Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
On this Christmas Eve episode, I extend warm, festive greetings to all listeners, no matter how you celebrate. Inspired by my recent newsletter, The Unleash Letters, I reflect on the past year’s experiences and energies while looking forward with hope to 2025.
I discuss the power of self-reflection as a healing tool—especially for those grieving—and encourage everyone to consider what energies from 2023 they carried into 2024 and how these might impact their future.
I’ve experienced a shift in my beliefs about unseen spiritual support, which has renewed my excitement and inspiration for the future. Trusting oneself and having faith in a higher power can truly spark personal growth.
Setting intentions is crucial; it helps us tackle challenges head-on and transform our lives into ones filled with freedom and fulfillment. We can quickly change perspectives by addressing obstacles directly, grounding ourselves, and reframing our thoughts. While conflicts are inevitable when engaging deeply with others, viewing year-end as a new beginning allows us to harness energy shifts for personal growth.
I invite you to reflect on what didn’t work in 2024, consider changes you’d like to make for 2025, and explore my website for services that meet where you are at like the energy healing membership, meditations, or the Do Grief Differently program—with an exclusive limited-time discount available!
My goal is to meet you wherever you are on your journey by helping you take control of your energy and potential. As I close this episode with hope for 2025, remember that unleashing your heart unlocks your life’s true potential!
RESOURCES:
- The Unleashed Letters Newsletter
- Energy Healing Membership
- Do Grief Differently (10% off for two individuals for January or February start date)
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embrace the Holiday Spirit with Grieving Voices
As we approach the end of another year, it’s a time for reflection, gratitude, and setting intentions for what lies ahead. In this special Christmas Eve episode of the Grieving Voices podcast, listeners are invited to pause and reflect on their journey through 2023 and how they can step into 2024 with renewed energy and purpose.
A Season of Reflection
The holiday season is often seen as a time of joy and celebration. However, it’s also a period where emotions run high—especially for those who are grieving. The host acknowledges this duality by extending festive greetings while recognizing that everyone’s experience during this time is unique. Drawing inspiration from The Unleash Letters, their biweekly newsletter filled with personal reflections and resources, the host encourages us all to take stock of our emotional landscape.
The Power of Self-Reflection
Self-reflection isn’t just about looking back; it’s about understanding how past experiences shape our present selves—and ultimately influence our future paths. For those dealing with grief or other life challenges in particular—self-reflection becomes an essential tool for healing because it allows us not only recognize but also release pent-up energies holding us back from growth opportunities waiting around every corner!
In fact—as highlighted throughout today’s episode—the act itself requires immense amounts both mental physical strength which makes sense why so many people find themselves drained exhausted after engaging deeply introspective work like journaling meditation etcetera…
Trusting Yourself & Higher Powers
One key takeaway shared was trusting oneself alongside greater forces beyond comprehension such spiritual entities which may offer unseen support along way! This belief shift brought newfound excitement anticipation heading into upcoming years including potential breakthroughs transformations awaiting eager individuals ready embrace change wholeheartedly without fear hesitation whatsoever!
By fostering deeper connections within ourselves others universe at large—we unlock doors previously thought closed forever opening up endless possibilities once unimaginable before now suddenly tangible reality ripe exploration discovery anew each day passes bringing fresh insights revelations aplenty wherever turn next no matter path choose follow down road less traveled more familiar territory alike…
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello friend. Thank you for tuning in to this Christmas Eve episode of Greeting Voices. If you’re listening today on Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day, Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah however you celebrate, marry all the things to you and yours. And if you don’t celebrate, that’s okay too. Thank you for listening. Today’s episode is inspired by my last newsletter, which is called the unleashing letters. It comes out every other Wednesday. I will put a link to it in the show notes in case you’re interested in joining me biweekly in your inbox. It’s my place where I share a little bit more personal things and what’s happening, work wise, business, personal, all of the things, my thoughts, I share resources that I come across. It’s kind of a hodgepodge of of things sometimes But my last newsletter, I felt like was maybe too good not to share on the podcast. And so that is what inspired me to bring to you today Basically, my last newsletter to you here on the podcast. So if you like what you hear today, maybe you’d like to join my newsletter. Now I’ve been thinking a lot about this past year, the lessons I’ve learned, which will come in the next episode of grieving voices. But really about the energy. The energy that I feel maybe I I don’t wanna say this. Like, the energy that I embodied the most in twenty twenty four. And for me, it was just laying the foundation of what’s to come because I have a lot of hope of what’s to come for me business wise, personally, I’m looking ahead to twenty twenty five with a lot of excitement and enthusiasm and enjoy and Yeah. So I think this year was really about preparing myself energetically to to really receive all the goodness that I feel is just waiting for me. In twenty twenty five. And if you’re listening to this and you’re grieving, maybe you just lost a loved one. I’ve heard some really sad stories as of late, local to me, people that I’ve I somewhat knew who have passed way before their time. And so maybe this is not the episode for you today, and that’s okay. But at the same time, I think if self reflection can be an amazing healing tool for us, it can help us bring something to our awareness that helps us shift our perspective of things. That can be healing. So in that case, maybe this episode is for you. In any rate, turn this off when it doesn’t feel aligned. Keep listening if it does. But the highlights of the newsletter were pretty much, like, talking about I I mean, I can talk about I can spend things around to be about grief and a lot of my newsletter was about grief. And the energy that grief expands. But his grief expands a ton of energy to both hold in our bodies, but also to release. And we can release grief through breath work or body work, like energy healing, raky, biofuel tuning, like I offer somatic practices, shaking, tapping, even dancing, or other healing modalities that freeze the stagnant tangled energy that allows for allows for our energetic flow. So in a nutshell, Releasing and working through the energetics of grief is a good thing. And so if you are grieving and you’re listening to this, the worst has probably already happened. Is what is one small step you can do today for you to hold your heart with light and love? What is your heart asking of you right now? And I bet if you take a moment to be still and turn off the noise and distractions, you just might get your answer. When you think back on twenty twenty four, what did you energetically take into twenty twenty four from twenty twenty three? Was it heartbreak? Maybe what you’re feeling right now is a little bit of old pain. Is it decades old emotional pain and anger? Is it a longing or a desire burning inside that hasn’t come to fruition? What was the energy you took into twenty twenty four? And are you still holding onto that energy and taking it into twenty twenty five? What can you do or try that could contribute to twenty twenty five being different and not more of the same? Is it time for brave action? There is this unseen force and energy that has your back in mind. And up until very recently, I struggled to believe that this was true for me. I never questioned this being true for others, but my monkey mind always questioned because I very much am a questioner and a natural skeptic. And I was skeptical that the insights and messages that would drop into my mail slot, I’d like to call it, were made up by my monkey mind. But that all changed, actually only within the last month and a half or so, with a meditation that was like the flip of an energetic light switch. Now I fully believe that God angels spirit guides, saints universe, whatever you wanna call it, that there’s something we can’t see Although some people are gifted in that way to see, but that is far more intelligent than we ever will be on this physical plane and in our physical bodies with all of our logic and ego getting in the way. But that support is just waiting for us to knock on the door, waiting to be recognized and acknowledged. And now that I have experienced it fully for myself, I can’t unfreeze what I now know, that I am supported. And so are you? And feeling energetically held in this way has made my December twenty twenty four explode with excitement and buzz and inspiration. It has been as if the floodgates of what’s possible have opened up. Going into twenty twenty five, I feel a theme for me to share is self trust, and trust in something greater, and helping others cultivate that within themselves. Imagine the hope that can come from learning how to trust yourself and in something greater. It has certainly ignited a lot of hope in me. I’m as much a realist as I am a dreamer. Life is gonna life. Things don’t always go as we plan. Energetically finding ourselves in these situations can flip our lives upside down and rightfully so for a period of time. However, one thing I’ve learned about myself is that this past years that my rebound time from challenges like these is much shorter than it used to be in years past. When I can get out of my own way, set my monkey mind straight and get grounded and centered within myself, my perspective shifts so much more quickly. I become more reflective sooner. Therefore, I’m not ruminating and stewing on crap I can’t control or have the power to change in my favor. And although it is painful in the process, I’ve learned that the god angels, spirit guides universe, whatever you want to call it are simply making more room and space for what is meant for me. As long as I do my part and energetically step up to the plate, and I believe that’s true for you too. If we acknowledge the suck in the situation, set an intention with the might with our energy for what is in the highest good for ourselves and everyone involved, and release attachment to any certain outcome. Twenty twenty five can be an amazing year. And energetically, we can feel free. We will forever have conflict in our lives as long as we are in relationships with others and I can’t wait to share more about what twenty twenty four has taught me in an upcoming episode next week, but energetically, get grounded and centered within yourself. And trust, and you will see how the world just seems to rearrange and sort itself around you. Like a dear friend of mine says, metaphorically speaking, of course. The trash just seems to take out itself. We just so easily get in our own way because we’re afraid of uncertainty. We have fear of change because we latch on to pass stories or beliefs that have been passed down to us through generations or the lives that we told ourselves or others told us about ourselves that we accept as our truth. For example, did you grow up in a home with a lack mindset where the your parents and your household were just believed there was just never enough or you were just barely enough or you were just scraping by Or did you have to prove your worth by doing? These are stories that we hold on to that we bring into adulthood. This is the energy that you’re holding on to potentially. And bringing into your present day. What if instead of looking at the end of twenty twenty four as an ending, we looked at it as a new beginning, an invitation to a new beginning. Every single day there’s a sunrise and a sunset. It were given an opportunity every day to start with a clean slate. There’s never a perfect time or a perfect year and the future isn’t guaranteed. And we waste a lot of time, dwelling, ruminating, stewing, procrastinating, holding ourselves back, and allowing our ego and logical mind to get in the way. Which is skewed by our perception of our past experiences and how we see the world. One of the fastest ways we can shift our energy, our perspective, our thoughts around the challenge in the moment or whatever we’re thinking about or struggling with is to ask ourselves better and deeper questions. And so I just want you to think about twenty twenty four And ask yourself, what isn’t working? What hasn’t been working about twenty twenty four? And if I gave you a magic wand, and I could shift your energy and change your energy today, Where would you put your energy to first? What would be the first thing that you would want to change? This is a baby step towards self awareness. To bring to light, that which you wish to shift your perspective around and take action. So if you are ready to do so and go into twenty twenty five with new energy or call in new energy into your life. I invite you to take a look at my website, the onlychart dot com, have a look at the different services I offer. I can meet you where you’re at, whether you’re just starting to peel back the layers, maybe energy healing work is for you. I’ve got meditations on there. I just launched my energy healing membership, which is forty nine dollars a month for founding members. We meet live twice a month. There’s three different modules currently in the membership, plus resources I’ll be adding and I’ll continually be adding to it. And you have access to the energy healing sessions. However, many times a month you want to engage in them and participate. Or if you’re ready to dive deep, into the stories that you’re holding on to. Maybe do group differently is for you. I like to call do group differently, the gift that keeps on giving. And so for two people, I will be offering ten percent off do grief differently, which is a savings of a hundred and sixty dollars for January or February twenty twenty five. So if you’ve been considering the program, hit up the link in the show notes to inquire. And for those that decide to move forward, I will give you that coupon code. And again, it’s good for two people, for January or February start dates. For twenty twenty five. I believe in that program with all of my heart. It changed my life and I’ve seen countless other lives changed and transformed because of it and relationships made stronger because of it. So I’m excited to offer two people ten percent off that program to help you get out of your own way in grief and in life. If you’ve already done a lot of energy work, personal healing, development work, maybe you’re just ready to fulfill your full potential to really lean your energy into allowing yourself to fully become unleashed from whatever it is has its grip on you. Then maybe you map is for you. Again, I can meet you where you’re at, and I’m telling you I’ve walked the walk. I’ve probably been where you are. When you grow up with grief, it it feels like that. Life can feel like a grind, but there is a way to make peace with your past. To move forward, to shift your energy, up level your energy, raise your voltage, so you feel like you have a sense of vitality. You can do the things that you enjoy doing. You feel a creative spark, you feel inspired. And along the way, if you trust in yourself and trust that you are supported, that’ll take you leaps and bounds. Further than I think even I maybe even I feel as possible as I sit here right now. I hope this episode was inspiring. I hope it was leaving with a sense of hope. For twenty twenty five. Check out the show notes for any links. If you’re interested in the energy healing membership, my newsletter, I’m here to support you in whatever way you need. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this final episode of the Holiday Grief Series, I explore the power of reflecting on our past, especially when dealing with grief during the holiday season. It’s about facing those tough memories head-on, much like a buffalo charges through a storm to find peace faster. By confronting these feelings directly, we gain insight into ourselves and can make better choices for our future.
