Ep 224 Holiday Grief Series: How To Effectively Manage Stress & Anxiety

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

Welcome to the third episode of my Holiday Grief Series! In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked challenges of the holiday season. While this time of year is traditionally filled with joy and celebration, it can also bring about stress and anxiety that lurk beneath the surface.

Key Takeaways:

Understanding Holiday Stressors: I explore various sources of holiday stress, including family dynamics, social pressures, environmental factors, and financial concerns. Whether you’re feeling isolated from loved ones or overwhelmed by family gatherings, you’re not alone in your feelings.

Dysfunctional Thinking Patterns: Discover how specific thought patterns, such as “Shoulds,” catastrophizing, and all-or-nothing thinking, can contribute to holiday stress. I’ll unpack these patterns and provide insight into how to challenge and change them.

Coping Strategies: I share practical tips for managing holiday stress and anxiety. From setting realistic expectations and prioritizing self-care to the importance of sleep and exercise, we discuss how to find balance and peace amidst the chaos.

Creating New Traditions: The holidays are a time for reflection and growth. I encourage you to consider starting new traditions that resonate with your current feelings and allow for personal grace and authenticity.

Embracing Your Feelings: It’s okay to acknowledge that the holidays may not be as joyful as they once were. I talk about the importance of being honest with yourself and others about your emotions and allowing space for grief and healing.

Join me and discover ways to embrace this season with compassion and understanding. Remember, you have the power to shape your holiday experience, and it’s perfectly okay to prioritize your well-being.

RESOURCES:

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NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Navigating Holiday Stress – Embracing Authenticity and Well-being

As the winter holiday season approaches, many of us eagerly anticipate the joy and warmth it traditionally brings. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that this time can also be fraught with stressors that impact our mental health and well-being. The third episode of our holiday grief series sheds light on these multifaceted challenges, offering insights into how we can navigate them while embracing authenticity.

Family-Related Stress

The holidays often highlight family dynamics in ways that may not always be positive. Whether it’s due to physical separation from loved ones or unresolved conflicts within a large gathering, family-related stress is prevalent during this time. It’s essential to recognize these feelings rather than suppress them. For those estranged from their families or coping with loss, acknowledging loneliness is the first step toward healing.

Tip: Consider starting new traditions that honor your current reality instead of forcing yourself into traditional roles or expectations.

Social Stressors

The pressure to socialize—whether through attending functions or simply writing greeting cards—can become overwhelming for many people. This social anxiety can detract from genuine interactions if left unchecked.

Tip: Prioritize events and activities based on what genuinely brings you joy rather than out of obligation.

Overindulgence Temptations

Holiday festivities often involve indulgent foods and drinks which might lead us down a path filled with guilt afterward—a cycle all too familiar when combined with financial strain caused by excessive spending habits typical around gift-giving seasons!

Tip: Practice mindful consumption; set realistic limits beforehand so as not only enjoy but savor every moment without remorse later on!

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:

