First Steps Towards Recovering from Depression

first steps recovering from depression

Recovering from depression is one of the most challenging mental conditions and trying experiences for a person to overcome. It can often be challenging to tell where negative emotions are coming from, and many people find themselves unable to be mindful when they are at their lowest. Each day can feel like a real slog when you are in this position, making it feel just about impossible to make a positive change. While it will always take baby steps, though, I’m hopeful that anyone has the power to overcome depression; you need to take positive, forward-motion steps. I would be remiss to say, too, that I’m not talking about diagnosed clinical depression, which is chronic and often requires ongoing professional support. 

Of course, it would be wrong to say that the same methods will apply to everyone as well, but it is worth keeping these ideas in mind when you embark on your own journey to recovery. I personally have had bouts of depression myself. After having my second child, post-partum depression came out of nowhere and took me by surprise. After my third child, it was even worse, which resulted in me seeking help. Which only resulted in being prescribed a medication that I ultimately quit on my own. And, there were zero follow-ups from the doctor when I didn’t refill the prescription either. I understand that there’s only one of them and doctors have many patients. Though, I think that the “pill-dispensary” mentality, without any other support, isn’t doing society any favors. I do think looking at the whole person, not just their mental state of mind but also their emotional is just as, if not more, important. Because rarely do doctors ask: “What has happened to you in your life?” The cure-all, end-all, be-all is not always medication, and yet, that’s the anecdote for millions of people who, with mild depression, could take steps on their own to improve their mental frame of mind. 

The question I would ask myself if I were to experience another bout of depression again would be: “What is happening in my life that is causing me to feel this way?”

Recovering from Depression

Being Mindful

It’s never easy to figure out the source of something like depression. It is unlikely that a single aspect in your life is triggering negative emotions; negative emotions tend to compound. For example, you may get up feeling great in the morning, but missing your bus to work will send you into an unhappy spiral. If the next person you talk to is rude to you, this will amplify your negative emotions, sending you deeper into a depressive state. Once in this position, mindfulness is just about the only tool that can get you out of it.

Being mindful means that you are aware of your emotions and the things that trigger them. For example, if you miss the bus, you will feel bad because you will be late for work and be worried about the consequences. In reality, though, this sort of issue never lasts more than a few hours, and it’s not worthy of making you feel bad. You can read more about mindfulness online, and it’s well worth learning some methods that will help you ground yourself when you feel bad.

Making Small Positive Changes

It can be all too easy to blame certain aspects of your life for something like depression. It’s not helpful to push people to make big changes in their lives, hoping that they will escape the way they feel. In reality, this can make it harder to tackle the root of the issue, and it can be much better to make smaller changes that will improve your existing lifestyle. No two people are the same, which makes it crucial that you take steps that apply to your situation rather than follow other people’s lead.

For example, if you feel bad about a relationship you are in, talking to your partner and improving the situation will be much better than simply breaking up with them. This doesn’t have to directly relate to the way you feel, either, with many people finding that adding things like exercise into their routine makes them feel better throughout the day. Your emotions are always influenced by the things you do, making it wise to spend time adapting your day to do things that bring about joy.

Talk To Others

Talking has always been one of the best tools for those who are struggling with depression. It can be hard to rationalize your thoughts when you are trapped in your own head. Sometimes, saying what is on your mind to someone else can bring the clarity you didn’t know existed. Alongside this, it can also help you to get the support you need, with new ideas and assessments of your emotions giving you the chance to build a good understanding of your own mind.

Family, friends, and even your colleagues can be the perfect candidates for this. However, not always. While not everyone will want to talk about something like depression directly, most people will be more than happy to lend their ear when they know that something is bothering you. You should always lead the way with this, never waiting for people to ask if you want to talk. While your emotions feel very prominent to you, other people may not see the dark cloud that looms over you until you let them. You want to be sure you’re discerning who can be a heart with ears for you without criticizing, analyzing, or judging what you’re sharing. Going through grief recovery, grievers (and trained specialists) learn how to be a heart with ears for others and what that looks like. Empathy is my number one strength, so being a heart with ears comes easily and naturally. It’s why I love podcasting so much, too. For many of my guests, it’s the first time they’re sharing their story in such a public way, and I’m a stranger. It’s because I listen and allow grievers to share their story uninterrupted. 