Reflecting on history isn’t just personal; it applies to society, too. Understanding past events helps us break negative cycles and create positive change. As we look back at 2024 and beyond, self-awareness becomes key in shaping who we want to be.
I share my own journey of growth—much like committing to fitness—and how it’s similar to emotional healing. It takes dedication but leads to powerful inner transformation.
The main takeaway? Embrace your past so you can rewrite your story going forward into 2025. Let go of perfectionism; focus instead on progress over time. Remember that you’re unlocking your life’s potential by opening your heart.
I’m here for anyone ready to embark on this transformative path and encourage you all to spread this message of hope and empowerment to others who might need it, too!
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing the Past for a Brighter Future
The holiday season often brings with it a mixed bag of emotions. For many, it’s a time of joy and celebration, but for others, it can be a poignant reminder of loss or emotional pain. In this fourth episode of our holiday grief series, we delve into the transformative power that lies in reflecting on the past—particularly during such emotionally charged times.
Facing the Storm Head-On
Imagine being like a buffalo facing an approaching storm. Instead of running away from it, you charge straight through to emerge quicker on the other side. This metaphor perfectly encapsulates how confronting painful memories head-on can lead to personal growth and healing. By directly addressing these experiences, individuals gain deeper insight into their motivations and actions.
This process is not just about reliving old wounds; rather, it’s about understanding them so that they no longer hold sway over your present or future decisions. The journey through one’s past allows for closure by resolving lingering emotions and ultimately leads to living a more peaceful life.
Learning from History
The importance of reflection extends beyond personal experiences—it applies to historical contexts as well. Societal progress hinges on understanding past events to avoid repeating mistakes while creating positive change moving forward.
As we approach 2024’s end-of-year reflections (and look ahead towards 2025), consider what lessons history has taught us both individually and collectively—and how those insights might inform better choices going forward!
Commitment & Growth
Personal development requires dedication akin physical training regimes: persistent effort yields substantial inner gains over time! Our speaker shares parallels between their fitness journey alongside broader endeavors involving emotional/spiritual growth—emphasizing commitment necessary achieving meaningful transformation within oneself too!
Upcoming collaborations include figures like Amanda Popovski via Instagram platforms plus newly launched energy healing membership opportunities available now! Letting go perfectionism embraces iterative improvement processes vital venturing new projects successfully together alike!
Ultimately though message remains clear throughout entire discussion here today: looking back helps identify behaviors shaped previous experiences empowering rewriting personal stories anew again tomorrow instead…
In closing remarks offered gratitude shared reminder embracing heart leads unleashing life fullest potential possible always remember sharing messages benefit others who may need hear same truths themselves someday soon perhaps?
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: This is Victoria of the unleash tarte dot com, and you’re listening to grieving voices. A podcast for hurting hearts who desire to be heard, or anyone who wants to learn how to better support loved ones experiencing loss. As a thirty plus year grieber, an advanced grief recovery method specialist, I know how badly the conversation around grief needs to change. Through this podcast, I aim to educate Grivers and non Grivers alike, spread hope, and inspire compassion toward those hurting. Lastly, by providing my heart with ears and this platform, griefers have the opportunity to share their wisdom and stories of loss and resiliency. How about we talk about grief like we talk about the weather? Let’s get started. This episode is sponsored by Do Grieve differently, my twelve week in person or online program that helps grieving who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. In do grief differently, you learn new tools, education, and a method you can utilize the rest of your life. In this program and with my guidance, you remove the pain of grief. The sadness will always be there because even in complicated relationships we love, but it’s the pain of grief that keeps us stuck. Are you ready to do grief differently? Check out my website w w w dot the unleashtart dot com to learn more. Hey. Hey. Hey. Thank you for joining me today. This is the fourth episode of my holiday grief series, and I’m gonna talk about why we need to look at our past. It is a theme that has been coming up in conversations lately. Different guesting opportunities I’ve had. I’ve in December, I’ve been in full on creation mode and just having a lot of conversations too. And this has really just come up a lot. And so I figured it was a good topic for me to add and kind of the end cap of the holiday grief series. Because if we really think about our experiences and let’s say you’re grieving right now, you’re listening to this and you are not looking forward to the holidays coming up and you’re thinking about the past and it’s painful. And you do what you can to stuff it down and bury it and just push through and just you just wanna get through the holidays. Like, that’s your goal. It’s just to get through. And yet, the holidays will come and go. And the festivities will be over, and you will be sitting with yourself. And the past might come up again. In fact, it probably will come up again. Those old emotions the feelings, the pain, the reminders, they’ll be back. They always do come back like waves in the ocean. Grief ebbs and flows and hits us when we least expect it. But there’s something that happens when we look at the past and we address it and we act as a buffalo. It’s one of the things that came up in a podcast episode recently with my guest, Chris Cochrane, actually. He had never heard of the I used the Buffalo as an example. And he did not know that the Buffalo will go right head on through a storm. And they do because they realize and know, innately, that it’s the shortest path. There’s a lot of resistance that happens when we try to take the long way around, and it doesn’t do us any favors. We find that All the behaviors that we do to feel better don’t help us to feel better for the long term, and we have a lot of resistance to really looking at the past. Look in the at the past can be a valuable and transformative experience for several reasons. By examining our personal history, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the present circumstances we find ourselves in. It allows us to uncover the blueprints that shaped our lives, revealing the original intentions and motivations behind our actions. We connect the dots, when we have that self reflection. So when we take the time to reflect on the past, we can learn important lessons from our experiences. We can identify patterns, understand the causes and effects of our choices, and make more informed decisions moving forward. This self reflection helps us grow and develop, and as we become more aware of our strengths, hind our weaknesses, and areas for improvement, our lives improve. And exploring the past can provide us with a sense of closure and healing. By acknowledging and addressing any unresolved emotions or incomplete communications, we can release the pain and find ourselves in forgiveness both for ourselves and others. This process allows us to let go of the burdens that have been weighing us down, freeing us to move forward with a renewed sense of peace and purpose. And when I say purpose, it doesn’t have to be something big. We always think that we have to do these grand things with our our pain. You know, it’s that old hero’s journey that from pain to purpose, from tears to triumph, and it’s true, that can happen. And it does, if we look at the past, it can, if we look at the past. I I would say it does if we look at the past. I’ve talked to enough grievers over four plus years to know that to be true. I’ve experienced it myself. The timeline is different for every single human being. It doesn’t have to take over thirty years like it did for me. The important work that we do is in the looking into the past. That is the work. People ask all the time, well, what’s you know, you gotta say you gotta do the work. Well, what’s the work? That’s the work. Look at it. Head on. Be the buffalo. In addition to personal growth, understanding the past can also be valuable on a broader scale. By studying history and societal trends, we can identify patterns and anticipate future possibilities. This knowledge empowers us to make informed decisions, solve problems creatively, and contribute positively to our communities in the world at large. It’s that old saying. History repeats itself. Right? Like, you would think that we would learn in a lot of ways as a society we haven’t, but there is gold there. There is gold in the past. And ultimately, examining the past is not about dwelling in nostalgia, being stuck in old ways. It’s about gaining insight and finding closure and using that knowledge to create a better future. That’s the work. And that’s what I want to encourage you to consider going into twenty twenty five. What has twenty twenty four shown you? What has twenty twenty four left you feeling at the end of it? How do you feel now? How was the year? