still my glass letting someone else help shine the light on what I’m experiencing is so important. Such a big piece of releasing grief. Right?
Victoria Volk: Oh, that was good. Okay.
Amy Douglas: G Center. G Center is all about your sense of direction, sense of who you are, where you’re going. And grief here can be trapped in I don’t know who I am now that I don’t have this person in my life or I’ve had this, loss or breakup or fill in the blank with whatever it is, and I’m lost without them. And I do not have a defined g center nor do you Victoria and we’re kind of meant to quote unquote feel lost. And that’s okay because it, there are breadcrumbs that lead us to the next thing that we’re meant to experience. But this is where we could get locked into that cycle of, like, oh my gosh, I can’t exist now. I can’t do this, and that is so not true. It’s just It’s not true. It’s a story we’re telling ourselves. And so when we you start to hear that kind of thing, it’s like, oh, okay. And then for someone that might have it defined who’s always been on a certain path and always know who they are and express themselves that way, and then they get jolted out of that reality they could be in a spin cycle too because now they don’t have their own sense of self. And this is where I’m gonna come back to. This is the deep self-work that is necessary. Like, I know who I am. I know where I’m going. I love myself. Those are the things that come out of that beautiful G center. So really inviting yourself to connect back to that and whatever practice feels the mind for you. Then we move on to the beautiful, powerful, heart center, The heart center one would think this is where holds all of our emotions. No. This is our will power. And this is our enoughness. I like to call the enoughness center. And so just think about that. I mean, we could just put a pin in it right there.
Amy Douglas: If you already are experiencing something in your life that is emtronic or whether it’s loss, whether it is just anything that just feels really, really hard. Somebody that doesn’t have this defined like me, Victoria, you do. My go to is, well, I wasn’t worthy of it or I didn’t deserve it or I’m not enough type of energy. I must prove myself for that to be my thing. And that could be a really shitty spin cycle. For someone who’s experiencing grief and trauma and trying to move through something, where for you that has it defined. You could go in a bit of a spin cycle too of this is not what I wanted for myself. This is not what I desired. How did I allow this to happen? Right? Like, it’s that control thing. There’s a lot of control, energy, controlling of resources, that kind of thing, controlling of my community in the heart center. And so if you feel out of control of it for someone who has that defined, you can start telling yourself stories with that too. And I hope what everybody’s hearing, I’m here now in the fifth of nine centers. Again, so much is this of you. What you’re empowering yourself to believe about yourself. And guess what the gift of that is, the only work that has to be done is on you because we cannot control anything around us. We cannot control the media, which I don’t even listen to. I’m not even on social media hardly ever. So that I mean, and I would we could have a whole episode on what those things do to get trapped in someone’s body.
Amy Douglas: So if you wanna start somewhere, shut that shit off in your life. And allow yourself to be with you, period. My sister, my oldest sister, who’s a splenic manifestor, just went on a seven night silent retreat. To shine the light on herself for what she’s like, I’m fifty six. I’m done with this. I’m gonna work on it. And I gave her some little pointers, which was fun, but it’s important that we give ourselves the spaciousness to focus on ourselves And so with every center I’m going through, I want you to hear this is what you can do for you. I want so many of your of the anybody that’s willing to listen to understand this work can be done on yourself to heal. It’s so important. And so while we look outside of ourselves a lot, when you shine the light within, it’s important that we give ourselves the spaciousness to do that.
Amy Douglas: Then we move on to the emotional solar plexus, such a fun center. Fifty one percent of the population has this defined, so you’re either defined. Or you’re with somebody around somebody that’s not. Right? So this is where all those emotions and those feelings and those moods and just it could be very a very tumultuous center. It’s packs a punch for sure. And so what I wanna say here is, first and foremost, if you’re defined, I want you to celebrate it. I definitely resisted celebrating it because you are wired and mechanically built to process your emotions. You are built for this. If it is undefined, it doesn’t mean you’re not built for this. What I want you to do first and foremost is to check-in with yourself if the emotions that you’re feeling are even yours. Because when you’re undefined in the sender, you are feeling it. The magnitude of it is amplified by anyone around you that does have it defined. So think about a grief cycle if there’s a loss in the family. And you’re the only one that doesn’t have that center defined. And that people around you are processing their emotions. They’re spitting them out, sharing them, that kind of thing. And you’re it doesn’t feel safe for you to do that. But then you’re feeling the emotions of everyone else amplified.
Amy Douglas: I have a perfect example of this I shared in the last episode that my beautiful sister’s husband passed away right after my dad did and her precious at the time sixteen year old daughter was the one that found her dad in the shower gone, lesser heart. And this precious my beautiful precious niece has, really had a road to go of because she was and her daddy was everything. Right? And she is the only one in her little immediate family that has a defined solar plexus. My sister and her son. So, my niece’s brother do not have a defined solar plexus. Okay? So every time something was happening in her life and what she was experiencing when she was going to express it. My beautiful sister was there just holding her with it. But my sister was amplifying what she was experiencing and her daughter felt as though she had to comfort her own mom Right? Because it was just like it was so much for my sister. And because we are built to navigate it, then we kind of take over the soothing and comforting.
Amy Douglas: And so another way for you to look at and shine a light on how am I moving through my emotions. Am I sure that they’re mine? Am I taking on that of others? Wow, in a grief scenario, I mean, if we could shine like there’s two centers and that I want to touch on, and this one is a huge one that to do with feelings and moods and emotions and what you’re going through. So knowing this could be a huge catalyst for how you allow yourself to process what you’re going through. And there are so many ways to allow yourself to move through it, is the awareness alone is gonna be really key.
Victoria Volk: Do I have it defined?
Amy Douglas: You too. Yeah. Because that’s what makes this that makes this emotional. Yeah. We have that beautiful thirty-five, thirty six.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. So I mean, what you’re saying in a nutshell is those that have it defined become the emotional caretakers?
Amy Douglas: Because we’re kind of built for it. But then but then can you imagine the person who does it and what they’re feeling they’re feeling it like on steroids. And it’s not like those of us aren’t feeling it that way too. I’m not trying to minimize it, but we’re mechanically built to allow ourselves to process it. And someone that doesn’t, they’re not consistently wired to process it, and then they’re feeling the impact of everybody else around them that is consistently wired. So then they’re like, it’s really important to identify. Is this mine? Must I carry this? Or can I lovingly put it on that soft little fluffy cloud and let it move on by? And then I can sit with and be me again. And so it’s like allowing yourself to truly physically move out at the energetic space of those that have it defined so that you can check back in with yourself. Am I okay? Is this mind to carry? Is this mind to process? Do I have to do anything with this? Because you don’t. And by the way, those are how this undefined, this solar plexus undefined, you really avoid conflict and confrontation anyway and sometimes truth because it’s hard. You don’t like, well, what do I do with it? Where those of us haven’t defined aligned, deconditioned. We’re like, I’m hitting this head on. Right? Mhmm. And I avoided this. You guys I’m not trying to make this sound so simple. I avoided my emotions for years. I stepped it down with foods deliciously so I didn’t have to deal with it. And I’m grateful that that was a tool I had in my tool built to provide me comfort. And now I want to do it in a way that feels so much more empowering and not filled with guilt and shame because anybody that has had an eating, a challenge, a challenging relationship with eating and food, don’t want to feel shame or what they choose to feel their body with. Right? So it’s there’s a lot of letting go there as well. I had a lot of grief of letting go of my relationship with food, for sure, because it had been such a tool I’d use to comfort myself for so long, so then it’s like crap, what do I use now?
Victoria Volk: Well, and look at where the the solar plexus is. Right? Yeah. The whole gastro into
Amy Douglas: Oh yes,
Victoria Volk: It’s a little stomach. Like, you know, the organs that are there. Right?
Amy Douglas: Yes.
Victoria Volk: Yes. Is this where is this the center where we see projection manifest too? Is this word
Amy Douglas: Say more?
Victoria Volk: So, like, if I’m projecting my feelings onto other people.
Amy Douglas: Oh, yeah.
Victoria Volk: Is this word that coming from. And is that Yes. More app to be someone who’s defined as undefined? Okay. Yes.
Amy Douglas: Yes. Yeah. Because undefined is just kinda, like, like, I’ll have my undefined people in my life reach out to me and they’ll be like, are you feeling? How are you feeling today? Even my son who is also defined, but our designs are so similar. He’ll, like, send me a text. Mama, how are you feeling today? Anything going on? Because he’s because we, like, channel each other’s. My daughter, my son and I, we channeled each other stuff. My son was nauseous, like the whole time my daughter was pregnant. It’s just like you can’t make this stuff up. And so he’s just checking in. Even though all three of us are emotionally defined, we can still feel that. It’s just we have a more consistent way to process it especially once we’re more aware. That’s that’s the key. Right? Awareness
Victoria Volk: Can I ask to like, is this where someone would think that they might be highly sensitive? Or
Amy Douglas: Yes. Like, empathic. Empathic. Yes.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. So Okay.
Amy Douglas: So highly sensitive empath typically equals not defined. Right? Because the theory although, I would say, I’m very sensitive. I’m quite seasoned.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. I think. Yeah. That’s why I’m asking
Amy Douglas: I would say that I’m definitely an empath. Hello? I’m here. I’m a healer. I’m here to help others. I know that. And yet, of course, I am because I’m not so depleted. Because I have the consistent, you know, way of allowing myself to process it. Now, it took practice of, please, if you’re listening to your I did not feel that way, neither did I in the beginning.
Victoria Volk: I didn’t either.
Amy Douglas: Right. It took practice. But the person who has this undefined is just like, and they feel it and they take it on and it can manifest as things in their body for sure. Like, adrenals can just be go shot. And it’s just it’s important to really check-in on, is this yours to carry or not? And I really empowered myself to create a practice when I was done with the client session of just it’s this isn’t mine. I’m gonna send them some energetic love. They are fully equipped to handle this and move through this. And I’m here to support them, but it is not mine to carry going forward because they were in the beginning, I definitely carried it. Definitely carried it.
