Jordan Brodie | Growing Up Gay, CODA & With Addiction
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Jordan grew up knowing he was different. And, it was in that knowing where he could be himself with his loving, supportive father.
However, in the outside world, he navigated the harsh reality of mean kids. Aside from his sexuality, growing up as a child of a deaf adult (CODA) also felt like a dirty little secret.
What happened, as Jordan grew, is years of trying to deal with being put in a special class for kids with high intelligence, and in middle school, he found himself drinking and starting to experiment with drugs. This was on top of the medication he had been put on and was on since the age of 8, and was later able to get off for “diagnosed” ADHD and anxiety, which, by the way, he’s no longer taking.
The years that followed were challenging and would lead Jordan to follow his childhood friend to Hollywood, who also would later die of an accidental drug overdose, who was the one who took Jordan to his first meeting to get addiction support. Thankful for that start in sobriety, Jordan has been sober for four years, but not without a lot of inner work and therapy.
On top of the grief Jordan shares in this episode, one week following our recording, his older brother, who is deaf and who had also been struggling with addiction, died of a fentanyl overdose. Jordan will be coming back on the podcast to record a follow-up. In the meantime, as you listen to Jordan’s many stories of loss, attempt to put yourself in his shoes.
RESOURCES:
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Victoria Volk 00:00
Welcome to grieving voices. Today my guest is Jordan Brodie. He is a performing artist, an LGBTQIA advocate, self proclaimed digital marketing Queen, and sober in recovery from drugs and alcohol. For years actually just you recently had an anniversary on January 13. Congratulations, huge congratulations on that. And thank you so much for being here.
Jordan Brodie 00:29
Thank you. I took digital marketing Queen out of my bio, I just, I didn’t I didn’t want to put too much emphasis on that.
Victoria Volk 00:40
Okay, okay. Well, you are no longer the digital marketing queen, its official.
Jordan Brodie 00:47
I just don’t want to draw attention to that. Anyway, so but it’s okay. Like, I’m cool, like happy with.
Victoria Volk 01:00
Alright.
Jordan Brodie 01:01
Thank you.
Victoria Volk 01:03
Yes, thank you for being here. So, tell us a little bit about yourself. How, how, maybe your why for wanting to be on the podcast today.
Jordan Brodie 01:13
Why? Well, we just recently had a memorial for one of my best friends who passed away from an accidental overdose. And this friend was very close to me. I’m 29 years old now. And I’ve known him since the sixth grade. So that is quite some time, like 20 years. 2020, something like that, right? A lot of years. And when he helped me move to Hollywood, he moved to Hollywood before I did, and I followed him out here. A year later. He’s an actor and I’m a performer and we both grew up in Albuquerque, New Mexico together. And he moved out here and then he let me stay on his couch showed me around introduced me to some people. And one of the friends he made while he was out here while we were out here because we both I stayed since I meant that he needed to walk back and forth from Albuquerque. He met Katie Tanaka’s and he would always tell me about Coco. He called her Coco. And he said I was basically the male version of Coco. He was like, you have to meet my friend Katie. She’s so much like you. You’re like the man. She’s like the male version of you like and I was like, okay, like, Who is this girl? And I felt then he was like, he played me one of her songs. Her spoken poetry song. I almost lost my heart in Monaco. I don’t know if you’ve heard it. It’s it’s the best song y’all need to go look up. Katie Tanaka’s left my heart in Monaco on YouTube right now. Pause. Anyway, so. So you’ve and it’s a fabulous Argh. And it’s so it is me it’s and move. It was funny because he saw a version of me that I didn’t see in myself, which is, I’d happens a lot, especially because I was in my addiction for most of my life, up until the last four years that I got sober. I was not fully self aware of like who I was. And a lot of my friends would see me in a different way than I saw myself. And when he passed away, it was actually the night before the memorial last Sunday. I I, the night before the memorial, the family had asked me to put together the memorial. So, I’ve been organizing, inviting people for the friends on zoom. And then the night before I was kind of it was starting to hit me that the memorial was the next day. And I was starting to get sad, and I made a playlist. My friend and I would speak through music, we shared songs a lot. And that’s how we communicated was through music a lot of the times we I know like 100 songs that I learned from my friend and and then, so I was listening to a playlist that I made with songs that we shared, and then I remembered Katy song. I was like, I need to listen to that song. And I was like, wait a minute, this and I forgot that he was her friend. I was like they were friends. I need to let her know about his memorial. So, I found her on Facebook, on Instagram and I messaged her and told her and she joined us for the memorial the next day and she told me about you and your podcast and and the thing about the reason why I wanted to have this conversation is that my friend’s death brought up a lot of anger and resentment and me towards Hollywood and the entertainment industry and the music industry. And there’s a lot of massage money in the music industry. Meaning, like, in the straight roads, where there’s and they don’t talk about it, you know, the