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate twenty twenty four? I would rate mine at a seven, maybe even an eight. And I’m gonna have an episode coming up here in a couple weeks. At the end of the month, I’ll share my reflections and takeaways from the year. So I’m not gonna go into that in in this episode. But this year was a year of laying foundations, getting out of my comfort zone, stretching myself, and Again, I I really think it was a laying a foundation. And I’m gonna be talking about that too on an Instagram live with Amanda Babotsky. She was a past guest on the podcast. And I I can’t say her name when I just say it like normal. I always have to, like, pabotsky. And then that comes out. Right? Anyway, Amanda and I are doing this Instagram live, and we’re gonna be talking about this very thing. Going into twenty twenty five. So I’ll put the link in the show notes. It’s when you you actually listen to the when this episode gets published, it’ll be the next day. So add it to your get a reminder for yourself add it to your schedule and come join us over lunch. It’ll be just a really quick, almost like a micro class or a micro what did you call it? Micro workshop. I’m not sure. Anyway, we’re gonna be jamming out talking about this sort of thing. And but the but the message I wanna leave you with today is the past is where it’s at, really. The past is where it’s at. The worst has already happened. If you’re listening to this and you’re grieving and you are feeling emotional pain and you feel like your life has just been one of suffering. Like, the worst has already happened. So what can you do today? Tomorrow By the end of this month, going into twenty twenty five, what can you do differently to change the trajectory of your coming year? What were you doing in twenty twenty four that wasn’t working? What wasn’t working? What steps can you take to shift that? Is it your perspective that needs to change? Is it your actions? One of the things I’m gonna be sharing on this Instagram live is is when we focus on the internal, the external follows. It’s like so many people are so quick to jump on board for New Year’s resolutions and start going to the gym and within three weeks they give up and it’s it’s a grind. I was thinking about that the other day in the gym. I’ve been at it for fifteen weeks going five days a week. For the most part, there have been weeks that’s been four. But for the most part, I’m lifting five days a week. And I’m seeing the gains now. Because I’m certain to do the workouts that I did week one and two and three and I’m hitting personal bests and I wouldn’t have seen that if I wouldn’t have stuck it out I wouldn’t be where I am. Had I not stuck it out? And so when people see me, they might think, oh, shoot. She’s in shape. She’s looking good. Maybe, I don’t know. Got some muscles on her. I do. I’ve I’ve built some muscles. And but what people don’t see is the grind. The day to day grind and commitment that I have had. That’s what it takes to see change. It takes commitment and it takes shifting your perspective that there’s no quick fix. There’s You gotta put in the work. You gotta put in sweat. Whether it’s emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, it’s a practice. Whatever area of your life you wanna tackle, it’s a practice. And what do they say? Practice makes perfect. When I’m not going for perfect, I have to let that shit go because there is no such such thing is perfect. And I had to let that go in order to launch my energy healing membership, which just launched actually, and I’ll put the link to that in the show notes. And what I found myself doing is finding reasons to not launch. I was dragging my feet. And I just had to commit. I just had to commit and decide and let the chips fall as they may. I am not gonna get to the place of perfect with it, and that’s okay. I will be tweaking and tweaking as I need. But for you, moving forward and why it’s important to look at the past is because that’s where the gold is. That’s where you can connect the dots for yourself. The behaviors that you’re doing today are greatly influenced by the past. By your experiences that you’ve had, whether it was three months, three years, or thirty years ago. Trust me. And when you start to have the self awareness, when you start doing the work and you have those connections, you start making those brain and body and emotional connections, like, oh, this is why I was doing this. It’s normal and it’s natural. You will find that the things that you’re doing today are normal and natural. You don’t have to be wrapped up in shame and guilt, which only perpetuates the behavior. That’s why it’s important to look at it. So that you can have the self awareness. So you gain new tools and new knowledge so you can change it, so that you can rewrite your story. That’s my message for you today. I hope you consider looking at the past after you’ve listened to this, listen to this again if you have to. And if you decide to Make twenty twenty five your year. I would be more than happy to be the one to initiate you into that transformation and hold your hand along the way. Alright, friends. Thank you so much for listening. I hope this was helpful and inspiring, if anything. And please share it with someone who may need this message today. Stay tuned for next week, it’s gonna be another actually, the next two episodes are gonna be I’m gonna have two more solo episodes. And and then January is all interviews. I have some great guests coming up and lined up already. I’m excited to share those. So yeah, thank you so much for being here. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love. From my heart to yours, thank you for listening. If you like this episode, please share it because sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being heart with ears. And if you’re hurting, know that what you’re feeling is normal and natural. Much love my friend. Hey there, grieving Voice’s family. I love hearing from you, whether it’s a question, a story, or just sharing what you love about the show. Now, it’s easier than ever. You can send me a text message directly wherever you get your podcasts, Check out the show notes. At the top, you’ll see a message. Send Victoria a text message. Your thoughts and feedback mean the world to me. So don’t hesitate. Reach out today. Thanks for listening and for being a part of my community.
Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, Uncategorized |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In a world increasingly defined by division and isolation, radical belonging offers a powerful antidote to the epidemic of loneliness. Joe Primo’s article, “Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering,” featured on Grateful Living, delves into this pressing issue with profound insights that resonate deeply amidst our post-pandemic reality.
In this week’s episode, I read his article out loud because, although I tried, I couldn’t have written it better myself. This article (and episode) hits on individual responsibility, which couldn’t be more important as we face an election year in the United States, which goes right into the holidays when we will gather with friends and families, many with opposing views, beliefs, and diverse backgrounds, ethnicities, and preferences.
The Loneliness Epidemic
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has sounded alarms about a growing crisis—loneliness. This isn’t just about feeling alone; it’s a public health concern with wide-ranging societal implications. As social structures were disrupted during COVID-19, many isolated themselves from their communities and support systems. Now more than ever, rebuilding connections is vital to societal well-being.
Understanding ‘Othering’
Primo introduces us to the concept of ‘othering,’ where differences are highlighted not as strengths but as reasons for exclusion. This binary thinking creates barriers between people based on race, religion, culture, or politics—a misguided attempt to find belonging through conformity rather than embracing diversity. The danger here lies in mistaking fitting in for true belonging.
The Power of Belonging
Belonging is akin to love—it’s unconditional and rooted in internal and external acceptance. To belong means being comfortable with oneself while honoring others’ dignity despite differences. It’s recognizing that everyone holds inherent value simply by existing.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing the Grief Recovery Method – A Journey to Unleashing Your Heart
Grieving is a universal experience, yet each individual’s journey through it is deeply personal. In a recent episode of Grieving Voices, the host opened up about her transformative encounter with the Grief Recovery Method—a structured approach that not only helped her confront over three decades of unresolved grief but also catalyzed profound personal growth and self-realization.
The Grief Recovery Method stands out for its evidence-based framework, which offers more than just coping mechanisms; it provides a pathway to genuine healing. Our host’s story illustrates this beautifully. Initially skeptical and hesitant, she was eventually drawn into this method by what seemed like fate—a training trip to Austin, Texas—that marked the beginning of her transformation.
One memorable moment from this journey involved an encounter with another traveler whose presence underscored her readiness for change. This incident highlighted how physical symptoms can manifest when we are on the brink of emotional breakthroughs—akin to purging before true cleansing begins.
Beyond Loss: Broad Applicability
What makes the Grief Recovery Method particularly compelling is its flexibility in addressing various kinds of loss—not just bereavement but relationships with living people, inner child issues, and even abstract concepts such as money or addiction. One client’s story exemplifies how entrenched coping strategies can obscure one’s emotional landscape until they are gradually dismantled through guided self-awareness and expression facilitated by this method.
Hopeful Steps Towards Healing
Our host passionately advocates for maintaining hope throughout your healing journey. She emphasizes that consistent positive actions contribute significantly towards recovery—each step forward being an essential part of unleashing one’s heart (and thereby life). Her own program “Do Grief Differently” aligns perfectly with these principles offering both online & in-person support tailored specifically toward deep emotional work.
Join Me On This Path To Fulfillment
In closing remarks during her podcast episode—and here too—the invitation remains open: become part our community! Engage actively within spaces where similar stories unfold daily because together lies strength needed while confronting deepest sorrows head-on…unleash YOUR heart today so tomorrow becomes brighter than ever imagined possible!