Amy Douglas: Okay. A beautiful sacral center. So seventy percent of the population has this defined. Victoria and I do not. Okay. So this is a powerhouse. This is the life force energy, the generational, let’s go go go type of thing. I can do the thing. And so someone that has this defined, which is likely, the dominating, parts of your listenership. I mean, that’s just, the population, that’s how it is. They often where how grief can set with them is I shouldn’t be still dealing with this. Right? Like, I must do the thing to move through it. This is where escapism can often set in. From my perspective, this is what I have witnessed, and I shared very briefly, but my partner lost his son in twenty one, his middle son, to an ATV accident at the young age of twenty. And my partner has a defined sacral. And so you kinda just wanna go and do just do. Just use that energy, do do do. And my invitation for someone is while I want you to move through, but I don’t want you to escape from it. And so just really checking in with, am I using this energy, this fuel to my highest good? Am I using this in a healthy way? And those of us that don’t have it defined, it’s this feeling of, I’m not doing enough. Another enough center. And so just checking in. I’m moving through what I’m experiencing at my pace and it’s beautiful. And then for the person that has the equipped energy, are we trying to escape from anything here? And am I just constantly being busy? So I don’t have to deal with this. And I would say, I showed up on my life as a manifesting generator until I knew. I was very conditioned to show up that way. And this is exactly I dismissed my emotions and I just stayed busy. Because if I stayed busy, I didn’t have to deal with it. Right? And so I was very misaligned with how I was using, you know, my beautiful design.
Amy Douglas: Okay. The spleen, we touched a little bit on, but this is that second center that can really, really impact how you’re processing and empowering yourself to move through grief because the spleen is a primal instinct. It’s your health. It’s your well-being. It’s what must I do to survive? And the spleen is with the area that we tend to hold on to things that are no longer serving us. So I want you to think about this from the perspective of if you’re holding on to the light that you had before the traumatic experience occurred, then you’re not letting yourself move forward. And whether it’s defined or not, we can definitely hold on to things, but it is a lot more common for someone who has this undefined to be living in a very fear-based state. And not letting themselves move through what’s no longer serving them. It’s great to hold on to the memories, but it’s just time to live in the present, and the spleen is very present moment to moment. And so it’s inviting you to process where you are in the exact moment that you’re at. And it’s another awareness center. It’s a very powerful awareness center because it can empower you to shine the light on what am I doing right now? Is the serving point me? What can I do to empower myself to move forward? Like, one of the gates, is like fear of repeating the past. And so if you’re stuck in a spin cycle of I created this trauma in my life that I’m now grieving from, but I’m afraid to do anything else, because, what if I repeat the same thing that I just did? And the thought processes is your spleen is there to tell you in the moment to moment what is best for you? Are you willing to listen? Can you shut off your head center telling you, you must do this, you must do that? Can you shut off if your emotions? Can you not shut them off? But can you navigate those long enough to allow yourself to hear what the spleen is telling you? Because it’s always guiding you to your highest truth. The low vibe of this, and you don’t listen, we dismiss it. It’s that sixth sense you guys. It’s the one that we’re taught to dismiss. It’s the one that you’re like your hair stands up and you’re like, why did that happen? But we we don’t we can’t describe, we can’t defend it, and this is the area that we don’t wanna ask, are you sure? Right? Because it is it is so it’s intuitive, but it’s also very like I said, it’s just it’s in the moment. It’s instinct. It’s primal. And so if you’re holding a lot of grief in this area, forward movement probably isn’t occurring. So what’s not serving you? What could I do different in this very moment? And am I letting whatever is going on in my head dictate what I’m doing because we’re not meant to make decisions anywhere above the throat.
Victoria Volk: Oh, and if you haven’t defined ashna, and then you have an open solar plexus. Like, that’s like a that’s a triple threat.
Amy Douglas: Yes. Yes. Again, we chose this, so we’re not trying to say, oh, god if anybody’s looking at the design, like, shit. No. I have that. No. No. This says awareness. Okay. No. No. No. And I’m not gonna do this going forward. Right? Yes. Everybody’s design it was beautifully orchestrated the way that you chose, and it’s so unique. And so let’s let’s empower ourselves to attach to it in a way that invites us to move in the direction of the alignment that we, you know, really ultimately created for ourselves.
Amy Douglas: The last center is the root center. Anybody that knows anything about the shock resistant, this is that grounding center, but it’s also a pressure center. It’s the pressure to do. It’s the pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure. And what I see as potential grief in this center and the body parts that it’s connected to definitely has to do with not taking any kind of action. No for no, like, I’m gonna just stay quote unquote stuck. The pressure is there for me to do something different, I don’t know what to do with it. And if you have it undefined, you’re likely feeling pressure from everything outside of you, and if that doesn’t feel aligned, that’s because it’s not your pressure again. Anything that’s not defined is coming from outside of you check-in if it’s yours and this root pressure to do to be to act to whatever. It’s meant to be for your highest goods, so just check-in. And this is another one of those kind of timing things. It’s it’s a timing center. I have it defined. I feel pressure all the time, but mine is connected to my spleen. So mine is not talking to my solar plexus at all. And so mine is connected to my spleen, which is moment to moment. And so, oftentimes, my pressure is truly movement to move through things to take action on things. And from a grief perspective, I can also share that I felt like this would because I didn’t have the define I don’t have the define sacral. This is kind of probably where I felt the moment to moment. I must do something because whatever I was doing wasn’t serving me, and I was aware of that from my spleen. And so I might let’s let’s move let’s move this move. Or maybe giving myself the spaciousness to sit in some stillness and process what I was experiencing before I just let myself jump and go do something because there was a little bit of escapism in that center for me, within the absence of the sacral. So I know that was a lot, but it just just the energy of understanding that can be such a catalyst for your own healing. I mean, it’s such a beautiful journey anyway. And I’m giving yourself this spaciousness to learn some of this can be a real game changer. Just I mean, I can. I’m living proof.
Victoria Volk: And can you speak to a little bit of the gate was it thirty six sixty four? Or is that oh, no. The gate of crisis, which is oh,
Amy Douglas: Thirty six. Yeah. That is a gate thirty six crisis.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Can we speak to that a little bit? Because if people are, because this is oh, grief. Right? So
Amy Douglas: You know, I mean, it’s gate thirty six is my main sun gates. And what that means for anybody when they’re looking. It’s it’s the most prominent energy in my design. K? It’s what I chose for myself and it’s in the solar plexus and I have the solar plexus defined. Because you can have your main sun gate in a center that’s not defined. That’s that’s beautiful too different journey. And so even like I shared in our past episode, it’s not that I feel like I just navigated a ton of really tumultuous, chaotic crises in my life. But then when I go to share them with people, they’re usually just like blown away and I’m like, oh, but I’m really built for this. What’s important for me is to share my emotional experiences, how I have navigated them with others. That is literally what I was that’s what people need from me. Your main sun gate is the energy that people need from you. And so my thirty six, what they need is for me to share what I have experienced and navigated, which by the way, I didn’t do. I didn’t even tell anybody in my family I was getting divorced. Right? Like, I am one that I kind of hermit when things are going on. And I’m really, while I know why I do that. It’s my twelve twenty two energy, which is also an emotional wave. But that’s important for me to kinda glean what I’m experiencing before. I’m ready to articulate it to the other. And then once I do, it gives permission to others to navigate their own. Because when we’re silent about these things and remember, I had built a facade that made it look like I had everything figured out and everything was fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s always fine. You know, I can handle this. I can do this. I mean, that’s the energy I held, which was so not true. I was completely broken on the inside. But now I see that this thirty six, this gate of crisis is really important for me to share what I have gone through. So if you have this activated in your design, you’re built and you’re wired for these things. And you often may not feel like it has been a perpetual crisis in your life. I joked with Victoria before we started today, morning started out with a couple of crisei, and I literally just gave myself a moment of, okay, cool. That’s how we’re starting today. You know, I see you. I’m gonna put you on a bookshelf and I’ll come back to you, because I have things. But that has been so much work that has empowered me to get to that point. If recognizing acknowledging, this is what I’m built and wired to do. So if it is defining in your body graph, you’re wired for it. If it’s not defined, you’re probably gonna feel it a bunch more when you’re around somebody that it is. And it probably feels harder, you know? And that’s okay. Okay, that’s what you chose. So let’s find a way to help you navigate through it.
Victoria Volk: So if someone is looking, if let’s say, someone’s listening, and they’re looking at their body graph, and they’re looking at their spouses. Mhmm. So what are some things that you look at as a body graph reader when you’re looking at relationships?
Amy Douglas: Oh, it’s one of my favorite things to do. It’s so fun to help someone really shine a light. We call them connection charts. Okay? So that’s where we have the opportunity to put two body graphs together and see how they relate, interact, connect. And when we do that, you have the each individual on each side, you know, so that we’re all individual. But then when we come together, you get to see the gift of what happens in that dynamic. And I like to tell people that there are what’s called like attraction channels, there are these electromagnetic sparks. So it’s like, you have a gate that marries to a gate of mine that then we connect, and then it lights up to centers. And it’s just like, hey, we feel like you can clean me, that Jerry McGuire bullshit. Right? Like, when it completes us people, we’re all complete humans, but it can really feel like, oh my gosh. Get me. And then, like, you and I, Victoria, we both share a channel. So you and I both have the thirty five, thirty six, so, like, we get each other. We can talk about that.
Amy Douglas: But then there are ones that can be more dominating, so you’ve got the whole channel, or the compromise where you’ve got the whole channel and I just have one part of it, not the whole thing that compromise is where I really like to pull people and just help them create awareness. I know I’ve said that word we could probably put a counter out there for this is where friction could occur. Because you’re dominating in this area and I have a snippet of it, but you’re trying to pull me to believe your way of seeing this. And while I’m happy to witness the way that you see it, but it doesn’t have to I don’t have to see it your way. And can you imagine the conflict that happens in just that area. And then, like, with those electromagnetic and the things, it’s, like, all of a sudden, if your partner didn’t have a defined spleen, but being with you, they do. They’re probably gonna feel really safe with you. Like, it’s just it’s trying to light on how we support one another. And then wears their potential for our own growth in our journey. And I always offer it like as soon as I learn design, I did my son and his girlfriends and my daughter and her now husband, and I was like, okay, you guys now look, I am helping shine a light on potential friction in the future. But now that you have awareness for it, there doesn’t have to be any friction. And I’m not trying to be like polyana sunshine and puppies. Right? We still are humans. But oftentimes, the conflict that arises is based on our conditioning. It’s like, oh, we had a core wound there.
