Ep 226 Get Out of Your Own Way in Grief & In Life

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

On this Christmas Eve episode, I extend warm, festive greetings to all listeners, no matter how you celebrate. Inspired by my recent newsletter, The Unleash Letters, I reflect on the past year’s experiences and energies while looking forward with hope to 2025.

I discuss the power of self-reflection as a healing tool—especially for those grieving—and encourage everyone to consider what energies from 2023 they carried into 2024 and how these might impact their future.

I’ve experienced a shift in my beliefs about unseen spiritual support, which has renewed my excitement and inspiration for the future. Trusting oneself and having faith in a higher power can truly spark personal growth.

Setting intentions is crucial; it helps us tackle challenges head-on and transform our lives into ones filled with freedom and fulfillment. We can quickly change perspectives by addressing obstacles directly, grounding ourselves, and reframing our thoughts. While conflicts are inevitable when engaging deeply with others, viewing year-end as a new beginning allows us to harness energy shifts for personal growth.

I invite you to reflect on what didn’t work in 2024, consider changes you’d like to make for 2025, and explore my website for services that meet where you are at like the energy healing membership, meditations, or the Do Grief Differently program—with an exclusive limited-time discount available!

My goal is to meet you wherever you are on your journey by helping you take control of your energy and potential. As I close this episode with hope for 2025, remember that unleashing your heart unlocks your life’s true potential!

RESOURCES:

  • The Unleashed Letters Newsletter
  • Energy Healing Membership
  • Do Grief Differently (10% off for two individuals for January or February start date)

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NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Embrace the Holiday Spirit with Grieving Voices

As we approach the end of another year, it’s a time for reflection, gratitude, and setting intentions for what lies ahead. In this special Christmas Eve episode of the Grieving Voices podcast, listeners are invited to pause and reflect on their journey through 2023 and how they can step into 2024 with renewed energy and purpose.

A Season of Reflection

The holiday season is often seen as a time of joy and celebration. However, it’s also a period where emotions run high—especially for those who are grieving. The host acknowledges this duality by extending festive greetings while recognizing that everyone’s experience during this time is unique. Drawing inspiration from The Unleash Letters, their biweekly newsletter filled with personal reflections and resources, the host encourages us all to take stock of our emotional landscape.

The Power of Self-Reflection

Self-reflection isn’t just about looking back; it’s about understanding how past experiences shape our present selves—and ultimately influence our future paths. For those dealing with grief or other life challenges in particular—self-reflection becomes an essential tool for healing because it allows us not only recognize but also release pent-up energies holding us back from growth opportunities waiting around every corner!

In fact—as highlighted throughout today’s episode—the act itself requires immense amounts both mental physical strength which makes sense why so many people find themselves drained exhausted after engaging deeply introspective work like journaling meditation etcetera…

Trusting Yourself & Higher Powers

One key takeaway shared was trusting oneself alongside greater forces beyond comprehension such spiritual entities which may offer unseen support along way! This belief shift brought newfound excitement anticipation heading into upcoming years including potential breakthroughs transformations awaiting eager individuals ready embrace change wholeheartedly without fear hesitation whatsoever!

By fostering deeper connections within ourselves others universe at large—we unlock doors previously thought closed forever opening up endless possibilities once unimaginable before now suddenly tangible reality ripe exploration discovery anew each day passes bringing fresh insights revelations aplenty wherever turn next no matter path choose follow down road less traveled more familiar territory alike…

Episode Transcription:

Victoria Volk: Hello friend. Thank you for tuning in to this Christmas Eve episode of Greeting Voices. If you’re listening today on Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day, Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah however you celebrate, marry all the things to you and yours. And if you don’t celebrate, that’s okay too. Thank you for listening. Today’s episode is inspired by my last newsletter, which is called the unleashing letters. It comes out every other Wednesday. I will put a link to it in the show notes in case you’re interested in joining me biweekly in your inbox. It’s my place where I share a little bit more personal things and what’s happening, work wise, business, personal, all of the things, my thoughts, I share resources that I come across. It’s kind of a hodgepodge of of things sometimes But my last newsletter, I felt like was maybe too good not to share on the podcast. And so that is what inspired me to bring to you today Basically, my last newsletter to you here on the podcast. So if you like what you hear today, maybe you’d like to join my newsletter. Now I’ve been thinking a lot about this past year, the lessons I’ve learned, which will come in the next episode of grieving voices. But really about the energy. The energy that I feel maybe I I don’t wanna say this. Like, the energy that I embodied the most in twenty twenty four. And for me, it was just laying the foundation of what’s to come because I have a lot of hope of what’s to come for me business wise, personally, I’m looking ahead to twenty twenty five with a lot of excitement and enthusiasm and enjoy and Yeah. So I think this year was really about preparing myself energetically to to really receive all the goodness that I feel is just waiting for me. In twenty twenty five. And if you’re listening to this and you’re grieving, maybe you just lost a loved one. I’ve heard some really sad stories as of late, local to me, people that I’ve I somewhat knew who have passed way before their time. And so maybe this is not the episode for you today, and that’s okay. But at the same time, I think if self reflection can be an amazing healing tool for us, it can help us bring something to our awareness that helps us shift our perspective of things. That can be healing. So in that case, maybe this episode is for you. In any rate, turn this off when it doesn’t feel aligned. Keep listening if it does. But the highlights of the newsletter were pretty much, like, talking about I I mean, I can talk about I can spend things around to be about grief and a lot of my newsletter was about grief. And the energy that grief expands. But his grief expands a ton of energy to both hold in our bodies, but also to release. And we can release grief through breath work or body work, like energy healing, raky, biofuel tuning, like I offer somatic practices, shaking, tapping, even dancing, or other healing modalities that freeze the stagnant tangled energy that allows for allows for our energetic flow. So in a nutshell, Releasing and working through the energetics of grief is a good thing. And so if you are grieving and you’re listening to this, the worst has probably already happened. Is what is one small step you can do today for you to hold your heart with light and love? What is your heart asking of you right now? And I bet if you take a moment to be still and turn off the noise and distractions, you just might get your answer. When you think back on twenty twenty four, what did you energetically take into twenty twenty four from twenty twenty three? Was it heartbreak? Maybe what you’re feeling right now is a little bit of old pain. Is it decades old emotional pain and anger? Is it a longing or a desire burning inside that hasn’t come to fruition? What was the energy you took into twenty twenty four? And are you still holding onto that energy and taking it into twenty twenty five? What can you do or try that could contribute to twenty twenty five being different and not more of the same? Is it time for brave action? There is this unseen force and energy that has your back in mind. And up until very recently, I struggled to believe that this was true for me. I never questioned this being true for others, but my monkey mind always questioned because I very much am a questioner and a natural skeptic. And I was skeptical that the insights and messages that would drop into my mail slot, I’d like to call it, were made up by my monkey mind. But that all changed, actually only within the last month and a half or so, with a meditation that was like the flip of an energetic light switch. Now I fully believe that God angels spirit guides, saints universe, whatever you wanna call it, that there’s something we can’t see Although some people are gifted in that way to see, but that is far more intelligent than we ever will be on this physical plane and in our physical bodies with all of our logic and ego getting in the way. But that support is just waiting for us to knock on the door, waiting to be recognized and acknowledged. And now that I have experienced it fully for myself, I can’t unfreeze what I now know, that I am supported. And so are you? And feeling energetically held in this way has made my December twenty twenty four explode with excitement and buzz and inspiration. It has been as if the floodgates of what’s possible have opened up. Going into twenty twenty five, I feel a theme for me to share is self trust, and trust in something greater, and helping others cultivate that within themselves. Imagine the hope that can come from learning how to trust yourself and in something greater. It has certainly ignited a lot of hope in me. I’m as much a realist as I am a dreamer. Life is gonna life. Things don’t always go as we plan. Energetically finding ourselves in these situations can flip our lives upside down and rightfully so for a period of time. However, one thing I’ve learned about myself is that this past years that my rebound time from challenges like these is much shorter than it used to be in years past. When I can get out of my own way, set my monkey mind straight and get grounded and centered within myself, my perspective shifts so much more quickly. I become more reflective sooner. Therefore, I’m not ruminating and stewing on crap I can’t control or have the power to change in my favor. And although it is painful in the process, I’ve learned that the god angels, spirit guides universe, whatever you want to call it are simply making more room and space for what is meant for me. As long as I do my part and energetically step up to the plate, and I believe that’s true for you too. If we acknowledge the suck in the situation, set an intention with the might with our energy for what is in the highest good for ourselves and everyone involved, and release attachment to any certain outcome. Twenty twenty five can be an amazing year. And energetically, we can feel free. We will forever have conflict in our lives as long as we are in relationships with others and I can’t wait to share more about what twenty twenty four has taught me in an upcoming episode next week, but energetically, get grounded and centered within yourself. And trust, and you will see how the world just seems to rearrange and sort itself around you. Like a dear friend of mine says, metaphorically speaking, of course. The trash just seems to take out itself. We just so easily get in our own way because we’re afraid of uncertainty. We have fear of change because we latch on to pass stories or beliefs that have been passed down to us through generations or the lives that we told ourselves or others told us about ourselves that we accept as our truth. For example, did you grow up in a home with a lack mindset where the your parents and your household were just believed there was just never enough or you were just barely enough or you were just scraping by Or did you have to prove your worth by doing? These are stories that we hold on to that we bring into adulthood. This is the energy that you’re holding on to potentially. And bringing into your present day. What if instead of looking at the end of twenty twenty four as an ending, we looked at it as a new beginning, an invitation to a new beginning. Every single day there’s a sunrise and a sunset. It were given an opportunity every day to start with a clean slate. There’s never a perfect time or a perfect year and the future isn’t guaranteed. And we waste a lot of time, dwelling, ruminating, stewing, procrastinating, holding ourselves back, and allowing our ego and logical mind to get in the way. Which is skewed by our perception of our past experiences and how we see the world. One of the fastest ways we can shift our energy, our perspective, our thoughts around the challenge in the moment or whatever we’re thinking about or struggling with is to ask ourselves better and deeper questions. And so I just want you to think about twenty twenty four And ask yourself, what isn’t working? What hasn’t been working about twenty twenty four? And if I gave you a magic wand, and I could shift your energy and change your energy today, Where would you put your energy to first? What would be the first thing that you would want to change? This is a baby step towards self awareness. To bring to light, that which you wish to shift your perspective around and take action. So if you are ready to do so and go into twenty twenty five with new energy or call in new energy into your life. I invite you to take a look at my website, the onlychart dot com, have a look at the different services I offer. I can meet you where you’re at, whether you’re just starting to peel back the layers, maybe energy healing work is for you. I’ve got meditations on there. I just launched my energy healing membership, which is forty nine dollars a month for founding members. We meet live twice a month. There’s three different modules currently in the membership, plus resources I’ll be adding and I’ll continually be adding to it. And you have access to the energy healing sessions. However, many times a month you want to engage in them and participate. Or if you’re ready to dive deep, into the stories that you’re holding on to. Maybe do group differently is for you. I like to call do group differently, the gift that keeps on giving. And so for two people, I will be offering ten percent off do grief differently, which is a savings of a hundred and sixty dollars for January or February twenty twenty five. So if you’ve been considering the program, hit up the link in the show notes to inquire. And for those that decide to move forward, I will give you that coupon code. And again, it’s good for two people, for January or February start dates. For twenty twenty five. I believe in that program with all of my heart. It changed my life and I’ve seen countless other lives changed and transformed because of it and relationships made stronger because of it. So I’m excited to offer two people ten percent off that program to help you get out of your own way in grief and in life. If you’ve already done a lot of energy work, personal healing, development work, maybe you’re just ready to fulfill your full potential to really lean your energy into allowing yourself to fully become unleashed from whatever it is has its grip on you. Then maybe you map is for you. Again, I can meet you where you’re at, and I’m telling you I’ve walked the walk. I’ve probably been where you are. When you grow up with grief, it it feels like that. Life can feel like a grind, but there is a way to make peace with your past. To move forward, to shift your energy, up level your energy, raise your voltage, so you feel like you have a sense of vitality. You can do the things that you enjoy doing. You feel a creative spark, you feel inspired. And along the way, if you trust in yourself and trust that you are supported, that’ll take you leaps and bounds. Further than I think even I maybe even I feel as possible as I sit here right now. I hope this episode was inspiring. I hope it was leaving with a sense of hope. For twenty twenty five. Check out the show notes for any links. If you’re interested in the energy healing membership, my newsletter, I’m here to support you in whatever way you need. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.