The people you know and love aren’t the only people who can help when you feel depressed. There are loads of professionals out there that can offer support and advice while you go through something like this, and it’s always worth looking for this help when you are struggling. A therapist will always be happy to give you the time you need, with no judgment being applied when you talk about the things that you find hard. They’re a great heart with ears because they’re a neutral party with no skin in your life game; they’ve got nothing to lose or anything to gain. This can be an amazing way to deal with depression, with many people learning things about themselves that they never knew. But, I am partial to grief recovery, as it’s often the root of what’s emotionally going on in our lives. Grief stacks up over time. This is why it often takes many years and many losses for people to connect the dots of what’s they’re experiencing in their life as grief. 

Positivity

Finally, as the last area to consider, it’s time to think about an idea that is controversial to some. Depression is a mental health issue that stems from much more than simply being unhappy, but many people find value in working hard to remain positive in their day to day lives when they are living with something like this. Being positive about the things you find hard can be a challenge, but when you remember that tomorrow will be a new day, it can become a lot easier to smile at things used to make you feel bad.

Of course, this doesn’t work for everyone, and pretending to be happy is no substitute for real happiness. In fact, how many times have you said “I’m fine” in response to the question “How are you?” Likely, like most people, that’s often the go-to answer, even when it’s far from the truth. When we’re uncomfortable about how we’re feeling, the last thing we want to do is “get into it” when the other person is likely expecting a flat answer rather than the truth. Imagine if everyone you asked would be honest about how they felt? You’d likely stop asking people how they felt if you yourself are uncomfortable with your own life and what’s going on, right? Also, we often ask questions like this in passing, for small chit-chat conversation. Do we really have the time (or make the time, rather) to hear how each other is feeling truly? Feelings aren’t sexy, thereby, we downplay our emotions, and when we’re ecstatic about life, it’s no different because heaven forbid you love your life too much. People are uncomfortable with other people’s happiness, too. 

Depression is a big challenge for humanity. No matter how much technology develops, people will always have to live with conditions like this, and the solutions can often be impossible to see. Following the advice in this post is a great start, but it will also be worth reaching out to others who have dealt with depression if you want to keep your learning going. You never know; someone may share a solution that becomes the one thing that unlocks everything for you and sets you off on a positive path forward.

One final thought: never stop seeking answers that resonate with you and never lose hope. 

much love, victoria

Get Mentally Strong This Year

get mentally strong

For some people, mental strength comes easily, while others have to fight hard to feel well each day. Whichever kind of person you are, there is no denying that changing the way you live your life, and incorporating healthy habits, can improve your mental health significantly.

With that in mind, here are a few things you can do right now to build mental strength and start feeling better than you have before:

Meditate

Yes, it’s become a bit of a buzzword in the world of wellness and mental health in recent years, but that’s because it works. Meditation gives you space from your thoughts, teaches you to live more at the moment, and helps you come to terms with past traumas. If you can practice meditation for just 20 minutes each day (build up to this if you need to), you will begin to notice a big difference in how well you feel and how able you are to cope with difficult situations. I like to think of meditation as a “popping of the cork,” where the mind is the cork. It’s a disconnection of our minds from our hamster-wheel thoughts that allows us to venture into our subconscious (higher selves). And, you don’t have to sit cross-legged while chanting “Ommmmm…” to meditate. There are also walking meditations you can do where you focus on your breath. Meditation really brings awareness to the moment, which is so easily disregarded in our western, hustling culture.