You just hit on it. This is where we get that opportunity. Communication is everything in relationship. And so when you can see this, like, I do I often do this as gifts, for people that get married, like, okay, people this is what I see. And so I’ll just do a recorded thing. Now some of them wanna do it live, which is great because they wanna ask questions. But oftentimes, the husband is not nearly as intimate nor offense to any of your male listeners, but they’re like, look, I got this figured out. But then the ahas that come out of it are just I did it for one couple and literally she was like, she sidebar, she wanted me to find all these things. She’s like, oh my god. This annoys me about him and this and this. Can you touch on these things so he’ll stop doing that? And as it turned out, she was such a controlling force and he had an undefined throat and hers was defined. She was speaking over him for him all the things and so I shined a light in a totally different way than what she was asking me to. She said they stayed up all night talking about the reading because we did it live and that I still check-in on them. And their their communication is so much better. She no longer speaks for him. Like, the things that you can glean from what you understand that’s the gift that I see so much in human design is that it offers us to see why someone is the way they are.
Amy Douglas: Now we can’t always see all the conditioned stuff. But it’s like, oh, I understand. It’s okay. You’re beautifully different than me. And that’s beautiful. And it’s okay. But boy in a connection chart, you’re like, when we bring pull together, it’s important that they see those differences and start instead of trying to forever and always change someone. I don’t wanna be changed. Why am I trying to change anybody? Right? It has empowered me to see my partnership. It’s such a more beautiful light. And then you can even do it for the whole family dynamic, which is called a Penta, which is just layers and layers Victoria.
Right?
Victoria Volk: Well, and I can see the value in that as for a parent and a child. Yes. Especially getting to those teen years maybe, probably even before, maybe, nip stuff in the bud. Right? Do it when they’re
Amy Douglas: Oh my gosh. And those are some of my favorite mini readings. Like, I’ve done it for moms with their kiddo. They’re like, what? You just tell me tell me what’s going on.
Their designs are so different And this one instance, I just did that little twenty five minute audio file for her precious little daughter. And the mom listened to it a couple times, and she got her husband to listen to it. And finally, they listened to it as family totally changed the dynamic in the household. I mean, twenty five minutes, guys. Like, are we kidding?
Can I get that simple? Yes, it can. Just showing and highlighting the different ways that we show up in the world just removes a lot of conflict, you know. And therefore, probably a lot of grief in a relationship and, you know, what you’re navigating in your life, how you’re processing. It’s like, oh, I see how you’re doing that. I want to give you space to do that. You don’t have to do it my way. You know, I was raised where the way they it was done was the way to do it, like, from, you know, a hierarchical perspective. I dropped the hierarchy once I got divorced. I said, nope. We’re all equals here, you know, and everybody gets a voice. This is before I even knew design. I’m so grateful I did because that hierarchy while I get it, I hear parents out there going, well, wait, then who’s in charge? Well, sometimes my I mean, my kids have been my greatest teachers, so maybe sometimes they were more in charge. Even though I was the head of the household. And that’s okay.
Victoria VOlk: I just had an idea. So if I had your knowledge, and your know how, I think this would be super fun. To host, like, a people would register, pay, and register to have you would get their body graph, individuals who are looking for their match. Looking for love. Looking for like, looking for the real deal. Right? Mhmm. And you a host like this It’s like speed dating. Right? Except you’ve paired them based on their body graph. Like, wouldn’t that be amazing?
Amy Douglas: Oh my god, I would love to see that unfold. That could be so much fun because really I’m just saying from what I see because I have no controller of how they’re conditioned. Right? Right. And so I cannot see, what has happened from that perspective.
I’m literally just looking at their blueprint. Right? Their body graph, but And so based on that, there was, like, electromagnetic sparks and how they could see and support one another. That could be so fun. But outside of the conditioning, then they take it from there. Right? They take it from there.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. The body graph matchmaker.
Amy Douglas: Oh my god. That’d be so fun
Victoria Volk: I just, like, gave an idea to the masses so you better know. You want me to edit this out later? Just let me know.
Amy Douglas: No act. No. Maybe someone will get us get on board with us to do it. That’d be great. You know, we’re the initiators, Victoria. We don’t see this thing.
Victoria Volk: That’s true.
Amy Douglas: He’s gonna build this for us. You just drop that out as magically as you’re meant to, and now somebody else can get in touch with this and say, alright, we’re ready to do this.
Victoria Volk: Oh, couldn’t you, like, matchmaker cafe? Like, body graph matchmaking cafe, like, seriously, like, I’m just, like, oh, yeah.
Amy Douglas: That could be so fun. That could be so fun. And again, there’s no it’s there’s no absolutes to this. What you do with it from here is up to you, you know, because especially if you’re not truly living into your design.
Victoria Volk: That’s true.
Amy Douglas: Could be really different. Really different.
Victoria Volk: So what are some examples that you’ve seen? I mean, you don’t have no names or anything like that. But examples of how someone’s graph was manifesting as grief in their life, like areas of challenge and things like that, like different examples. Can you give a few?
Amy Douglas: My goodness. Yes. Yes. Yes. So I had a beautiful client who was navigating a divorce and when we started working together, it wasn’t she wasn’t to the place yet where she was ready to allow herself to believe that divorce was the right path. Mhmm. And she’d experienced a divorce already. So can you imagine you’re letting yourself believe that you’re not enough? I did this wrong again repeating the past, you know, those fear centers and that was the heart and the spleen that I just touched on, those two centers, you know. God, I’m just gonna do this again and then again. And we looked and navigated the energy in her design and what she was holding on to that was no longer serving her. And really inviting her to get out of her head, you know, that definition up there she was defined and it just believing that logic and was the way to make decisions for herself which was not at all the way and where she did was dismissing her emotions because she’s emotionally defined and where she was just dismissing those completely, which had so many messages oh my gosh, you guys, like, what we’re feeling, what our body is navigating, those pings, those, like, oh, those are just crystal clear messages that we get to tune into, but our mind wants to shut them down and dismiss them. And she really allowed herself to go deep, really, really deep, and the divorce was hard. And we looked at his design and it made a lot of sense of where he had a lot of stuckness he was very, very well defined, almost all centers defined. So those people don’t have a tendency to be as flexible. And so and he and he wasn’t willing to listen or change or really have open communication. And so it was important for her to move past that and not carry the things that he wasn’t willing to change. As if she did something wrong or wasn’t enough. Oh my goodness. She is flourishing now. She is such a beautiful aligned human and an amazing relationship that is so so aligned. And I think empowering herself to see so much of how she was trapping. Like, she had a lot of body pain. We talk about the hip, but those kind of thing. She had a lot of that, and that is stored grief. I am a firm believer that, like, Fibromyalgia has just stored grief. And I’m not minimizing. I’m not saying that if you can invite yourself to find practices to help, like, whether it’s cathartic, whatever it is to move through it, you’d be amazed how the body will respond to that, and hers has responded beautifully beautifully. So it is possible. It’s so possible.
Amy Douglas: I had another one who had just more of a traumatic childhood Open heart, energy were not enoughness. And she had what we refer to as sacral authority, that life force energy. So it’s that gut response. You know, you know in the moment what the thing is to do. And that’s the center you can ask, are you sure? Like, okay, just checking in. Do I have enough information? Is this right? She wasn’t operating from that. Again, head definition, she was operating from okay. So I have all these stored experiences. I was always told I wasn’t enough. I know I have to prove myself because my heart’s open. Right? So, I must prove I’m valuable and I’m worthy, and I’m not trusting my gut responses, so I’m navigating, I’m getting all the sources out side of me to tell me what’s right, and then I’m checking in with my logic and my head telling me if that is right. So she’s dismissing all of her body wisdom. So we kept coming back to does that feel in your body? What is your body telling you? Bringing her back to her body wisdom? Oh my goodness. How she operates is such a different human now? It’s just so you could hear it in her voice in the way that she breathes, and having to completely open solar plexus, she’s not taken on the shit of the people around her. You know, that’s what she was doing. She was really caring that and harboring that and not having a defined spleen. She was scared to death about a lot of things. Like, she didn’t have to be. That’s a choice. It’s a choice because fear and excitement are born in the same place in your body. Your mind is the one that labels it as such. And so you guys, once you can see what you chose for yourself and how you’re operating outside of it, taking the steps and the decommissioning to move into the alignment of what you chose for yourself helps you move it out of you, that grief the traumas, the stuckness out of you.
Victoria Volk: Oh, this was so good. So good. Jam packed with information that I know will serve so many people who listen to this. So if you’re listening to this and you found this helpful and beneficial. And you’re curious and interested in human design. I highly recommend you check out your own body graph and listen to this episode again. If you’re, listen to it and I’m like, oh, I’m gonna check out my body graph and then come back and listen to it again because will listen to this as I edit it, but they’ll probably listen again just because there’s so you always hear something new, I think.
Amy Douglas: So you ready for it. Right? Like, you integrate in chunk sizes. That’s why that’s why when I do readings, I start with the foundational one. And then we can go deeper.
But it’s important you empower yourself to integrate what you have learned so that you’re available to learn the next, you know, snippet. And we all do that. And again, that’s an awareness thing too. So and I would love to offer any of your listeners just like I did on the last one that twenty five percent off of any of my readings using the coupon code “Grieving Voices”.
Victoria Volk: Yes. And I will put that information in the show notes as well. Anything any other final thoughts? Anything you’d like to share?
Amy Douglas: Well, I also have a podcast. So if you’re curious, you did about hearing about lived experiences. We, my podcast co-host and I, our podcast “Love Human. Be Spirt. And we share all of our lived experiences and a lot of minor emotional folks, okay, through the lens of human design, but we do it in a very like, we don’t we try not to use a lot of the human design words because they’re weird, but we try to share with you just our lived experiences while we’re reflecting on where that might be found in your design and it’s we have a lot of fun doing it. So we try to make it lighthearted. We have a lot of great guests. Victoria. We need to have you on there. So Yes. Yeah. It’s just it’s it’s a safe place to land. We’re not teaching and preaching. But we’re just sharing what we’ve experienced. And I think that is the gift of inviting you to move through things. It’s hearing inviting yourself, I can do oh, they navigated this. I can too. It’s like it’s giving permission to to move through what you’re experiencing and shine the light on bright might be holding on to something that’s not yours.