Ep 216 When You Unleash Your Heart, You Unleash Your Life

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

In a world increasingly defined by division and isolation, radical belonging offers a powerful antidote to the epidemic of loneliness. Joe Primo’s article, “Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering,” featured on Grateful Living, delves into this pressing issue with profound insights that resonate deeply amidst our post-pandemic reality.

In this week’s episode, I read his article out loud because, although I tried, I couldn’t have written it better myself. This article (and episode) hits on individual responsibility, which couldn’t be more important as we face an election year in the United States, which goes right into the holidays when we will gather with friends and families, many with opposing views, beliefs, and diverse backgrounds, ethnicities, and preferences.

The Loneliness Epidemic
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has sounded alarms about a growing crisis—loneliness. This isn’t just about feeling alone; it’s a public health concern with wide-ranging societal implications. As social structures were disrupted during COVID-19, many isolated themselves from their communities and support systems. Now more than ever, rebuilding connections is vital to societal well-being.

Understanding ‘Othering’
Primo introduces us to the concept of ‘othering,’ where differences are highlighted not as strengths but as reasons for exclusion. This binary thinking creates barriers between people based on race, religion, culture, or politics—a misguided attempt to find belonging through conformity rather than embracing diversity. The danger here lies in mistaking fitting in for true belonging.

The Power of Belonging
Belonging is akin to love—it’s unconditional and rooted in internal and external acceptance. To belong means being comfortable with oneself while honoring others’ dignity despite differences. It’s recognizing that everyone holds inherent value simply by existing.

RESOURCES:

_______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Embracing the Grief Recovery Method – A Journey to Unleashing Your Heart

Grieving is a universal experience, yet each individual’s journey through it is deeply personal. In a recent episode of Grieving Voices, the host opened up about her transformative encounter with the Grief Recovery Method—a structured approach that not only helped her confront over three decades of unresolved grief but also catalyzed profound personal growth and self-realization.

The Transformative Power of Structured Healing

The Grief Recovery Method stands out for its evidence-based framework, which offers more than just coping mechanisms; it provides a pathway to genuine healing. Our host’s story illustrates this beautifully. Initially skeptical and hesitant, she was eventually drawn into this method by what seemed like fate—a training trip to Austin, Texas—that marked the beginning of her transformation.

One memorable moment from this journey involved an encounter with another traveler whose presence underscored her readiness for change. This incident highlighted how physical symptoms can manifest when we are on the brink of emotional breakthroughs—akin to purging before true cleansing begins.

Beyond Loss: Broad Applicability

What makes the Grief Recovery Method particularly compelling is its flexibility in addressing various kinds of loss—not just bereavement but relationships with living people, inner child issues, and even abstract concepts such as money or addiction. One client’s story exemplifies how entrenched coping strategies can obscure one’s emotional landscape until they are gradually dismantled through guided self-awareness and expression facilitated by this method.

Hopeful Steps Towards Healing

Our host passionately advocates for maintaining hope throughout your healing journey. She emphasizes that consistent positive actions contribute significantly towards recovery—each step forward being an essential part of unleashing one’s heart (and thereby life). Her own program “Do Grief Differently” aligns perfectly with these principles offering both online & in-person support tailored specifically toward deep emotional work.

Join Me On This Path To Fulfillment

In closing remarks during her podcast episode—and here too—the invitation remains open: become part our community! Engage actively within spaces where similar stories unfold daily because together lies strength needed while confronting deepest sorrows head-on…unleash YOUR heart today so tomorrow becomes brighter than ever imagined possible!

Episode Transcription:

Victoria Volk: Hello friends. Welcome to another episode of Grieving Voices. Thank you for tuning in this week. If it is your first time listening, thank you for being here. And if you’ve been here before, thank you for coming back. This week, I just wanna talk a little bit about what it means to me when I say at the end of every episode, with every guest or a solo episode. When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. It came up during one of my recent sessions with a client and who inspired this podcast episode actually because one of the things I haven’t really shared with on its own episode is my personal experience going through the grief recovery method and and how it changed my life. You’ll hear little snippets here and there and podcast interviews whether I’m guessing on another podcast or whether it’s during an interview with somebody else. But really, it’s that experience that had me come up with this slogan at the end of every podcast episode because through that experience of going through grief recovery, I truly did feel like I had unleashed my heart and so much of my life unfolded and the potential within me just kind of blossomed because I had addressed my grief and worked through a lot of painful and traumatic things in my past and continue to do so. So it’s more than just a slogan to me. It really is a belief system that I have. And so when you hear it at the end of every episode, I hope that you hear hope really because without hope, what do we really have? You also need some faith in there, right, trusting the process, feeling supported, that life has your back, that life happens for you, not to you, even the worst of things. It’s really difficult to look at the lessons at the time you’re going through something that’s really challenging or difficult, but there is a beautiful unfolding and an evolution of one spirit after you’ve gone through a difficult time. If you lean into the unfolding. If you’re open to the bread crumbs, if you’re open to receiving new information, new tools such as that with the grief recovery method, or any other modality or think something, you know, coaching or what have you that you’re looking into. So my experience with the grief recovery method in the beginning of twenty nineteen was one of excitement and also, you know, a lot of uncertainty. I didn’t I felt certain that that was the very thing I needed, that was going to help me personally in my grief. I also felt very confident in what I had read and the research I had done and testimonials and all of that that I had come across. That it was going to be, at the very least, informative and a great way to explore my past in a supported evidence based framework which really spoke to me too because I’m kind of a skeptic. I’m not kind of. I am. I am a skeptic. And after trying different things throughout my life and seeing this personal development experiment unfold over at that point five years heavily I will say that if you have children, if you are a parent, or raising children, even if they’re not yours, they bring up all your insecurities. They are the I I phoned myself saying lately, children. Your kids, like kids that you’re raising are the best personal development project you will ever endeavor. Anyway, going into it, I was hopeful that Finally, there would be something that would would help me. And it was way more than I bargained for in the best of ways or the experience. Let’s just say, the very first day of training or the certification or the class or what have you. I woke up that morning. I had issues out of both ends. I was I had diarrhea and I was puking. I was it was, like, the purge before the purge, I call it, And I had actually met somebody. I had come into I did my training in Austin, Texas because initially where I was going to drive for my certification was canceled. So I decided to invest way more than I had to and I went to Austin, Texas for mine and went on a tour bus and met somebody Metigail from I think she was from California. Therefore, a different type of training, not for the same one as me. And we connected and rolled the tour bus together and ended up going to dinner afterwards and had great conversation and we actually ended up having the same thing at the restaurant. And so I texted her the next morning and she was perfectly fine. We had the exact same thing and she was perfectly fine and I was not. So I can only surmise that I was having the purge before the purge, but fortunately, for me, I had already read the grief recovery handbook, which we were going through in our program. And I had done so in between the first before I being count my my first training I signed up for to be canceled and deciding to do the second or deciding to sign up for Austin. So in the meantime, I thought, you know, my husband was like, well, you’ve taught yourself so many different things. You can teach yourself this and that was, you know, I did attempt to do this alone. I attempted to work through my grief alone because there was I I had signed up months in advance. And so there was still some time for me to attempt to do it alone and that didn’t go so well, which prompted me to sign up to go to Austin. And I’m very glad I did. It was not only a learning experience which I knew it would be, but it was also very transformative for me. I I often say that I I was not the same person coming on the plane home as going down there. And everything that I’ve accomplished in the time since grief recovery was because of that program, was because I addressed my grief, because I did the hard thing and looked at thirty plus years of resentment and anger, lots of anger, a lot of anger, which can really be an uncomfortable emotion for a lot of people, by the way. And I would do it in a heartbeat all over again. And I had a lot of regret. I felt a lot of sadness actually after coming back from that training that I hadn’t found it sooner. And that was grief. I had grief around that. I had grief around the me that was apparent to young children who was projecting so much anger and pain onto their kids. I had grief over that. You have so many awarenesses that you discover through going through this program that it’s I’d sum it up in one episode just I don’t even know that I I could. So in a nutshell, it’s it’s transformative and it’s life changing. And it is knowledge and information that is yours forever. You have it forever. This framework, you can apply it to so many different relationships, not just relationships to those who have died, but to those living, to your relationship with alcohol, to food, money, your inner child, it’s so versatile. I don’t know of any other program or anything of its kind that although it looks like it’s cookie cutter and it’s for anybody and everybody, which it is. By the way, it’s still unique to you because it’s your brief story that you are working through. So what you are unleashing your heart from when you go through the grief recovery method or through my program which uses the grief recovery method do grief differently, which is a twelve week one on one program. You are unleashing the unresolved pain and grief that is probably sitting in your body right now. As you’re listening to this, if you are going about your day and something reminds you of a painful memory, there’s probably unresolved grief there. A client of mine I’m currently working with had a beautiful awareness where she recognized that how she was taught to approach someone in her life who was struggling with the mental illness was so ingrained in her over so many years to tap into her own emotions and how she felt became difficult. Like, it wasn’t it wasn’t even the default. Like, the default for her became focus on the other to, you know, try and fix it, to try and make it better, and make sure that the other was okay. That there’s so much focus on that and using the correct and proper language around that person as to not upset them or make them feel a certain way. Right? Because not only was the is the was the person struggling with mental illness, but also addiction, you know, it’s this two pronged issue, She realized, I’ve been so focused on the other for so many years. I didn’t even know how to tap into my own emotions and communicate that with people around me. And so what she’s learned through this process is really how to open up and communicate with other people, how she is feeling, how she is feeling, and what she’s experiencing. She’s slowly unleashing her heart, And I see this unfolding with every client I work with because so many people that go through this program don’t even it’s like you don’t even recognize yourself after at the end of it. You do, but you don’t. It’s like, I think you recognize the parts of you that you’ve buried so deep, that even you are surprised by what you see in the mirror at the end of this. And it’s a beautiful thing. And if there is anything that I can share with you today that would be helpful, is that whatever you are doing to move yourself forward, whether it’s grief recovery or not. You know, grief is cumulative and it’s cumulatively negative, but healing is cumulative and it’s cumulatively positive. So every little thing that you’re doing daily, your daily actions, things that are moving you forward are still a very important part of your healing, are still a very important part of unleashing your heart. But if you want to really dig in deep and get to the nitty gritty and dense time really, the time it takes to do all these other things and, you know, one thing stacked on the other, whether it’s yoga and meditation or, you know, all these things stack up. Right? And are good things, you know, grief recovery, do grief differently. This is like my one hundred and forty four hertz fork when I use in that I use in biofuel tuning, it just really gets to the nitty gritty. And if you want to get to the nitty gritty, to unleash your heart so you can unleash your life. This is the one program that I wholeheartedly stand behind. And I wouldn’t have experienced it myself and continue to do the work I would have quit doing this a long time ago, but I believe in it so much. So that’s what it means to me when I say at the end of every episode, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. It’s a belief that I have. And if you believe that it’s possible that you can unleash your heart and unleash your life, I would love to work with you. Or just be a part of my journey, be a part of this community. Share this episode. Share my work. If you’re not ready to dive in deep. You’re paying it you’re still paying it forward and every little bit of information that you take in is just one step in front of the other. And I encourage you to keep doing so. He is again. Holding on to hope is one of the most important aspects of healing and I never thought it was possible for me to let go of my anger and pain and resentment and work through the trauma that I had experienced in my past, but I did. And I’m sitting here talking to you about it. Because I guarantee you for you, the you know, the worst has already happened. And what do you have to lose? What do you have to lose by not unleashing your heart? My friend, it’s really difficult to unleash your life if you haven’t, unleash your heart. So I hope that was inspiring for you. I hope that you feel a sense of hope after listening to this. I hope that your curiosity has been piqued about to grief differently or grief recovery with I mean, there’s specialists all around the world. You can go to the grief recovery method dot com You can find a specialist near you. There’s certain training that needs to happen to do this work online, which I have. So I can do this work online. I can do this work in groups, in person, and groups online. So if you’re interested, please reach out for more information. That’s it for today. Just wanted to share my experience of going through grief recovery and It’s not easy work, but it’s so rewarding. And I still reap the rewards going on five years later. So I wish that the same for you. Alright. My friends until next time. When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life.
Much love.