me to movement just happened with Harvey Weinstein and all these other people. And in fact, my friend, when I told you I stayed on his couch for a few weeks, he was renting a room from this guy, I want to say his name, but this guy got just got me two, three years ago. So, what I’m trying to say is a lot of people that my friend fell into, we’re shady knee tattooers If you like it, the massage me of the straight world of the masculine man dominating the feminine and dominating the industry. it rubs off on to the gay world. It’s like it passes down. And then and then it’s also a lot of times invisible, like you’ve heard about that guy who was basically put together the Backstreet Boys, he had all those charges for molestation and stuff. There’s just a lot of that going on behind the scenes, and a lot of people that move to Hollywood, and they fall for the casting couch, the idea that you need to sleep with someone to get ahead in your career, and they and then people with power in the industry, abusing their power and not denying it just to get laid. Because the truth is, it doesn’t work sleeping up to the top doesn’t work. And I’ve know some from some pretty famous people like coaches that that’s Bs and I was always really upset with my friend for being so naive and letting all these people take advantage of him because I knew it wasn’t the correct way I knew the correct way was to focus on the talent that’s what my heart and my intuition told me. And my family taught me not to do that. And and I had my own experiences in college where I kind of got burnt out and screwed over by some guys and I learned pretty quickly that you couldn’t really trust people and and and so that’s why I want to do this is because it made me really upset about the entertainment industry. I I had to let Katie know he passed but I also had to let that old roommate I told you about and like at least five other people that I know that I love because they were scumbags. They were so sleazy. Yeah, they were in the entertainment industry. But they were taking advantage of my friend. They were taking advantage of other people, they tried to take advantage of me. They felt like because I was young and cute. I still am young and cute. But I was a lot cuter than and a lot of people like people tend to underestimate me especially because Paris Hilton is one of my idols, okay, I love the idea of putting on this presence of being light and fun and aloof and stupid and kind of, like out of it. Because I love that type of humor. And I, I don’t want people to take to get uncomfortable with me like being way smarter than them because that’s usually I’m a lot smarter than most people. And I don’t just say that to brag or anything. It’s taken me a long time to get here. But I grew up in special ed classes for really smart kids and like, and I tested like at a really high IQ level when I was like in elementary school and I always made me uncomfortable like that. So I learned to pretend to be stupid. When I was with people, and not in class. It’s how I kind of like would like talk to people and relate with them. So What I’m saying is that these like, man would try to, like do that to me, like what they were doing to chase. And we were the same age. And I would, I would not say anything, but I wanted to like, I would just get silent and leave, you know, or just, but I wanted to stand up for him, I wanted to stand up and put these guys in their place, because I knew if they were doing it to my friend, they were doing it to other people. And it like hurts my heart, because my friend that I’m telling you about, I loved him, like a lot more than a friend, I had a huge crush on him, like, and he was beautiful. And I knew him since sixth grade. And he was kind of like my high school crush, and he had trauma and I wasn’t his type. He only really like older guys. But I had a total like, I had feelings for him and, and he was a good guy, and he loved God and he had a good heart. The thing is, I don’t want to like, make him seem like he’s like a complete victim in the situation because it takes to to play like, he made the active choices to be doing the things he was doing. And he was getting from these people in the same way that they were getting from him. So they were both using each other, you know what I’m saying? So it’s not saying it’s okay, what these guys are doing, but it wasn’t okay, what my friend was doing either. He was being manipulative. And anyway, so. So that’s why I want to do this is, and I love my friends so much, and I miss him. And if anyone out there and struggling with addiction, or alcoholism or drug addiction, just know that there’s someone out there that loves you a lot. And you may not know it right now because you’re in your disease and you’re in your head and you’re in the darkness. But there’s someone out there if you pass away, they will be heartbroken. Ever. I strongly believe everyone has at least one person, even the most isolated people and I myself to have just got four years sober on Wednesday. And my friend that I’m talking to y’all about he took me to my first meetings before I even knew I had a problem. So that’s why I’m doing this took me so answer that.
Victoria Volk 12:38
No, that’s okay. So, I do want to circle back to something you said about growing up and how you felt like how you couldn’t even really be yourself like you were out of integrity with yourself. Like you couldn’t feel like you could own your smarts. You couldn’t feel like you could. I mean, I don’t want to put words in your mouth. But do you feel like living out of integrity with who you felt you were but couldn’t live out? Do you feel like that’s subconsciously set forth like a pattern of behavior and things that kind of ultimately lead to your own addiction?
