Shandra Schultz | Who Am I?
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
What would it be like to get into an accident and walk away not knowing who you are?
Shandra shares her experience of what it is like to see her daughter and loved ones and not know them. She found herself living a “half-life” as she called it.
However, this accident and memory loss occurred following many other loss experiences. She shares that, while in high school, she found herself down the path of experimenting with drugs and alcohol. When she was 21, her father passed away from cancer. Fortunately, she found a way to eliminate the crutches and addiction to drugs and alcohol in her life.
With every loss she experienced after that time of friends and pets, she ultimately realized she had lost a part of herself, too. This set her on the path of self-discovery and introspection. During this time, she sought out many modalities to help heal her memory loss, grief, and trauma. She shares what those modalities were.
It is through her life experience, she has found herself working as a healer today.
Shandra shares that grief taught her to live and that the meaning of life is to live it. Listen to Shandra’s story of hope and how she found her way back home to herself.
Connect with Shandra:
- Website
- Shandra is offering a special promo for my listeners: Use the promo code “LIGHTANDLOVE” to receive 50% off your first Soul Birth Session
Victoria Volk 00:08
Thank you for tuning in to another episode of grieving voices. Although if this is your first time listening, welcome. I have my guest today is Shandra Schultz from healings of Light and Love by Shandra. Welcome Shandra. Thank you so much for being here.
Shandra Shultz 01:14
Thank you, Victoria. It’s my pleasure to be here with you.
Victoria Volk 01:19
And today, we kind of connected just a little bit before we came on. And it seems like I people that are kind of drawn to be on my podcast, there’s always something I can connect with on a personal level. And, like right out of the gate, we just started talking about how both of our dads were actually Vietnam vets, and were exposed to Agent Orange. And both of our dads both passed away cancer, different cancers. But I’m sorry for your loss, and that we have that thing in common. But there’s more to your story than just the loss of your father. And so let’s start there. What initially, what brought you to wanting to come to the podcast was you had a traumatic brain injury in 2014. Correct?
Shandra Shultz 02:13
Yes. Yep.
Victoria Volk 02:14
Tell us about that.
Shandra Shultz 02:16
So, I was driving and a car decided to make a left turn in front of me without seeing me because there was another car blocking it and ended up in a traumatic car accident. I was knocked unconscious. And when I came to, I was very disoriented. I didn’t quite know what was going on. And when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was like, hmm, I don’t really recognize this person who am I. And it wasn’t until the person that I hit was right by my run by my car, I had like a call I had called will actually step back, I first looked at my phone at something in me said, hey, I think I need to call somebody just a knowing that I needed to call somebody. So, I picked up my phone and I scroll through it and nothing was familiar, except the word mom. It stuck out to me. And I said, Okay, I guess I’ll call mom. So, I called mom. And I was very, very, like, the tone of my voice was very monotone. I was like, hey, I’ve been in a car accident. Can you come get me? I wasn’t in any way. Warm or had no, no actual like emotion to my to my voice. It was just very flat. And I remember my mom’s asking me if I was okay. And I said I think so. But I don’t know. And when they when the ambulance showed up. They looked at me and they told me I was fine. So I was like, oh, okay, I’m fine. I don’t know who I am. But I’m fine. Okay, so I was standing on the side of the road waiting for my mom to show up. And she came and I looked at myself in the mirror. And that was the only way it was really kind of able to recognize her as that she looked like me. We both had short brown hair. We were had similar facial features. She just looked like me as like, oh, okay, this must be mom. And she came up to me and said, you know, asked about how I was and from behind her ran this little nine year old child, my daughter and just grabbed me and screamed mommy, and I just kind of shook because in that moment, I was like, what? Like, who am I and I have a child like and I can’t remember this. Like, who am I to not be able to remember this child like why don’t I remember this child? And it wasn’t until I went home with them and started realizing like really letting it sink in. I didn’t know them. I didn’t remember them. I had pictures of them all around the house they took me to but I didn’t know who They were like, I couldn’t remember them. And it was like, Is this really? Is this really happening to me like what’s going on? But I couldn’t tell anybody. Because they were, they were just happy I was alive. And I didn’t feel like I didn’t want to rain on their parade that I didn’t know who they were. I pretended for probably about a couple of months. I never let them know what was going on. It wasn’t till after I met my husband, three weeks after the accident that I felt comfortable enough with somebody to tell them. I don’t know who these people are.
