We easily get caught up in our emotions in the heat of the moment. And, in those moments, we aren’t usually self-aware of how those emotions are “showing up” within our body. Taking the time to identify what you’re feeling can help you to better cope with challenging situations. And, by doing a “body scan,” assessing head to toe how your body is responding to those emotions, is key to regaining body control. How often have you seen fists fly in a fit of anger? I know I have. Body language, facial expressions, and demeanor give away so much information without a word needing to be spoken.
I thought I would dive a bit more into feelings, as May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Last week, I shared a post about how we, as a society, need to change the mental health conversation, to remove the stigma surrounding it.
According to this research article, people who are good at being specific about identifying (and labeling) their emotions are less likely to binge drink, be physically aggressive, or self-injure when distressed. Also, when school-aged kids are taught about emotions for 20-30 minutes per week, their social behavior and school performance improve, according to this abstract. And, considering the English language has over 3,000 words for emotions, there should never be a shortage of feeling words to express how we’re feeling.
Tips for Owning Your Feelings
- Allow yourself to feel. We’ve all heard the expressions, “big girls don’t cry,” or “man up.” My favorite and the one I heard (and you likely did, too): “If you want to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.” These outdated phrases are not helpful. Everyone has emotions – they are part of the human experience. We have every right to feel what we’re feeling, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, socio-economic status, race, political affiliation, or religion.
- Don’t ignore how you’re feeling. Many of us tend to “bottle up” our feelings. We push them aside, doing our best to disregard and ignore them. Until we can’t contain them any longer, and we either “implode” or “explode.” When we “implode,” our bodies take that held emotional energy, and it comes out in the form of health issues: migraines, high blood pressure, bowel issues, body aches, etc.. I think we all know what happens when we explode. Usually, those closest to us suffer the consequences of “exploding” with angry outbursts, passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, etc..
- Talk it out. Finding a “heart with ears” to share how you’re feeling can be a great outlet. But, not everyone is a fit for that title. Because, often, people either want to rush to solve the problem or share their own experience. The perfect “heart with ears” for you is someone who doesn’t necessarily have skin in the game. Because most of us do not come out of the womb full of emotional knowledge and we do not receive a formal education in knowing how to communicate, it’s even more critical we learn these skills (and then teach them to our children).
- Build your emotional vocabulary. The familiar words we use to express ourselves are: mad, sad, bad, good, or the most common – fine. However, there are even better words to describe how we feel. Try building your feeling vocabulary by writing down as many “feeling” words as you can think of and time you felt that way. These feeling words are a list you can refer to when talking about feelings with your children.
- Try journaling. Each night, write down at least three feelings you had throughout the day and what caused them. It doesn’t have to be pages and pages of writing; just a few sentences to help you feel comfortable with identifying and expressing your emotions.
- Consider the strength of your feelings. If you think about how intense your feelings are, ask yourself if there is a more descriptive word. For example, if you’re feeling stressed, what you may be feeling is annoyed. Or, if you are feeling angry, alternatively, the more profound emotion may be a feeling of betrayal.
- See a mental health professional. If you are taking steps to get more in touch with your feelings, but are having trouble dealing with them, it is best to ask a professional for help. If you don’t, we go back to the idea that you either implode or explode. You may resort to STERBs (short-term energy relieving behavior) such as exercise, shopping, gambling, drinking, anger, food, etc.. Besides, seeking help is better, too, than the alternative of imploding with health issues.
Grief is at the heart of many emotional issues. I feel like a broken record sometimes. However, because grief occurs in the context of relationships, and if, within those relationships, we haven’t addressed our internal emotional map “stuff,” we will not have the self-awareness we need to maintain healthy relationships with effective communication. Grief recovery not only provides an education, but it helps lay the foundation for emotional self-awareness. And then, the program takes it one step further by providing you with new tools to process those emotions.
If you want to dive deep into your emotional landscape, or if there’s a relationship that holds so much emotional charge in your life that it impacts every aspect of your life, I encourage you to work with me online. I have a few spots open to help hurting hearts feel better.
P.S. If you feel like you are struggling with your mental health, check your symptoms with the Mental Health Screening Tool available HERE.
P.P.S. To inquire about working with me, email me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com or call me at 701.336.7720.
Download a FREE Feelings Chart
Utilize this free feelings chart to go along with this blog post for your convenience. I wanted to make it as easy as possible to make this information actionable. Click the button below for an immediate download.
No deets required! 😉