Jordan Brodie 13:19
Definitely. And it’s funny, you’re focusing in on that I never really thought about that incongruent and how creating that in my brain at a young age would cause that I’ve thought about one being a gay a gay man that’s another reason why I want to do this is my friend was gay and I think in the gay community especially like on top our right and feeling weird for being smart there was the my dad marrying my stepmother going from the hood like because I see myself as kind of like a HUD kid even though like they got married when I was a like I my soul My spirit is very like casual and fun and more go with the flow it’s not so I don’t know I like I don’t like like fully I’ll Of course I love having things being associated with with wealth and that sort of stuff. However, I still like being associated with just hustlers with people who don’t have much and have to make ends meet and so it was traumatizing. What I’m saying is one trauma was the being really smart trauma thing that was like confusing for me. And then the other was the was the moving from the hood to like, basically Beverly Hills overnight when I was eight that Was traumatizing for me because most of my friends didn’t have a lot of stuff, a lot of things they had small. My bedroom was bigger than most of my friends houses in high school, and elementary school and middle school and I felt guilty about that I felt extremely guilty. I felt weird. I never talked about it and never asked my parents about it. I never talked to anyone about it, actually, this you’re the second person I’ve talked about this with. And it is actually really healing to talk about it. So that was one trauma. And then on top of that, being gay and feminine. My dad is the opposite of me. Like I told you, he’s in the military. He was a basketball coach, really masculine. I’m so grateful to have such an amazing father. He supported my femininities for my whole life. He’s always loved it about me, he thinks it’s cool. Like when I was eight years old, I wanted to start dancing and he went it was just him and me and my brother and he allowed me to dance, and I was always dancing, and he let me do that. So, I was feminine. And I don’t think I think the separation the beating myself up and the on inauthenticity and the the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde like hiding stuff from the world and putting on this character started when I started going to public school, and middle and in middle school after my dad married my stepmother, we moved to the other part of town. And we went to this public school and the kids are really mean to me, they bullied me and up until that point, I was never self conscious. I was my stepmothers always told me you were really confident when you’re a little like I was really confident, really flamboyant, not afraid to show my feelings, not afraid to talk. I was fearless. That’s what she told me. And then I started going to elementary, middle school, and people were making fun of me and I didn’t know why. Like, I was always hanging out with girls. I think I I think when we’re little we, when we’re truly little and innocent. I didn’t really see my sex or my gender. I didn’t really see it yet fully. I always felt like a girl. And I always vibe with the girls. Like I always played Barbies, I wanted to play Barbies, I wanted to play that. This clapping game. I wanted to do all the girls. That’s like what I did. And then when I went to this middle school, that’s when I started realizing it was different. I was different than the other boys. They started making fun of me. I think they were jealous because I was friends with all the girls that they wanted to date or whatever. But I wasn’t, we were just friends like, and they started bullying me. And do I’ve done a lot of therapy, the last four years in my sobriety, I did a year of EMDR, it really helped. And I’ve done a lot of therapy, to come to realize that. That was when the separation started. That’s when I started feeling weird and ashamed about certain things and not wanting to share everything with everyone. Because if I gave people too much information about me, they were throwing my face and they would use it and they would make fun of me. And the thing is, I was different I had my biological mother was Dev, I’m gay like after that happened, I started realizing they’re making fun of me for being a feminine man, a feminine boy for dancing and all this stuff. God forbid they find out my mother’s disabled. I didn’t want it because they made fun of disabled kids, they would make fun of people. It was mean these kids are some mean, so I didn’t. I didn’t ever talk about my mother being deaf. She was like my secret. I didn’t even let my friends now and and then you know, and then I went to and then I was put in that class for smart kids and, and then I was separated from everyone in middle school, I was put in this class called to x when everyone’s going around and their periods they can leave. I had one class and it was for smart kids with behavioral problems. Because I would fight with everyone. It was hard. I had a really hard childhood, and it was very difficult. I felt very isolated and alone. That’s why he was so close to my heart and helped me in some of the darkest times of my life. Like when I was really in my addiction, and I like basically I was trying to kill myself with my addiction without knowing it. And he would scream at me and yell at me and let me know how love die was and, and like, took me to my first meetings and yeah, so that’s why this I’ve never lost anyone that’s close to me. I wasn’t this close to my grandpa, he wasn’t that close to me, and my aunt Julie passed from drug addiction from alcohol addiction four years ago, and then my uncle Brian, three years ago, so it runs in my family addiction, that addiction oftentimes runs in the family. Yeah.
Victoria Volk 20:47
So how old were you when you started drinking? You started with alcohol?