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello friends. Welcome to another episode of Grieving Voices. Thank you for tuning in this week. If it is your first time listening, thank you for being here. And if you’ve been here before, thank you for coming back. This week, I just wanna talk a little bit about what it means to me when I say at the end of every episode, with every guest or a solo episode. When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. It came up during one of my recent sessions with a client and who inspired this podcast episode actually because one of the things I haven’t really shared with on its own episode is my personal experience going through the grief recovery method and and how it changed my life. You’ll hear little snippets here and there and podcast interviews whether I’m guessing on another podcast or whether it’s during an interview with somebody else. But really, it’s that experience that had me come up with this slogan at the end of every podcast episode because through that experience of going through grief recovery, I truly did feel like I had unleashed my heart and so much of my life unfolded and the potential within me just kind of blossomed because I had addressed my grief and worked through a lot of painful and traumatic things in my past and continue to do so. So it’s more than just a slogan to me. It really is a belief system that I have. And so when you hear it at the end of every episode, I hope that you hear hope really because without hope, what do we really have? You also need some faith in there, right, trusting the process, feeling supported, that life has your back, that life happens for you, not to you, even the worst of things. It’s really difficult to look at the lessons at the time you’re going through something that’s really challenging or difficult, but there is a beautiful unfolding and an evolution of one spirit after you’ve gone through a difficult time. If you lean into the unfolding. If you’re open to the bread crumbs, if you’re open to receiving new information, new tools such as that with the grief recovery method, or any other modality or think something, you know, coaching or what have you that you’re looking into. So my experience with the grief recovery method in the beginning of twenty nineteen was one of excitement and also, you know, a lot of uncertainty. I didn’t I felt certain that that was the very thing I needed, that was going to help me personally in my grief. I also felt very confident in what I had read and the research I had done and testimonials and all of that that I had come across. That it was going to be, at the very least, informative and a great way to explore my past in a supported evidence based framework which really spoke to me too because I’m kind of a skeptic. I’m not kind of. I am. I am a skeptic. And after trying different things throughout my life and seeing this personal development experiment unfold over at that point five years heavily I will say that if you have children, if you are a parent, or raising children, even if they’re not yours, they bring up all your insecurities. They are the I I phoned myself saying lately, children. Your kids, like kids that you’re raising are the best personal development project you will ever endeavor. Anyway, going into it, I was hopeful that Finally, there would be something that would would help me. And it was way more than I bargained for in the best of ways or the experience. Let’s just say, the very first day of training or the certification or the class or what have you. I woke up that morning. I had issues out of both ends. I was I had diarrhea and I was puking. I was it was, like, the purge before the purge, I call it, And I had actually met somebody. I had come into I did my training in Austin, Texas because initially where I was going to drive for my certification was canceled. So I decided to invest way more than I had to and I went to Austin, Texas for mine and went on a tour bus and met somebody Metigail from I think she was from California. Therefore, a different type of training, not for the same one as me. And we connected and rolled the tour bus together and ended up going to dinner afterwards and had great conversation and we actually ended up having the same thing at the restaurant. And so I texted her the next morning and she was perfectly fine. We had the exact same thing and she was perfectly fine and I was not. So I can only surmise that I was having the purge before the purge, but fortunately, for me, I had already read the grief recovery handbook, which we were going through in our program. And I had done so in between the first before I being count my my first training I signed up for to be canceled and deciding to do the second or deciding to sign up for Austin. So in the meantime, I thought, you know, my husband was like, well, you’ve taught yourself so many different things. You can teach yourself this and that was, you know, I did attempt to do this alone. I attempted to work through my grief alone because there was I I had signed up months in advance. And so there was still some time for me to attempt to do it alone and that didn’t go so well, which prompted me to sign up to go to Austin. And I’m very glad I did. It was not only a learning experience which I knew it would be, but it was also very transformative for me. I I often say that I I was not the same person coming on the plane home as going down there. And everything that I’ve accomplished in the time since grief recovery was because of that program, was because I addressed my grief, because I did the hard thing and looked at thirty plus years of resentment and anger, lots of anger, a lot of anger, which can really be an uncomfortable emotion for a lot of people, by the way. And I would do it in a heartbeat all over again. And I had a lot of regret. I felt a lot of sadness actually after coming back from that training that I hadn’t found it sooner. And that was grief. I had grief around that. I had grief around the me that was apparent to young children who was projecting so much anger and pain onto their kids. I had grief over that. You have so many awarenesses that you discover through going through this program that it’s I’d sum it up in one episode just I don’t even know that I I could. So in a nutshell, it’s it’s transformative and it’s life changing. And it is knowledge and information that is yours forever. You have it forever. This framework, you can apply it to so many different relationships, not just relationships to those who have died, but to those living, to your relationship with alcohol, to food, money, your inner child, it’s so versatile. I don’t know of any other program or anything of its kind that although it looks like it’s cookie cutter and it’s for anybody and everybody, which it is. By the way, it’s still unique to you because it’s your brief story that you are working through. So what you are unleashing your heart from when you go through the grief recovery method or through my program which uses the grief recovery method do grief differently, which is a twelve week one on one program. You are unleashing the unresolved pain and grief that is probably sitting in your body right now. As you’re listening to this, if you are going about your day and something reminds you of a painful memory, there’s probably unresolved grief there. A client of mine I’m currently working with had a beautiful awareness where she recognized that how she was taught to approach someone in her life who was struggling with the mental illness was so ingrained in her over so many years to tap into her own emotions and how she felt became difficult. Like, it wasn’t it wasn’t even the default. Like, the default for her became focus on the other to, you know, try and fix it, to try and make it better, and make sure that the other was okay. That there’s so much focus on that and using the correct and proper language around that person as to not upset them or make them feel a certain way. Right? Because not only was the is the was the person struggling with mental illness, but also addiction, you know, it’s this two pronged issue, She realized, I’ve been so focused on the other for so many years. I didn’t even know how to tap into my own emotions and communicate that with people around me. And so what she’s learned through this process is really how to open up and communicate with other people, how she is feeling, how she is feeling, and what she’s experiencing. She’s slowly unleashing her heart, And I see this unfolding with every client I work with because so many people that go through this program don’t even it’s like you don’t even recognize yourself after at the end of it. You do, but you don’t. It’s like, I think you recognize the parts of you that you’ve buried so deep, that even you are surprised by what you see in the mirror at the end of this. And it’s a beautiful thing. And if there is anything that I can share with you today that would be helpful, is that whatever you are doing to move yourself forward, whether it’s grief recovery or not. You know, grief is cumulative and it’s cumulatively negative, but healing is cumulative and it’s cumulatively positive. So every little thing that you’re doing daily, your daily actions, things that are moving you forward are still a very important part of your healing, are still a very important part of unleashing your heart. But if you want to really dig in deep and get to the nitty gritty and dense time really, the time it takes to do all these other things and, you know, one thing stacked on the other, whether it’s yoga and meditation or, you know, all these things stack up. Right? And are good things, you know, grief recovery, do grief differently. This is like my one hundred and forty four hertz fork when I use in that I use in biofuel tuning, it just really gets to the nitty gritty. And if you want to get to the nitty gritty, to unleash your heart so you can unleash your life. This is the one program that I wholeheartedly stand behind. And I wouldn’t have experienced it myself and continue to do the work I would have quit doing this a long time ago, but I believe in it so much. So that’s what it means to me when I say at the end of every episode, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. It’s a belief that I have. And if you believe that it’s possible that you can unleash your heart and unleash your life, I would love to work with you. Or just be a part of my journey, be a part of this community. Share this episode. Share my work. If you’re not ready to dive in deep. You’re paying it you’re still paying it forward and every little bit of information that you take in is just one step in front of the other. And I encourage you to keep doing so. He is again. Holding on to hope is one of the most important aspects of healing and I never thought it was possible for me to let go of my anger and pain and resentment and work through the trauma that I had experienced in my past, but I did. And I’m sitting here talking to you about it. Because I guarantee you for you, the you know, the worst has already happened. And what do you have to lose? What do you have to lose by not unleashing your heart? My friend, it’s really difficult to unleash your life if you haven’t, unleash your heart. So I hope that was inspiring for you. I hope that you feel a sense of hope after listening to this. I hope that your curiosity has been piqued about to grief differently or grief recovery with I mean, there’s specialists all around the world. You can go to the grief recovery method dot com You can find a specialist near you. There’s certain training that needs to happen to do this work online, which I have. So I can do this work online. I can do this work in groups, in person, and groups online. So if you’re interested, please reach out for more information. That’s it for today. Just wanted to share my experience of going through grief recovery and It’s not easy work, but it’s so rewarding. And I still reap the rewards going on five years later. So I wish that the same for you. Alright. My friends until next time. When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life.
Much love.
Childhood Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Parent Loss, Personal, Podcast, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In the quiet moments of reflection, we often find ourselves face-to-face with our deepest losses. Join me today as I embark on a unique episode of “Grieving Voices,” where I read an excerpt from my self-published book, “The Guided Heart: Moving Through Grief and Finding Spiritual Solace.” Let’s discover how my own experiences with loss from a young age have unknowingly mirrored the language of grief recovery even before I formally encountered it.
In this heartfelt session, I explore:
- The personal impact of losing my father at eight years old.
- How grief manifested in different aspects of my life.
- The therapeutic power of journaling during my high school years.
- Insights into emotional unavailability and its effects on family dynamics.
In this episode, I also draw connections between the content in my book written before learning about grief recovery methods and the concepts found within them. I share thoughts on letting go, acknowledging pain points, and coping mechanisms that can span decades.
Grief isn’t selective; it touches all corners of life, including relationships, careers, finances, and more. The way we cope can either mend or strain our emotional health. My story is not unique – it echoes many others’ struggles with life after loss.
Reflect on your path by following along in an exercise I propose—writing down your feelings to confront the emotional weight you carry. It’s not just cathartic; it’s a step toward understanding and clarity.
As we continue exploring various dimensions of grief throughout future episodes of “Grieving Voices,” remember that each person’s path toward healing is unique. Whether through reconnecting with faith or finding solace within oneself after experiencing profound losses—as I did—the goal remains constant: acknowledging our pain so that we may embrace life more fully and presently.
RESOURCES:
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If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
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Embracing Grief: Finding Solace in Your Journey of Loss
Grief is a universal experience, yet it’s one that each individual navigates differently. In today’s post, inspired by the personal reflections and insights from my book “The Guided Heart,” we will delve deeper into the complex tapestry of grief and explore how embracing our grief stories can lead to spiritual solace and growth.
Understanding Grief Through Personal Narratives
At the heart of every grief journey lies a story – often untold, deeply personal, and uniquely impactful. As I share my own narrative about losing my father at a tender age, I sheds light on an essential truth: our earliest encounters with loss shape our future selves. The absence of emotional support during such formative years can carve out coping mechanisms that endure throughout life.
Journaling or writing poetry as I did are more than outlets for expression; they’re lifelines for those adrift in the sea of sorrow. They help us anchor ourselves amidst turbulent emotions and offer glimpses into our subconscious minds where healing begins.
The Multifaceted Nature of Grief
Loss does not discriminate nor confine itself to physical death alone. It seeps through life’s crevices – be it through divorce, financial hardship, career upheaval or struggles like infertility. Each variant brings its unique brand of pain and requires its distinct mode of healing.
My book prompts readers to recognize these variations as part of their broader grief story. By acknowledging them rather than suppressing them, we pave the way for genuine well-being instead of temporary fixes.
Writing Out Our Feelings: A Therapeutic Exercise
One practical takeaway from “The Guided Heart” is the exercise to write down what you feel when faced with loss or change – much like journaling but with directed intent towards understanding your emotional landscape better. This simple act serves two purposes: catharsis and clarity — releasing pent-up emotions while also helping map out your internal world during times when everything seems chaotic externally.
Spiritual Solace Amidst Sorrow
Spirituality often intertwines with grieving processes because both deal with questions beyond mere existence — purpose, connection, transcendence. For some people like myself who reconnected profoundly with faith after another significant loss at 21 years old – spirituality offers not just comfort but guidance too; it becomes both compass and companion along their path toward recovery.