Victoria Volk: So good. And that’s where we create change in our lives. Right?
Amy Douglas: That’s right. Yes.
Victoria Volk: Well, thank you again for coming back on. Again, we could we go into more layers of this and maybe we will down the road. We’ll see. Because I I have I actually have more work to do with you, and so perhaps I can do another episode and of what I’ve all learned Right? Maybe at that point. So that would be kind of fun. Yeah. Thank you so much for this.
Amy Douglas: Oh, welcome. It’s my pleasure. Yes. I’m happy to be here.
Victoria Volk: And where can they find you?
Amy Douglas: My website, amyadouglas.com.
Victoria Volk: And I will put that in the show notes as well. And in the meantime, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Divorce, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Life with Human Design, Parenting, Podcast |
Amy Douglas | From Betrayal and Loss To Manifesting Joy
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
How much betrayal and loss can the heart take within less than two years?
Today’s guest shares how betrayal, loss, unsurmountable grief, and a decline in health catalyzed her personal growth.
Amy chose to empower herself by getting a life coach and learning new tools that enabled her to recalibrate her life and move forward beyond the hurt, pain, and emotional hurricane she felt stuck in for too long.
In this episode, we dabble into Amy’s experience with Human Design, what she’s learned about herself, and how Human Design became the permission slip to radically change things, including leaving her corporate job.
We have all experienced something that challenges our beliefs and who we thought others were. We may question who we are and our role in the mess, and often, fear and expectations play a role and serve a purpose in making sense of our experiences.
Listen to today’s episode to hear Amy’s perspective on fear, how learning her Human Design helped her change her approach and point of view of expectations, and so much more!
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
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NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Victoria Volk: Thank you for tuning in to grieving voices. I’m so excited for this episode because I’m talking with Amy Douglas. She is a human design reader. And I have been working with her as her client. But today’s episode is about her sharing her grief journey in what she’s learned through human design about herself and her grief. And I’m just really excited to bring this knowledge to the podcast because, like, one of my favorite quotes is the more you know yourself, the less you look to others to tell you who you are. And so human design is just another tool in the toolbox to help you to better understand yourself. And so Amy, thank you so much for being here and sharing about your journey today and thank you for your time.
Amy Douglas: Well, thank you for inviting me. I’m thrilled to be here. I’m excited for our conversation. Grief is not something that we all love to touch on but reflecting on it and empowering ourselves to move through it’s such a critical part of our own evolution and definitely human design. I feel like in my journey with human design. If I were to say, you know, that I have felt grief by learning my design, it was the grief of not allowing myself to be what I chose for myself for so many years. And the grief of thinking or feeling that those ways that I chose for myself and my design were wrong because they’re not it’s just sad, we’re so full of not enoughness and design hasn’t powered me to release a lot of that, not enoughness, offer some deep compassion and understanding for myself and others. I love your quote. It’s so true. I see so many people looking to others for the answers, the right ways to do things, and they’re all within us. We just really get to take the time, to sit with ourselves, to uncover that.
Victoria Volk: People might not be familiar with human design can you just briefly cover what that is? And also too, like, we are both manifestors design, which is only like nine percent of the population and often the most misunderstood. So imagine the grief that that has caused us in our lives alone.
Amy Douglas: So true in being female manifestors. Right? Like, there’s there’s so many layers to it. So human design is, another one of those architectural ways to help us discern, kind of who we are. But there are a lot of different modalities that were brought in together, but I want you to just if you hear nothing else, it’s basically the blueprint or the owner’s manual, operators manual, that you chose for yourself to tell you how you are meant to be existing in this three-d experience. And who knew? We had an owner’s manual that told us so many ways like how we’re meant to make decisions, and how we process fear, and how we’re meant to digest food and life there’s, I mean, down to so many things that it really just offers you the opportunity to say, oh, this is what I chose for myself. Very much to your point instead of looking to others to help point us in it, quote unquote, right direction.
Victoria Volk: And I imagine like me who’s just now starting to get down the human design rabbit hole again after I dabbled in it maybe a year ago and just coming back to it now. But or human design, how did you navigate life without this manual? And what was your life experience before coming into human design?
Amy Douglas: So, I think I’m probably not different than many. We use our eyes and ears. To show us what is the path that we’re meant to take. And so whether that is witnessing it from loved ones, having someone tell you how to be and how to show up. I had a lot of that in my household. I’m the youngest of three girls. There was a lot of like this, be like this, don’t say that, don’t do that, don’t be too much, did it at, like, not necessarily the Barbie monologue, but you could probably put some words to that as well. And so I was trying to run at a pace in my life that I had witnessed was the way like, there was a lot of pride and applause for being really busy doing a lot of things and not like being quote unquote lazy there. That was a really that l word was really kind of ingrained into our household. We were not gonna tolerate laziness Well, can we redefine what lazy is? Because like, I mean, we all have the opportunity to sit and be with who we are.
Amy Douglas: I think a big pivotal change for me that led to a lot of grief in my life in twenty fourteen. I had a lot of loss in my family. I lost my dad in April. He was only sixty seven and had been battling a lot of hard stuff for nine years. So, we kind of said he had nine lives. And the last one was the taker. And then shortly after that, my mom became very ill. A lot of it was grief. Let’s be honest. They’ve been together their whole life. She ended up spending the entire summer in the hospital almost lost her a couple times. She had severe ulcerative colitis and thankfully, she’s got it at bay, but it was really challenging to negotiate and navigate her being in the hospital after losing dad. And her grieving in the hospital, in a hospital bed was traumatic. And then not no sooner did we get her home and my brother-in-law dropped dead in the shower. I mean, my mom and my sister within four months becoming widows together, it just was insurmountable. And yet I was kind of the rock in the family. Like, we’re all gonna be fine. I’ll help take care of everything. And that’s kind of what I did. I never really let myself feel anything. And honestly, to be real just completely transparent, I kinda like shut off my heart after my divorce about five years before that. I kinda just said, alright, my husband of seventeen years been together twenty, father both of my children left with my best friend. I don’t know where to process that, so I won’t I’m just gonna put on the happy face and exist. Run at the pace that I know will have me running away from any of those feelings. And then fast forward losing, so many family members and just a lot of grief with that.
Amy Douglas: And then in twenty fifteen, my dog who’d got me through my divorce and was only four years old, was diagnosed with lymphoma, and I’m like, oh, hell no, that’s the one person in that note has seen witnessed everything, one person, one thing that had witnessed everything. And so then, you know, whenever I lost him toward the end of fifteen. I was like, what the hell am I doing? And sixteen just really started a deep journey of just my own self discovery and just a lot of letting go of ways of thinking that I had to be. Really giving myself the opportunity to be very curious what I was feeling in my life. Started my journey. I hired a coach. I didn’t I mean, from the Midwest. We didn’t know what those words but my good friend, Google said that’s what you need sunshine if you’re gonna pull out of this. And so I hired a coach out of the West Coast and I was still a very much a trust bit verify kind of person. So it felt only right for me to get the education myself didn’t tell Seoul, did everything under the radar. I wasn’t allowed to moonlight in my corporate life that I was still running a ridiculous pace at. And I empowered myself through lots and lots of deconditioning, lots of letting go, which is the practice that you use in the coaching modalities and just the healing spaces of the world. In twenty nineteen, the beginning of twenty nineteen, I quit my corporate life. And that’s the year that design brought itself into my experience. And I was like, okay, I know now that I’m ready for you, but I had to do for myself a lot of the layers of letting go and, you know, getting curious versus and dropping judgment and letting myself feel things again for the first time. I hadn’t done that. I really shut that part of me off. And design came when it was meant to, and I think it does for many. I resisted it first I was like, oh my god. Just another thing to tell me, whatever. But it wasn’t a questionnaire. I wasn’t answering questions, I know how to manipulate those to get the letters I want or the data that I want. This is very specific information about your birth details. So you can’t really fake those. And it just led to just a really beautiful way of me embodying and trusting myself and believing in myself and allowing me to be unapologetically me, which is what I said I was gonna do when I left my corporate life and I think human design was the open permissions slip to do that for me.
Victoria Volk: Was there a certain moment? Do you remember where you were? What you were doing? Like this was there like this aha moment or was this was there a certain thing? Or thought or experience. Because sometimes we have these pivotal moments, right, that just change the trajectory of our life. Like, because I know so many people who might be in the corporate hamster wheel, who are scared to leave that behind, who desire to venture onto something that is a more authentic expression of who they are. What do you say to those people? How did you do that?
Amy Douglas: In July of twenty eighteen, when I was still going through well, I was in a mastermind with a bunch of coaches, and we were all supporting each other and just I never thought I was gonna lead my corporate life. Like, that wasn’t even in my radar. I was a single mom raising my children on my own. Right? And I had one daughter that was in a private college that was ridiculously expensive. The labeling of it was irresponsible. Right? If I did that. It was safe and secure for me to stay where I was even though I was really it was becoming very clear that I was miserable. My body, our body is our greatest messenger. And from about twenty sixteen, and I’m sure this was very, very grief-related, I started having all these warning signs. My hair was falling now. I had extreme insomnia. I thought for sure that I was gonna have a heart attack in my sleep and my children were gonna find me dead in the morning. Just all these terrible fears, Western medicine, is like your picture health. I am an avid exercise or eat really healthy, meditate, I all the things. And yet, what was I dismissing? What was I not paying attention to? So I think for me to answer your question in July of twenty eighteen, I wrote a contract I was at a conference with a bunch of my peer coaches. And I wrote a contract with myself of what it was gonna take for me to actually leave my corporate life. Like, I’d been ruminating on that all of twenty eighteen. Like, could I do this? Is this really what I want? Can I be free? Like, freedom has been my word since my divorce and peace, which is the signature of a manifestor, okay, has been something that I have been for lack of a better word victory chasing like, okay. What does that feel like? When am I gonna know when I have it? What’s available to me when I do? And so I wrote this contract out, very logically very corporate intense. It’s like these things must be true in order for me to leave. And my peer coaches just gave me a little, a little tap. I had them sign it as my witnesses. I was like, okay, I’m making this contract. These things must come true. And one by one over the course of the next six months, I just they were all limiting beliefs and I just let all of them go. One by one. Those were things I did not have to note that did not have to be true because they were limitations. What are limiting beliefs? They’re beliefs that limit you. From the thing that you wanna be having, being, or doing. And so by December, it was just like, oh, yeah, I’m doing this. Actually, I was on vacation in November. And I said to another couple, well, I’m leaving my corporate life in January. That’s the first time I’d set it out loud. Then I was like, oh, and very manifestor like Right? Say it out loud, and then it becomes your reality. And then by the time I did it on January second, it was a transaction. It was like it was already done. And so I think the aha was actually that contract witnessing my peers going, wow, she’s still really holding herself back without saying those words. Right? Just being intuitive enough to witness their receipts of whatever I was trying to create for myself. And then doing the work to show myself. I didn’t have to have all of these things in place because again, I was creating that safety and security which is not allowing yourself to really take the leap for what you want in your life. And I finally did.