Jordan Brodie 20:51
Yeah, when I was like, 14, I started drinking. I was middle school like seventh grade. One of my friends from that class I told you about the 2x class. He was from Detroit. And so he had already been drinking for like two or three years, and we were in seventh grade. And I also was on a lot of prescription medications. I’m not on any anymore. When my dad married my stepmother. They saw that I was damaged, like this damaged little kid and my stepmother started sending me to therapists and psychiatrists, and they were all doing all kinds of experiments on me with different medications. And I was on a shitload of drugs. When I was little, like, I don’t like, and this is to each their own. I think everyone should find a doctor and make smart decisions. But I think I was mis diagnosed, I see my, my ADHD, my mood swings, my anger, my my other things on my addiction were caused from pain. So, it was like, from pain and confusion about my mother being deaf. And her, she would neglect me unintentionally. Because of it. Just because she couldn’t hear me like when, when I was a baby, when you’re in your developmental stages, those first few years, you’re crying to your that’s how you communicate is through crying. You’re saying, I want food. I want cheese. Like you’re crying for the things you want. My mother couldn’t hear me. So, she unintentionally when neglect me, I’d be like crying for like 30 minutes, and she wouldn’t bring food. It’s a common thing for they’re called kotas children of deaf adults. And I’ve learned that we have a name. It’s a really, really common thing for coders to have feelings of not being heard. Being a it’s a lot of coders will experience difficulty and in obtaining their needs and desires and communicating what they want and like in relationships and being assertive with what they want. They don’t. And it comes from that from being an infant. It’s really common. And I’ve learned that recently and I have more in a from a therapeutic standpoint, I have more work to do on that, because that’s only a newfound thing. But my point is that, that that it’s what was the question?
Victoria Volk 23:46
Well, I just want to circle back and just really, because what I hear you saying and everything that you’ve said, your life experience so far to me, like I can sum it up in one word, grief. I mean, it was grief from an early chat from early on.
Jordan Brodie 24:05
Oh, yeah, that’s what I was telling you. Because you asked when I started drinking. Yeah. And so I was in a lot of pain that being neglected unintentionally. As a little baby. I was in pain, and I was confused. And then my dad divorced my step, my mom, and my mom was angry. I think she has borderline to be honest with you personality disorder. She can’t take a boundary like if you tell her no on something, she starts screaming at you. On top of that she’s deaf, you know what I mean? So it’s like really hard, and she calls the cops incessantly. She doesn’t know the purpose of the cops. She sees them as like mediators. So anytime she would get in a small argument with my father. She would call the cops and tell them he was attacking her, and all this stuff and I I experienced it recently. That’s why we don’t talk. I got into argument with her because she was breaking one of my boundaries. And I stood up for myself. And she started getting denying it, and I got mad. And she called it and I was just yelling, and she called the cops and told them I was attacking her. So like, she will lie. She told them, I was trying to kill myself, she told us she will lie to the cops and say whatever she wants to them. And then they come, she sees them as a mediator. If she did, it’s just it’s insanity. But yeah, um, so there was a lot of trauma at a younger age. And I believe the reason why I couldn’t sit still, when I was little, the reason why it was hard for me to focus on adults, and take them seriously and respect authority was at all of the things that I struggled with. It’s not because of my genetic makeup, it’s not because of eight, it wasn’t genetic. For me, it was from trauma. Because and, and I’ve and, and I have the proof, like I have the receipts that it was because the last four years of my sobriety, I’ve spent hours and hours of therapy and EMDR. And if I were to just coldly walk into a psychology or psychiatry office today, since I’ve done all this work, they would not they would not diagnosed me with bipolar or ADHD or any of that, because I’ve worked on my symptoms, like I’ve worked, I’ve done a lot of work. And I have more work to do. And so anyway, but when you’re little you don’t know this, I didn’t they don’t teach you about emotional health in school, they don’t teach you about the things we really need to be learning. And, and they just the psychologists, they just didn’t look at my pain. They didn’t look at my trauma, they ask questions. They just gave me drugs to deal with the symptoms, who it makes me so mad that they are prescribing eight-year-olds, amphetamines, they are giving eight year olds meth. Like it makes me so mad. And that was me. I have been on net, like a form of meth since I was eight years old. And that’s why like, that’s what Adderall is. That’s what Ritalin is and that’s why when my stepmother when my doctors were trying to give it to my little brother I I told them not to but she didn’t listen and it’s just it makes me so mad. Because I feel like I have some like holes in my head and stuff now like it’s like hard for me to my brain is healing thank God for neuroplasticity, it’ll heal, but, but I really wish the doctors would have tried to stoop to my level and just see me as a creature that’s been damaged that’s been wounded and, and tried to understand me, at a younger age, instead of tried to just sedate me or change me. Because I didn’t need to be changed. I just needed to be hurt. That’s all I needed. And and I’m thankful that I have this realization today and that I’m on a better path. And I have a story now that can help a lot of people and, and, and my friend’s death ignited this passion in me to start really sharing it because I’ve always had the passion to share it. But I’ve been hitting the grind. Since he passed and just getting organized. I’m hiring people. I’m hiring an assistant to help