Seek help

There is nothing weak about seeking help when you’re feeling unable to cope with your mental condition. From using an anxiety counseling service to seeing a psychiatrist who can work with your brain chemistry to get you back on an even keel or even having Reiki healing to get back in touch with yourself, doing what you need to do, and seeking help from the professionals who can help you with this is a smart move. It’s also a move you should make whenever you’re struggling – it shouldn’t be a one-time thing. If grief weighs you down, I offer a service specific to grief that isn’t going to take two years of talk therapy. In grief recovery, you get to the root of many of the issues that plague your life, not realizing that grief is quite possibly the cause. Not to mention, it’s an evidence-based, proven structured program for moving beyond grief. Additionally, some people who have experienced trauma, need additional support in the form of a service dog for PTSD, while symptoms are difficult to manage as they work toward recovery and beyond to keep on track. 

Challenge yourself

You can never be truly mentally strong if you stay in your comfort zone. To be the best person you can be, you need to challenge yourself regularly. Don’t underestimate yourself and try activities that you may think are beyond you. Do your best to master them, and even if you don’t fully succeed, you will have built a mental toughness and a level of resilience that will help you get through tougher times in the future. I wholeheartedly feel that had I not ventured out of my comfort zone more than ten years ago to start my own business, I would not have the business I do today. Challenging yourself also requires an openness to possibility, failure, and growth. We grow through challenges and experience – no doubt about it!

Practice gratitude

By being grateful for what you have, you teach yourself to be more positive, which will stand you in good stead when times are hard. To practice gratitude, end the day by writing down five things (big or small) that you were grateful for, making you happy that day. Pretty soon, your brain will start looking for the good in every situation, and you will start to feel happier than you ever thought possible. Give it a try; it really does work.

One thing I started doing is, when I lie down at night to go to sleep, I bless the day I had and will have the next day. I go through my day and give thanks for the blessings that occurred that day. I give my gratitude for any connections I’ve made, how well a situation played out, a heartwarming moment, etc. Also, knowing what I have to do the next day, I play it out in my mind how I would like it to go. And, if things didn’t go exactly as I hoped, I play it out in my mind how I wish it would’ve gone and then bless the people and the situation. This has been the easiest gratitude practice I’ve found that works for me. Steal away if it resonates with you!

Keep practicing

Being mentally strong and healthy is a lifelong effort; it isn’t something you can work at for a while and then give up when you get bored or distracted or whatever. If you want to be truly happy, grateful, and mentally well, you need to put the work in day after day, even if you don’t feel like it. By practicing the above, and other techniques you find useful regularly, you will struggle less through life.

I’ve said it before, but it begs to be repeated: “Grief is cumulative and, it’s cumulatively negative. But, so is healing.” Every effort you put forward in your whole body wellness comes back in dividends and compounds over time. Every time (or financial) investment into your healing is an investment in yourself. And, you’re more than worth it.

much love, victoria

How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference

How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference

Have you ever felt overwhelmed, like the path ahead of you is too long and rocky to even contemplate, let alone to venture down? If so, you’re not alone. We’ve all felt like that, and it is a normal part of the recovery process. Being overwhelmed isn’t a failure! It is your body and mind telling you to slow down, take deep breaths, and approach each day one at a time. In these anxious times, sometimes the big changes that need to happen in your life aren’t ones you’re able to face right now. Instead, it can help to focus on small changes – minuscule changes – to start shifting your mindset and shape the life you want to live.

Think One Positive Thought

One brilliant exercise to kickstart your mental recovery is this: think one positive thought each day, ideally in the morning. You’re not trying to force your brain into positivity and light, but simply offering it one nugget of goodness every day. Try writing them down in a journal so you have a solid record of your progress. These thoughts can be incredibly simple. For example ‘it’s sunny outside’, or ‘I’m lucky to be alive’, or even ‘I had a tasty brownie and that was good’. This might seem small, but it is a tiny way to start thinking differently about the world, and that can have lasting consequences.

