If you had a choice

If you had a choice between blissful or miserable, which would you choose?

I imagine you thought to yourself, “That’s a silly question!’ It’s a no-brainer – blissful!” Who would choose to be miserable?

Whatever you’re feeling deprived of – it’s the highest goal to attain it—feeling deprived of feelings of bliss? It will be your highest goal to attain bliss.

When deep in grief or otherwise, we often do what is necessary to move toward pleasure and away from pain.

Reaching for something to feel better, you may resort to alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, television, fiction/fantasy books, surfing the internet/Facebook/social media, etc.

The Shame Game

You may feel better briefly, but what you’re most likely left with are feelings of shame. And shame makes us feel anything but blissful.

According to Merriam-Webster, shame is:

a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety
               bthe susceptibility to such emotion
2a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute
3asomething that brings censure or reproach alsosomething to be regretted
              ba cause of feeling shame

I need to write a blog post all about shame. It causes a lot of grief in our lives. Where there is shame, there is grief. Likewise, where there is grief, there is also shame. They go hand-in-hand. In my book, I have a chapter dedicated to shame titled The Shame Game.

Because shame and grief are so tightly interwoven, the patterns of behavior one may resort to (running toward pleasure) to avoid pain create more shame, becoming a cyclic pattern of behavior.

Grief makes you feel like you don’t have a choice when caught in this vicious cycle.

But, you do. Our minds are a powerful force to be reckoned with and are undoubtedly taken for granted when it comes to transforming our lives. We often don’t feel like we have a choice in our lives because we get stuck in the vicious cycle. We want to feel better. We don’t know how to break free and don’t know what to do first.

The first step in breaking cycles is to understand you have a choice and then decide to do something about it. I know many situations leave individuals where they are because of fear. I know that a person in a domestic violence situation is often groomed by their abuser. I understand that individuals or families living in poverty haven’t been given the tools and access to make their way out of poverty. Even in these situations, fear is often the stronghold on the mind. And, fear can be a beast of a feeling. Fear can paralyze you.

However, even in the most fearful situations, there have been true accounts of people surviving (even thriving) following terrible situations and circumstances. I’ve heard many of them on my podcast. There is an episode coming up in Feb/March that is incredibly terrifying, and yet, this woman clawed her way out of fear and obtained her Ph.D. The hero’s journey is something common to copywriters and those who write stories/scripts. Through my podcast, I hear stories like this on the regular. They are triumphant and inspiring stories of people, just like you and me, who, against all odds, realized they had a choice and decided. They held on to hope.

Sometimes, your circumstances or situation allows the fear to take hold, but if you hold on to hope, you’ve got something worth holding. Hope is a beacon. Hope is the light of a lighthouse you see in the distance when you’re in a small boat on a big ocean. If you want to feel some hope, take a listen to my podcast, Grieving Voices.

If you’ve made it out of the vicious cycle but feel as though your life isn’t heading in the direction you desire, or emotionally, the past still has a grip on your present, I encourage you to consider working with me.

I am sending you heaps of love + light! Thank you for reading and sharing with someone you know or love.

much love, victoria


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