Victoria Volk: Thank you for joining me for this third episode of The Holiday Grief Series. While the winter holidays are traditionally a time of joy and fellowship, The season carries several stresses, some hidden behind the lights and laughter of the season. Rates of depression, substance abuse, domestic strife, not to mention anxiety, worry, and grief all increase this time of year. Holiday stress can be sorted into a few categories. One of them being typical holiday stressors that many of us experience such as family related stressors, Too little family, those separated from family due to geographical distance or serving in the armed forces, divorce or estrangement, often field only and isolated at this time of year. In the first episode of the series covers estrangement if that’s a topic of interest for you. On the flip side of that, you can have too much family, unresolved family conflicts, unrealistic expectations of what the family gathering should be like, and confusion about one’s place in the family can create anxiety about getting together and tension when the family does get get together. It’s a reminder of anniversary dates. Holidays can often bring back memories of the past. Remembering Happier Times may result in grief over what has been lost. Recalling traumatic experiences is bound to dampen one spirits amid all the celebration. Listen to the second up sold in this series where I talk about honoring those we’ve lost during the holidays on four ideas for coping. There’s also social stressors. Shopping in crowds, standing in lines, driving in traffic, entertaining guests by attending social functions creates more opportunities for social anxiety than almost any other time of year. Even writing greeting cards and selecting just the perfect gift may feel like pressure after a while, especially with deadlines. You may be surprised to learn that this one is actually a stressor for me. I love people, but I also love the quiet, and although I love when family comes to visit, it stresses me out. I spend days beforehand cleaning like a mad woman, only for all of the effort to be undone in one day, and just have this feeling like I have to be on energetically. It’s the being on that totally zaps me. That’s why when I take a vacation, I need a vacation from the vacation. And when family leaves, I need a day to regroup and fill my cup again. And I think we’re all at least a little guilty of this neck dresser. Which we do to ourselves, and that is temptations and over indulgent and over indulgences. Eating too much of the wrong foods, drinking alcohol, spending too much money, and generally overdoing it often lead to feeling of out being out of control and then what what happens we feel guilty. And then there’s environmental issues. Traveling a bad weather is always stressful. Compounded by extra traffic and delays. December is also the darkest month of the year with daylight barely lasting eight hours, resulting in a wintertime depression called seasonal effective disorder. And if you have a husband like mine who is the snowflake watchdog and who travels about as good as a two year old, it’s extra stressful when you’re caught traveling in bad weather. But by gosh, we make it home alive because those four wheels are probably not going faster than thirty miles an hour. And another common holiday stressor would be financial issues. When the economy is in the dumps and you or other family members are out of work, You may not have the means to put up your usual decorations, provide gifts, entertain, or even make the meals you have had in the past. This can also also bring with it a lot of feelings of guilt, shame, and grief. This can all potentially lead to stressful thinking during the holidays. Certain kinds of dysfunctional thinking can occur during the holidays that contribute to stress. These consist of the shoulds, or unrealistic demands we place on ourselves and others. It could be catastrophizing where we focus on the worst possible scenario, and it could be all or nothing thinking. Some examples of the shoulds, It really should get the cards done on time, get the shopping done early, get presents for everyone, find the perfect gift for each person, prepare enough food, decorate properly, Go to church. Keep everyone in the family happy. Keep up a happy face. Have plenty of sweets on hand, but don’t eat too much yourself. And keep all the familiar traditions going at all costs. That’s a lot of shoulds. Do you should all over yourself around the holidays? It’s so easy to do. Next, we can catastrophize, and that includes examples like, it would be terrible if something went wrong over the holidays. If I don’t get the perfect gift or if I don’t make everything perfect, then I’ll be criticized. Maybe someone will feel left out so we better do this, that or the other thing, I didn’t get my cards or presents out on time. I’ll look like I don’t have my crap together. My kids need this newest thing or else, fill in the blank. And finally, the all are nothing thinking. If I feel sad at Christmas, I am not being a good Christian. If I don’t decorate for the holidays, I am not being a good neighbor or a grinch. If I’m not as happy as everyone else, I must be seriously depressed. People who don’t go all out for the