Every person’s spiritual journey varies greatly based on beliefs systems cultivated over time combined together experiences encountered along life paths chosen (or sometimes thrust upon us).
Support Systems Like Do Grief Differently Program
For those seeking structured assistance navigating their mourning period may find solace programs such “Do Grief Differently” which provide frameworks within which individuals work methodically through emotional challenges associated significant losses experienced personally thereby enabling participants emerge stronger ready face whatever comes next chapter lives waiting be written anew hope resilience newfound wisdom gained hard-won battles fought within hearts minds souls searching meaning midst despair found instead profound realization:
By confronting embracing grieving process head-on unflinchingly courageously wholeheartedly —we unlock potential live fuller present existences enriched by memories loved ones lost never forgotten always cherished revered honored lived up legacies left behind inspire current future generations alike continue quest understand intricate complexities human condition called Life filled equal parts joy sadness triumph tragedy love longing laughter tears silence screams whispers roars echoes reverberating across time space forevermore…
Remember take care of yourself during this difficult time listen to body mind spirit needs most importantly give permission to grieve own pace own way safe knowledge community others walking similar paths alongside offering support encouragement empathy compassion whenever needed most.
In conclusion, embrace the journey and allow a guide heart true north star guiding the night sky darkest hours dawn new day horizon promising fresh beginnings possibilities limitless imagination dare dream once again…
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk
00:00:00 – 00:00:41
Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time it is that you are listening to this. Thank you for being here. I’m your host, Victoria V, and this is episode 180 of grieving voices. And I decided to do something different for an episode and read an excerpt from my book, The Guided Heart, Moving Through Grief and Finding Spiritual Solace, which I self-published in 2017., And I just picked up the book off of my shelf and flipped it open to its Part 2, chapter 1.
Victoria Volk
00:00:42 – 00:01:22
And, I started reading, and to be truth be told, I have not read my book since I’ve self-published it. So it’s been quite a few years. But in reading this chapter, I realized that there were a lot of things I share in it that actually is the language of grief recovery. And so before I even discovered grief recovery, this book was written, and it’s like I had this knowing about grief, I mean, I grew up with it. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:01:22 – 00:02:43
Like, I grew up with grief from a very young age, and just in reading about my experience of my different grief experiences, I just could pinpoint this language that we use in grief recovery, and I just find that interesting because for someone who felt like they were doing okay or that they felt like they didn’t need help, which was me very much so for many years. I still had this understanding of it, and yet so I think back now in hindsight, it’s like why couldn’t I figure why couldn’t I figure out that it wasn’t me that was messed up? Like, it wasn’t my fault that I felt messed up or that something was wrong with me. It was it was grief. And, yeah, and the grace that I sent to myself back then just reading this.
Victoria Volk
00:02:46 – 00:03:24
Anyway, you’ll get what I’m saying when I read this, but, I would also encourage you to read the grief recovery handbook, and I’ll put a link to that in the show notes. And then you’ll really understand what it is I’m talking about here in drawing the connection between what I will have learned 2 years after publishing this book. And yet, that language is still in this book. And so I knew grief and understood grief better than I thought I did. I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make.
Victoria Volk
00:03:26 – 00:03:50
Anyway, I digress. Let me get on with this week’s episode and reading an excerpt from my book, which is not on Audible, but perhaps maybe I should just sit down and record reading my book, and so that it is. Anyway, let’s get started. And I’m mistaken. It’s actually part 1.
Victoria Volk
00:03:51 – 00:04:08
We all have a story. Chapter 1. What is your grief story? Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. It’s a quote by Robert Louis Stevenson.
Victoria Volk
00:04:10 – 00:04:39
She doesn’t understand anyway, I heard someone say, talking about me as if I wasn’t even there. March 31, 1987 is the anniversary of my father’s death. On July 30th that year, he would have turned 45 years old. He spent the last 2 years of his life, after having been given only 6 months to live, fighting a battle he knew he wouldn’t win. The doctors said there was nothing they could do.
Victoria Volk
00:04:39 – 00:05:16
The cancer had spread to surrounding tissues and organs. Colon cancer took my father away, and my mother became a widow at 43 years old. Being left to raise 2 children still living at home, myself, age 8, and my brother, 14 at the time. I’m not sure any woman in her position or any woman who has been in her position would know what to do, how to do it, or how to navigate raising grieving children while grieving themselves. It was impossible for me to understand then the profound effect my father’s death would have on me.
Victoria Volk
00:05:16 – 00:05:39
By the time I was 10 years old, I would begin to grasp exactly that. 2 years after the death of my father, my mother remarried. The new man in her life was a long-haul trucker and was home typically every other weekend. Theirs was a tumultuous relationship. There are many disputes during their 9-year marriage, and it ultimately ended in divorce.
Victoria Volk
00:05:40 – 00:06:14
I learned during that time and from the time of my father’s death that my mother was emotionally incapable of being there for both my brother and myself. I grew up quickly, as did my brother. I wasn’t wasn’t a child who lashed out or got into mischief. Rather, I was the wallflower, the introvert, the shy girl in the corner who spoke up when spoken to. And honestly, to this day, I’m not quite sure how I managed my grief as a young girl, particularly in elementary school, other than stuffing it all down.
Victoria Volk
00:06:16 – 00:06:41
My mother did not know what to do for my brother or myself. There was no grief counseling. And for reasons still unclear to this day, my father’s family ceased to exist in my life following the funeral. So from a young age, my family was my immediate family, as well as some family on my mother’s side, quite small in comparison to what I would later marry into in adulthood. Learning to cope.
Victoria Volk
00:06:42 – 00:07:12
It wasn’t until journaling was a requirement for English class in high school that I started to express my feelings. I wrote poetry, started journaling for myself in addition to journaling for class. And for the first time, I began to feel some of what I stuffed down for so many years. During this period in my life, there were several occasions where I lashed out at my mother, often out of frustration that had built up within me over the years. I don’t know if my mother knew how to be there for me.
Victoria Volk
00:07:12 – 00:07:38
She couldn’t emotionally care for herself. I detached myself as much as I could. Being a teenager is hard enough, but being a female teenager of an emotionally trapped mother is even harder. Therefore, we never developed a mother daughter bond that I would have loved to have shared with her. I think she realized the daughter who had taken emotional care of her all those years was eventually leaving too.
Victoria Volk
00:07:39 – 00:08:01
My childhood is where my grief story began. However, it’s certainly not where it ended. There would be several more lessons to follow in my life. I believe there are different faces grief presents during our lives, and often, it presents itself in ways you least expect. The faces of grief.
Victoria Volk
00:08:03 – 00:08:41
On some level, I still grieve for the normal childhood I could have had had my father’s untimely death not happened, but in reality, I’ll never know what that other life would have been. So it’s not the not knowing, not getting the chance that I would come to deal with years later as well. I grieve for all the moments in my life my dad was never a part of, protecting me as fathers do, walking me down the aisle, seeing and knowing his grandchildren, and, likewise, my children knowing their grandfather. These are the things I still grieve for grief, in my opinion, never leaves.
Victoria Volk
00:08:41 – 00:09:16
It is not something to get over. It is something to sit with, work through, and live with, just in a different way as the years go on. At some point in life, all of us experience grief, whether it be losing someone we love, a divorce, a devastating financial loss, loss of career, even infertility, all cause some form of emotional pain. How we cope with it can mean months or even years, maybe even decades of loss of well-being. That to me is tragic.
Victoria Volk
00:09:17 – 00:09:44
When we remain emotionally paralyzed, we do ourselves, those still in our lives, our communities, in our world, a disservice. Through my life, I can pinpoint at least 9 pain points where I experienced a feeling of loss. Many have to do with the death due to illness. However, not all. I have grieved lost opportunity, not knowing my father’s family or having a relationship with them.
Victoria Volk
00:09:45 – 00:10:15
Lost time with my kids because in my previous business, I was driven to prove something as well as a loss of friendships and relationships. No matter how grief appears in your life, it’s sure to make you feel as though you’re no longer in control. You may become aware of your own mortality, which can cause self-reflection. When we self-reflect, we often realize our shortcomings or focus on the negative. It is being faced with uncomfortable feelings that arise from grief that shake us.
Victoria Volk
00:10:16 – 00:10:32
Often, we just don’t know what to do with those feelings. At least I know my mother didn’t. As a result, neither did I. And so this dynamic played out for decades. Your grief story.
Victoria Volk
00:10:34 – 00:11:08
What is your grief story? If you haven’t experience the loss of a loved one, which I presume is why you picked up this book and decided to turn its pages, but rather experience the loss of love, career, or even health, these are still losses that cause some level of grief. Have you considered all that has been handed your way in life that has caused you emotional pain in some way? What are those moments that have stuck with you, which have given you a lingering feeling of loss. Maybe it wasn’t what was, but what could have been?
Victoria Volk
00:11:10 – 00:12:17
I don’t think there is a person out there who hasn’t experienced any form of grief. As a parent myself, I cannot even fathom the helplessness and hopelessness my dad must have felt and the thoughts that ran through his mind when he received his diagnosis. To know that you won’t be around to watch your children grow, that you will never see your grandchildren or witness your kids get married, all of the hopes and dreams of living a life, a full life with your spouse are shattered in one sentence spoken by a doctor sitting across from you in a sterile and personal office. It’s easy to think of my grief, but it deepens my sadness when I acknowledge what my father must have experienced, sometimes just trying to place ourselves in the shoes of another changes our perspective. In my case, I am humbled when I think of the strength my father showed out showed all of us, the fight within him to hang on for just one more day, month and ultimately, 2 more years.
Victoria Volk
00:12:18 – 00:13:09
My grief consumed me for many years. I will touch on certain aspects of what I mean as the chapters progress. For now, the first three chapters will focus on grief itself from a spiritual perspective, the ways it can present itself in our lives and a preface of getting it resolved., Before we move forward talking about a spiritual journey with grief in the excerpt of my book, I just want to share, The sponsor of this week’s episode, which is Magic Mind. And one of the ingredients in Magic Mind is cordyceps mushrooms, which is an adaptogen that reduces inflammation, strengthens your immune system, and supports higher energy levels and physical endurance by ramping up the production of ATP in your mitochondria.
