keeping the faith

Since becoming certified in grief recovery seven months ago, I’ve had several conversations revolving around the topic of faith/religion as it relates to the grief recovery program I facilitate.

We Resist What We Don’t Understand

To my surprise, I’ve been met with resistance by various church organizations that were either disinterested in what I had to share or outright declined in allowing this program into their parish. I do understand the feeling or need for clergy to “protect” their parishioners from a non-faith-based program. Grief recovery is not based on religion, though, so anyone can participate without feeling judged, criticized, or analyzed. And, speaking for myself, at one point in time, I rejected God because I blamed Him. So, in this regard, it’s a beautiful thing that it’s not faith-based.

How does someone who’s struggling with their relationship to the Lord go deep within themselves and challenge those thoughts if, at the same time, religion is a part of the curriculum?  In short, they can’t – and they won’t; therefore, healing is compromised.

Can Faith Alone Heal the Past?

There are times when people with great faith share their stories of grief with me. They will share that it is their faith that keeps them going. I applaud that, and I am happy for them! And, for those that had a firm foundation of faith, this truly is a beautiful thing. And still, as they share their hurting heart with me, their eyes well up with tears as they speak to the pain that still exists. Their lives may not be as fulfilling as they wish it would be, and they continue to struggle in ways that go unseen to those around them.

What I see is a hurting heart that clings to an emotionally incomplete past. Sometimes, all the prayer in the world can’t help to ease the pain of the fond memories that, instead, turn to sadness. That is what it means to be incomplete. The message I know that needs to be shared is that there is hope.

There is a path laid out for you that will guide you in navigating what is incomplete. There are action steps outlined for you that will move you through your pain. It’s not about forgetting; it’s about feeling empowered and having the ability to share a new story moving forward. It’s not about forgiving to condone, rather, forgiving to let go.

The Student and the Teacher

There’s a saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I do believe He can be the path of redemption in a lot of ways. In the storm of grief, however, we can quickly lose our way. When we are ready, and our hearts are open, there can be grace, encouragement, and healing found in Him. All that said, the world around us can be cruel and in our upbringing, which may have been dysfunctional, we’re not taught how to deal with our grief and sadness in healthy ways. So, when the wounds run so deep that faith alone can’t erase, we must sweep our side of the street; doing what needs to be done so, He can fully enter our hearts.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3

Sometimes, suffering itself is the teacher. We know we need something but aren’t sure where else to turn or what more we can do. God knows how to use everything to bring us closer to Him – even painful things. I very much relate to this. Even still, there is always room for improvement in our spiritual life, and for me, working on healing my past is the only way I can fully live in the present, and strengthen my spiritual life.

Grief recovery is not faith-based, but it is (from my experience) a faith-inducing, spiritual experience. One that I believe God would never frown upon if it meant another soul found their way home – to themselves and to Him. 

much love, victoria

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