holidays are just like Scrooge. The holidays will never be as great as they were in the good old days. Thinking or talking about loved ones who are gone will just make the holidays depressing. So far, you’ve probably nodded your head in agreement a few times, maybe even let out an audible. Oh my gosh. Yes. That’s totally me. So how can we flip this script? Here are some tips for coping with the stress of holidays. Speak out balance between what is really meaningful to you about the holidays and what you consider to be your obligations during this time. Decide ahead of time of realistic plan for what you can accomplish this season, including how much you can spend, how much you will decorate, socialize, or indulge. Participate in those activities you really feel up to, Remember, you don’t have to do everything or accept every invitation. Forgive yourself if things don’t turn out perfectly or if you make a mistake. Forgive others if they don’t do it your way or make a mistake. Allow yourself to grieve if you are experiencing a loss. Don’t expect yourself to feel happy every moment. Likewise, don’t criticize yourself for enjoying the moment. This next tip might surprise you, but open your curtains. Especially if you suffer from seasonal effective disorder, you may be want to purchase a light therapy lamp. By Christmas morning, the days already start getting longer again. I personally have pulled out my sunbox lamp a few weeks ago, and I sit by it every morning with my first cup of morning coffee. The long and cold North Dakota winters do affect me and my mood. And using light therapy is supportive of maintaining a natural sight circadian rhythm, which in turn supports the quality of your sleep, which is so important if your body is already overwhelmed by stressors, grief, or both. Here’s another tip that you’ve probably heard a million times, Allow yourself time for rest and exercise. Bundle up and go outside for fresh air even if it’s cold. Physical exercise also helps brighten the mood and increase energy levels. I personally am already devising a plan when winter weather keep me away from the gym. Lifting has become my favorite form of exercise and has been great for my mood as winter has settled in. Equally important is recognizing my body’s cues when rest is in order and listening to the wisdom of my body. Which knows a heck of a lot better than my mind. Our minds are given way too much power friends, tune into your body’s wisdom. It’s always giving you clues. If you’re looking for ways to support your energetic body, I did just launch my energy healing membership by the way. I’ll add a link in the show notes if you want to learn more. But exercise aside, we also know the importance of sleep. Humans also need more sleep this time of year, so give yourself a little extra time. Talking over your stresses and feelings with a close friend, pastor, or professional counselor is a good way to get a handle on stress whatever the season. I’ve also found brain dumping before bed helpful if not taking in all those to do, swirling around in my head and getting them out on paper. I also focus only on one day at a time. I do look at the wake ahead too, but before bed, I look at what’s on the docket for the next day and make sure my priorities are taken care of first. And speaking of writing things down. Writing down your thoughts and reflecting on them can also provide insights into your problems. If you’ve never heard of the five minute journal, it’s amazing for a daily quick morning and evening check-in. I’ll put a link in the show notes. It’s a great start if journaling isn’t really your thing, but it is a nice nice reflective tool. Maybe in all of that reflecting, you realize this next one applies to you. Just take a break from Christmas by putting your mind on other things. It’s okay to play a different kind of music occasionally. Doing things for others may get your mind off your own problems. Have a personal plan for coping with family gatherings. Decide ahead of time how you will approach certain people, what limits you will set on your interactions, what your role will be during the visit, and when to say goodbye. And the final note on coping during the holidays, Challenge the thinking that stresses you. Question the shoulds you place on yourself or that others place upon you. Catch all your all or nothing thinking and look for some middle ground. Avoid catastrophizing when things don’t go well. Is it the worst thing if the holiday wasn’t the greatest? I’d wager to guess that if you’re grieving, the worst has already happened. Remember all of these holiday traditions we hold so dear and try so hard to follow or once just an idea that someone thought would be fun or important to do. Maybe this year you will start your own holiday tradition or maybe Just maybe this is the first season you decide to give yourself some grace. Be honest with yourself and others about your feelings and make it the best it can be with where you’re at. Apologize where you need to apologize. Say thank you but no thanks where you feel you need to, and let go of the expectations of yourself and others too. Until next time friends, be well. Show this with someone who may need it, and remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.