In his book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, author Kamal Ravikant shares a method he used, while on the brink of suicide, to turn his life around. It started by taking 10 deep breaths every morning and evening before bed. However, it’s not simply a breathing exercise; as he breathes in he says to himself “I Love Myself” and as he exhales, he releases whatever needs to be released.

I don’t know if we can gratitude our way out of deep grief or depression. However, I do believe that actively flexing our optimism muscle by means of our thoughts, sets a strong foundation for the changes we wish to create in our lives. Because, when the going gets tough, we have a choice to either let our thoughts downward spiral us into worry and fear or keep us grounded in hope. And, because our thoughts play a pivotal role in the mind-body connection, our thoughts greatly influence our health, too. If you’ve never read Loise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, I highly recommend it if you’re dealing with health concerns.

Your Appearance

Have you ever had a haircut and felt on top of the world? Small changes to your appearance can have a major impact on your feelings of confidence and self-worth. It’s not shallow, it’s part of being human, and it’s time to embrace that. Find one small way you can treat yourself and let yourself know that you are valued and beautiful. This could be a fresh haircut, a facial, or a nice piece of clothing. If you wear glasses, how about finding a store with a big selection and picking a brand new pair that makes you feel effortlessly stylish? It can be anything, whatever works for you, as long as it gives you a small feeling of joy in yourself.

When I think back to when I was having my mid-life unraveling, I recall that self-care was not my priority. I would go three days without showering. I did not have self-care on a pedestal. And, it’s amazing how a shower can feel like a reset in your day. Put some intention into your self-care, including your appearance, and it shifts something inside you.

See One Friend Every Month

Grief can do strange things to a person; it can make you withdraw, and make it much harder for you to connect with other people. This has a domino effect, and finding a way back into the world is easier said than done. Immediately reentering large social situations may feel simply unfeasible. It’s important that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself, as this can lead to stress and therefore backward steps. Instead, commit to one small social act, for example, seeing a friend for coffee each month. This can be the same friend, or you can cycle through your social circle: whatever works for you. The vital part of this is that you are giving yourself time to recover whilst gently encouraging yourself into good habits. Your friends will understand, and they will also be delighted to see you and spend time with you.

Now is a great time to add in some small things to your day to improve your mood, given the current times. I send you loving thoughts as you navigate all of the changes you are facing, and when you’re having a rough day, it’s normal and natural to feel all the things. There’s nothing wrong with you. The question is, how long do you want to reside in “Gloomville?”

Some days, it’s going to take effort to shift your thinking, take a shower, or visit a friend – this is true. However, the days you decide to choose YOU, is already an act of rebellion against the monster of negativity looming over you – and all of us. Light your light shine bright, friend, and start within – someone else next to you may need it.

much love, victoria

How to Take a Holistic Approach to Health

Taking a holistic approach to your health means looking at yourself as a whole person. Health problems are often not just isolated issues, and different aspects of your health can play into each other. One simple example of this is that you’re not feeling very well because you have a cold. You might not be in a perfect mood, either. One health issue can affect others, leading to more problems that all need to be addressed. When you take a holistic approach, you can make sure that no stone remains unturned to keep you healthy. If you want to take a holistic approach to your health, here are some of the things you can do.

Pay Attention to Your Diet

Regular exercise is important for staying healthy. However, it’s not the only thing that you need if you want to keep fit. Your diet is also important for your health, whether you want to lose, gain, or maintain weight or get all of the nutrients you need. Your diet plays an important role when you’re trying to recover from illness too. You can read an article where American Addiction Centers reviews the importance of nutrition in substance abuse recovery. When you’re eating the right things, you give your body the fuel it needs to get better.

