Five Lessons in Looking Back

Goodbye 2020, Helllllllo 2021!

Looking back has its benefits.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that most people prefer to leave the past in the past.

I, however, have found a lot of benefit in looking back. If we don’t look back, we don’t have the conscious awareness of what we don’t want to bring into our future, do we?

This year, I imagine 99.9% of people are ready to put 2020 in the rearview. But for others, 2020 brought many blessings, too. It comes to perception and personal experience. Every one of us experienced 2020 differently.

The one truth we all share, though, is that 2020 taught every one of us something.

What lessons have 2020 brought you?

Here’s a rundown of what 2020 taught me:

Peace is found within.

Context: Over the past two years, I’ve experienced exponential growth through doing my personal heart-work in grief recovery and through what I’ve learned about energy through my Reiki practice. When I have felt the most confused or found it difficult to make a decision, I’ve resorted to my own inner guidance. We all have it. And we all have access to it whenever we want. But, it’s like a muscle to train your monkey brain to turn off long enough to tap into it. It’s not just about meditation, though. It’s tuning in to your body signals and feelings. So few want to tap into their feelings because it’s painful. But why is it painful? Because there’s healing that needs to be done.  We can look at all sorts of outside means to numb our emotional dis-ease. However, those things are short-lived and ultimately disconnect us further from our true selves. Your body, and your feelings, are your guideposts to where there’s an opportunity to grow and heal.

Healing comes in all shapes and sizes, too. There are ways to heal through spending time with others; doing activities that enrich your mind and body; or even the simplest things, such as sleeping and eating which both nourish your body, allowing you to better deal with the day-to-day. We have all become accustomed to our routines, but that doesn’t mean your routine is necessarily healthy. I’ve had to become an observer many times of my routines; acknowledging when I’m “falling off of the exercise wagon” or when I’m missing meals. 

I have also learned that it’s okay to ask for help. I sought out Reiki practitioners for energy healing sessions, and have worked with other Grief Recovery Specialists to continue to do my personal grief work. Where some choose to seek a therapist through a local doctor or Mental Health Providers, I have sought more holistic means. Neither is right and neither is wrong. What is right for me is not necessarily what is right for others. I am partial to the paths of healing that have found me because they worked – and continue to work

There is no challenge where I can’t rise to the occasion.

Context: I thought about and stewed over starting my podcast for nearly a year before I actually launched at the end of June this year. Once I decided to jump headfirst (not knowing what I was doing), I began researching. The very first thing I landed on was the name, Grieving Voices, which came to me like a lightning bolt one day (kind of like the name of this site and business, The Unleashed Heart, and my sister-site, The Guided Heart). I then found the perfect artist to create the cover art. Femke, the artist, will also be doing the illustration for my future children’s grief book. I learned that my intuition is never wrong in this process. I’ve utilized my intuition when seeking guests and directing every conversation, and it’s been a wonderful experience. I’ve grown as an interviewer, refining my skills as I go, and have enjoyed the variety it brings to my life. It’s been wonderful connecting with other grievers from all over. Has it always been easy? No. Have there been learning curves from editing to software and everything in-between? You bet. And, you know what? I would’ve been missing out on it all had I never followed my inner-guidance and just started the damn thing. Nearly 30 episodes in and, I am very much looking forward to my son’s 16th birthday when I will celebrate my 100th episode on the same day! Keep on keeping on…you can do hard things, too! We may not know the how, but it’s in the process of learning where we grow.

Just because you build it, that doesn’t mean they will come.