me today or tomorrow we start training her and I’m getting my stuff together. But yeah, so I started on amphetamines when I was eight like prescribed prescription drugs. And then when I was 14, friend from Detroit, was taking shots in the kitchen when I was staying with him one night and I was like, ooh, what are you doing? And he was like, I’m not gonna tell you to do it. I was and then I took that as a challenge and started taking shots of Bacardi and, and then I wanted to do it every weekend after that, and I wasn’t the type of alcoholic or addict that drink every day. And I think that’s the misconception for alcoholics and addicts is that you don’t have to drink every day from 10am to two to be an alcoholic or an addict. I was an alcoholic or addict because I use drugs and alcohol as sober lubricant and I wanted to do it every weekend. It was my escape. It allowed me to feel like I could be myself. Because of myself, who I am now sober is who I was when I was blacked out drunk. Because I’ve worked so hard on breaking down the trauma and getting rid of that. Because I is someone that is super social is super talkative is the life of the party sober. That’s who I am. And that’s who my friend that passed was. And I needed drugs and alcohol to feel like that, because of all the trauma in my brain, it would shut off my brain, and I could finally just be present with people and, and I didn’t know it. I just loved it. I, I thought it was so fun. And I did it every weekend and partied, I did a lot of drugs. My friend, one of my boyfriend’s was a coke dealer and like, I just had a lot of fun. Like, it was, like, fun for me. So, and then my aunt and my uncle, the ones that passed, they were the alcoholics like I didn’t have a problem. And then my friend, he was the addict, right? He was on. He was on meth. I was on prescription math, but it wasn’t like, you know, like, so I didn’t think I had a problem because I wasn’t the one my aunt Julie. She was one of the most fabulous people I know. And she would drink every day from 10 to two for the last 10 years of her life. She drank herself to death. She had all the money in the world. She could have done anything she wanted. And she drank at her house from 10 to two she died loaded with jaundice. She had a brain aneurysm. It was really bad and really sad. And I tried everything to get her out of the house, but she just wouldn’t. in the mail go Brian as well. He died from like, from brain from liver failure, I think. And my point is they were the alcoholic acts. They were the ones that drank all day, all night. Not me. I just would go out every night and drink in the clubs in my underwear, trying to get guys to buy me things. That’s what I did. I didn’t have a problem. That’s just being resourceful. And it took me a lot It took me until I hit rock bottom. getting arrested after chase had been taking me to meetings, getting arrested in West Hollywood for blacking out and doing some embarrassing things. And it took me to be court ordered to go to like some support meetings before I could really realize that I was an alcoholic and that’s the misconception about alcoholics and addicts is that some people don’t drink like all day long. It doesn’t mean you’re there’s some addicts that are the weekend warriors. It’s the point is that when I start drinking and if anyone can relate to this, I recommend them get like how is it that when I started drinking I I couldn’t stop like I would drink a whole bottle of vodka or like a whole and it was all about just getting Blitz out of my mind and escaping and just like basically not being here not being present. And because blacking out turns off the blood to your brain. And I just like that’s that’s an alcoholic to it. You don’t have to be an everyday drinker to be an addict or an everyday user to be an addict. You can some alcoholics and addicts’ news recreationally and it’s just about like, does your life become unmanageable. When you drink or use there are normies that like, can have a glass of wine at night, and then their life doesn’t spiral out of control. My life was never in control. Like, I couldn’t control it. I never could, I cannot stop I had no self control. I was in so much pain, emotionally. And I didn’t even know it. And I was using drugs, alcohol and sex to try and numb the pain. That’s what it was. And now when I want to do something stupid, I have to journal and figure out what is my fear? What am I in pain about like, what is this and I’ve been digging through the pain the last few years and it’s been really hard. Getting sober is not easy. It’s very hard. It was really difficult. I had to change everything about my lifestyle. I had to get really, really pour beef to figure out how to work How to make a living. It was really hard and I’m still struggling, I’m still on my way up.
Victoria Volk 35:07
Not to mention the friendships that change, I’m sure in the process of that, too, because like, I like how you said and I, I think it’s a really important point to bring up in grief recovery, we call them serves the short-term energy relieving behaviors, the things that you mentioned, to help you to feel better, because like to put a bandaid on the pain. I’m sober now a year. No, it was a no November it was a year, I was a weekend warrior to you like I could. And because people didn’t see me as an alcoholic. They didn’t think I had an issue. You’ve even now still people closest to me. You weren’t an alcoholic? Yeah. And it’s like, do you realize a bottle of wine is like four glasses. Yeah, I knew that because I would drink the whole bottle. You know, I wouldn’t stop at just one. You know, I would be making supper, grilling outside making supper for my kids drinking a beer. I’d have to by the time we ate, and I was buzzing, you know, you don’t. I like how you mentioned that. Because it is important if it if you have to do it, to feel better about who you are. And to feel more comfortable in your own skin. For me it was social situations. really brought up anxiety for me. I just I felt like I had to drink in order to relax into the fun. So thank you for bringing that up. Because I think addiction or whatever it is that we are using to numb ourselves or to feel better. If you are not functional the next day, you have a problem.