Ep 203 Big Grief Energy

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

Grief isn’t merely an emotion; it’s a profound energy that demands reflection and immersion into our deepest feelings. But too often, our intellect and ego stand as gatekeepers, preventing the deep emotional healing we desperately need.

In this week’s solo episode, I speak of the body as a compass through loss. Grief tells us when to pause and feel deeply if only we stay grounded enough to heed its guidance. Neglected grief is insidious—it can manifest into physical ailments or emotional turmoil.

Key Points Discussed:

  • Grief’s Energetics: I compare grief to a body of water that overwhelms us and emphasizes the importance of allowing ourselves to feel deeply rather than intellectualizing our emotions.
  • Physical and Emotional Connection: Our bodies and emotions have a visceral understanding of loss.
  • The Impact of Unprocessed Trauma: How past traumas, like sexual abuse or physical violence, can lead us to dissociate from painful experiences and how this affects our present life choices.
  • The Opportunity for Growth Through Grief: While it might be hard to hear, especially during times of suffering, there is potential for growth through processing our grief effectively.
  • Searching for Episodes by Loss Type: I encouraged my listeners to explore previous episodes categorized by types of loss, such as widowhood or parental loss, via the blog’s search function.
  • Rituals and Recovery Methods: I highlighted the importance of rituals and community support in grieving processes and suggested engaging in my “Do Grief Differently” program as a way forward.
  • Unleashing Painful Emotions: I shared my own transformative experience where acknowledging all forms of grief led me to release intense emotions that had been pent up inside.

If you’ve ever felt lost in your grieving process or know someone who does—remember my voice echoing softly amidst the noise: “Healing is possible. Your emotions are valid. And most importantly—you’re never alone on this journey toward reclaiming your heart after loss.”

RESOURCES:

_______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

Embracing Grief as a Natural Process

I understand that grief carries a profound energy – one that requires us to pause, reflect deeply, and immerse ourselves fully into our emotions. She argues convincingly that this force has tangible effects on both body and mind; thus, processing it isn’t just beneficial but necessary for healing.

Our intellect and ego can sometimes act as barriers preventing us from experiencing the rawness of our feelings during the grieving process. This resistance can halt emotional healing at its core. By acknowledging this challenge openly on her podcast, Victoria invites listeners to let go of mental blocks and embrace their vulnerability.

The Body: A Compass Through Mourning

One key insight that I share with you is viewing the body not just as a vessel but also as a guide through the labyrinth of loss. Staying grounded allows individuals to navigate their journey more intuitively by truly feeling each emotion without shying away or intellectualizing them.

Unaddressed grief doesn’t simply fade away; it often manifests itself through physical ailments or emotional disturbances. However, when acknowledged and processed properly – something that I advocates strongly for – healing becomes attainable. We can then remember those we’ve lost without being incapacitated by sorrow.

Do Grief Differently: A Program for Healing

To aid grievers along this path, I offer the program Do Grief Differently which equips participants with tools designed not only for immediate relief but long-term application throughout life’s many challenges involving loss. This approach acknowledges two critical points: first, that sadness may linger even after healing occurs; secondly, understanding how past traumas influence current behaviors is crucial in moving forward constructively.

Beyond Death: Recognizing Various Forms of Loss

Broadens the scope beyond death-related grief by addressing other forms such as abandonment issues or financial losses—demonstrating empathy towards all who suffer regardless of circumstance while encouraging listeners to find solace in episodes most pertinent to their unique experiences.

My comprehensive resource extends further via blog posts where I delve deeper into topics discussed on air—a testament to her commitment towards providing accessible support no matter where someone might be on their grieving journey.

Confronting Unresolved Pain Head-on

Allowing unresolved pain from festering beneath life’s surface—it can lead to ongoing physical discomforts or emotional turmoil if left unchecked.

Rituals play an essential role here; they offer structure within chaos—a sentiment echoed across various cultures worldwide—and provide opportunities for expression during times when words fail us.

By facing pain directly rather than avoiding it (a central theme), people gain empowerment over their circumstances instead of remaining ensnared by unprocessed emotions—which ultimately leads toward clarity and peace.

An Invitation Towards Self-Care & Engagement

As each episode concludes with heartfelt advice urging self-care practices especially concerning physical health impacts due to unprocessed emotions—listeners are encouraged not only listen passively but actively engage themselves within community discussions around shared experiences fostering collective growth outwards together alongside fellow grievers seeking similar paths toward wellness.

Episode Transcription:

Victoria Volk: Hello. Hello. Good morning. Good afternoon or good evening. Whatever time it is you’re listening to this solo episode. Thank you for being here. And I was not sure what I wanted to talk about for this solo episode, but then I had a song come into my head from Lotto. Which I did look it up, how to say it right. And it is Lotto. Lotto. She’s a female rapper here in the United States. Anyway, she has a song called Big Energy and that song came into my mind and I thought what else has Big Energy Grief. Grief. That’s big energy. So that’s what I wanna talk about today is the big energy that is grief. And the energetics of it specifically, grief asks us, to become quiet and stop. Stop. To stop. Stop the movement. Stop the mind unraveling to just stop and dive into the depths. Of our souls. And it’s our intellect that usually tries to not usually, it does. Our intellect is what lifts us out of that grip of grief the deep wound of grief, I think before we’re ready, before we allow ourselves to be immersed. In that deep ocean, whatever you wanna call it. However, it’s like this body of water that feels like you’re drowning. You feel like you’re being swallowed up. Our bodies and our emotions have a visceral understanding of death and loss. We know that we can no longer touch or see those who have passed, yet we can still feel the embrace of a lost lover or hear the laughter of a child who has died, our bodies miss limbs that we have lost. And our bodies remember that pain. Our bodies and our emotions experience the reality of injury of loss of separation or even death every day. These two elements body our body and our emotions. No grief. Which means they can act as our guide. If we can stay grounded to our bodies and stop ourselves from flying off into some spiritual or intellectual distraction in response to grief. And as a result, we would we would be able to receive the c the healing that grief can offer us. We just don’t allow ourselves to go to that depth to allow our bodies to feel fully and let those emotions pass through us, move through us, let the body rid itself of the emotional pain you know, that twinge that you feel, that heartache, that heaviness in your chest, when we think about either the suffering that someone else inflicted on us, because grief isn’t just about death. I’ve said that so many times on this podcast. If you’ve never heard another episode before. There’s four plus years of content there for you to check out. I advise you to check out the first ten episodes, which actually might be ten to fifteen episodes, twelve, something like that. That really dive into grief itself and give you some background information and kind of lay a foundation of what the next episodes and the years that follow really lean on. Our bodies know how to process. It’s our ego. It’s our intellect. Our logic. Our analysis paralysis is what gets in the way, is what stunts our growth through grief. I’ll call it that. We have an opportunity to grow from our grief, despite our grief. No one wants to hear that grief is a growth opportunity, nobody. If someone would have told me that after my dad died, had I not been eight years old, granted. But even as a young adult, when I was still in the throes of grief really because my early twenties were kind of a shit show. So if someone would have told me, what I just said, I would have dismissed it. I probably would have been, like, your freaking crazy and it’s bullshit is what I probably would have said. Nobody asks, for that test. Nobody asks to be in that group of people who are suffering in their grief. And there is many of you out there listening to this right now who are suffering in your grief. And I just implore you that if you have never let yourself ask deeper questions about the loss you’ve experienced? Maybe it’s abandonment, maybe it’s loss of safety or security, financial loss, divorce, estrangement, There are so many scenarios I’ve shared with guests throughout the years. Driving the issue home, that grief is not just about death. I think we’ve established that by now. As you listen to the stories that people have shared throughout the years, And if you’re unsure, like, which episodes are for you, you can go to my website, actually, and there is a search box on the right side. If you click on one of the episodes of on the pod of the podcast on my blog, on the right hand panel, on the side, the right side, there is a you can search by categories. There’s widowhood. There’s parent loss, divorce, there’s everything is broken out by category. So if you wanna find an episode that maybe relates more to your situation. There’s a way to search for that on my on my blog, so I encourage you to check that out. Because there is four plus years of episodes. And if you’re not finding something that you’re resonating with or that you’ve or you’re wondering, like, where can I is there an episode about this topic? Reach out to me. I will send you a direct link. I will find it. I want you to see yourself in the people’s stories. And that’s why I try to represent all types of loss on this podcast. Just reach out to me if there’s an episode that you’re wondering if I cover a specific topic. That being said, regardless of the loss, regardless of your experience. There is a way forward. But we have to allow ourselves to feel it. Truly feel it. Feel that big, big, grief energy. Maybe like me. You were traumatized as a child. Maybe you’re a victim of sexual trauma like myself. Where over the years, you may be have maybe use painful events or scary movies. To further hone in your skills of disassociating, of disconnecting from your body. And whenever grievous situations occurred, boom, you shit out of your body, you just disassociate, completely disassociate, unable to feel. And I think so many people who have experienced trauma in that way, sexual trauma, physical abuse, just find yourself going somewhere else in your mind. Letting your mind take you somewhere else is the best way I can describe it. And I think then the response can be then to put yourself unconsciously, I don’t think it’s conscious. I think, unconsciously put yourself in the way of situations that help you to further disassociate to further not feel. And the only way to not allow those past experiences to continue to influence your present day and your future is to go back in time and to look at those things. And that’s what so many people have told me over the years is, I don’t need to dredge up the past. The past is in the past, but my friend, the past is your present. And your future until it is healed. And I say that word healed And I almost don’t even like saying it myself because it feels like it’s the weight of it is I don’t know. I feel like the word healing has become cheapened in a way. It’s like this elusive word that I don’t know. I feel like it’s lost. It’s meaning over time. But true healing in the form of when you think about that person, when you find yourself in a in a place where you remembering something from the past that it’s not taking you back in time to the pain You’re not feeling that in your body as you once did. It’s not influencing your decisions in the present. Or what you decide to do in the future. Those are I think those are unconscious processes that you don’t connect the dots at what you’re doing, why you make the decisions you make, why you move forward the way you do is because of the experiences of the past. And so when we acknowledge, that those things are influencing us when we learn new tools in recognizing and connecting the dots from our past to our present and to our future, That’s empowering. It’s empowering. If you don’t crave your losses, the people who have died or who have inflicted suffering upon you in some way, either get erased from your consciousness as if they weren’t important or they hang around in your psyche as if you’re being haunted. This is the pain. This is the suffering. Do you recognize these things in your life right now. Ask yourself these two questions. What must be mourned? What must be released completely? Ask yourself these internal questions. And I want to make a distinction between being caught in grief because you’ve, like, fallen into this another world ocean. And being caught in grief because your grieving process has not yet completed itself. Is most of us are rushed through our public grief and left to do our real grieving on our own. Without ritual, without ceremony, or without community. And in many cases, this the trapped grief is really just unfinished grief. If your grief is stuck in the body simply because it is unfinished, then walking yourself through a ritual practice for grief will help. Oh, going through grief recovery with me will help. It’ll also teach you a lot by the way and connect a lot of dots for you. But grieving takes its own time and it won’t leave you until you give your grief reference. So many people who I’ve talked to myself included, this will be my testament that once I honored and looked at all of the grief that I’ve experienced in my life, I was finally able to thank it. I was able to let it leave my body, the anger, the grief, The resentment, so so many emotions flooded out of me. Like, it was like the floodgates had opened. It was like the dam broke. I didn’t know if I could cry anymore tears. And if it’s been a long time since you’ve cried, you probably have a dam of tears just waiting to be unleashed as well. And it takes big, big energy to hold that in. And what is that doing to your body? That big, big energy needs to go somewhere? Are you putting it into alcohol? Are you putting it into other substance use? Are you putting it into people who you pour into, but don’t fill your cup, putting it into people pleasing, putting it into putting all that energy into seeking some sort of validation from others. What are you putting your big big grief energy into if it’s not into your into yourself? And into your healing. It’s going somewhere, or it’s destroying you from the inside. You have diabetes? Are you suffering with obesity? Do you have heart issues? The list goes on and on, migraines, fibromyalgia, this insidious body affecting thing that is idiopathic. They don’t have a clue what causes fibromyalgia. I would say it’s grief. I would say it’s unprocessed trauma. All over body pain. Tingling, sometimes numbness, like pins and needles. Aikiness. Just overall aikiness. I was tested for showrooms, I was tested for RA, so many tests. They didn’t come right out and say I had fiber mildly, but Looking back in hindsight, I’m surprised they didn’t. Inflammation in the body. Is stress in the body? And where is that stress coming from? Yes, we have environmental stress. Yes, we have physical stress, grief is stress, trauma is stress. Our bodies hold onto that. Our logic, and our ego, and our minds hold onto that as a protective blanket of sorts. Thinking we’re protecting ourselves. When really we’re causing our own suffering. I think that’s the perfect way to end this episode. Just think about where you’re putting the big, big energy that is grief. Where are you putting that energy? Where is it being stored in your body? How is it manifesting in your life? What do you need to let go of and release? What needs to be honored in your past? These are the deeper questions. And when you ask the deeper questions, my friend, you get the deeper answers. And if you are needing support in doing that, a little hand holding, you know where to find me. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

Ep 180 What Is Your Grief Story? | An Excerpt From My Book

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY: 

In the quiet moments of reflection, we often find ourselves face-to-face with our deepest losses. Join me today as I embark on a unique episode of “Grieving Voices,” where I read an excerpt from my  self-published book, “The Guided Heart: Moving Through Grief and Finding Spiritual Solace.” Let’s discover how my own experiences with loss from a young age have unknowingly mirrored the language of grief recovery even before I formally encountered it.

In this heartfelt session, I explore:

  • The personal impact of losing my father at eight years old.
  • How grief manifested in different aspects of my life.
  • The therapeutic power of journaling during my high school years.
  • Insights into emotional unavailability and its effects on family dynamics.

In this episode, I also draw connections between the content in my book written before learning about grief recovery methods and the concepts found within them. I share thoughts on letting go, acknowledging pain points, and coping mechanisms that can span decades.

Grief isn’t selective; it touches all corners of life, including relationships, careers, finances, and more. The way we cope can either mend or strain our emotional health. My story is not unique – it echoes many others’ struggles with life after loss.

Reflect on your path by following along in an exercise I propose—writing down your feelings to confront the emotional weight you carry. It’s not just cathartic; it’s a step toward understanding and clarity.

As we continue exploring various dimensions of grief throughout future episodes of “Grieving Voices,” remember that each person’s path toward healing is unique. Whether through reconnecting with faith or finding solace within oneself after experiencing profound losses—as I did—the goal remains constant: acknowledging our pain so that we may embrace life more fully and presently.

RESOURCES:

Episode Sponsor: Magic Mind | Use the code “GRIEVINGVOICES” to receive 20% off

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If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:

 

Embracing Grief: Finding Solace in Your Journey of Loss

Grief is a universal experience, yet it’s one that each individual navigates differently. In today’s post, inspired by the personal reflections and insights from my book “The Guided Heart,” we will delve deeper into the complex tapestry of grief and explore how embracing our grief stories can lead to spiritual solace and growth.

Understanding Grief Through Personal Narratives

At the heart of every grief journey lies a story – often untold, deeply personal, and uniquely impactful. As I share my own narrative about losing my father at a tender age, I sheds light on an essential truth: our earliest encounters with loss shape our future selves. The absence of emotional support during such formative years can carve out coping mechanisms that endure throughout life.

Journaling or writing poetry as I did are more than outlets for expression; they’re lifelines for those adrift in the sea of sorrow. They help us anchor ourselves amidst turbulent emotions and offer glimpses into our subconscious minds where healing begins.

The Multifaceted Nature of Grief

Loss does not discriminate nor confine itself to physical death alone. It seeps through life’s crevices – be it through divorce, financial hardship, career upheaval or struggles like infertility. Each variant brings its unique brand of pain and requires its distinct mode of healing.

My book prompts readers to recognize these variations as part of their broader grief story. By acknowledging them rather than suppressing them, we pave the way for genuine well-being instead of temporary fixes.

Writing Out Our Feelings: A Therapeutic Exercise

One practical takeaway from “The Guided Heart” is the exercise to write down what you feel when faced with loss or change – much like journaling but with directed intent towards understanding your emotional landscape better. This simple act serves two purposes: catharsis and clarity — releasing pent-up emotions while also helping map out your internal world during times when everything seems chaotic externally.

Spiritual Solace Amidst Sorrow

Spirituality often intertwines with grieving processes because both deal with questions beyond mere existence — purpose, connection, transcendence. For some people like myself who reconnected profoundly with faith after another significant loss at 21 years old – spirituality offers not just comfort but guidance too; it becomes both compass and companion along their path toward recovery.