Victoria Volk: I don’t want to gloss over all of the losses that you just scribed before. And but I also wanna talk about this the idea of fear. So can we go back in time though to that divorce? And do you think that that was a catalyst for you to start coming into your own? Really?
Amy Douglas: Oh, my heavens. Yes. I used to make a joke. Like, it was and it’s very, like, I hear it in bitterness now, but it’s like, I take a vote and I always win. What I need to do for this and who gets to do that. And I used to say, but I’m like, how do you do it? How do you do everything on your own? I’m like, well, I figured out that once he left, the only thing he really did that I wasn’t already capable of doing was put the Christmas tree in the Christmas tree stands and open the pickle jar. So I stopped buying pickles. That was easy. And every time I bought a Christmas tree here, I did that, I brought the Christmas tree stand to the Christmas tree farm and had them install it because I can. So it’s just do you see, like, it was just like, did I have the avoidant attachment style. I have now I understand that I have that. And so it’s like, I didn’t need them anyway, type of energy. But it did really empower me to be like, okay, I now get to look at what I in those in those days, I was still saying what I need to do, what I should be doing, what I have to do. I don’t use any of those words anymore. Need, should, and have to, are full of resistance. It’s what I get to do. And it took me a couple years to get there, right? Because I was still really proving my open heart, proving to myself that I could do this. I didn’t need him. I’m good, losing my best friend along with it was hard. That grief is real. It still stings. And just people through your most trusted people in your life gone in a flash and that image of what your life was. It was real. It was really beautiful life. And I remember sitting in the car with my kiddos, we were getting ready to go into a movie. Same year of the divorce. And it just was somber because we used to go to the movies as a divorce, and it was one of our favorite things to do. And I just presidential. I turned the car off. And before we went into the theater, I said, I’m aware there’s only three of us in here. And yet, I’m so grateful that there’s the three of us in here. So how can we make this the best that it can possibly be? And I think that was a real catalyst for all three of us to just be like, okay, we can grieve the loss and we still do. And yet, we can create something different. And that helped us crawl out of a lot. I think because we just prescient it. We were honest about what we were feeling. We kinda did this thing of what are we sitting in the car, staying in the car. So if you’re mad about things or just it’s okay. It’s safe in the car. Safe in the car. And then it’ll stay in the car when we get out. We don’t have to take it with us, you know. We just tried to create some spaces that felt like we’re not gonna be judged for how we’re feeling. Right?
Victoria Volk: I love that. I love that idea. How old were your children at the time?
Amy Douglas: So they would have been Ten and twelve. Yeah. Nine and eleven, ten and twelve, those were some really really hard in eleven and thirteen because Yeah. Those were some really hard years. Yeah. I think, honestly, Victoria, My son just turned twenty three. He has had a major health journey this year. Oh, my goodness. And I think we are both. He’s also an emotional manifestor like us. And I think he is allowing himself to grieve the loss of his childhood, Mhmm. And I’m so proud of him doing it now. And not waiting and carrying it all these years. He’s like, maybe I should’ve waited a couple years, like, till I got out of college and I’m like, you. Happens when we’re meant to, let’s not let’s not resist it.
Victoria Volk: And the best friend. I mean, I imagine too, like, in the relationship you had an extended, like, in your friendship with her, but in your marriage with your husband, you had not just those relationships, but you had circles of friends. Right? And so it’s not just the husband and it’s not just the best friend, it’s the circle of friends, too. Like Mhmm. Was everything just gone and one fell swoop? Like,
Amy Douglas: Yes. Yes. Yes. And we were not from the town that we were in, that this happened, we were, transplants. And we hadn’t been here long enough to really I mean, you know, three or four years just doesn’t feel like long enough where, she and her husband were lifers. Well, now, ex husband were lifers and there was just a lot of scrutiny, a lot of harshness on myself and my children. And the sporting events that you would look forward to going to. Now we’re just so isolating and dreadful. And praying the kids weren’t treated differently, but both of them were. It was just terrible. It was because they had kids and their kids were the same age as our kids and the same gender and so in the same classes and
Victoria Volk: Oh my gosh.
Amy Douglas: A lot of finger-pointing, a lot of assumptions. And while I used to say I just grew really thick skin, I think it was just the epitome of learning that what other people thought about me were none of my business because what really mattered was what I thought about me. That’s the only way I knew how to keep moving forward because I knew I was a good person. I knew that I was gonna come out of this. I knew my children were amazing. And yet, man, just a lot. I tried to get them to just like, you know what? We’re just gonna travel. I’m gonna get a tutor. Run do our own lives, but, you know, too much change, just way too much change for everything. So
Victoria Volk: I’m glad you mentioned that because my next question was going to be, did you ever just consider, like, packing all your bags and just going somewhere else and starting over and making a fresh start and without all of these reminders. I mean, whether your husband passes away or whether you get a divorce or whether it’s this scandal scandalous relationship that you’re describing, where it’s two couples, families are being torn apart. It can be very easy to just, again, like you said, add on more change in things. What like, to have the self-awareness about that, like, and to have really the courage and the strength, to stand up to it. Mhmm. I don’t know a lot of people like you. I’m just gonna say that. I mean, I mean, I’ve been doing this podcast for four years and just knowing the nature of grief and the trauma that had probably on you and your life and your kids. Most people would have just ran the other way. I never think, what was it? You think that
Amy Douglas: My daughter, she’s my oldest, and I put the house on the market. I didn’t. It was a big house. We lived on a lot of acres. We had a horse farm because my daughter used to gloved ride horses, and it was gonna be a lot to just take care of and maintenance and expensive, etcetera. And she just begged. She just said, can we just not change this? And I said, okay. We won’t change the physical location, but we are changing the energy of the inside, and we just changed so many things. I repainted everybody new furniture made rooms, different rooms just to create a totally so it wasn’t like, oh, I remember sitting in here as a family. Right? I just It was like just giving ourselves a quote unquote facelift, just like, okay. If we can’t move and create a new experience somewhere else, we’re going to create a new one here for ourselves. And I’m like, or whatever color you want your room, whatever furniture you want. Like, if you had want bunk beds because you’re done with this, let’s just change it up. Let’s change everything that we can and see what it feels like. Open g center, all three of us, so that felt really good for us. And I would have escaped in a heartbeat. And yet, I really needed to honor where they were. And when they came home and wounded by something that was said. We just I pressed it for him. I just let them talk about it and shared with them kinda what I just shared it’s not really any of our business. And I know they chose to share what they were feeling, but they don’t know us. And you’re the one that gets to look in the mirror every day and lay your head on your pillow every night. So just choose how you want to feel about yourself and that little eye rubber your glue. Whatever bounces off me, sticks to you. Like hold that little childhood chant as best you can and don’t be afraid to tell others if someone has wronged you because we’re not here to take it all in and not get any support. I had them through, counseling if they needed it. I ended up with a life coach for my daughter. That’s what really counseling just was hard. And they just wanted to keep repeating what you’d been going through, and she just wanted she’s like, I don’t wanna feel this anymore. I wanna look at where I am and look at where I’m going and that’s what coaching offers. And it was so pivotal for her. I mean, she and my ex-husband were they were, like, two peas in a pod. So that was hard. She and I thought to be out the female in the We both wanted to raise my son and now we both celebrate that we both raised my son. But it was a big dynamic change in the house. It was a lot to adjust too. And while I did a lot of my own morning and grieving after they were at bed at night, I just didn’t really want them to know that I was going through that for some reason. Now they have both their twenty three and twenty five and have both said to me, god, mom, why’d you make it look so easy? And now I wish I wouldn’t have. But yet, I was doing the best I could with what I had new then. And now I’m honest and I share with them how dreadful it was. How unbelievably hard and I thought many mornings they would find me, in my bed, gone. And while I’m grateful for the ways that I have learned, I tell them all the time I raised you through a lot of my unresolved issues, unresolved traumas, unresolved grief, and I can help presence anything that you’re feeling now, and there’s nothing wrong with anything that you’re feeling. And that feels really good to just be able to have we are the closest tight-knit threesome, and it’s fun because my daughter marrying down my son. It’s inevitable. And just like building that and deepening that, it’s so fun to be a part of. But yet, there’s nothing that’s off limits that we talk about anything and everything. And I don’t know that we would have victory if we would have stayed married. I think we would have lived in that paradigm that, okay, we’re the adults and you’re the kids, and I just let all of that go. Nope, we’re all equals here. Everybody gets a voice. So thank goodness for that.
Victoria Volk: I had full body chills as you were sharing just about the, like, because what I heard what so many grievers do is they put on this armor to be strong for everybody around them. And so what I hear you saying is that you wished you would have dropped that armor in front of them. Mhmm. More.