Context: January 8th, 2021, will be two years since I launched The Unleashed Heart. What a trip it’s been! It’s been a constant evolution since. And, having been an entrepreneur for 10 years before The Unleashed Heart, I knew that having your own business takes grit and a whole lot of patience. Just because you create something doesn’t mean people will buy it. People don’t buy what you do; they buy who you are. As the business owner, people are essentially buying the essence of who you are in your brand. I learned this in my previous business. However, what 2020 taught me is that grief can be a hard sell. I’ve had talks where two people showed up. I’ve been a co-presenter with less than a dozen. And, I’ve done all the leg-work to create an online presentation where no one showed up. Grief is tough. And, when it comes to grief, there will be two camps of people: those who are the “rip off the bandaid” type and those who need more time. I’ve encountered a good mix of the two camps. But, for the vast majority, most need to feel safe first. So, that’s what I’ve been working to do these past two years. Show people that I am a safe person. I’ve had to learn to go first, publicly, even when it was uncomfortable. I’ve had to allow myself to be vulnerable in ways I may not have been quite ready to do. Doing this work has stretched me beyond my comfort zone. And my heart has opened up even more in the process. I’ve actually grown to love myself more, too. There are lessons in rejection. And, rejection is usually never about you. It’s more often than not about the other person and their unresolved “stuff.” Take ownership of what’s yours, and bless the rest.

Celebrate your wins along the way.

Context: If there is one thing, my dear friend, Patsy, taught me this year is the importance of celebrating our wins. I often downplay the success I’ve had because it seems to make some people feel uncomfortable, like happiness. And, isn’t it true that we often downplay our joy? We quiet our enthusiasm to match those around us. Okay, well – this isn’t entirely true about me because I will do about anything to bring some life to a room. But, for the most part, when it comes to our successes, so many of us shy away from truly celebrating. Get a promotion? Share it on social media! Let people cheer you on! Allow people to support you! Do you know where this inability to receive kudos often comes from? Our childhood. Many of us are raised to be humble and not boast. Many of us are also raised to believe that to earn it requires hard work or doing things one normally wouldn’t do, or that success requires struggle. And that to receive, there has to be a checklist of boxes marked off first. I know this mentality well because I grew up in a home of lack, where there was never enough to go around. It’s a hard belief system to crack, and it’s taken over a decade for me to unpack and let go of all of that generational learning. One thing that helped me was doing my inner-work. So, I’m celebrating 2 YEARS of The Unleashed Heart, soon, the 1st anniversary of my first Reiki client, and this summer, 100 podcast episodes! I also plan to celebrate conquering the lizard pose, creating systems, and hiring a V.A.! Celebrating isn’t boasting. Celebrating is as much giving love to the self as it is receiving it from others!

Support is gold.

Context: Until 2019, I hadn’t sought out any support. In that year and 2020, I’ve learned the value of support. When we have people who may be farther along than we are, others who have an expertise that supports our growth, or push us to keep going or cheer us on – it’s pure gold. I cannot imagine where I would be without the support of mentors and accountability friends from which I allowed myself to receive help, support, or guidance or who were in my corner. Friends are and can be a wonderful support system. However, when you need someone who is, like I said, farther along the path you’re on or who understand the trenches of entrepreneurship, it’s imperative to your growth that you allow yourself to be supported. I say it all the time, but we don’t heal in isolation; rather, we heal in communion with others. So, too, is our growth. We certainly do grow on our own. However, if you want to quicken the pace, nothing speeds up the process other than a willing spirit combined with a helping hand. 

There you have it – my five lessons from 2020. I very well could have come up with many more. This week, I’ve spent a bit of time re-reading my journal entries between 2017-present day and – Woah! That’s actually where the inspiration came from for this blog post. It’s so important we look back, and I was reminded of how much I’ve grown, more than anything. I’ve gotten much better at taking a step back from a situation, seeing it for what it is, from the other person’s perspective, and letting go of what is out of my hands.

Do you have a word for 2021? Last year, my word was connection. This year, it is balance. It is through foundations, systems, and momentum where I will find and learn all about balance. It is something I’ve struggled to maintain between family, day job, side-hustling, and self-care.

What do you think about the five lessons I shared?
Do some of my lessons also apply to your life?
What have been some of yours?
Wishing you and yours a prosperous, healthy, and joyful start to 2021!

much love, victoria

P.S. I have one spot available for Grief Recovery online. The spot available is for either Wednesday morning or Thursday evening for 7 weeks.  I am hoping to start another group in my local area later this Spring, however, that is completely dependent on Covid-19. Email me at [email protected] if you’re interested in learning more or, book a free consultation

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