Jordan Brodie 37:01
Yeah. Yeah. 100% and, and that’s the thing. Another part of it is you mentioned that you would drink the whole bottle and you couldn’t stop or and to escape and I was doing the same thing. So, I didn’t think I was an alcoholic or an addict. And, and then and then so and there’s the element of addicts and alcoholics and with my friend that passed they call it Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, right? It’s like the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Dr. Jekyll was the the doc and it’s kind of funny because my last name My surname is Brody from Scotland and there’s actually a Brodie castle in Scotland. And if you look this up, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the person who wrote the fable Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It’s the way he wrote it. It’s a fantasy story based on reality on on a real person. And the real person is a long lost relative of mine. It’s a it was a Brody. He was related to that Brody that Hasbro and so Dr. Jekyll and that’s the fable of Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde because he couldn’t write about the person is that Dr. Jekyll is like the doctor that’s all nice and good and whatever and distinguished in society. And he had a dark side Dr. Hyde, who would like rob people at night. End on story comes from and they talk a lot about it and sobriety and recovery world Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde. This story comes from a comes from a Duke Brody like if you look him up, it’s Brody something his last name was Brody and he was like a Duke or something in high society back in the day. And he was really he owned a locksmith company. That’s how he made his money and his wealth. And so all the aristocrats in that area of Scotland, he would do their locks, he would fix their houses, or their castle has their estates and do their locks. And so, he had all the keys to all of these wealthy people’s places. And then the Hyde Park came because the scandal was that he would go in and Rob everyone at night. And that’s what that story comes from. And so, a lot of alcoholics and addicts, even unknowingly, we have we hide how much we drink, like, because and we don’t intentionally do it. It’s not like you drink a whole bottle of wine and you announce to the whole party. I just drink a whole bottle of wine. No, you just drink a whole bottle of wine, and you keep drinking and then you don’t talk about it. You know So there’s like, we don’t disclose it. So, people don’t know how much we’re doing it. And that’s what happened to me. When I started going to meetings and talking about my problems. My parents were like, you’re not an alcoholic, you’re not an addict, like, why are you going to those meetings like, you don’t have a problem with it, because they always thought my problem was mental health. And that’s the problem with psychology and some forms of that type of medicine. And say, put the emphasis on the diagnosis. And that, and then taking medications becomes the solution. In my parents had the solution for me, my whole life was my medicine. They were like, they didn’t know enough about therapy and psychology to know that I could have done EMDR, I could have done all these therapies to work on the pain to work on my brain and reprogram my mind. They didn’t know about that. Because the doctors told them my solution was medications. So they thought they had it solved. Like, oh, here’s the problem. Here’s your solution. They thought that my solution was medications. So when I told them, I was getting sober and stuff, they didn’t know I had a problem, one because they didn’t see how much I was drinking. And two, they, they thought that my solution, my whole life was get on my meds. And since I wasn’t on meds at the time, they were like, that’s why you’re having problems if you’re not on your medication. So now I’m not on any medicine, and I’m fine. Like I’m able to live and function well in society. And it’s all because of the meetings I’ve been going to. Did you hit a really, really good point is that it and it and that’s the thing, you know that you had a problem. And you knew, and you were able to be honest with it. It doesn’t matter what other people think about us, it only matters what we think about ourselves and what our own problems were. And the thing with my friend, and a lot of the people that pass is, since I was so in my Z’s I got I was in my Mr. Hyde with them, I got to meet their Mr. Hyde’s and their dark sides. And so that’s why I knew it, but to their family, and a lot of their friends and other people they didn’t know like, we were all living like these double lies. And that’s another big thing that comes with it. And so that’s another reason why I think it’s important, we don’t use his name, too, because a lot of people didn’t even know all this stuff that I’m telling you about. It’s really sad.
Victoria Volk 42:47
Well, the thing is, I we don’t talk about our shame. We don’t talk about the things that are shameful to us that we are carrying, right. And so, and we don’t, we aren’t encouraged to talk about the things that are painful for us either. So that’s where, just like you said, you were able to talk about it probably for the first time.
Jordan Brodie 43:10
I would like to hear more from you. You said that it sounds like my whole summary of my childhood in life has been grief. And I would like to hear more from you of like, what your definition of grief is, and what are some ways to approach it? I this is definitely helpful. Like it’s been helpful talking to about this. And I’ve read the book called the grief recovery handbook. And it talks about making a timeline of memories, good and bad. Reading that to someone writing a letter of thoughts that are not like, fully processed. Yeah. undelivered communications, reading the letter to someone. I are those just what do you think about those tools? And maybe you could tell me more about grief because I didn’t see my childhood or the neglect from my mother, or my parents divorce, and that kind of stuff as grief because I think a lot of times people think grief to be just when someone dies. But the grief recovery handbook. I remember reading it and it talked about divorces caused grief. Any of you experienced any sort of loss, and I and I didn’t realize that and I don’t know where the loss is, in my situation with my mother being death. And that’s what’s been hard for me to wrap my head around that.