Amy Douglas: And as I said, our body is our greatest messenger, grief is trapped in our body for sure. And I know that what was happening when my body was sending me louder and louder messages. And so finally, I started listening. I you know, before I just had the headphones on and the, like, the little of those things called the little blenders, you know, it’s like, I gotta move forward. Everything’s forward. Everything’s forward, I’ve gotta show them, you know, I’ll take on all their pain, so they don’t have to feel it. You know? And that wasn’t the answer either. But yet, at the time, it was the solution that felt most aligned until it didn’t And then once I started doing my own work and sharing it with them, you can hear it in them, you know, my coaching, what was what was happening for me, I started embodying and then there’s that ripple effect and my son just latched onto it like, Thank goodness. My daughter was a little more resistant. She’s got a little more energy in her design than I do, and she’s like, I know more than you, and they both do. Which is brilliant. My kids are my greatest teachers by far, but we were all open to hearing each other, giving each other the space to share who we were, what we were feeling And I’m grateful for that. And I’m grateful for the messages my body kept giving me. Otherwise, I would have kept up the facade that I’d built so well for myself, very intentionally because I didn’t want anybody to think that there was anything wrong. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I’m always fine. I’ve had a friend tell me before. I never know if you’re happy. I never know if you’re sad. I never know if you’re hurting. Because you just show up and you listen in such a beautiful way. And I remember thinking, I don’t wanna do that anymore. I can be unapologetically me. That’s just the language that I knew when I left my corporate life. That’s that’s what I was choosing.
Victoria Volk: Which brings me to a question of when do you feel like it’s the manifestor type, and we’ll get into the types maybe yet in this episode or maybe not. If not, we’ll we’re gonna do a part two, friends. We’ll do a part two, and it’ll be all about human design because I love that rabbit hole, but do you feel like for a manifestor specifically anyone listening as a manifestor type, which you can find on or can you find that out?
Amy Douglas: My body graph is probably the easiest one. So and you need to know your birth time, hour, and minute your birth location, city and state, country, whatever that is, and then obviously your date of birth. Most people know that one without question. But that time and the location could be a little tricky. So those are just three important things. You plug them in and butter bing, butter boom, it spits it out for you.
Victoria Volk: So if you find out you are a manifestor, my question is, do you feel like it’s a manifestor thing that we really don’t allow ourselves to be held. We really don’t allow ourselves. Like, is it a manifestor thing? Do you see?
Amy Douglas: So much. So much. And we have what’s referred to as a closed protective aura. So we’re not easily read. We’re very mysterious. So because we’re not easily read and I had built a facade for myself that no one could see, I was impenetrable. Right? Like, unless I was sharing. And oftentimes now that I do understand that I am really, really meant to share my emotional experiences It helps others. That unlocked such as, like, wait. People wanna know this. People want to hear what I’ve been through. I thought that’s what I did for others. It just And I think, our aura doesn’t empower us to Like, we kind of we’re, like, a little bit off the, you know, like, I’m not sure. A little standoffish. Is this safe? Do I wanna be a part of this? You know? Or oh my goodness, is this gonna be exhausting once I get in? We don’t have the same level of energy as, seventy percent of our counterparts. So I think I’d always been juggling some of that, but just dismissing it, which is why my body got louder and louder, you know. A lot of adrenal fatigue, that’s not uncommon at all with manifestors by any stretch. Not knowing when an up is enough. We do not have that sacral energy that our counterparts do. And so and then you combine that with my open heart, which is, again, lots of human design lingo, but you put those two together and we just we don’t know enough is enough. And I sure didn’t, I was just like, nope, I have to do this. I have to, that’s just the way that and then I started softening and I was like, oh, no, I don’t. And I love my life so much differently than I did before. I love myself differently before because if I woulda loved myself, I wouldn’t have had to build a facade. Right?
Victoria Volk: Mhmm.
Amy Douglas: Because I wanted people to see me a certain way. And now I don’t care what people see because I know who I am and the right people I will be attracted to and will attract back to me to them.
Victoria Volk: Do you feel like there is a period of time where you were looking back at all of your friendships and relationships with people on just thinking how not fake but not authentic. Because if you’re not showing up, knowing who you are, knowing what you bring to the table, understanding what your desires and needs and wants are, you’re showing up for whatever that person wants you to be. So there’s no truth and honesty in that relationship.
Amy Douglas: Actually, I have put a lot of thought into this and a lot of my learning through design. So I have an undefined g center like you. And we’re really we are chameleons and we’re meant to’s, I did have someone say to me once, cut your suit different with your corporate people. And then with your kiddos, you’re so different. And then when you hang out with us, group, you’re so different. We’re meant to. We’re meant to because we’re trying those things on and then allowing ourselves to is this kind of like, which how do I wanna mold and what do I wanna do? So I’m grateful for the years. I allowed myself to do that. I think it felt right in the moment. I think there were things that I was craving that I thought that I could get with some of the connections I was in. And once I started doing my own growth journey that really started in twenty sixteen, I was realizing the toxicity in some of the choices once I was learning more about myself. But until then, I really do feel like my connections were genuine, but I don’t know if they were for migrate or good. I think it was because, oh, they needed something from me. And I felt good about giving that. And while I still get to do that in relationship that I have, that’s not what I’m most drawn to anymore. And a lot of my growth led to letting go of people in my life. And thankfully, I’m designed that it is relatively easy and comfortable for me, and I know it’s not for the other, but it’s not mine to carry. The longer I hold onto it, the more I’m resisting what’s really meant for me. And that has become an easier and easier process for myself, especially learning my design, and the connections that I crave and desire, but I didn’t realize how much I loved my own alone time. That’s very, very common for manifestors too.
Victoria Volk: I very much do too. Mhmm. So what was the role of fear in all of that life experience as you were going through all of that. And can you speak to, like, fear in our human design just a little bit? In your human design and just.
Amy Douglas: Yeah. So a lot of the fear is housed in the spleen, which is one of the nine centers that builds the body graph of human design. I have a defined spleen as to you. And so what when we have something and I’m using that word defined, It just means that we have consistent access to the energy that’s in that center. And the spleen is very instinctual, it’s very primal. Right? The bears coming, I must run. Okay? Let’s face it folks. We don’t have a lot of bears chasing us anymore. But we still are wired to feel that fight or flight. And I think the only fear that I feel like I have connected to in my life. Like, last year, I was living in Florida, and hurricane in came. And I had no fear for it whatsoever. And I was sitting in the eye for hours and everything around me was completely destroyed. I never even lost power, I lost connection with the outside world because we lost wifi, which was devastating for my six-month pregnant daughter. And I wish I could take that back because she has an undefined spleen. So what that means for her, she doesn’t have a consistent way to process that fear. And so it’s like, fear of not enoughness, fear of rejection, fear of repeating past mistakes. There’s a lot of that that’s housed in that center where I don’t feel a lot of that. I think my fear way back before I started my own journey was, what will everyone else think? And now I couldn’t care less, or how am I gonna screw up my kids? That’s the heaviest fear in the world. Is how can I make this easier for my children? Because they didn’t ask for this. And I’m an adult and they’re not emotionally mature enough to navigate this. Quite frankly, I wasn’t even sure if I was. Because as you heard me say early on, I just buried it down. I’m a thirty five year recovering binge eater. They never knew I was doing that. Hell, my ex-husband never even knew, but I was a binge eater. Right? I know how to hide things. But what was I hiding from? Basically, myself. And so I am thankful I’m also in my profile, I’m three in human design. And so I am just like, hey, run out there and see how this works or not. And I have done that my whole life. And I don’t have a lot of fear with like, when I moved to Florida, everybody was like, oh my god. You’re leaving everything behind. I’m like, I know is it great? They’re like, you don’t know anybody. I’m like, nope. Do you even know where you’re gonna live? Yes. I secured that online, like everybody else in the world, I have a lot of that energy about myself anyway, and I don’t go into with, like, I think that contract with myself in July of twenty eighteen has helped a lot in my journaling of flushing out any limiting beliefs that somebody might label as fear. Mhmm. And I just don’t I don’t like fear and excitement or born in the same place in our body. It’s our mind that labels it as such. And so I choose excitement. That’s what I choose.
Victoria Volk: I love that. One thing we talked about before we started recording was because you have so much loss. This is where I’m, like, where do we start? Right? And I had my losses starting very early on in my life. I was a young child. And so I feel like I’ve gotten the worst part kind of over with. Hopefully, I mean, I pray that that’s the case. Right? But before we start recording, we were talking about how we both share that. Thirty five, thirty six channel. It’s that channel of emotional experiences. And I also have what did you say? I had the incarnation cross. There’s I mean, we keep going too.
Amy Douglas: Yeah. You have thirty five in your cross. So that it’s definitely a part of, you know and thirty five is more of that element of, like, desiring change and the thirty six part of it is that crises energy. It’s like something chaotic. There’s emotional turbulence in your life. And so then that kind of pushes you to the throat center of like, okay, what can I change? The biggest part of that wave, that abstract wave is what that thirty five, thirty six is referred to. It’s very emotionally volatile, is our expectations. And think about what we have in the world of expectations. Right? Of others, of the world, of our own experiences, etcetera. And this piece of my design has been absolutely life-changing for me to connect with because I didn’t realize how much chaos I was creating my own life by having these expectations out there. I cannot have expectations of others or anything that is outside of my air coating control because I want control in the highest vibration. Control is a core wound for manifestors. We don’t wanna be controlled, and we don’t wanna be controlling. And I’ve been on both sides of those that fence for sure. And so when I learned this about myself, it’s like, oh, I can drop the expectations. Like, my partner would say something to me and I hung onto it like it was the law. We were doing this. Right? Like, oh my gosh. And then when we didn’t because he’d forgotten he’d even said it, I’m like, I made it mean something about me. Like, I wasn’t worthy, I wasn’t deserving, and of course, or going back to that attachment. Well, I didn’t need it anyway. Right, that avoidant attachment. I didn’t want that anyway. And now, I just have a lot more clarity. And when he does have all these ideas and suggestions, It’s just like a little fluffy cloud and I let it float on by and I don’t hang on to it like the law. It’s more of like wouldn’t it be nice if? Type of energy, and then any expectations I have on myself, I really want to check-in on those. Am I being hard on myself again? Am I trying to prove something? I have nothing to prove. I’m enough exactly as I am. I have enough. I know enough. I am enough. And that has been a critical part of my journey. And then sharing that with others, like, especially if I see someone like you, Victoria, who has this wave. It’s like, what are we expecting? And who are we expecting it of? And how can we allow ourselves to release a lot of that? Because then it will really, you know, that way it won’t hit a way that it could if we have these expectations. And then just noticing that we’re meant to share those experiences as well it really is a game changer for a lot of people. We’re not meant to just harbor them ourselves at all. And that was that was something that I just I thought was unheard of. Why would anybody else wanna hear my trials and tribulations? Well, because it invites others to share those too, and that’s how we move through these things. And we move grief and disappointment and disgust, all those things through us when we empower ourselves to talk about it.