Every person’s spiritual journey varies greatly based on beliefs systems cultivated over time combined together experiences encountered along life paths chosen (or sometimes thrust upon us).

Support Systems Like Do Grief Differently Program

For those seeking structured assistance navigating their mourning period may find solace programs such “Do Grief Differently” which provide frameworks within which individuals work methodically through emotional challenges associated significant losses experienced personally thereby enabling participants emerge stronger ready face whatever comes next chapter lives waiting be written anew hope resilience newfound wisdom gained hard-won battles fought within hearts minds souls searching meaning midst despair found instead profound realization:

By confronting embracing grieving process head-on unflinchingly courageously wholeheartedly —we unlock potential live fuller present existences enriched by memories loved ones lost never forgotten always cherished revered honored lived up legacies left behind inspire current future generations alike continue quest understand intricate complexities human condition called Life filled equal parts joy sadness triumph tragedy love longing laughter tears silence screams whispers roars echoes reverberating across time space forevermore…

Remember take care of yourself during this difficult time listen to body mind spirit needs most importantly give permission to grieve own pace own way safe knowledge community others walking similar paths alongside offering support encouragement empathy compassion whenever needed most.

In conclusion, embrace the journey and allow a guide heart true north star guiding the night sky darkest hours dawn new day horizon promising fresh beginnings possibilities limitless imagination dare dream once again…

Episode Transcription:

Victoria Volk
00:00:00 – 00:00:41
Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time it is that you are listening to this. Thank you for being here. I’m your host, Victoria V, and this is episode 180 of grieving voices.  And I decided to do something different for an episode and read an excerpt from my book, The Guided Heart, Moving Through Grief and Finding Spiritual Solace, which I self-published in 2017., And I just picked up the book off of my shelf and flipped it open to its Part 2, chapter 1.

Victoria Volk
00:00:42 – 00:01:22
And, I started reading, and to be truth be told, I have not read my book since I’ve self-published it. So it’s been quite a few years. But in reading this chapter, I realized that there were a lot of things I share in it that actually is the language of grief recovery. And so before I even discovered grief recovery, this book was written, and it’s like I had this knowing about grief, I mean, I grew up with it. Right?

Victoria Volk
00:01:22 – 00:02:43
Like, I grew up with grief from a very young age, and just in reading about my experience of my different grief experiences, I just could pinpoint this language that we use in grief recovery, and I just find that interesting because for someone who felt like they were doing okay or that they felt like they didn’t need help, which was me very much so for many years. I still had this understanding of it, and yet so I think back now in hindsight, it’s like why couldn’t I figure why couldn’t I figure out that it wasn’t me that was messed up? Like, it wasn’t my fault that I felt messed up or that something was wrong with me. It was it was grief. And, yeah, and the grace that I sent to myself back then just reading this.

Victoria Volk
00:02:46 – 00:03:24
Anyway, you’ll get what I’m saying when I read this, but, I would also encourage you to read the grief recovery handbook, and I’ll put a link to that in the show notes. And then you’ll really understand what it is I’m talking about here in drawing the connection between what I will have learned 2 years after publishing this book. And yet, that language is still in this book. And so I knew grief and understood grief better than I thought I did. I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make.

Victoria Volk
00:03:26 – 00:03:50
Anyway, I digress. Let me get on with this week’s episode and reading an excerpt from my book, which is not on Audible, but perhaps maybe I should just sit down and record reading my book, and so that it is. Anyway, let’s get started. And I’m mistaken. It’s actually part 1.

Victoria Volk
00:03:51 – 00:04:08
We all have a story. Chapter 1. What is your grief story? Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. It’s a quote by Robert Louis Stevenson.

Victoria Volk
00:04:10 – 00:04:39
She doesn’t understand anyway, I heard someone say, talking about me as if I wasn’t even there. March 31, 1987 is the anniversary of my father’s death. On July 30th that year, he would have turned 45 years old. He spent the last 2 years of his life, after having been given only 6 months to live, fighting a battle he knew he wouldn’t win. The doctors said there was nothing they could do.

Victoria Volk
00:04:39 – 00:05:16
The cancer had spread to surrounding tissues and organs. Colon cancer took my father away, and my mother became a widow at 43 years old. Being left to raise 2 children still living at home, myself, age 8, and my brother, 14 at the time. I’m not sure any woman in her position or any woman who has been in her position would know what to do, how to do it, or how to navigate raising grieving children while grieving themselves. It was impossible for me to understand then the profound effect my father’s death would have on me.

Victoria Volk
00:05:16 – 00:05:39
By the time I was 10 years old, I would begin to grasp exactly that. 2 years after the death of my father, my mother remarried. The new man in her life was a long-haul trucker and was home typically every other weekend. Theirs was a tumultuous relationship. There are many disputes during their 9-year marriage, and it ultimately ended in divorce.

Victoria Volk
00:05:40 – 00:06:14
I learned during that time and from the time of my father’s death that my mother was emotionally incapable of being there for both my brother and myself. I grew up quickly, as did my brother. I wasn’t wasn’t a child who lashed out or got into mischief. Rather, I was the wallflower, the introvert, the shy girl in the corner who spoke up when spoken to. And honestly, to this day, I’m not quite sure how I managed my grief as a young girl, particularly in elementary school, other than stuffing it all down.

Victoria Volk
00:06:16 – 00:06:41
My mother did not know what to do for my brother or myself. There was no grief counseling. And for reasons still unclear to this day, my father’s family ceased to exist in my life following the funeral. So from a young age, my family was my immediate family, as well as some family on my mother’s side, quite small in comparison to what I would later marry into in adulthood. Learning to cope.

Victoria Volk
00:06:42 – 00:07:12
It wasn’t until journaling was a requirement for English class in high school that I started to express my feelings. I wrote poetry, started journaling for myself in addition to journaling for class. And for the first time, I began to feel some of what I stuffed down for so many years. During this period in my life, there were several occasions where I lashed out at my mother, often out of frustration that had built up within me over the years. I don’t know if my mother knew how to be there for me.

Victoria Volk
00:07:12 – 00:07:38
She couldn’t emotionally care for herself. I detached myself as much as I could. Being a teenager is hard enough, but being a female teenager of an emotionally trapped mother is even harder. Therefore, we never developed a mother daughter bond that I would have loved to have shared with her. I think she realized the daughter who had taken emotional care of her all those years was eventually leaving too.

Victoria Volk
00:07:39 – 00:08:01
My childhood is where my grief story began. However, it’s certainly not where it ended. There would be several more lessons to follow in my life. I believe there are different faces grief presents during our lives, and often, it presents itself in ways you least expect. The faces of grief.

Victoria Volk
00:08:03 – 00:08:41
On some level, I still grieve for the normal childhood I could have had had my father’s untimely death not happened, but in reality, I’ll never know what that other life would have been. So it’s not the not knowing, not getting the chance that I would come to deal with years later as well. I grieve for all the moments in my life my dad was never a part of, protecting me as fathers do, walking me down the aisle, seeing and knowing his grandchildren, and, likewise, my children knowing their grandfather. These are the things I still grieve for grief, in my opinion, never leaves.

Victoria Volk
00:08:41 – 00:09:16
It is not something to get over. It is something to sit with, work through, and live with, just in a different way as the years go on.  At some point in life, all of us experience grief, whether it be losing someone we love, a divorce, a devastating financial loss, loss of career, even infertility, all cause some form of emotional pain. How we cope with it can mean months or even years, maybe even decades of loss of well-being. That to me is tragic.

Victoria Volk
00:09:17 – 00:09:44
When we remain emotionally paralyzed, we do ourselves, those still in our lives, our communities, in our world, a disservice. Through my life, I can pinpoint at least 9 pain points where I experienced a feeling of loss. Many have to do with the death due to illness. However, not all. I have grieved lost opportunity, not knowing my father’s family or having a relationship with them.

Victoria Volk
00:09:45 – 00:10:15
Lost time with my kids because in my previous business, I was driven to prove something as well as a loss of friendships and relationships. No matter how grief appears in your life, it’s sure to make you feel as though you’re no longer in control. You may become aware of your own mortality, which can cause self-reflection. When we self-reflect, we often realize our shortcomings or focus on the negative. It is being faced with uncomfortable feelings that arise from grief that shake us.

Victoria Volk
00:10:16 – 00:10:32
Often, we just don’t know what to do with those feelings. At least I know my mother didn’t.  As a result, neither did I.  And so this dynamic played out for decades. Your grief story.

Victoria Volk
00:10:34 – 00:11:08
What is your grief story? If you haven’t experience the loss of a loved one, which I presume is why you picked up this book and decided to turn its pages, but rather experience the loss of love, career, or even health, these are still losses that cause some level of grief. Have you considered all that has been handed your way in life that has caused you emotional pain in some way? What are those moments that have stuck with you, which have given you a lingering feeling of loss. Maybe it wasn’t what was, but what could have been?

Victoria Volk
00:11:10 – 00:12:17
I don’t think there is a person out there who hasn’t experienced any form of grief. As a parent myself, I cannot even fathom the helplessness and hopelessness my dad must have felt and the thoughts that ran through his mind when he received his diagnosis. To know that you won’t be around to watch your children grow, that you will never see your grandchildren or witness your kids get married, all of the hopes and dreams of living a life, a full life with your spouse are shattered in one sentence spoken by a doctor sitting across from you in a sterile and personal office. It’s easy to think of my grief, but it deepens my sadness when I acknowledge what my father must have experienced, sometimes just trying to place ourselves in the shoes of another changes our perspective. In my case, I am humbled when I think of the strength my father showed out showed all of us, the fight within him to hang on for just one more day, month and ultimately, 2 more years.

Victoria Volk
00:12:18 – 00:13:09
My grief consumed me for many years. I will touch on certain aspects of what I mean as the chapters progress. For now, the first three chapters will focus on grief itself from a spiritual perspective, the ways it can present itself in our lives and a preface of getting it resolved., Before we move forward talking about a spiritual journey with grief in the excerpt of my book, I just want to share, The sponsor of this week’s episode, which is Magic Mind. And one of the ingredients in Magic Mind is cordyceps mushrooms, which is an adaptogen that reduces inflammation, strengthens your immune system, and supports higher energy levels and physical endurance by ramping up the production of ATP in your mitochondria.