Victoria Volk
00:13:10 – 00:13:51
However, it doesn’t give you the jitters. It does this because there’s very little caffeine in it. And you can take this alongside caffeine, but, it does not caused jitters. And so it is a 2 ounce shot that’s filled with not only cordyceps mushrooms, but ashwagandha and bacoba mannieri and matcha and lion’s mane and all these other good ingredients that have been 10 years in the making tested and researched and put into this little shot that actually tastes good. And just in January, they launched in sprouts markets across the country.
Victoria Volk
00:13:52 – 00:14:22
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Victoria Volk
00:14:22 – 00:15:06
And, again, I’ve been using this for several months now, and it really does help me get stuff done because I feel a sense of calm even if I feel overwhelmed by everything that I need to get accomplished in a day. This stuff helps me just I don’t know. It’s these ingredients just help me calm my nervous system and get me into a state of focus. And I think as grievers and, you know, life throws challenges our way and, you know, curve balls and things, like anything that can help support us, not only to get stuff done, but also our immune system. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:15:06 – 00:15:24
So that we can feel good too and maintain our health and wellness. And so check it out. Grieving voices is the coupon code. Magicmind.com slash grieving voices is the website and I will put a link to that in the show notes. Alright.
Victoria Volk
00:15:24 – 00:15:47
Let’s get back to the excerpt from my book. A spiritual journey with grief. I think it is important I make it abundantly clear that I’m coming from a spiritual place in my heart. I do not wish to stuff my beliefs down your throat as much as I don’t want judgment past for feeling the way I do. All of us have a unique spiritual path we follow.
Victoria Volk
00:15:48 – 00:16:08
Mine has certainly been full of twists and turns before my father’s passing, we were a typical Lutheran family, attending church every Sunday as well as Sunday school. After my dad’s death, however, all of that changed. We stopped going to church altogether. I did attend confirmation classes and was confirmed Lutheran.
Victoria Volk
00:16:08 – 00:16:31
However, it would either have to be a funeral or a wedding for me to set foot in a church of any kind until I was 23 when my husband and I began a relationship. I was bitter for many years. Granted, I had a lot of years to be bitter. Fortunately, life worked out for me the way it did as I prayed, received. And, really, it’s as simple as that.
Victoria Volk
00:16:32 – 00:16:56
After many years of not having the ability to pray from the heart, life had finally handed me more grief than I could bear. Feeling tapped out emotionally and overwhelmed, I prayed because I simply did not know what else to do. The rest is history, so to speak., Everything changed moving forward. Before my husband came into my life as more than a friend, I was on a self-destructive path.
Victoria Volk
00:16:57 – 00:17:21
I was becoming an expert at goodbyes, and I led a very narcissistic lifestyle. I don’t know what my husband saw in me, honestly. At that point, we had known each other for 7 years since we met in high school, but he was a far better human being than I was, bar none. It was one more experience with grief when I was 21. That was, in simple terms, the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Victoria Volk
00:17:22 – 00:17:54
A 5 year relationship was over, as was the life I thought we were going to have. Later, this loss would prove to be a blessing in disguise, which, as my life illustrates, can be the case at times., Surely, when it comes to relationship, you may relate as well. Sometimes we just don’t understand what it is that is best for us. Our minds tell us one thing, while our hearts and intuition tell us another, and we tend to choose the path of least resistance and pain.
Victoria Volk
00:17:54 – 00:18:19
It’s also difficult to discern the best decision when you are caught up in emotion. We tend to check rationality at the door when we have a grandiose view of ourselves, the world, and those we perch up on pedestals. My self-worth was nonexistent. Thankfully, God showed me a better way. More on my spiritual journey with grief in detail in chapter 3.
Victoria Volk
00:18:19 – 00:18:45
In the meantime, know that for me, a higher power seemed like a very out of reach concept for me. Acknowledgment of all that had gone wrong and all that had gone right. This was the first baby step on my journey to resolving my grief. Steps towards resolving grief. As I’ve previously mentioned, grief has many faces.
Victoria Volk
00:18:46 – 00:19:16
I touched on a few ways. I’ve experienced different forms of grief different forms of it myself. For instance, losing my photography business after 6 Sears was one of the most difficult decisions I had I have made. I know how much of myself I poured into creating and maintaining my business all those years. The time, money, sweat equity, not to mention the sleep deprivation while raising 3 young children ages 4 and under at the time, it certainly was a labor of love.
Victoria Volk
00:19:17 – 00:19:45
I grieved for months leading up to my decision as I knew it was what needed to be done at that stage in my life. I continued to wallow in my sadness until I finally decided to make it official with the selling of most of my gear over a year later. I found the act of officially letting go the hardest part. Isn’t that what grief ultimately causes us to do? Let go of what was and what will never be again.
Victoria Volk
00:19:47 – 00:20:11
Isn’t that too what grief itself is? The emotional reaction to loss or a change of any kind. We fight to hold on, and we fight to let go. That is the dilemma of grief, isn’t it? What I would like you to do is think of a moment in your life that caused you to have an emotional reaction to loss or a change of any kind.
Victoria Volk
00:20:12 – 00:20:47
Close this book and reflect on the feelings that arise when your mind takes you back to a time such as this in your life. Go ahead and open these pages again when ready. Now, if you want to feel more strongly the impact that loss or change had on you, grab a notebook, a writing utensil, and head to a quiet space, or do this exercise as soon as it is convenient. Set a timer for 30 minutes and just write. If you’re stumped on where to begin, finish this sentence.
Victoria Volk
00:20:49 – 00:21:42
The loss of blank made me feel as though blank. One thing to consider before doing this is to understand my intention, which is having you write out, possibly for the first time, your feelings surrounding the event that has shaken you to your core. When we release our feelings on paper, and I speak from personal experience, they tend to have less power over us, especially if we’re in a place of not knowing who we can truly talk to. The act of writing our fears, worries, and emotional pain forces us to sit with those feelings and can be very therapeutic. I wholeheartedly believe that writing for our personal well-being is the cheapest therapy one can find, but I know few, even in my own life, who practice this.
Victoria Volk
00:21:45 – 00:21:56
How did that feel? Pretty raw, I imagine. It’s painful to reflect in our pains. I get that. Truly, this is an exercise in acknowledgment.
Victoria Volk
00:21:57 – 00:22:41
Taking inventory of the emotional baggage weighing us down day in and day out gives us a clearer picture of where we are emotionally right now. This inevitably aids you in figuring out where you would rather be. And that my friends concludes the excerpt from my book, and if you would like to read more or learn more, you can head to my website, the unleashedheart.com., There is a link to it in the show notes, and I’ll also link to the book on Amazon there as well. And if you find as you go through that little exercise towards the end of this episode that you’re not okay, which is okay, by the way.
Victoria Volk
00:22:42 – 00:23:22
But if you’re not okay, and you know you want to be for the long term, there is support, and I hope that if this is your first time listening to my podcast, that maybe you’re learning about what I can offer for the first time and so there is a service that I offer. There’s a program. It’s called Do Grief Differently. We walk through 2 emotionally difficult challenging relationships of your life, and it’s a 12-week program. And I tell you what, you will learn more about yourself and about grief because it is as very much an educational program as it is a therapeutic one.
Victoria Volk
00:23:22 – 00:24:02
Even though it’s not therapy, it’s very therapeutic. But I’m there with you, guiding you and facilitating the deep work that so many people talk about, like, you just have to do the work. This is the work. And just it’s my job to create a safe space for you to release and to let go and to move forward with a different perspective, with new knowledge, new tools that you carry with you for the rest of your life. And so if that resonates with you, I encourage you to check out my website.
Victoria Volk
00:24:02 – 00:24:36
Again, the link will be in the show notes, and I’ll also link to Do Grief Differently in the show notes as well. So thank you so much for your time and listening today. I hope this, resonated with something in your heart and that little exercise helped bring to light, something that’s lingering within you. That’s just really wanting to come out, and know that there is support. You’re not alone, and there is hope.
Victoria Volk
00:24:37 – 00:24:43
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Educational, Emotions, Grief Tips, Grieving Voices Podcast, Pespective, Podcast, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Today’s episode of GrievingVoices takes a deep dive into the complex emotion of anger, especially for us Human Design Manifestor-types navigating loss and trauma. I open up about my battle with anger following life’s curveballs and how it can be misunderstood or mishandled.
As someone who has walked through the fire of personal loss and trauma, I’ve learned firsthand how anger can be both destructive and transformative. It’s not just an outburst; it’s a signal calling us to introspection.
Why does this affect me so deeply?
What boundaries have been crossed?
Many turn to short-term fixes or STERBs (short-term energy-relieving behaviors) like anger to cope with grief. But these are merely band-aids on deeper emotional wounds. The key lies in processing anger constructively. This isn’t about suppressing emotions but rather understanding them—identifying what needs protection or restoration within ourselves before we react impulsively.
Key Takeaways:
-Anger should prompt introspection rather than projection onto others.
-Short-term coping mechanisms like STERBs provide temporary relief but do not address underlying emotional pain.
– Constructive processing of anger involves self-protection and restoration efforts.
– Emotional intelligence grows through understanding our reactions and setting healthy boundaries.
Establishing clear boundaries emerged as another critical theme. The absence of boundary-setting skills during childhood can lead to adult challenges such as unchecked anger. To navigate this complex terrain, the book “Boundaries” is recommended for those seeking guidance on creating and implementing boundaries.
Engagement with our emotions in real-time fosters balance and wellness. Tools like visualization and mindful breathing are practical strategies for dissipating anger without confrontation. We pave the way toward transformative life changes by embracing self-awareness and actively managing our emotions.
Join me in embracing self-awareness and mastering emotional management as pathways toward transforming our lives after loss.
RESOURCES:
Episode Sponsor: Magic Mind | Use the code “GRIEVINGVOICES” to receive one month free with a 3-month subscription. This special promotion is only for January!