Victoria Volk: And then you can weave in what kind of energy type you are. If you’d have the thirty five, thirty six. Yeah. So if you are a manifesting generator or a generator, like, go do some exercises, go work out, like, just do some high impact stuff, right, to get those emotions out. But as a manifestor, is it the same? Like, to do the same? Like, what’s
Amy Douglas: So it really depends on the mechanics of your design. I have a defined route, and my route is connected to my spleen. And so that has me being someone who is really meant for movement, but any emotionality find your practice. Some people it might be meditation, just really quiet stillness. Right? Some people it might be really cathartic, like just especially as manifestors. I had my podcast co-host get me a damn it doll. You heard of those?
Victoria Volk: No.
Amy Douglas: Oh my gosh. So it’s this little doll that’s all fluffy and it’s like I can use it to hit things. Right? Or throw things or I can act as if I’m gonna pull its legs off And at first, I was like, oh, that’s so harsh, but it is so cathartic. Like, I invite clients to, like, get their anger out on pillows. And letting yourself move through it, throw access, like just move through it, you’re be surprised, dance it out, shake it off, whatever that practice can be, there are symptoms based on your mechanics of how you might do that, that anybody that is feeling something emotional, find a way to let yourself let it out holding it in is literally the worst thing you can do for yourself. But yet, that’s what I was taught Victoria. Like, nope. Suck that back in. Do not share that. And so then I stuffed it down. Stuffed it down. Stuffed it down.
Victoria Volk: And particularly as manifestors anger.
Amy Douglas: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Victoria Volk: Don’t show your anger.
Amy Douglas: And this is my son who referenced, is an emotional manifestor. That’s something he said to me recently. Thank you mom for letting me witness your anger. Because instead of, like, my daughter had a very sensitive head, and that was not the most patient person, manifestors typically aren’t doing her hair in the morning before school, before I had to go to work, it’s like all of these things. And then she, you know, they would hurt, and I have to go slower. And more than one brushes were broken. Thankfully, I never used it on her, but I would throw them or smack them down on the counter to get my anger out. And it is important that we let ourselves do that. And my son who has a lot of that anger, certainly at his age too, like things aren’t going your way. Like, letting yourself let it out, fear of judgment or shame. There is no shame in those expressions. Let it out. It often has a great message. Right? We’re misaligned with something.
Victoria Volk: For sure. And I think about too, like, in that thirty five, thirty six, what’s been helpful for me is recognizing that when you were talking about expectations, like the grief that causes us, the self-suffering that we put ourselves through by, it’s like, like you said, when someone says something you take as you take them at their word. Right? And so we can find ourselves in these situations where, well, this is how it’s always been. It’s always been this way. We’ve always we’ve always been this way. It’s different now. You’re different now. Is it a self-practice? Or is this something to communicate with the people in our lives Like, does the human design help us find the language to communicate this?
Amy Douglas: Yes.
Victoria Volk: These things?
Amy Douglas: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, a hundred percent. And again, going back to what the activations are in your design helps you share and empowers you to share your truth. And I think it’s a you said, is it this or is it that? And I wanted to say yes. Yes and both. You have to find your own practice. Wow. I just said, have to. You get to find your own practice. Right? It is important that you find a way to connect that you feel that release. You and I, Victoria, we will feel peace with that release. Right? We also will find peace we’re sharing it with others. It’s important based on our mechanics. Our connection from where all those emotions are coming from, from go straight to the throat. They are meant to be expressed. But somebody else’s mechanics in their design might look different, and so I can help invite them in the ways that they can allow and empower themselves to get through that too. But I do believe, especially in this instance for you and I, it’s a hundred percent both. I don’t think people are meant to just keep things in. That’s not safe. And I don’t care if it is an expression of like they do it in a journal or they they write a book or they have an audio file that they add to daily. I went in December of twenty two, so almost a year ago, I moved from doing a written handwritten journal to an audio app that I speak into. It transcribes it if I wanna see other words, but then I also get to listen to the emotionality of what I was feeling and experiencing. I was a very turbulent time of my life. I was thrust out of Florida where I was loving my life because my daughter was having a terrible pregnancy and I couldn’t not be there with her. I knew I didn’t want to go to Michigan in the winter. Are you kidding me? I didn’t want anything to go north. Right? And yet I did. And it was very I was holding her and her fear and her concerns and the status of her health and all of those things. And if I wouldn’t have created that practice for myself to let it out, journaling just felt like writing it down. I felt like I was filtering it. Felt like I was like, what if she found this? What if she came over and found what I was and in the audio file, it just felt safer trapped in my phone. I don’t know. You find the practice that empowers you to let it out. That’s what I’m offering.
Victoria Volk: I love that. And I think that’s a brilliant place to and this recording today. But first, I wanna give you an opportunity. And you’ve shared so much, and I feel like I do feel like I’ve glossed over so much of your losses because it’s a lot and I feel like each one of these could have their own episode. I mean, really, truthfully, I feel like I’m doing a disservice to you and your grief and to my listeners. I really do. Like, I feel like I’m shortchanging your story here. I’m giving emotional and I don’t know. I don’t know why. I mean, I know why because I’m emotional, but it’s so much. Yeah.
Amy Douglas: And yet, you give me the space to share. And this is what I’m meant to do. Right? This is what I’m meant to do. And I’m double-barreled, is what it’s referred to.
So both of my emotional waves go from my solar plexus to my throat, our emotional center to our communication center, And so one kind of softens the other. And so the way that I feel called to share it is empowering for me. And it’s like part of my deconditioning process because you gave me the space to share it. And if I don’t sound emotional about it, it’s because I’ve done the work to let myself say, it’s okay. I’ve been through it. I’ve navigated it. And now I am meant to share it so others can have their space. And feel empowered and safe and almost given permission to do it for themselves as well. So I don’t feel like it’s been glossed over. At all. Mhmm. I felt like you’ve given me the space to share. And if it helps someone else, oh, that feels so delicious to me.
Victoria Volk: To me as well. So thank you for sharing that. And I want to give you an opportunity to share how people can the different ways people can work with you. And we’ve got, the holidays are coming up. It’s we’re still in October yet, but the holidays are coming up, and you’d shared briefly or recorded recording. One of your offerings is a great Christmas gift, so please share how people can work with you and where can they find you.
Amy Douglas: So the best place to go, I’m not a big social media person. It’s not uncommon kind of in my manifestor world. But Amyadouglas.com is my website and that has and there’s a page for all of my offerings. If you’re curious about human design, the one that you’re referencing Victoria is that little audio file. I do about a twenty five minute mini reading. It is full of deliciousness. It’s like the first glance of everything I see about your design, and it’s so fun to share. I have a lot of moms that give it to their kiddos. Also, by the way, it’s so great for the moms to hear about their kiddos. Because we think how can they be mine.
We’re so different. Hello? We’re all different and we all choose. And it’s so beautiful to witness seen a mom and a child understand each other without those that hierarchical position. Right? So you can see that I also weave human design into a lot of the ways that I support others in coaching. And those offerings are on there as well. I have digital courses. So, and you can connect with me on what I think that’s probably just the best place. I will happily offer your listenership twenty five percent off of any reading. And I’ll give you a coupon code if you want me to have the coupon code be the name of your podcast. Does that feel
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Sure.
Amy Douglas: Most recorded for you. So The Unleashed Heart will be the coupon code
Victoria Volk: or grieving voices.
Amy Douglas: Grieving voices. Okay. The Unleashed Heart is your website. Right?
Victoria Volk: Yep. Yep.
Amy Douglas: Okay. So the coupon code will be Grieving Voices which would afford any of your listeners twenty five percent off of my human design offerings. And happy to connect. I even have, like, a little thirty minute call if you just wanna chat about what might be best for you. You can sign up for something like that as well.
Victoria Volk: Thank you so much for your time today, and your strength and your courage have I just adore you. I’ve gained so much I mean, I respected you before, but just hearing all that you’ve gone through and experienced, I really, as a manifestor to a fellow manifestor, like, thank you. Thank you for sharing. We are small, but we are strong in mighty in numbers. So the world needs you and the world needs all of us to understand ourselves better because like you said, it’s the ripple effects of that. And the work that we do within ourselves that changes the world. So Yeah. It’s pretty
Amy Douglas: Beautifully said. Yes. Thank you, Victoria. It’s been my absolute pleasure to be with you today.
Victoria Volk: And stay tuned for the part two to come out. We’ll get that scheduled soon because I really am excited to dive deep into all things human design. So until then, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Emotions, Grieving Voices Podcast, Mental Health, Parenting, Pespective, Podcast, Q&A |
Q&A | Why Do I Struggle In Friendships and Find Parenting Unfulfilling?
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In today’s episode, I share an a-ha realization with you: a question I’ve wondered about myself for the past eighteen years.
I answer my own question in today’s episode regarding relationships with friends, my kids, and myself.
An important aspect of growth is self-awareness. Sometimes, we need to hear the right thing at the right time, unlocking an a-ha moment we’ve been waiting to receive. Those a-ha moments can shift our perspective or even possibly change the trajectory of our entire lives.
The best way to put ourselves in the way of a-ha moments is by diving into self-awareness, utilizing tools, and seeking out connections with others who can reflect what we can’t see for ourselves.
As you listen to this episode, maybe you can relate, and if you do, I hope it’s the encouragement you need to explore the inner workings of your mind and heart, too.
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Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Victoria Volk: Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time it is that you’re listening to this episode. Thank you for tuning in. And today, I have a bit of a different episode. It is a Q and A, but I’m pretty much going to be answering my own question that I’ve asked myself for eighteen years and that I essentially discovered the answer to just this week. And if you’re not familiar with human design, you may want to be If you’re into kind of a little bit of the woo woo, it’s kind of woo woo, but it’s really not. If you’re into astrology, things like that, this is information and data that can’t be manipulated or skewed because your birth date and your birth time and your birth place are unique to you. So with personality tests like Myers Briggs and things like that, you can easily manipulate the questions, right, to get a desired outcome.