Victoria Volk
00:13:10 – 00:13:51
However, it doesn’t give you the jitters. It does this because there’s very little caffeine in it. And you can take this alongside caffeine, but, it does not caused jitters. And so it is a 2 ounce shot that’s filled with not only cordyceps mushrooms, but ashwagandha and bacoba mannieri and matcha and lion’s mane and all these other good ingredients that have been 10 years in the making tested and researched and put into this little shot that actually tastes good. And just in January, they launched in sprouts markets across the country.

Victoria Volk
00:13:52 – 00:14:22
And with my code, grieving voices, there is a limited 50% 6% off your first subscription. And so on top of that, you get another 20% off with my discount code, grieving voices. So if you’d like to give a subscription a try or just Try PAC and see how it works for you. Go to magicmind.com/grievingvoices and use the code grieving voices to receive 20% off. And it’s just for my listeners.

Victoria Volk
00:14:22 – 00:15:06
And, again, I’ve been using this for several months now, and it really does help me get stuff done because I feel a sense of calm even if I feel overwhelmed by everything that I need to get accomplished in a day. This stuff helps me just I don’t know. It’s these ingredients just help me calm my nervous system and get me into a state of focus. And I think as grievers and, you know, life throws challenges our way and, you know, curve balls and things, like anything that can help support us, not only to get stuff done, but also our immune system. Right?

Victoria Volk
00:15:06 – 00:15:24
So that we can feel good too and maintain our health and wellness. And so check it out. Grieving voices is the coupon code. Magicmind.com slash grieving voices is the website and I will put a link to that in the show notes. Alright.

Victoria Volk
00:15:24 – 00:15:47
Let’s get back to the excerpt from my book. A spiritual journey with grief. I think it is important I make it abundantly clear that I’m coming from a spiritual place in my heart. I do not wish to stuff my beliefs down your throat as much as I don’t want judgment past for feeling the way I do. All of us have a unique spiritual path we follow.

Victoria Volk
00:15:48 – 00:16:08
Mine has certainly been full of twists and turns before my father’s passing, we were a typical Lutheran family, attending church every Sunday as well as Sunday school. After my dad’s death, however, all of that changed. We stopped going to church altogether. I did attend confirmation classes and was confirmed Lutheran.

Victoria Volk
00:16:08 – 00:16:31
However, it would either have to be a funeral or a wedding for me to set foot in a church of any kind until I was 23 when my husband and I began a relationship. I was bitter for many years. Granted, I had a lot of years to be bitter. Fortunately, life worked out for me the way it did as I prayed, received. And, really, it’s as simple as that.

Victoria Volk
00:16:32 – 00:16:56
After many years of not having the ability to pray from the heart, life had finally handed me more grief than I could bear. Feeling tapped out emotionally and overwhelmed, I prayed because I simply did not know what else to do. The rest is history, so to speak., Everything changed moving forward. Before my husband came into my life as more than a friend, I was on a self-destructive path.

Victoria Volk
00:16:57 – 00:17:21
I was becoming an expert at goodbyes, and I led a very narcissistic lifestyle. I don’t know what my husband saw in me, honestly. At that point, we had known each other for 7 years since we met in high school, but he was a far better human being than I was, bar none. It was one more experience with grief when I was 21. That was, in simple terms, the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Victoria Volk
00:17:22 – 00:17:54
A 5 year relationship was over, as was the life I thought we were going to have. Later, this loss would prove to be a blessing in disguise, which, as my life illustrates, can be the case at times., Surely, when it comes to relationship, you may relate as well. Sometimes we just don’t understand what it is that is best for us. Our minds tell us one thing, while our hearts and intuition tell us another, and we tend to choose the path of least resistance and pain.

Victoria Volk
00:17:54 – 00:18:19
It’s also difficult to discern the best decision when you are caught up in emotion. We tend to check rationality at the door when we have a grandiose view of ourselves, the world, and those we perch up on pedestals. My self-worth was nonexistent. Thankfully, God showed me a better way. More on my spiritual journey with grief in detail in chapter 3.

Victoria Volk
00:18:19 – 00:18:45
In the meantime, know that for me, a higher power seemed like a very out of reach concept for me. Acknowledgment of all that had gone wrong and all that had gone right. This was the first baby step on my journey to resolving my grief. Steps towards resolving grief. As I’ve previously mentioned, grief has many faces.

Victoria Volk
00:18:46 – 00:19:16
I touched on a few ways. I’ve experienced different forms of grief different forms of it myself. For instance, losing my photography business after 6 Sears was one of the most difficult decisions I had I have made. I know how much of myself I poured into creating and maintaining my business all those years. The time, money, sweat equity, not to mention the sleep deprivation while raising 3 young children ages 4 and under at the time, it certainly was a labor of love.

Victoria Volk
00:19:17 – 00:19:45
I grieved for months leading up to my decision as I knew it was what needed to be done at that stage in my life. I continued to wallow in my sadness until I finally decided to make it official with the selling of most of my gear over a year later. I found the act of officially letting go the hardest part. Isn’t that what grief ultimately causes us to do? Let go of what was and what will never be again.

Victoria Volk
00:19:47 – 00:20:11
Isn’t that too what grief itself is? The emotional reaction to loss or a change of any kind. We fight to hold on, and we fight to let go. That is the dilemma of grief, isn’t it? What I would like you to do is think of a moment in your life that caused you to have an emotional reaction to loss or a change of any kind.

Victoria Volk
00:20:12 – 00:20:47
Close this book and reflect on the feelings that arise when your mind takes you back to a time such as this in your life. Go ahead and open these pages again when ready. Now, if you want to feel more strongly the impact that loss or change had on you, grab a notebook, a writing utensil, and head to a quiet space, or do this exercise as soon as it is convenient. Set a timer for 30 minutes and just write. If you’re stumped on where to begin, finish this sentence.

Victoria Volk
00:20:49 – 00:21:42
The loss of blank made me feel as though blank. One thing to consider before doing this is to understand my intention, which is having you write out, possibly for the first time, your feelings surrounding the event that has shaken you to your core. When we release our feelings on paper, and I speak from personal experience, they tend to have less power over us, especially if we’re in a place of not knowing who we can truly talk to. The act of writing our fears, worries, and emotional pain forces us to sit with those feelings and can be very therapeutic. I wholeheartedly believe that writing for our personal well-being is the cheapest therapy one can find, but I know few, even in my own life, who practice this.

Victoria Volk
00:21:45 – 00:21:56
How did that feel? Pretty raw, I imagine. It’s painful to reflect in our pains. I get that. Truly, this is an exercise in acknowledgment.

Victoria Volk
00:21:57 – 00:22:41
Taking inventory of the emotional baggage weighing us down day in and day out gives us a clearer picture of where we are emotionally right now. This inevitably aids you in figuring out where you would rather be. And that my friends concludes the excerpt from my book, and if you would like to read more or learn more, you can head to my website, the unleashedheart.com., There is a link to it in the show notes, and I’ll also link to the book on Amazon there as well. And if you find as you go through that little exercise towards the end of this episode that you’re not okay, which is okay, by the way.

Victoria Volk
00:22:42 – 00:23:22
But if you’re not okay, and you know you want to be for the long term, there is support, and I hope that if this is your first time listening to my podcast, that maybe you’re learning about what I can offer for the first time and so there is a service that I offer. There’s a program. It’s called Do Grief Differently. We walk through 2 emotionally difficult challenging relationships of your life, and it’s a 12-week program. And I tell you what, you will learn more about yourself and about grief because it is as very much an educational program as it is a therapeutic one.

Victoria Volk
00:23:22 – 00:24:02
Even though it’s not therapy, it’s very therapeutic. But I’m there with you, guiding you and facilitating the deep work that so many people talk about, like, you just have to do the work. This is the work. And just it’s my job to create a safe space for you to release and to let go and to move forward with a different perspective, with new knowledge, new tools that you carry with you for the rest of your life. And so if that resonates with you, I encourage you to check out my website.

Victoria Volk
00:24:02 – 00:24:36
Again, the link will be in the show notes, and I’ll also link to Do Grief Differently in the show notes as well. So thank you so much for your time and listening today. I hope this, resonated with something in your heart and that little exercise helped bring to light, something that’s lingering within you. That’s just really wanting to come out, and know that there is support. You’re not alone, and there is hope.

Victoria Volk
00:24:37 – 00:24:43
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

Ep 151 The Grief of Not Knowing Your Strengths and Values

The Grief of Not Knowing Your Strengths and Values

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

Grief puts this veil over your face. When you’re bogged down emotionally, it can feel like a chore to make it through the day, much less connect emotionally with others (or yourself). Once you address the emotional weight, little by little, you see potential where you saw heartbreak. You feel connection where you once felt disconnected. And you recognize the only limits placed on yourself, or others are those imposed by the mind.

*This episode is connected to last week’s episode, which is titled Ep. 150, What It’s Like Working With Me*

In today’s episode, you will learn:
* How YouMap was the missing piece in finding the language for who I am and what I offer, but more importantly, in my work with clients and understanding them better.
* How YouMap can help you find your purpose in life.
* Grief Recovery and Youmap are a beautiful marriage of transformation.

Did you know that only 1 in 33 million people will have the exact same five strengths as you?  Yes, that is a fact.

In this episode, I discuss what the YouMap® is and how It helps individuals understand their unique strengths, values, interests, and personality traits and guides their career choices and life goals accordingly. By clarifying these aspects, individuals can make more informed decisions and find greater fulfillment in their personal and professional lives – thereby experiencing less (self-inflicted and unnecessary) grief.

If you are looking for YouMap® Coach to help you discover your unique gifts and skills and how you can show up to the world, I am here to help and guide you.

RESOURCES:

_______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:

 

Victoria Volk: Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to grieving voices. I am your host, Victoria. And today, I want to dig into a topic I think is not really talked about as it relates to grief. One thing that I’ve learned in the years since becoming an advanced grief recovery specialist and working with clients in those first couple of years, there was a piece missing for me. People would work through their deepest losses and it was kind of like this now what feeling? Even I felt it or had that sense. And so I was looking for something to that could be kind of this roadmap for people moving forward, like moving beyond.

Victoria Volk: Okay. I’ve addressed all this icky stuff and I’ve swept my doorstep so to speak. And now what? What do I want for my life now that I’ve addressed how this very important person has passed away from my life or the relationship came to an end, whether it was divorced or estrangement or whatever it may be, there’s this once we repair this gap and this hole that we have felt. What do we fill it with? We can fill it with purpose. With meaning, things like that. That’s what I was looking for as a missing piece for my clients that I was working with.