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NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Navigating the Stormy Seas of Grief: Understanding and Managing Anger
Grief is an ocean of emotion, vast and unpredictable. For many who have lost a loved one or experienced significant life changes, anger can be a tempestuous wave that crashes over them without warning. On today’s episode of “Grieving Voices,” hosted by myself from theunleashedheart.com, I delve deep into this fiery aspect of grief.
As not an only advanced grief recovery method specialist but also as someone who has weathered my own storms of loss. With over three decades under my belt navigating personal grieving experiences—including the loss of my father—I bring both professional insight and heartfelt empathy to our discussion on dealing with anger in grief.
Why Does Anger Manifest in Grief?
Anger during grief often arises from a place within us that feels violated; it may stem from feelings of injustice or powerlessness following a loss. It’s important to recognize that anger isn’t inherently negative—it’s a natural response to pain and can signal areas where we require healing or change.
However, when misunderstood or repressed, anger becomes unhealthy. It festers like an untreated wound, leading potentially to bitterness or even physical ailments due to the stress it imposes on our bodies.
The Pitfalls of Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviors (STERBs)
In trying times, grievers might turn towards behaviors such as outbursts of rage—or STERBs—to momentarily alleviate their suffering. While these actions might offer temporary solace by releasing pent-up energy, they do little for long-term emotional well-being.
The real challenge lies in confronting what remains emotionally unresolved within us—the core issues beneath the surface-level expressions of distress—and addressing those directly.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
A key factor contributing to feelings like resentment is poor boundary setting—a topic all too familiar for many individuals brought up without an understanding of healthy personal limits. Without clear boundaries, you may find yourself slipping into roles that don’t serve you well: becoming overly accommodating at your expense (people-pleasing) or struggling with asserting your needs effectively (difficulty saying no).
For those eager to learn more about establishing healthier interpersonal dynamics—which can significantly reduce instances where anger stems from feeling taken advantage of—I recommend reading the book *Boundaries* which provides profound insights into this critical skill set for maintaining emotional health.
Embracing Your Emotional Compass
As we wrap up today’s conversation on “Grieving Voices,” remember that each emotion carries its message—one worth listening to if we are brave enough to face it head-on. Whether through acknowledging our hurt openly instead of masking it behind aggression or learning how to better manage stressful situations using tools like Magic Mind—we must strive toward understanding ourselves deeper.
In facing these challenging emotions related specifically to sadness & fury associated with w/losses big & small alike, let’s take heart in my closing mantra: Unleash your heart so you may unleash your life! Share this podcast episode if it resonates with you & continue spreading compassion simply by being “a heart with ears.”
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk
00:01:29 – 00:01:51
Hello friends. Welcome to another episode of Grieving Voices if you’ve been listening all along. Today is episode 179, and that seems crazy to say.
Victoria Volk
00:01:51 – 00:02:16
This is the 179th time that I’m sitting down to record for you. And what a blessing and what a ride it’s been, and so thank you for being here. And if this is your first time listening, I hope you come back for another episode. Today, I wanna talk about anger. And the question is, that a lot of grievers have.
Victoria Volk
00:02:18 – 00:03:19
It’s something that I’ve personally struggled with a lot of my life. And, you know, in learning about human design and being a manifestor, our not self theme as a manifestor is anger. And so every time, you know, when I reflect on my past and my life up to this point, there’s a lot of moments where I can distinctly remember where my anger got the best of me. And particularly with a grieving experience, you know, after my dad had passed away and then being molested, a year later and subsequently, later after that, I was holding a lot of anger in my body. There was no way for me to channel it.
Victoria Volk
00:03:19 – 00:03:47
And actually, it wasn’t really an emotion that I learned was healthy. You know, so many of us grew up in homes where anger is expressed but yet we’re shamed for it or, it’s like something to keep to yourself. Right?, like, it’s, you know, don’t express it to other people because, I mean, it’s hurt it can be hurtful too. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:03:47 – 00:04:46
Like anger projected onto other people can Inflict emotional wounds on others. We can be very, what’s the word? Victimizing of others with our anger, and also, we’re also suffering when we do that because I believe that we are all sparks of love and light, and, you know, we come into this world in love, and I believe we go out of this world in love and so I would say anger is a not love theme too for all of us, but it’s there to serve a purpose, I believe, as well. Anger shows us where we have some work to do on ourselves. Not where other people need to work on themselves or where other people need to heal something within us.
Victoria Volk
00:04:47 – 00:05:30
I think when anger comes up, it is like a stop sign like, woah, hold the bus. Why is this upsetting me? Why do I feel activated by you or this conversation or this thing you did or the feelings that I’m feeling, why am I feeling fired up inside? Why am I feeling passionate about this that, you know, it can come up as anger too when we feel like this injustice is being done or I mean, there’s plenty of that around the world right now, and we can feel angry about it. We can feel angry at God for the suffering that we experience in our lives, like I was for many years.
Victoria Volk
00:05:32 – 00:06:03
Why would God allow such, you know, things to happen. Why would God take a young child’s parent away? Why would God allow sexual abuse of children. There’s so many questions that come up within our grief and our trauma, and the anger can be so overwhelming and all consuming. We have nowhere to put it.
Victoria Volk
00:06:03 – 00:06:52
We don’t know what to do with it. And I can’t talk about anger without talking about STERBS or short term energy relieving behaviors, which is what we call them in grief recovery. These are things that we do as gravers to relieve or dispel this overwhelming build up of emotional energy that is caused by the death of a person for whom we are grieving or something someone did to us. And the problem with STERBs is that that’s their short-term. There’s no long-term relief when we just use up energy to distract ourselves from our pain.
Victoria Volk
00:06:53 – 00:07:23
It doesn’t make the pain go away. And one of the most common short-term relievers is anger. And the problem with anger is that you can never finish or complete it. It’s like this key it keeps looping like a hamster on a wheel. And the more time you spend using your energy to express the anger, you know, and lashing out to the other person or even taking it to the gym.
Victoria Volk
00:07:23 – 00:08:08
Right?, And just was going to town on a on a punching bag, the less time you spend on what would help you discover and resolve what was left emotionally unfinished for you, either by the death of a loved one or by not addressing what is really at the crux of whatever loss it is that you experienced. And the other issues, with STERBS, we can, you know, related to sterbs and anger is, you know, we want we wanna get rid of that anger. We don’t know what to do with it. We wanna get rid of it, but so what we do is we just kind of attempt to disassociate ourselves from it.
Victoria Volk
00:08:08 – 00:08:44
Like, I just need to get away from the situation. I just need to try and forget about it. And so we start, we might actually slip into these other these other emotions come into play. Right? And then we can feel depressed about where we are in our situation, and we might be sleeping more and spending endless hours watching TV or reading novels that help us escape from our day to day lives and our emotions that we’re experiencing such as strong emotions of anger and, of course, grief.
Victoria Volk
00:08:45 – 00:09:33
But those nonaction activities do nothing to help you discover and complete what is emotionally unfinished for you? It’s with action that you can turn things around. Being able to find the language and articulate what it is that you are angry about. And often, so often, anger shows us, and doing the the steps of grief recovery show us where we don’t have boundaries or where a boundary has been violated. Before we get on the topic of boundaries, I have a shout-out for my sponsor of this episode, Magic Mind.
Victoria Volk
00:09:33 – 00:10:15
You take it alongside your usual morning coffee or tea for 7 plus hours of flow. It benefits will build up with consecutive daily use, and most people feel 90% of the effects by day 3. And if you have a sensitive stomach, you can take it with a bit of food or a glass of water. And if matcha taste is not for you, you can try it with your favorite milk or add it to sparkling water. I personally enjoy the taste of Magic Mind, I think it’s got just a hint of a sweet taste in this little 2 ounce shot, but it’s filled with magical twelve active ingredients scientifically proven to provide sustainable energy, improve focus, and decrease stress and anxiety.
Victoria Volk
00:10:16 – 00:10:40
One shot gets you into your most productive flow state. Customers report a 40% boost to productivity on average. They say athletes have gatorade and now creators have creator aid. And so I just wanna give a shout out to them. And if you are listening to this and you wanna give it a try, they have a special promotion right now for my listeners only in January.
Victoria Volk
00:10:41 – 00:11:15
You get 1 month for free when you subscribe for 3 months at the go to the website, magicmind.com/jangrievingvoices. That’s magicmind.com/jangrievingvoices and use my code grieving voices, and that gets you an extra 20% off, which gets you to a total of 75% off. And remember, this only lasts until the end of January, so hurry up before this offer goes away. And I hope that you find it just as useful for you as I have in my morning routine. Alright.
Victoria Volk
00:11:15 – 00:11:52
Back to the episode and talking about boundaries. Alright. So far, we’ve talked about anger as being a stirr up, a short-term energy relieving behavior. And I’ve mentioned how when anger arises within ourselves and we feel it coming up in our body and rising up, it’s usually in response to something someone did or something someone said or something that we’re really activated by. It could be something even we’re passionate about, maybe even in injustice in the world, and when we feel this coming up within us, it’s coming up for to be in within our awareness.
Victoria Volk
00:11:53 – 00:13:31
And, really, the question we could be asking ourselves when we are feeling anger is, a, what must be protected, and b, What must be restored? These are two questions you can ask yourself when you’re feeling activated with anger. And you can choose to either respond to the other person if they’ve said or done something towards you, but really that’s not going to resolve anything that will probably make that other person just feel defensive and, you know, unless they’re emotionally intelligent and have worked so much on themselves and have addressed so much anger in their life, they’re likely to respond like most of society would respond, and that would be in a defensive pattern, with probably more anger back towards you. And then not only is it something that you’re angry about what they just said or did, but now It’s even severed that relationship or hindered or wounded that relationship even more. So we deepen these wounds when we don’t stop long enough to think about and have some introspection about why we’re angry and what is it that is bringing up so much disease within us, this fiery response that we feel in every cell of our our bodies that, you know, we feel like we just gotta punch something or we want to we have to like we have to do something with this activated energy.