Victoria Volk: On Myers Briggs, I am an INFP but I’m also a Pisces and so that makes a lot of sense to me. But human design is a little bit different in that it’s I’m not gonna get into all the explanatory things about it just because I’m no human design expert. I’m just sharing a pretty big aha moment that I had a realization that I had this week just based on what I’ve learned about my own human design. I originally came into human design, not through human design itself, but through another modality called Gene keys which is kind of uses a similarity of astrology and things like that as well, like human design, but I’m probably saying something wrong in this, description of gene keys, human design, all of that. Again, I’m no x spart, just take it with a grain of salt, do your own research.
Victoria Volk: But I would just If you’re curious, I’m gonna put a link in the show notes to where you can input your birth information and find out which of the four energy types you are. And I think there’s four. Right? Projector, Reflector, Generator, Manifesting Generator, and Manifestor. So there’s five. And I am a manifestor. Interestingly, my husband is also a manifestor, and all three of our children are manifesting generators.
Victoria Volk: No wonder why I was exhausted, raising children. Anyway, because as a manifestor, we have periods of rest. We need periods of rest. And this really this conversation does tie into what I do because this is all about our energy. It talks human design helps you understand where your energy is may be being taxed. It takes a little step further than even like the quiz that I offer on my website for free. We can go really deep with human design, really deep. And when I was first came across it, well over a year ago, almost two years ago, I believe it was. It felt so big to me. It seems so overwhelming. There’s so much to it.
Victoria Volk: The one thing I want to share with you today though is being a manifestor with an emotional authority, with a split definition. And again, these things probably don’t may not make any sense to you, but do your own research and you’ll understand what I’m talking about. But I’m a four-six opportunistic role model. So I’m a manifest emotional manifestor with lines four six.
Victoria Volk: What I’ve learned this week is that I listened to a podcast from that was that’s was started by another fellow manifestor. And aside from my husband, I don’t know of another manifestor. Now, again, I have ran the the body grafts of everybody I know. So there could be manifestors in my life that I’m just not aware of. That being said, this week, I’ve had so many awareness is about probably why my marriage works, why we’ve been able to celebrate twenty years this week. We get each other. We truly get each other. I think if I would have maybe married any other type other than maybe a projector because manifestors and projectors seem to get along beautifully. There could have been a lot of conflict that I would have experienced otherwise. What I’ve also realized is I’ve had relationships in the past, particularly friendships, particularly one friendship I was reflecting on just today as I was listening to another podcast episode about manifestors, is that as a manifestor we generally don’t need people. We don’t need relationships. However, we want relationships. And one of our core wounds as a manifestor is rejection. And so oftentimes, other people are drawn to the manifestor energy. And that can be to our detriment as a manifestor I’ve certainly experienced that myself. You don’t have to be a manifestor to for that to be your experience.
Victoria Volk: I think there’s there’s a lot of different aspects of the body graph of the human design that can influence those things, those experiences you have in your life. But when it comes, when I circle back to that friendship relationship that I previously mentioned, I realized that in listening to this podcast episode because what happens is because we don’t need people, we are rarely inspired by others. We as a manifestor are the initiators. We initiate other people. We initiate within ourselves. I don’t need someone else to initiate anything for me because as a manifestor, I do that on my own.
Victoria Volk: So this is what I mean And what I’ve learned when I say we don’t, as a manifestor, you don’t need other people. But we want relationships. Because we’re human and we desire connection and all of those things. But what happens is as if as a manifestor, you find yourself infatuated with someone else, which from what I’ve learned from this manifestor expert who provides trainings and things on human design. She had said that we early as manifestors, fan girl or fan boy, have fascination with other people. So when that happens, it’s really jarring to us. It’s really uncomfortable. Because that’s when we might have our wounds being exposed that fear of rejection. There’s four core wounds, and I that’s the only one I’m thinking of right now because that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, particularly as it relates to relationships in this aha moment I had.
Victoria Volk: But everything just came so clear to me today that in that relationship, that friendship that fell away, it was me I became I I I absolutely fell in love with this person’s personality. They inspired me I felt. Not infatuated, but just intoxicated by this person’s energy. Like, I was really drawn to this person’s energy which hadn’t happened before in a friendship like that since I’ve been in business. Like, that’s the first business other she’s in business. It was the first business friendship colleague that does healing work and things like that that I became enamored by her and all my shit came up. All of my core wounds came up and I sabotaged the friendship. I realize now the way my energy operated and how my wounds came up to teach me something.
Victoria Volk: I’ve done a lot of grief work and personal deep work since that friendship, like after that was around twenty eighteen. So it’s been several years, but just today, just this week, I’ve had this awareness of this is the pattern for me in friendships, certain friendships at times. Is that’s the shadow of working with your core wounds, and that’s what the human design can tell you. What those are and you can bring them to your awareness and you can have this clarity that makes you hop on a podcast to talk about it like I’m doing right now. Okay. So that’s friendships that’s just one aspect of human design that has blown the lid off of my awareness cap this week.
Victoria Volk: And the main topic and question that I mentioned in the very beginning that I haven’t even talked about yet, and I’m like, twelve minutes in is relates to parenting and parenting as a manifestor. And the same woman who started this manifestor podcast, it’s called, what is it called hunting for purpose. If you have not listened to it, if you are a manifesto, run, don’t walk. Listen to the podcast because I have had so many moments of clarity just listening to her because not only is she a manifests her. She’s also a four line four six just like me, and she also has the thirty five thirty six gate like I do, which is like the gate of, like, the first thirty years of your life, you’re gonna go through a lot of shit. And then from thirty to fifty years old, you’re gonna sit and ponder and reflect. And then from fifty on, you become this wise sage. So I’m I’m getting closer to that fifty in beyond, so I’m looking forward to that.
Victoria Volk: But anyway, she has because she shares so many similar qualities as myself, which a defined spleen as well. We both have. It’s almost as if when she speaks about herself as she is describing me. But she’s coming at it with so much more wisdom about human design that I can’t even like, my brain has been mush almost the sweet just because I’ve been having to do a lot of driving and so I’ve been listening to podcasts pretty much all day, every day. And this one thing that she talked about was motherhood as a manifestor. And yesterday, as she spoke about it. I felt myself getting emotional as a typical emotional manifestor would because I realized that what I was feeling, especially when I first had children and when they were younger, it’s become a lot easier now that they’ve gotten older, they’re more self-reliant. We’ve developed it’s just when you become when they become teenagers and they’re coming to their own. It’s I really feel like we’ve developed some really rich relationships. My children and I individually. And I say with so much gratitude, I have so much gratitude for the growth I’ve had in the last five years that have enabled me to develop those deeply rich relationships I currently have with my kids. And I’m getting emotional, as I say that. So I fiercely love my kids. And so what I’m about to say has really helped me release a lot of grief and grief a little yeah grief, guilt, shame. Because I wasn’t understanding my own energy. I didn’t understand myself.
Victoria Volk: Yesterday, she shared how she announced manifestors as mothers. Motherhood is not fulfilling for us. It’s not enough, and it will never be enough. And I felt a lot of guilt because I felt that way. I have felt that way. I could never just be a mom. I always had to be doing something else for myself, for me that was and I’ve spoken about and tidbits. Like, here and there, like photography starting my photography business was my creative outlet. But, really, tt’s because motherhood wasn’t fulfilling to me that was not enough and that brings up makes me remember another core wound of a manifestor as mediocrity. It’s this feeling of what am I going to leave? What’s gonna be my legacy? Like, not meeting my own potential? My own expectations for myself?
Victoria Volk: And we can I mean, expectations is a whole another episode, but that’s really been another key awareness for me this week? But I just wanted to leave you with this that I cannot stress enough the importance of understanding yourself and getting to know yourself on a level that you probably have never even given yourself the opportunity to explore. Because what I have released this week and what I have learned this week about myself just in my thoughts, just as just in reflecting it with my own thoughts. I feel I’ve grown exponentially as a mom, as a person just be having these things come into my awareness because now I can look at relationships moving forward and look at being a mother moving forward with an understanding of that’s just who I am and that’s okay. And that I’m enough.
Victoria Volk: Please check out your human design. If you’re the least bit curious and you can write it off, you can just like I did at first, like, oh, this is too much. It’s too overwhelming. I don’t have time for this. And it is a lot of in information. Trust me it is. But the website that I’m going to link to in the show notes, it’s has really great explain it. When you click on something or you hover over, it really explains it well. And you’re gonna be like, oh my god, this is this is totally me. This is totally me. But to have someone as another manifestor because only nine percent of the world are manifestors, and our world has been built by manifestors. Because manifestors are the initiators. It’s just been really fascinating to learn that. Yeah. It’s just been really fascinating week. Learning about myself.
Victoria Volk: So anyway, I don’t even really know what the question is this week that I should title this, but why should I care about getting to know myself? Here’s two reasons for you today. If you are a parent and you have relationships, because life happens in the context of relationships, and I can tell you with all the grievers I’ve worked with and the grief work that I’ve done personally myself we grieve in the context of relationships and that includes with ourselves the guilt and shame that we carry for various reasons and feeling misunderstood which many manifestors do. You’ve probably grown up feeling misunderstood.
Victoria Volk: In fact, I was just reflecting yesterday. I had to classmate actually right on my the back of a senior picture that was given to me that I was weird. That I was weird. My kids have told me that, you’re weird. You know, and people need no harm. This classmate meant no harm. It was his opinion, whatever. But I thought about that. I’ve been out of high school. Many years. So the things that stick with us. Right? I just felt so misunderstood. And that remark right there on the back of that picture just zoomed right in on why that’s true. Why that is true, why I felt that that was true. But now at the HIM. Older, wiser I guess, I’m gonna own my weird. I’ve started to own my weird in the last several years and my kids seem to love it. They love my weird and I’m happy about that. My husband seems to love my weird, but he’s weird too because they’re both manifestors because manifestors are kinda weird.
Victoria Volk: So anyway, you’re a manifestor? I see you. If you’re not a manifestor, I also see you because that’s one of the gift gifts of a manifestor as we see people for who they are. Because if there’s any energy type that is misunderstood, it is the manifestor.
Victoria Volk: Get to know yourself, my friends. It is the greatest gift that you can ever give yourself and those you love. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.