grief is grief

It’s not uncommon, as a griever, to come across literature or social shares that use the following common grief labels:

  • Disenfranchised Grief (ambiguous) – a loss described as being one where someone experiences a loss, however, others don’t acknowledge the importance of the loss in the person’s life. Some examples may be the death of an ex-spouse, a pet, or a co-worker. This label is also used to describe the kind of grief you have when caring for someone who has dementia or lack of physical abilities (i.e., they’re present physically but not otherwise).
  • Complicated (Traumatic or Prolonged) Grief – becomes severe in longevity and significantly impairs the ability to function. Warning signs from someone experiencing Traumatic Grief are described as self-destructive behavior, deep and persistent feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, violent outbursts, or radical lifestyle changes.
  • Anticipatory Grief – described as grief that a caregiver, for example, may experience once someone you love gets a significant diagnosis or the health of a loved one begins to deteriorate. Additionally described as the loss of the future you thought you would have or could’ve had with the loved one.

There are many others, including but not limited to: chronic grief, cumulative grief, distorted grief, exaggerated grief, collective grief, abbreviated, or absent grief.

My thoughts on all of these labels? They’re just that – labels – like “Betty Crocker” or “Pillsbury.”

GRIEF IS GRIEF

That’s all there is to it. Regardless of the loss experienced, the timeframe in which it happened, or how long it’s been since the event took place – all loss equals one word = grief. There need not be any fluffy words put in front of it. There need not be any labels placed on you as a griever to help you “understand” what you’re feeling. You already know what you’re feeling. These labels do nothing to lessen the blow, the pain, or the duration of the pain.

These labels actually drive me a little nuts. And, it is some of the most highly educated people who adopted or created these labels (such as anticipatory grief). And, many more highly educated people continue to apply these labels to grievers, too. If every highly educated adult in mental health read the book, The Grief Recovery Handbook, they would understand that labels aren’t necessary. And, in fact, they would also understand that they can actually do more harm than good. Also, they’re simply unhelpful.

So, as you go through the rest of the Covid sh*t-storm, have maybe even said goodbye to a loved one because of it, understand that your grief doesn’t require a label to be felt or understood. In fact, for the grief in others to be understood, we must first understand our own. Even those that create and write these labels, likely don’t understand their own. Because if they had, they would know there’s only one label for what you’re feeling – and it’s not a label at all – it’s an emotion in and of itself.

Also, I have no doubts that someone, desiring a name for themself, will conduct some sort of Covid-19 grief research and create a new label as a result. When this happens, which it will (call it a premonition), refer back to this blog post as it is written, this the 27th of November, 2020, that I say:

Grief is grief. It is an emotion that requires no other label.

Wrapping you in love and light.

much love, victoria

P.S. What do you think? Have you found labels like these unhelpful? Share your thoughts in the comments. And, if you enjoyed this post, please share it with a griever you know that may need to hear that grief is a normal and natural response to a loss of any kind – any other label is just that. If you need help you can contact me and see how I can help or you can visit The Unleashed Heart site for more details.

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