Ep 223 Holiday Grief Series | Ways To Honor Those We’ve Lost

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

In Episode 2 of my holiday grief series, I explore the tender journey of honoring lost loved ones during the festive season—a time that often brings a mix of joy and sorrow. As your host, I want to assure you that feeling these emotions is completely normal. Reflecting on my own experiences, I’ve learned that traditional ways of handling grief—like keeping feelings bottled up or avoiding memories—usually don’t bring comfort.

One story shared by a podcast guest really resonated with me; she grew up in a warm but emotionally reserved family when it came to grieving her mother’s death. This episode offers practical ways to honor those we’ve lost. The six ideas shared in this episode are a starting point. Perhaps they will inspire you to think of other ideas. The point is not just to “get through” the holidays but also to embrace the gifts that grieving with others can bring. The ideas shared can support you in cultivating that within your family.

Often, one person in the family has to go first – to initiate the challenging, unknown things and break the mold of the grieving norms we’ve all grown accustomed to. This episode may be just what you need to hear to start to do grief differently.

I emphasize that everyone grieves differently, so it’s important to communicate plans with family members and respect each person’s readiness to participate—or not—in these activities.

Ultimately, this episode encourages us all to find personal ways of remembering those we’ve lost; such gestures help maintain our bonds with them while adding depth and significance—even amidst sorrow—to the holidays ahead!

Please revisit Episode 1 if you’re dealing with estrangement issues too—and feel free to share today’s message widely among friends needing similar support because sharing both love & loss has healing power beyond measure. 💛

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NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Embracing Holiday Grief – Honoring Lost Loved Ones

The holiday season is often painted with broad strokes of joy and celebration, yet for many, it brings a complex tapestry woven with both happiness and sorrow. This duality becomes particularly poignant when we find ourselves missing loved ones who have passed on. Episode 2 of the holiday grief series delves into this emotional landscape, offering insights and practical ways to honor those we’ve lost during these festive times.

Acknowledging Our Emotions

Grief does not adhere to a schedule or calendar—it ebbs and flows unpredictably. During the holidays, memories of past gatherings can intensify feelings of loss. It’s crucial to acknowledge that experiencing such emotions is entirely normal. The episode’s host emphasizes that suppressing grief or avoiding conversations about our deceased loved ones rarely provides solace; instead, embracing these feelings can be profoundly healing.

This concept is illustrated through personal stories shared in the podcast series. One guest recounted growing up in an emotionally reserved environment where expressing grief over her mother’s death was discouraged—an approach that left her feeling isolated rather than comforted.

Practical Ways to Honor Loved Ones

To navigate holiday grief while celebrating cherished memories, consider incorporating some meaningful practices:

  • Create a Memory Table or Altar: Designate a space adorned with photos and mementos of your loved one during family gatherings. This visual tribute serves as both a touchstone for reflection and an invitation for others to share their own remembrances.
  • Share Stories: Encourage family members to recount anecdotes involving your departed loved one. These stories foster connection among participants while providing opportunities for collective healing—a stark contrast to solitary grieving.
  • Cook Their Favorite Dishes: Preparing meals they adored can evoke warm recollections associated with shared culinary experiences—nourishing more than just appetites but also hearts.
  • Engage in Charity Work: Commemorate them by contributing positively within communities through volunteering efforts conducted under their name—a gesture reflecting how much impact they had on you personally too!
  • Light Candles as Remembrance Rituals: Simple acts like lighting candles at home provide quiet moments dedicated solely toward honoring those who’ve gone before us amidst bustling festivities surrounding us all around…

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:

Victoria Volk: Hello. Hello. Thank you for joining me for today’s episode, which is episode two of four in my four part holiday grief series. Last week, I talked about estrangement, And this week, I’m focusing on how ways to honor those we’ve lost during the holidays. And for many this time of year can be particularly challenging as you navigate the complex emotions of grief and seek ways to keep the memory of your loved ones alive. It’s important to remember that feeling a mix of joy and sorrow during the season is okay, not to mention it’s normal and it’s natural. I want to start this episode by sharing the importance of honoring our loved ones and how doing so can bring you comfort. This was something that was not emulated for me and not something we did as a family after my father passed when I was eight. And I think this is pretty typical for society to do, push forward, get through, and maybe say the deceased loved one’s name, but more than likely not for fear of upsetting another family member. A recent podcast guest whose episode will go live in twenty twenty five expressed how she lived in a household with two families combined as a child in India. Someone was always around and they were always together as a family. However, after her mother passed, despite being surrounded by so much love, she never felt more alone after her mom passed away. Everyone in the family grieved alone, went on their own grief island, so to speak, didn’t express emotions and never spoke of her mother. So she grew to be a teenager and an adult who would do the same because that’s what was emulated and taught by the behaviors of others and her family. I know that was my response too, to stuff, bury, and do my damned just to forget. However, the thing about our shadows is they’re always right behind us. The holidays can often amplify feelings of loss, reminding us of the empty space at the table. Honoring our loved ones during this time not only helps us keep their memories alive, but also allows us to process our grief in a healthy way. The holiday season can be a time to connect with our loved ones, even if they are no longer physically present. By actively remembering them, we can create a sense of connection that transcends their absence. So how can we honor our loved ones during the holidays? Here are some ideas. You could create a memory table or an altar. Set up a special place in your home where you can display photos or souvenirs. Or favorite items of your loved one. This can become a focal point for reflection and remembrance during holiday gatherings. If family members are gathering at your home, consider inviting them to bring something that reminds them of the loved one. Creating a space of remembrance open to all family members to participate can open up dialogue among family members to share in the grief rather than each individual grieving silently alone. You could share stories and memories. Encourage family members to share their favorite stories about the loved one you’re honoring. This not only keeps their memory alive, but also can foster connection and healing among others who are grieving. Quite the opposite of my podcast guest experience and my own. You could cook their favorite recipes, prepare dishes you loved to unloved. Cooking and sharing their favorite meals can evoke fond memories, and create a sense of warmth and nostalgia. You could also participate in a charity or volunteer, honor your loved ones by giving back to the community in their name. This could be through donating to a cause they cared about, or volunteering your time to help those in need during the holiday season. There is a saying that the quickest way to forget about your own pain in sorrow is to help someone else in theirs. Right? Another way you can honor your loved one is by lighting a candle in memory of them, which can be a beautiful and simple way to honor them. You could do this at a family gathering or during a quiet moment of reflection. And finally, incorporate their spirit into new traditions. Consider starting a new holiday tradition that reflects the essence of your loved one. This could be anything from a special toast in their memory to a unique activity they enjoyed. As we explore these ideas, we must remember that grief is a personal journey. Not everyone may be open to participating in the ideas shared. So I would suggest that if you choose to do any of these things suggested and you’re the one hosting, consider giving a heads up to the rest of the family, inform them of what you’re planning to do. The last thing you want to do is make a meaningful experience uncomfortable and awkward because other family members are caught by surprise. May may not be ready to participate, and it’s important to let that be okay. Similarly, if you’re not ready to participate, it is equally important to allow those who wish to express their grief this way to do so. This is how we honor people’s grief and meet them where they are. Ultimately, allowing yourself to feel the emotions during the holidays and recognizing that they are a part of your love for that person can become even more meaningful, when those emotions are shared with others you love. Creating space for both joy and sorrow can be incredibly healing. It’s important to acknowledge that while the holidays can bring moments of happiness, they can also serve as poignant reminders of what we’ve lost. If you find the holidays particularly overwhelming, don’t hesitate to ask for support. Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort and understanding. Online communities can offer a sense of belonging and resources for navigating these feelings. However, it’s important to remember that others beliefs about grief are also expressed in those environments that aren’t helpful and can even be hurtful. For example, one may believe that they will forever feel the pain of grief. And I want to say that although that may feel true for that person, that doesn’t have to be the story you adopt as your own. It is possible to live a life of joy and meaning. So it’s essential to discern the advice others give. Talking to a therapist or someone like myself who specializes in grief may be helpful. These spaces can provide valuable tools and coping strategies as you honor your loved one during this time. Honoring a loved one during the holidays is a powerful way to keep their memory alive while navigating your own grief. Whether creating new traditions, sharing stories, or participating in acts of kindness, each gesture can help you feel connected to your loved one. I thank you for joining me today. If you haven’t listened to episode one of four in the series yet, this is just a friendly reminder to go back and check out episode two twenty two how to deal with estrangement. It is my hope that the ideas shared today inspire you to honor your loved ones a way that feels good to you. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might need it. And remember, you are not alone on this journey. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

Ep 222 Holiday Grief Series: How To Deal With Estrangement

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

In the first episode of a four-part series on holiday grief, I discuss estrangement and its impact during the holiday season.

Estrangement, a form of alienation within families, can arise from conflicts over values or unresolved trauma and affects relationships between parents, children, grandparents, siblings, and even extended family members. It often stems from disputes over values, lifestyles, past trauma, or unresolved issues.

