Relationship Grief
I bet you clicked on the link to read this blog post because you’re in a relationship with someone that’s causing you grief.
And, there’s a 50/50 chance that the person you’re thinking of, in terms of relationship grief, is still alive, too.
Relationship grief extends much farther than the normal and natural feelings you feel when someone dies.
We typically think of relationships as a partnership or being in communion and connection with another human. However, I want to take this opportunity to share with you all of the ways we are in relationships and examples of how we experience relationship grief. My goal is for you to walk away from reading this blog post with an expanded understanding that you can then apply to your life with a new perspective.
Types of Relationships
- Other Humans: Spouse/Significant Other, Parent, Child, Sister/Brother, Grandparent, Aunt/Uncle, Godparent, Cousin, Niece/Nephew, Friend, Neighbor, Co-Worker/Supervisor/Boss, Clients/Customers, and all of the service-based industries that make up our daily lives – Hairdresser, Postmaster, Bank Teller, Cashier, Massage Therapist, Healthcare Provider, Teacher/Instructor/Coach, Podcast Host/Audience, Authors of Favorite Books, Taxi/Uber/Lyft Driver, Food Delivery, Police/Fire/Rescue, Veterinarian
- Animals: Pets, Service Animal, Pets of family/friends/neighbors, Strays, Animals that make your Livelihood or are providers (livestock/chickens (eggs/food) /horses (rodeo/competition/service animal), Eco-System
- Nature: Garden, Yard, Farm, Eco-System, Forest, Lake/Ocean/Sea, Air
- Self: Mind/Emotions, Body/Physical Self, Spirit/Your Essence, Soul/Heart, Money, Faith/Spirituality
Read the relationship types a couple of times. It’s easy to understand why life feels as complex as it does. We co-exist, interact, and are participants of all kinds of relationships daily.
Do you see how many or all of these connections have the potential to cause us grief?
If our relationship in one area lacks in another, we may gravitate to other types of relationships in co-dependent, unhealthy ways. For instance, if there are conflicts with a child or parent, one may self-sabotage the relationship to self by turning to food/alcohol for comfort. Another example may be if you lose a home due to a natural disaster. The impact of that will change where you live, the community and neighbors you are forced to acclimate to, and the situation could add strain to a partnership with another if job loss is involved or just by the stress of having to start over. Just because you have to move doesn’t mean your relationship with where you were before the natural disaster goes away; those feelings still exist. Likewise, when someone dies, the relationship continues. The feelings of anything you wish would have been different, better, or more don’t go away on their own. The loss of hopes, dreams and expectations you had for the relationship continues in your heart; therefore, the relationship also continues.
Grief recovery, a program to address the loss of any kind, helps address those feelings that you can’t seem to shake that keep you stuck.
Grief impacts every area of our lives. Because we are so connected to our environments and each other, and we take ourselves everywhere we go, it behooves us to create balance in our lives to feel contentment and inner peace. Otherwise, we go about our lives not feeling very empowered. Instead, we feel at the mercy of our circumstances, immersed in chaos, and often what follows is our physical bodies begin to break down.
As you see, relationship grief is multi-faceted and hardly straightforward. And the very nature of grief is not linear either. Rather, it feels like a rollercoaster ride where your emotions are all over the place. Only, in grief, you’re without the safety and security of believing that the ride will end smoothly. As I mentioned previously, what adds to the complexity of grief and relationships is that we all bring our “stuff” into our relationships.
Wouldn’t it feel better to be proactive rather than reactive in our lives? Wouldn’t it feel better to be in tune with your heart and have your actions align with your feelings that lean to the goodness life has to offer? Because grief makes us feel like we don’t have a choice, and we all bring our “stuff,” you can see, too, how all of these other relationships potentially add more grief to our lives.
Let me explain it this way…
If you are in the depths of grief right now and feel as though you are a victim of your circumstances and want to feel better but don’t know how to do that or lack the support, you will turn to something (or someone) that will make you feel better. But, those feeling better feelings are short-lived. All the while, in the depths of your grief, you’re having all of these other interactions and encounters with the other kinds of relationships. That is unless you’ve drawn the curtains and are lying in the fetal position for days or weeks on end. Keep in mind, you’re always in a relationship with yourself, though. You take you everywhere – even when it’s just you in the fetal position.
In all of these types of relationships, the one that matters most is our relationship with ourselves. And, it’s the only relationship we have authority over, too.
There are one hundred and forty days left in 2021. How do you want to refine the relationship you have with yourself before 2022?
Are there other relationships that could use some emotional de-cluttering? If so, reach out to me at victoria@theunleashedheart [dot] com if you’re interested in participating in the Grief Recovery Online Group Program. It’s limited to 6 participants this go-around. We meet once weekly for eight weeks in the evenings (typically Wednesdays or Thursdays) for about two hours, starting in September.
Sending you all the love. Thank you for reading.💛