Victoria Volk: So when I came across Youmap, it was the answer to that very question for me. I went through it for myself and it was very life-affirming that I’m doing exactly what I am to be doing in my work with grieving clients in energy healing. I’m utilizing my strengths and really honoring my values of personal growth. And bringing that to other people’s lives to make lasting transformational change. And that’s really what the Youmap helps us do. It becomes our lighthouse. Any opportunity that comes our way, we can put it up against our Youmap and say is this align with my values? Is this going to get me into the shore? Is that going to guide me where I’m ultimately wanting to take my life? Based on my values, based on my strengths, based on what I really want to be doing based on how I’m wired, just who I am as a person and as a human being with all of those things combined.

Victoria Volk: And so much misunderstanding happens among relationships, especially and it can be, I was gonna say, especially family and friends, but I was going to say even in your work relationships like people that you don’t necessarily wouldn’t call up at three o’clock in the morning, but you see them every day. Just having this background knowledge and information of how different we truly are. And but yet how grief is the commonality for us all? Like grief is it knows discrimination. It doesn’t matter what your skills, values, and strengths and all of that are. It doesn’t care. Grief doesn’t care. But when you understand these things about yourself, it can really help pull you out of a deep hole that you feel that you’ve been in. After we address the root of the issues of your emotional dis-ease through grief recovery.

Victoria Volk: And so this is why these two combined brief recovery and Youmap are such a beautiful marriage of transformation for my clients and why I believe that they needed to be together. And so I put them together in my program Do grief differently, which is twelve weeks long. And it flies people. Like that twelve weeks, it goes so fast. But it really has shifted how my clients move through grief recovery as well because they’re making these connections for themselves and through my assistance of course, making these different connections to how these misunderstandings are happening, why they’re happening, and how to move forward with them. Right? Because as long as we have people in our lives, we’re going to have grief. And that’s just a fact.

Victoria Volk: So today, I just want to dive deeper into two of the four pillars of the u map, four pillars are strengths, which is I mentioned last week in the episode briefly, but just for a recap, Strength is pillar one and that’s it’s what we prioritize. It’s how we work. So the there’s different kind of buckets that the strengths fall into, and we use the Clifton Strengths guide for this, that assessment as part of the Youmap assessment. So it’s not secret knowledge or anything like that, but it’s the Clifton Strengths, the values, the skills, and the personality type that all combined make the Youmap.

Victoria Volk: So yes, knowing your strengths is great information to have, but by itself, it’s not giving you the whole picture. And what’s really mind-blowing about the Clifton Strengths is that only one in thirty-three million people will have the exact same five strengths as you. Isn’t that crazy? That is absolutely bananas to me.

Victoria Volk: So it really just speaks to how unique all of us really are. And how we bring different things to the table in our relationships in our jobs or careers, in our philanthropy work or in our volunteering work, And again, in our relationships. And so it’s important to understand ourselves in this way because as you can see if you haven’t figured it out already, it can cause a lot of grief, not knowing who you are, what do I want? We often ask ourselves for so many years, what do I wanna be when I grow up? Sometimes even in our thirties, we’re still asking ourselves that, or it feels stuck in our career because we followed a life path that someone else paved for us. Maybe both of our parents were doctors or had construction business or something. And so we felt like we had to follow on their footsteps or keep the family business going it can be the same for farming operations. Maybe you don’t wanna farm, maybe you don’t wanna come back and take over the farm as an adult.

Victoria Volk: And so there’s a lot of grief that can come about as I’m sharing with you today in not understanding ourselves or sacrificing who we are in order to please other people. And where does this all happen? Why does that happen? Maybe somebody’s bringing their own values. They’re pushing their values onto you. They’re projecting what is important to them. It’s important to me, so it should be important to you. Right? Or this is how I do things, so this is how I want you to do things. And yet, we all do things differently because we’re different because we bring different strengths. Because we have different values, because our skill sets are different, because our life experience has been different. And we’re just uniquely ourselves that we are unique in our own right based on our personality, like, when we were born. Right? So there are so many influences that affect and have an impact on who we become and what we do with our lives.

Victoria Volk: And why we do them? What’s motivating us? So this is why this stuff is so important. And again, if you can’t tell now, maybe you’ve related to some of the things I’ve already said and you’ve experienced grief as a result, This is why I am encouraging you as a listener to take a look at understanding. Be open-minded to understanding that maybe you don’t know yourself exactly as you think you do. Or you don’t know how you don’t have the language to communicate that. Right? And so often too, that’s where misunderstandings happen is we don’t have the language to communicate why we do the things we do, how we do the things we do, why we do it that way. Right? So what the Youmap also does and through grief recovery is you find the language to express to others why you do what you do. So for example, like, I’m one of my top five strengths is strategic. And but not only do I have strategic, but I also have input and intellectually. So input, intellectually, strategic, three thinking themes.

Victoria Volk: So I spend a lot of time analyzing the world in my head. So I’m not necessarily gonna be the person that’s going to be openly communicating my thoughts or being upfront about what I think about something I’m going to read the room. I’m going to take in what everybody else is showing in their body language and what they’re saying. I’m gonna read the room and assess and reflect on what I think about that before I communicate. And when I do communicate, I’m gonna communicate with connectedness and empathy. I’m going to that’s how I relate to people in relationship. That’s how I create relationship building is through empathy and connectedness, helping other people see the connections. Right?
Finding helping other people see the purpose.

Victoria Volk: So often, I have felt grief or experienced grief in careers and different jobs or in with other relationships with people because I didn’t understand why I was doing something. I need to know, tell me why I am doing this. If it doesn’t make sense to me or if I don’t see a point or a purpose with that connectedness again. If I don’t see a purpose to the madness, I’m going to not be a very happy employee or a happy friend or what have you. Right? So I need to and so it’s helping me know that about myself so that I can communicate that because I know that not everybody has three thinking themes like I do. Right? And so, again, this is why this stuff matters.

Victoria Volk: So today, again, we’re gonna talk about strengths a little bit more and then values. Values explain our why. It’s based on what’s most important to us. It’s why we work. Again, tell me why I’m doing this. Right? So if I value personal growth like I do, I’m going to want clients who also value personal growth. That is going to be aligning with my values. And often some values are reciprocal. Right? So honesty is almost always reciprocal. If I’m if I value honesty, which I do, I expect honesty in return. Sometimes that doesn’t feel good. Right? But I would rather there was a quote once I heard. I would rather take an ounce of truth over a pound of lies any day. And that’s absolutely true. Tell me the truth, chances are with my empathy. I can kind of pick up on BS anyway. But again, it comes back to reading the room. Right? But or the body language or the tone of voice or what have you, those social cues that because of how I grew up in an environment that it was really and you can go back to the last episode where I talk about this a little bit, but when you grow up in an environment that’s kind of chaotic or emotionally charged like you really learn especially if you have empathy as a strength or you’re empathic because not all people have both. Like, you’re not you can be empathic but not have empathy as your top. Strength.

Victoria Volk: So I just want to make that clear. But as an empath or highly sensitive child, this is it’s no surprise to me that I developed empathy as my strength because I see I grew up seeing many different emotional responses from people in different scenarios and situations and learn through my own, right, that became not healthy responses to life because that’s what I was around, that’s what I learned, and so that’s how I responded to life. In life’s challenges sometimes in an unhealthy way. Emotionally. Right? So Anyway, I’m kind of all over the place I feel like, but I get really excited about this because, again, it comes down to knowing yourself? And what grief does is that I’ve said this so many times to clients and this podcast, and I’ll say it again. Grief puts this veil over your face and you really have a difficult time seeing yourself clearly. And because you have this veil over your face that this mask that you’re wearing your whole self isn’t shining through. Right? Because you’re burdened by grief. So you’re not seeing yourself clearly. You’re not living your life fully. So, therefore, you’re not seeing other people clearly either. You’re not seeing what they’re bringing to the table. You’re not understanding that they’re trying to support you maybe or what have you. Again, it comes down to misunderstandings, which are oftentimes at the root of a lot of grief too in relationships is just misunderstanding. Again, because we all do things differently. And view life differently and have had different life experiences that shape our personality and shape our skill set.

Victoria Volk: So there are again four buckets of strengths. The relationship-building strengths which explain how people build connection with others. There are influencing strengths which explain how an individual moves. Others to action. And there’s executing, which is what pushes an individual towards results. And then the last bucket is thinking. And it explains how a person analyzes the world.

Victoria Volk: And so let’s say you’re married to somebody who has more executing strengths than you do. Let’s say you have none. I don’t have any. I have zero. I have zero executing strengths. But let’s say that person has discipline as an executing strength. And you have harmony okay? So as a relationship-building strength. But the person executing doesn’t have harmony. Someone who is has executing as their strength. They are going to be diligent about time frames and deadlines, take a vacation with someone with discipline. It might be great for some people. Like, yep, handle it all, take care of it all. I don’t want anything to do with all of that. But then at the same time, let’s say you have adaptability. For example, adaptability might show up like when things don’t go right, For this person with discipline, things don’t go as scheduled. They might be struggling a little bit. But here, when with you and adaptability, you can come in and swoop in and kind of put out the fire a little bit. So this is how in marriage, in particular, it’s really great to know each other’s strengths because you can understand why certain conflicts happen the way they do. And for someone like me, I have a lot of thinking themes. I’m not going to necessarily be the let’s sit down and communicate. Like, my every thought right now and share every thought. That’s not me. That is not how I operate in the world. But someone who has more relationship-building strengths, let’s say my spouse had more relationship-building strengths, he was he’d probably be more keen to share every thought he has upfront.

Victoria Volk: It’s also important I think I just wanna mention. It’s great to know all of your strengths because it’s great to know your bottom strengths because we can also look at the and there’s you can think of these as weaknesses, but when we talk about Youmap, we don’t discuss them as weaknesses. These are just strengths that just are not ours. Right? But when we’re building a team, let’s say you have a business and you’re building a team, you probably want people on your team who have some of those other strengths that are not yours. This is where it’s also important to know about Youmap. And implementing Youmap, especially if you have a business or, you know, a large company, a lot of conflict can be resolute. I don’t know if that’s a word resolute. But you can really eliminate a lot of those issues if you are placing people, first of all, in their strengths and skill sets in in the right role, first of all, if they’re feeling like they’re in the right role for them in within a company, they’ll be happier employees. And that’s good for everybody. Right? That is good for everybody. So if you can match your future spouse, exactly who you are, what you’re looking for in someone else, you can become a really great team for the long term, for the long haul because and I’m not saying that if you don’t match with some maybe I should do matchmaking with Youmap. It was an idea. Anyway, it’s just so important, and I think you may have gotten the point by now.