The holiday season is typically seen as a time for joy and togetherness with loved ones. However, for those experiencing estrangement, it can heighten feelings of loneliness and guilt. Societal pressure to maintain traditions doesn’t help when your familial bonds are strained or broken.

I offered several strategies to manage these challenges and share some of my journey. I hope to show healing is possible beyond inherited narratives.

I encourage you to explore the truths about family stories passed down through generations. Reconciliation might be an option worth considering if circumstances allow it. Remember, there’s communal support available as we navigate this path together. Please share this episode with anyone who could benefit from our discussion on grief throughout the holiday series.

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NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Understanding Family Estrangement: Navigating the Holidays with Grieving Voices

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and familial bonding. However, for many individuals experiencing family estrangement, this period can be fraught with emotional challenges. In today’s episode of “Grieving Voices,” the host delves into the complex issue of family estrangement and its profound impact during what should be a celebratory time.

What is Family Estrangement?

Family estrangement refers to a state where alienation or hostility exists within familial relationships. This can occur between various members such as parents and children, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren, or even extended family members. The reasons behind these rifts are diverse—they might stem from conflicting values or lifestyles, unresolved past trauma, or long-standing issues that have never been addressed.

Types of Estrangement

  1. Parent-Child Estrangement: Often arises due to differing expectations or life choices.
  2. Sibling Rivalries: Can escalate over perceived favoritism or inheritance disputes.
  3. Generational Gaps: Differences in beliefs between grandparents and grandchildren.
  4. Extended Family Conflicts: Misunderstandings among cousins or in-laws.

Challenges During the Holiday Season

For those dealing with estranged relationships, holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness and shame—emotions already simmering beneath the surface throughout the year but exacerbated by societal pressures during festive times.

Emotional Impact:

  • Loneliness & Isolation: Watching others celebrate may heighten awareness of one’s separation from family.
  • Guilt & Shame: Internalizing blame for fractured relationships intensifies emotional distress.
  • Unresolved Trauma: Memories tied to past conflicts resurface more vividly around holidays.

Coping Strategies for Navigating Holidays Amidst Estrangements

To help manage these difficult emotions during such periods:

  1. Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize your feelings without judgment; it’s okay not to feel ‘festive.’
  2. Create New Traditions: Develop personal rituals aligned with current circumstances rather than adhering strictly to old ones which may no longer serve you well emotionally.
  3. Set Boundaries: Clearly define limits on interactions (if any) with remaining connected relatives who might inadvertently trigger discomfort through their actions/words/actions etc., ensuring protection against further hurtful encounters wherever possible!

4 .**Seek Support Networks/Groups/Friends Sharing Similar Experiences : Joining communities facing similar situations offers valuable insights along mutual encouragement needed navigating challenging moments together effectively!

5 .Engage Self-Care Activities – Prioritize self-care practices like meditation/yoga/journaling/exercise aiding relaxation amidst chaos surrounding typical holiday hustle-bustle scenes unfolding everywhere else seemingly effortlessly outside world view alone instead perhaps?).

6 Consult Professional Help If Overwhelmed – Therapy sessions provide safe spaces exploring deeper underlying causes contributing towards strained dynamics while offering guidance healing process itself eventually leading potential reconciliation pathways opening up naturally overtime too maybe someday soon hopefully?

Episode Transcription:

Victoria Volk: Welcome to today’s episode of Grieving Voices, where I will explore the complexities of family relationships and the challenges many face during the holiday season. Today, we’re exploring estrangement and its effects on individuals and families during this time of year. Whether you’re an estrangement, an adult child or someone who has distanced themselves from family for various reasons. I hope to provide insights and support for navigating these difficult moments. But first, let’s start to understand estrangement. We need to define it. According to Webster’s or Wikipedia, estrangement is the state of being alienated or separated in feeling or affection. A state of hostility or unfriendlyness, the state of being separated or removed. Going deeper, estrangement can take many forms and it’s essential to recognize the various types of relationships that can be impacted. For example, a parent or child. A parent child estrangement. This is when adult children choose to cut ties with their parents due to conflicts over values, lifestyle choices, or past trauma. Another type of strange relationship is a sibling estrangement. Siblings may drift apart due to rivalry, differing life paths, or unresolved childhood issues. Grandparent grandchild estrangement is another type. Sometimes grandparents find themselves estranged from their grandchildren often due to parental decisions or family conflicts. And finally, extended family estrangement. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and more can also be affected, especially in families with deep rooted issues or disagreements. Understanding the type of estrangement you’re experiencing can help you find the right coping approach, especially during the holidays when emotions run high. And now that I’ve shared some examples of estrangement, let’s move on to the challenges of estrangement during the holidays. The holiday season is often portrayed as a time for family gatherings, joy, and togetherness. However, for those experiencing estrangement, it can be a painful reminder of what’s missing. Some common challenges include feelings of loneliness. The absence of family can lead to profound feelings of isolation, especially when social media showcases happy family moments. Gilt and shame, estranged individuals may struggle with guilt over their estrangement questioning their decisions or feeling like they’ve failed their fam familial roles. Also triggers from past trauma. Holidays can evoke memories of past conflicts or traumas making it difficult to find peace during these times. And there can also be a pressure to conform. There can be this societal pressure to maintain family traditions, even when they’re no longer healthy or enjoyable. So up to this point, you’ve learned what estrangement is, examples of estrangement, and the challenges of estrangement during the holidays. So what do you do about it? How do you manage the emotions and complexities of family dynamics with estrangement? This brings us to strategies for support during the holidays. How can individuals support themselves during this challenging time? Here are some strategies. One, acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to validate your feelings of sadness, anger, or loss. The moment you feel all the feelings building up in you, it’s an opportunity to stuff or an opportunity to unload. And you already know which I’ll say is healthier. By unloading, I don’t mean lashing out of a fit and fit of rage at those provoking the uncomfortable feelings. Instead, unload bikes pressing in a way that does not hurt or harm another person. Screaming into a pillow, journaling or talking to a friend can help process these emotions. And if you’re in a place you can’t process at that moment, consciously and with awareness, Tell yourself that although you can’t express in real time, you’ll park those feelings until you can address them later and then actually revisit those feelings later and do something to feel and process them. Two, create new traditions. Consider starting new holiday traditions that align more with your current situation. This could be spending time with friends, volunteering, or even enjoying a quiet day at home. Three, set boundaries. If you’re in contact with estranged family members, consider establishing clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Four, seek support. Joining support groups are connecting with others in a similar situation can provide a sense of community and understanding. Five, practice self care. Make time for activities that bring you joy in relaxation such as reading, exercising, or indulging in a favorite hobby. And six, consider professional help. If feelings of estrangement become overwhelming, speak with a therapist, counselor, someone like myself, a certified grief specialist who can provide valuable coping tools. In conclusion, estrangement during the holidays can be challenging. But remember, you’re not alone. Many people navigate similar experiences and resources are available to help you through. Whether you focus on self care, create new traditions, or seek support, or prior prioritizing your emotional health. All of these can contribute to healthier, happier holiday experience. And I will personally say that I experience estrangement. There is estrangement within my own family. And it is difficult and it has been difficult over the years. I was also estranged from my father’s immediate side of the family after he passed away when I was eight. They were no longer in my life. And until almost thirty years later, I hadn’t even seen my uncle who was very close to my father or my cousins. And that was very healing for me. You see, sometimes we can get passed down these stories or beliefs that we take on as our own because they’re passed down to us, but we can always choose to write a new story. We can always choose to find a new truth for ourselves. And that’s maybe the challenge today. As if you are experiencing estrangement, there is a time for boundaries, but there might be also a time for reconciliation. Depending on how that estrangement came about. It’s very nuanced. I understand that. But just remember that people share from their lens and perspective, whether it was your parents or your grandparents, I passed down stories. That was their truth. So maybe this holiday season, ask yourself. What is my truth? What do I want to be true for me? I thank you for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit. And don’t forget to subscribe for more discussions on grief during the holidays as I’ll be continuing this series for three more episodes throughout December. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

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