I am, by no means, perfect in this area. I’m on the food struggle-bus a lot. We don’t have access to many fresh foods like those in bigger cities, and boy, trying to get my carb-loving family to take the initiative to cut a celery stick and dig out the peanut butter is nearly impossible unless I set it out in front of them. Anything that takes effort in my home for my family is probably the biggest challenge in making better choices. And, I suppose, if the carbs aren’t brought into the home, they’re not there to be eaten. We easily become lazy in this department, as many people do. When I say “lazy,” I mean it in a way that it takes effort to choose, purchase, and eat more wisely.

Perhaps it would be good for me to look at my food story growing up for insight into this, too. Growing up, carbs were the cheapest thing to buy. I did not grow up eating balanced meals. And that, my friends, is a hard habit to break. Something to work toward for sure – healing that food story. Do you have a food story? I bet you do if you’re on the food struggle-bus. Just las we all have a money story, we all have a food story, too.

how to take holistic approach to wellness

Care for Mental Health

The mind-body connection is one of the key things to pay attention to if you want to take a holistic approach to health. Your mental health and the way your mind works can affect your physical health, and vice versa. When you have physical health problems, it can affect your mental health for various reasons, whether it’s because something in your body affects your mood or because the change in your life is getting you down. Poor mental health can lead to less care for your physical health too. That’s why it’s essential to take care of both together.

I also lean toward the belief that our bodies respond to what’s going on in our minds and the thoughts we are most focused on in our lives. If we’re focused on the doom and gloom of life, we’re likely to behave as if life is doom and gloom, and there’s nothing to be joyful about, right? Likewise, if we put our thoughts on a pedestal and truly pay attention to what we’re telling ourselves throughout the day or all of the problems we’re focusing on – we can see that those thoughts are likely harming our bodies.

This is what grief does to us. It swings the pendulum of joy in the opposite direction, and we must work daily to find balance. We must not neglect the sad, angry, or fearful feelings; rather, we must feel them heal them, so they do not consume us. 

Use a Health Tracker App

Keeping a close eye on your health and the healthy things you choose to do can help you feel a sense of control. A health tracker app, perhaps paired with a wearable fitness tracker, is a great way to put yourself in control of your health. It can help you to get an overview of different aspects of your health, from exercising and your diet to practicing meditation and mindfulness. Different apps will offer varying features that might come in handy.

I personally wear a Garmin. I wanted a tracker that looked more like a watch. Before I gave up alcohol, my Garmin showed me how it negatively impacted me for up to 12 hours after. It was fascinating to see how consistently alcohol was adding stress to my body. I also see the same spike in stress during sleep when I’ve been gone shopping for a whole day. Crowds, lines, and shopping, in general, are not things I enjoy and are taxing to my energy. Another stat I’m able to monitor is how my cycle, step count, and so forth impact my sleep and stress throughout the day. I have found the Garmin to be very accurate, too, compared to my count when I’m on my treadmill. Using a health tracker for insight into your health is a great place to start. However, when you’re utilizing it to obsess over your step count, as I did years ago when I first got a FitBit, it is counter-productive to your mental health and overall well-being. 

Find the Right Doctor

If you want to take a holistic approach to care for your health, it’s also a good idea to find a doctor who will do the same. Whether you’re looking for a primary care doctor or trying to find the right specialist, you need someone who will treat your whole person, rather than zeroing in on specific problems or symptoms and disregarding other factors. 

I recently was referred to a naturopath, a good friend who shared an educational video on hormones and how she approaches hormones holistically. It was eye-opening to me. I wish I could share it but, it was shared with my friend’s private community. This naturopath indicated that a female’s spit should be used to show accurate hormone levels. They should be taken throughout the duration of a menstrual cycle to determine when any hormone dosage needs to be adjusted. She added that our hormones are directly related to our liver and tied to all bodily functions. So, hormones are pretty darn important. If you haven’t heard of “fatty liver,” look it up. Now, imagine how “fatty liver” is impacting your hormones and your entire body!

To take a holistic approach to your health, you need to consider every part of yourself. It’s also helpful to have support from health professionals who will do the same. 

much love, victoria

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