Victoria Volk 44:49
Well, it’s a loss of connection. You can’t connect with her in a way that you see maybe that you see other children connecting with their moms, because we learn by what we see. Right? And so There comes a time where you kind of probably looked at other relationships and was like, my relationship isn’t like that. But you, as humans, we know what we need. Right? And so, when we’re not getting that, we know that too. And that’s great. It’s anything we wish that would have been different, better or more. It’s a loss of hopes, dreams and expectations,
Jordan Brodie 45:23
Anything we wish that could have been different, better or more. That’s the definition of grief.
Victoria Volk 45:31
In the grief recovery Handbook, it’s in there. Yep, loss of hopes, dreams and expectations, anything we wish that would have been different, better or more.
Jordan Brodie 45:39
That is interesting, because that means everyone’s experienced grief.
Victoria Volk 45:45
Everybody, everybody.
Jordan Brodie 45:48
When you’re not, when you’re not being responded to, or you have an expectation, and it’s not being delivered the way you expect, or, wow, that just and we’re not talking about this, and people aren’t aware of it. It’s not. If it’s such a common thing, that experience that we experienced on a regular basis. Why aren’t we talking about it?
Victoria Volk 46:13
Jordan, that is exactly why I started this podcast. Thank you for bringing that point up, because that’s exactly why I started this podcast and that’s why it’s called grieving voices.
Jordan Brodie 46:25
Well, I love this. I’m so about bears.
Victoria Volk 46:31
There’s one question I want to ask you, I want to make sure we get to because we’re about running out of time. But I want to ask, because we we’ve heard your story. Thank you for sharing all that you shared, you highlighted so many different ways that children grieve. And interestingly, I used to work as a I don’t want to say I don’t even know what the job title was actually. But I would actually take the phone calls for people who want let’s say, you wanted to call your mom and you use the TTY. I would be on the other end. I was I was the operator. So, I would actually type what you would say, and read what the deaf person is writing.
Jordan Brodie 47:17
Beautiful job, you have no idea how many conversations I’ve had to have with my mother over those services. And people don’t recognize it’s such a marginalized community. They’re like, this is another universe. It’s like, and the problems they experience are similar to those in the LGBTQ community. It’s feeling marginalized, it’s feeling without a voice. It’s it’s the same type of feelings of inequality. And I really think we need to bring affirmative action back because they’re like, there’s I don’t know if you’ve heard of the whole breaking code silence like Paris Hilton’s. new thing, she has just recently come out about some abuse that happened to her at a border school, boarding school in high school, she was always too afraid to talk about it. And she’s finally someone pulled it out of her and her last documentary, and she’s finally talking about it. And so it started this whole thing, where they’re, they’re basically they are investigating all these schools in the United States that have been hurting people. And the reason I mentioned this is because like, my, the deaf community is a very vulnerable community. And they are being taken advantage of all the time. And I have a little so it’s genetic. My little brother is deaf, too. And he was he’s been molested in school. That’s another part of my grief is we were really, really close. He was basically like a little kid to me. Like my, he looked at me like a father, basically. And when I found out he had been molested, and these schools, I was like, thank God, I wasn’t in Montana, like I would have found those people. Like, I just was so mad. And so her and so sad. And I talked to my grandma about this recently. And she said in the 80s, when the Kennedys were president, and like, when they were really popular that Kennedys, one of their sisters started this movement for affirmative action and actually made some laws that required big companies to hire at least one or two disabled persons, on staff and they upped the budget for the dis schools for people with disabilities. And stay put a lot of support for that community and because the problem is and parents, I was listening to a podcast last night with Kate Hudson and and Oliver Hudson, they were interviewed. It’s called so sibling revelry. And it’s really good. And it was, it’s siblings, interviewing other siblings. So, they were interviewing Parris and her sister, Nicole, or Nikki, and I was listening to this late last night, and Paris was talking about, about this, a lot of these schools hire under an under qualified people that because of the lack of funding, because of the low budgets, they’re hiring people that aren’t qualified. And that’s what my grandmother told me. One solution that can be done for these people is if affirmative action comes back, and we’ve raised the budgets for private for public schools for the deaf, there, they would filter out they would have better hiring programs, and they could hire better people. And because people are being molested, like every year at these schools, and that’s just adding more trauma, more grief, more problems to our society, might I pray every day for my little brother, like I’m so worried about him that he’s gonna just turn out and like, become crazy or something because of all this stuff he’s been through.