Victoria Volk: But relationship building and influencing together these are what we call people-facing strengths. And the executing and thinking themes are the inward-facing strengths. They’re the task-oriented people. And so a lot of executives, you’ll see a lot of executives or CEO’s probably have either executing or thinking themes. They’re more of the top the person that comes up with the ideas and it’s the purse the people below that implement them. Or see them through to through to fruition. And, again, your strengths, your skills play into that as well. And your personality. So again, it it it it all ties together. All there’s this constant through line in the Youmap. And when people are telling me different stories that, you know, they’ve experienced as a grief client, Actually, I’ll just say this real quick. So someone, a client of mine, valued honesty. And so we’ll get into values right now because I’m gonna share the story. But again, values are why we work, like, why we do the things we do. But she valued honesty and yet she didn’t have honesty on her list of values. But I heard enough stories and enough, she shared enough with me through working with me in the grief work that I’m like, well, there’s honesty again. Like, you value honesty, but yet you don’t have it listed as one of your values. And that was a big aha for her. And the thing about honesty is, again, it’s reciprocal most of the time. If we value honesty, we want to receive that back. And so we can dishonor our own values. And this is exactly what she was doing. She was dishonoring her own value of honesty. And a part of it too is not being honest with herself, so you can dishonor your own values, yourself, if you value personal growth and you’re not doing anything to grow as an individual, you’re not learning and taking in information to become better than you were yesterday, you’re dishonoring your value of personal growth. That was a lot. Well, that was a lot of information within twenty-five minutes. And I feel like I barely scratched the surface. I hope you can see now how important this really is.

Victoria Volk: Let me just share a little bit more deeply about each of the some of the examples from each of the different buckets of strengths. So again, relationship-building strengths explain how people build connections with others. So people with this theme or mostly have strengths in this theme, build connections with people one on one, but those connections are made very differently depending on which strength you have. So the relationship currency that you have with people is largely based on your theme. But if you don’t have relationship-building themes, you can compensate with some of the other strengths. So some examples of how some of these relationship-building strengths can play out is Like I mentioned, empathy. Empathy understands where they get people. Harmony, they’re the peacemaker. They find common ground. So if you got a bickering table of, you know, employees, you’re and you have harmony, that’s a wonderful strength to have on your team because you can that person can help the team find common ground.

Victoria Volk: Individualization. I love this one. This is great for like coaches to have, but they appreciate the differences in people and they recognize individual strengths. Relator, they’re real and genuine makes connections easily with anyone. This is like the friend of the friend, like, there’s they know a they know no stranger anywhere. Like, there this is where a lot you might see a lot of people, especially because again, this is a people-facing strength. So you’ll see these are the people that exude warmth and inviting energy, I would say. So connectedness, they help others see purpose and believe that we are all connected, which I do. I have connectedness, and I totally believe that. Another influence or excuse me, another people facing strength is the influencing strengths. And these explain how an individual moves others to action. So some business people, business owners, might be just appointed like I was at first that I had no influencing strengths. I have none. There’s one in particular Woo, which means winning others over. And people with Woo, it’s almost like they can sell ice to an escomo. It’s yeah. So a lot of business owners can feel discouraged when they don’t have some of these influencing strengths.

Victoria Volk: But people with influencing strengths persuade or move people to action differently, based on the strengths that they have. They tend to work through people to accomplish goals like unlike relationship-building themes who form deeper connections. So again, you know, the relationship building, they want deeper connections. People with influencing strengths often prefer working with a variety of people. They tend to prefer a broader network versus fewer deeper connections like the relationship-building themes. And people with a lot of influence and strengths may tire of working with the same team of people day to day. So if you have a lot of these themes in your top five, maybe this is you, maybe you are kind of burned out from working with the same people. I do have maximizer in my top 10. But people who lack and I I think this is important to note. People who lack influencing strengths tend to be uncomfortable influencing or persuading others such as sales or fighting to have their voice heard, raising my hand or influencing people without any authority.

Victoria Volk: So for example, project managers are accountable for the results of people that don’t report to them. If project team members are missing deadlines, Someone without influencing themes likely not would likely not enjoying, enjoy motivating others to complete their deliverables. Right? And so when you see this translating onto a team of people at a company, that doesn’t bode well. And so this is where it is. Again, I come back to under standing yourself and understanding the importance of understanding others because as a manager or as a CEO of a company, it’s so important to have people in the right roles and this is why. This is a huge reason why because it does affect your bottom line. Right?

Victoria Volk: So the next bucket is executing strengths, the inward facing, the first of the inward facing. Or explains how an individual pushes towards results. And some examples of those are Achiever, arranger, belief is actually my sixth strength. I think, yeah, belief in maximizer are after my top five. Consistency, discipline, focus, responsibility. So responsibility is huge too because if you have responsibility, you are likely a someone who has takes that that takes responsibilities very seriously. Who probably, to their detriment can be a yes man, yes woman, yes a yes person and over commit themselves and then burnout. But people with executing strengths are the doers. Who like to get things done and put plans into action. Again, you’re motivated differently based on the strengths but you tend to be internally motivated since executing strengths are an inward, task-focused strength. People with several executing strengths may prefer to work independently to accomplish a goal and may also struggle to delegate. Some and but not all executors are not interested in strategy and may focus more on implementation unless they also have the thinking themes.

Victoria Volk: So people with discipline, for example, like planning as well as fusion. And last but not least, my favorite, the strategic thinking strengths, explain how a person analyzes the world and views the world too. Some examples are analytical, context, futuristic, ideation, input, intellectually, learner and strategic. So people with these thinking themes prefer mental work, particularly if they have two or more thinking strengths. So I like the mental game. I like the mental work. People with thinking strengths are often quietly effective. Because their most influential work occurs in their head. And this is also called the executive bucket because as people move up the career ladder, they are paid to think more often than they are paid to do. And so that’s where I said, you know, the CEOs and the executives are often have mostly thinking themes. And so this is just a really brief overview of the strengths and values and I didn’t go too much into depth, into values. But values are also so important because of what I said earlier if you are dishonoring your own values, you’re gonna experience grief. If you have people in your life close to you who you love and love you who are dishonoring your values, there’s going to be grief. And values vary so widely. Therefore, it’s important for a person to reflect on what’s most important to him or her. For example, like, listening to the advice of others can be helpful, but you have to understand that when taking values-based advice, it’s not necessarily advice that’s right for you. So people, for example, with who value security, will steer a person away from bold or adventurous risks. Others who value wealth and status might encourage someone to pursue a career simply because of the salary potential. And this comes back to again, let’s come back I’m circling back to, like, taking over the family farm or taking over the family business or, you know, choosing a career path because you’re that’s what your parents did and that’s what your parents want you to do and things like that. So a person’s work must align with their values. Not the values of others. And there’s exercises so along with Youmap you get a workbook and there’s exercises that really help you deepen this knowledge and apply it to your life and really look at and also too in the coaching with working with me, we actually go over each of these. In the Youmap and Do Grief Differently too and so into more depth.

Victoria Volk: And it’s individualized because you’re an individual and you’re unique and your Youmap is unique. But to define the values, there’s actually a whole list and you choose from this list because there can be a lot of values out there. But these values are kind of broken down to it takes it weeds out the similar similar ones. And so it’s a really easy. It’s not like you’re pulling words out of the sky. And what you do is and because I have three thinking this was probably one of the hardest exercises for me because in my mind I have to, like, like, it’s almost, like, pitch one to the other. Like, I have to do I value honesty more than I value growth. And you kinda have to weigh them out, like, especially if you have thinking themes. Like so this is kind of a difficult exercise for me to choose and weed out, but it’s doable. And some people just look at the list and like, yep, this is Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. This is what I value. But then through working with me, they miss some or realize that they didn’t have a value on their list, or they feel like, you know what, that isn’t necessarily true for me. I’m more so I value this aspect of myself more. So it’s all part of self-discovery, and that’s a lot of what Do Grief Differently is. It’s a lot of self-discovery. That’s what Youmap is, but it becomes once you’ve gone through the assessments and we’ve talked about and applied it to your life and you have some connections made through real life examples of how your Youmap is playing out in your life. It’s a lot easier to assimilate the information because it is a lot to take in even just for this episode I think I feel like it’s a ton of information at once, but and this is just too. This is just strengths and values. I haven’t even talked about skills yet or personality type. So that’s gonna come up in the next episode.

Victoria Volk: But in the meantime, think about what you bring to the table. Is it Do you feel like your life is aligned by your values? Do you feel like you are living out your strengths? And you can also overuse your strengths too. That is that is a possibility. And like, with empathy, for example, If I overuse empathy, I can seem like I’m too invested in someone’s life. Like, too invested in how they’re feeling and how they’re doing and almost take on this, save your role. And I know there’s a lot of people that can do that when they come into relationships with other people that they feel like they can rescue them. And that’s not your job. That’s not my job. And so that took a lot for me. It took a lot of personal growth and reflection and in doing the work that I personally did on myself to realize that I can only save myself. And you can only save yourself. It is your job, no one else’s.

Victoria Volk: And so I hope this information sparked some self-reflection in you and made you realize, there’s a lot to know here. And if you’re interested in learning more, just check out my website there’s a Youmap tab on there. You can check up more information about Youmap and see my Youmap on there as well. Or if you’re interested in combining it in grief work. There’s Do Grief Differently, and there’s information on that on my website as well. But it’s when I’m working with clients, it’s so much inform it’s educational. It’s not just let’s you know, dig up all the dirty laundry and talk about how I failed at life or what I’m doing wrong. It’s none of that. It is none of that. It’s or how this person hurt me. We don’t get wrapped up in the story because when you’re working with me, it’s action-focused, it’s action-based, evidence-based, educational based. We lay a foundation and you learn so so much about yourself. More than I think most of my clients bargain for in the best of ways.
So, anyway, I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day wherever you are. I hope the sun is shining. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.

 

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