Victoria Volk
00:13:32 – 00:14:24
And so we can either move it physically or you can move it with your mind. Right?, like, energetically. Like, I’ve learned a lot about this just in the energetics of emotions and The energy healing work that I’ve been doing and for my personal my own personal emotional hygiene is we can our minds are amazing, miraculous things and a tool that is sorely underestimated, but because we give it so much power that in circumstances like these when we’re feeling angry and it’s like poop, the monkey mind just takes over and we have this initial response and we don’t pause long enough to and we don’t pause long enough to check-in with our emotional body. And it is our emotional body responding to, like I said, these a boundary or something that needs to be protected or something that needs to be restored.
Victoria Volk
00:14:24 – 00:15:15
And so asking ourselves those questions can lead us to better answers. And so if you want to you can either physically move that energy with your mind or your body and then through your breath, which is underestimated as well. Like, we can you can take your your mind through this mental process of putting imagine when you feel activated by someone or something, imagine this fiery energy just surrounding you. Feel feel imagine yourself as like this flame and allowing it to intensify, allowing those emotions to intensify this flame that you’re feeling, it seems counterintuitive, but just stay with me. So you feel this energy building up and this the fire within you and this boundary fire.
Victoria Volk
00:15:15 – 00:15:31
Right? Like, it let’s let’s think of it as active energy. Right? Because again, what needs to be protected? There’s something within you that is being activated because there’s a boundary being dishonored in some way.
Victoria Volk
00:15:31 – 00:15:52
You know, maybe it was you’re bound you’re maybe you value honesty, and this person just lied to you. That’s gonna activate some anger within you, don’t you think? Like, if that’s a real high value for you. And the thing is honesty, and we talk about this in Youmap when we talk about values. Honesty is a reciprocal value.
Victoria Volk
00:15:52 – 00:16:20
We expect that other people are going to be honest. It’s a typical reciprocal value, and so when others aren’t honest with us, we get activated with anger. And so a response to that could be not spewing anger back at the person, but taking that energy and letting it just kinda rise up within you, see your energy field putting up this protective. This protective wall. Not a wall.
Victoria Volk
00:16:22 – 00:16:46
Barrier. We’ll call it a barrier. Protective barrier around you. And see that energy building up, and then you can do it in your mind, or you can really walk away from the situation and do this or reflect on it later and do this on the situation. But through your breath, put out that fire.
Victoria Volk
00:16:46 – 00:17:08
Like, imagine you’re, like, spitting water on this fire, And you can literally dissolve that anger that you felt in that moment that is built up within you, that you’re feeling this energy. Put it out with your breath, but imagine that breath as water because what does oxygen do? It stokes a fire. Right? We wanna put it out.
Victoria Volk
00:17:08 – 00:17:53
So imagine you’re just blowing water onto this fire, this flame. It’s crazy how these visualizations can shift your energetic body in a matter of moments. The mind is so capable that we underestimate it so much. A visual I use a lot of visualizations in the energy work that I do just because it helps people connect to a part of themselves they don’t normally connect to. We just don’t take that, and that’s where meditation is huge in disconnecting, you know, our monkey mind from our body and tapping into the body and tapping into the emotional body.
Victoria Volk
00:17:54 – 00:18:48
So then after we’ve done this, we can then recognize what are the boundaries that were being violated we’re dishonored. I think it’s so hard for people to articulate what their boundaries are because so many of us grew up without our autonomy, without our boundaries being respected, for example, let’s say you’re at a family function. Let’s say when you were a kid, you’re at a family function, and I see this I’ve seen this myself a lot. And at first, I did this when my kids were young too. Oh, give so and so a hug, or let grandma give you a hug and kiss on the cheek, or whatever the case was, and they didn’t want that physical touch in that moment and said no, or I don’t want to give grandma a hug, or I don’t want to give my uncle a hug, or aunt, or whoever it is, it doesn’t matter.
Victoria Volk
00:18:49 – 00:19:15
And the child says no, and the parent dishonors that no, and makes them do that anyway, that is a violation of a boundary that a child had and where their no wasn’t respected. Now if you’re listening to this and you’re like, oh my gosh. This happened to me all the time Think about if you’re a parent, have you done this? Like, this is something we learn.
Victoria Volk
00:19:15 – 00:19:50
Right? This is a pattern that we continue through time, but we don’t think of these things as laying a foundation of not respecting our own boundaries. So then you become an adult who becomes a people pleaser to make others so others feel better. So it’s almost as if, well, go give grandma a hug now because she’ll feel better. She’ll be happier, regardless of how you feel about it.
Victoria Volk
00:19:50 – 00:20:21
Now how does this translate as an adult? Saying yes when you mean no. It’s a violation of your own boundary of protecting your personal space. And sometimes you might feel just fine giving the hug or showing the other person affection, but maybe there’s a moment where you don’t. The last thing anybody wants is to be forced to do so and to not have our no respected.
Victoria Volk
00:20:22 – 00:21:21
And so then when you think about sexual abuse or things like that, well, that’s a definite violation of personal space and safety and all of these other things that create these traumatic emotional wounds around boundaries. So many of us don’t wouldn’t know a boundary if it slapped us in the face. And then when we have others in our lives who start having this awareness around boundaries, who know themselves well, and who know their needs and desires and where they draw the line well and start implementing boundaries to others and communicating those, what do you think people are met with boundaries? Or when it’s perceived as well, what’s this change about? Like, what when you start Implementing boundaries in your life?
Victoria Volk
00:21:21 – 00:21:30
You’re gonna have people that are gonna be activated by that. Right? You’re changed. There’s something different. I don’t like this.
Victoria Volk
00:21:31 – 00:21:58
Why aren’t you letting me walk all over you like you used to? Right? I used to be able to control you, and now, you have these boundaries and now you’re standing up for yourself and I don’t know what to do with this. This makes me angry. So we can meet anger too just by creating boundaries, and how are we gonna be prepared for that?
Victoria Volk
00:21:59 – 00:22:42
When it comes to boundaries, I highly recommend The book “Boundaries”, I’ve actually it’s been several years since I’ve read it, but, I think I’m going to actually, read it again. I actually, I read it after I went through grief recovery. Because like I said, it’s a great follow-up to grief recovery because you realize in grief recovery where you did not have boundaries and where your parents did not teach you about boundaries because, you know, they probably didn’t even have their own. Right? It’s like, you know, parents with a date night if parents never have a date night, and they’re always with their children 247.
Victoria Volk
00:22:42 – 00:22:55
And then, all of a sudden, they decide they’re gonna have a date night. What do you think that child’s gonna feel? Maybe some anger? Maybe some abandonment. Like, why are you doing this now?
Victoria Volk
00:22:55 – 00:23:14
I want you to stay with me. You’ve always been with me. Now all of a sudden you’re gonna go out and you’re gonna spend time alone, and I’m gonna be here by myself or with this babysitter, and it’s probably gonna bring him some anger. But that’s a good thing. This is how we learn how to work with our emotions, that all emotions are valid.
Victoria Volk
00:23:14 – 00:23:49
So it’s not to say to the child, well, there’s nothing to be angry about, and dismiss the anger. Rather, explain to the child about boundaries. Rather, teach the child how to breathe through their anger, how to channel it physically or, you know, with their breath or physically with their body to rid themselves of that energy. These are practical things that we just are never taught in school. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:23:49 – 00:24:11
About boundaries, about anger, about our emotions. I mean, we are so complex when it comes to our emotions. This stuff isn’t taught in school. So I hope you check into the resource, the book boundaries. It has a little bit of a Christian spin, but it’s not like shoved down your throat or anything.
Victoria Volk
00:24:12 – 00:25:28
But I hope you check out that book Boundaries., I will link to it in the show notes. And Just one final thought about anger is that and just like grief, you cannot relate to another person, if you don’t know who you are or where you began and that other person ends, just as you cannot nurture peace or honor the needs of others until you understand and meet your own needs. And that relates to anger, that relates to grief, and that relates to just any emotion that you’re experiencing and the boundaries that you may or may not have. And I think that’s been I think that’s one of my missions too, along with changing the conversation around grief and talking about it like we talk about the weather is the mission of knowing yourself, understanding yourself, and putting yourself in the way of resources and people and tools and maybe guides or therapists or modalities that can get you closer to knowing yourself, identifying your emotional climate when it comes up, whether it be, well, this is grief, or this is anger, and what do you do with it?
Victoria Volk
00:25:28 – 00:25:54
You know, you can run away from it. It’s gonna come up eventually, or you can just you can face it. You can address it, and you can do something about it. So it doesn’t impact your life moving forward, because how many times have you had an anger outburst or an interaction with somebody that it left you feeling angry after. And you’re thinking about it days later.
Victoria Volk
00:25:54 – 00:26:19
Days later. That’s no good for you. That’s no good for anybody. You know, so then you have these this emotional incompleteness with this other person now, and it’s almost like this contract of anger that you have with this person, and I’m here to say that you can blow that up. You can do something about it without having to confront them.
Victoria Volk
00:26:20 – 00:26:35
And you can do it with your mind. You can do it with visualization. You can do it with writing and burn it. There are ways we can physically move through the emotions that are there for a reason. They are there communicating with you.
Victoria Volk
00:26:35 – 00:27:12
It is your body communicating with you, whether it’s grief, whether it’s anger, joy, sadness, everything in between. There are resource resources out there. You just gotta look for them and be open to learning. And that’s what I will leave you with today. I hope you are curious now about the book “Boundaries” and about what boundaries might you not have and might you need and learning more about, you know, really just emotional equilibrium.
Victoria Volk
00:27:13 – 00:27:56
Right? It’s not about stuffing down, controlling, or disregarding or minimizing or running away from, you know, we faith when you face this stuff as it arises, not like, oh, I’ll deal with that later once I get this, that, and the other thing done, or I’ll deal with that later once I just sit down and have a drink. That’s not gonna help you, my friend. Your mind is a miraculous tool and a thing that I think most of us waste in a lot of ways. So, yeah, I’m just sharing some things that I’ve learned along the way, and I hope you find it helpful.
Victoria Volk
00:27:56 – 00:28:25
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.