Victoria Volk 51:26
That’s just it. That’s I mean, if you’ve read, I know, you said, you read the grief recovery handbook. And we’re all Grievers. And we all have life experience. And, you know, one person’s trauma is going to be different from someone else’s, and it doesn’t have to be like big t trauma, it can be something little like for you, you know, at first, you know, just not being able to feel like you could own who you were a smart kid, you know, just, I mean, that’s something that seems so insignificant to probably adults and other people.
Jordan Brodie 52:02
it’s your right, to like yeah, to know who you are. And to be able to. Just like all I’ve ever wanted is to be in a room and like you said your you would get anxiety. And that’s probably the reason why you drink is to be imagine just being in that room or to be able to go into any room and not have to be hyper focused on your breath or hyper focused on your thoughts are hyper focused on how you’re moving or hyper focus on how you’re, you’re speaking or, like just hyper focused, it would be so nice to be able to walk into any room anywhere we go and like, you know, the whole George Floyd movement, just be able to breathe, and just be able to, like, be one with that room. But our traumas caused us to get in our head and separate and and that’s all I’ve ever wanted was to just feel like I could be myself in a crowd of anyone and bullying caused me to feel separated. And part of my journey in recovery is getting back to that how do I calm my brain? How do I calm my nerves? How do I allow myself to feel like I can be anyone I want to be. And that’s part of the reason why, as an artist, I have a small fan base, we’re really tiny, like a little cat and I’m like a little candle and I just, they are basically the ones that that see me exactly how I am and I feel like I don’t have to put on a show for them. And I haven’t performed for them yet. They’re all on the internet. And hopefully after COVID I’ll be able to do some shows for them. But it’s Kim Petrus talks about it too, like she feels like she’s created this heaven where she can go on the stage and fans that are like her show up to her shows. And she can go up on stage and just be as weird as she wants to and whatever outfit she wants to singing during whatever she wants to. And it’s empowering for her like It’s like she created her own group therapy and her performance.
Victoria Volk 54:24
And I think to it comes down to self love and I think it’s this radical self love that we find in ourselves and give to ourselves when we do the work on ourselves. Exactly. I think that’s what you’re finding too. That’s what I found. This has been so good.
Jordan Brodie 54:44
Thank you. Yeah, this has been super helpful. When so when this is are you posting a video to or is it just the audio?
Victoria Volk 54:55
For now, it’s just the audio, the podcast. I do keep the I do have the have eventually possibly I want to get these on YouTube or closed captioning or community. And I’m just not there yet because it requires editing of the video as well as audio so not that, I’m a one woman show. Right there. Yeah.
Jordan Brodie 55:22
Have you heard of fiverr.com? I did. Yeah. We could probably find some editors on there to collaborate with that wouldn’t charge a killing you know?
Victoria Volk 55:33
Yeah
Jordan Brodie 55:34
Cool. Yeah. Let me know when you are when when will you post this because I will be sharing this for sure.
Victoria Volk 55:43
I will let you know. But before we go, I want people to know where can they reach you if they want to want to reach out to you? Where can they find you?
Jordan Brodie 55:51
Well, on Instagram, tik tok, Snapchat, Facebook, my most of my I have a few different handles, but it’s jbrodie Music on Facebook and Instagram, and Twitter. And then on Tick Tock and Snapchat, it’s brodiejmusic. It’s the opposite, just because the other one was taken. But I also just recently, and I don’t know if you’re on clubhouse, or if you’ve heard of it. I just recently joined clubhouse. And it’s jbrody music on clubhouse. And what it is, I, when I get, I have a few people in line. But when I get a few more invite codes, I’m sending you an invite code, because it’s invite only right now because they’re in beta testing. But a lot of podcasters are on there. A lot of entrepreneurs, it’s a new social media platform based on voice. So, people create these rooms of topic, interests. And I created last night I was up late last night because I was creating different rooms. I’d love to get you on there. And we could start like a weekly grief room. And it’s really cool because when you start following people, you just invite people and it’s like interact. It’s almost like it’s like a conference on your phone. And I’ve been listening to some really like famous people. I’ve been having conversations. I had a conversation with dead mouse the other day. It’s a really famous DJ with Perez Hilton. I had a conversation with Richie squirrel yesterday. He’s, he’s Lady Gaga is choreographer, like just all these people are on there right now. And they’re having these conversations. And it’s really cool. Like, I highly recommend that you can find me on there too.
Victoria Volk 57:48
I’ve heard about that through a podcasting group, but I haven’t checked it out yet.
Jordan Brodie 57:53
And maybe we could all start a group on there sometime.
Victoria Volk 57:58
I’ll have to check it out. Thank you so much for being here, Jordan. I’ve really appreciated what you’ve shared and what we’ve all talked about sharing your story. So, thank you so much. It’s been wonderful
Jordan Brodie 58:10
Thank you.
Victoria Volk 59:25
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.