Victoria Volk 05:37
Well, what was that conversation like, when you finally told them?
Shandra Shultz 05:45
So, I actually didn’t tell my daughter until probably two years ago. So, the accident was in 2014, I told them in 2019, so that it was already five years because I didn’t, I didn’t know how to tell my daughter that I didn’t know them. It was challenging in the process, because I remember telling my mom, when I did tell my mom, hey, I’m dealing with this, she didn’t believe me. At first. It was after I’d met my husband, it was at his prompting that he was like, you need to let them know what’s going on. Like you can’t keep this secret from them. And I remember having to tell my mom and her just kind of looking at me like you’re lying. And I remember I was going to see a chiropractor at the time post accident. And when I told him that I couldn’t remember, he attributed it to the drug abuse that I had been sober for two years at that point, but he attributed that I’ve relapsed, and that I was just trying to get out of being with my family. So my mom got led to believe the same thing. And I left and I was like, this is not what’s happening. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I didn’t remember drug abuse. I didn’t remember any of that was like, Okay, I think what you want, but this is my truth. And it was very, it was it was challenging, because to constantly have my mom, say, don’t you remember? Don’t you remember? Like, No, I told you, I don’t remember like, are you thinking you’re gonna catch me in a lie? Like, no, I don’t remember. Um, and it was so challenging, especially with my daughter, because trying to like, keep up this front of, I know who you are. And yet, I don’t remember these things that you’re talking about. And so, between my mom and my daughter, they would constantly ask me, you know, do you remember this? Do you remember that? You remember this? Remember that? And so for almost two years, that’s how life was constantly trying to say, don’t you remember? It was like, no, and it’s not that I don’t want to remember. I just can’t. The brain works in mysterious ways.
Victoria Volk 08:06
You hadn’t told them that you didn’t remember? But yet, all these conversations they had with you, they didn’t connect it to that accident?
Shandra Shultz 08:15
No. And my daughter was nine at the time. So, I, I understand that. Like, it’s like, well, why doesn’t mommy remember, like this? And this and this. And my mom, like, when I finally told her, Hey, I don’t remember. She didn’t believe me. She thought it was me line. Because I was in this relationship. Now with the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in my life, mind you, with my husband. He was like actually a really decent guy who was treating me well taking care of my mom and my daughter while I wasn’t able to. And yet, because of that. I also was lost in him. I kind of lost myself as a lot of couples do in the beginning. I lost myself in him and I felt safe. And so, I was like, I’ll just stick to him. This This feels comfortable, that feels uncomfortable. So, I gravitated away from my mom and my daughter. And they both told me that it actually was like they had truly experienced the loss of me, even though I was there.
Victoria Volk 09:18
That make sense. You mentioned the drug abuse, did was that before the car accident, or?
Shandra Shultz 09:25
Yeah, I had, um, from the time I was 17 until the time I was 29. So, for 12 years, I was I was very heavily addicted. i It started when I found when I was in high school, and I had some abuse happened to me. And then it just then my dad got sick, and it was like the easiest way to resist and numb out. So that’s what I did for 12 years. I was a very functioning addict, mind you, because I learned that in order to make sure people didn’t know what was going on. had to hide that part of myself. So I became very good at compartmentalizing things. But I didn’t find that out again until I fully remembered everything started in 2000, late 2015 into 2019 is when I really spent focused a lot of time trying to learn who I was. And what had happened. Why had it happened. I was just trying to understand the past, but it wasn’t living in the present.
Victoria Volk 10:29
So, I can relate to that like many people probably can. So how old were you and your dad passed?
Shandra Shultz 10:36
I was 21, 10 years before my accident my dad passed. And I was the last one to see him alive. The night that he worked, the Nike passed, I actually, he was in hospice. And I had been partying and I got this like, voice inside my head, that’s really small voice that said, you need to go see your dad now. He had been on. He had been in hospice for seven days. And he was they had kept him comfortable, I guess is the best way to describe it. He had said, you know, he had a DNR he did not want to be resuscitated, he didn’t want any of that he didn’t want any life saving measures whatsoever. So he was literally on saline. And that was it for seven days. And I remember now looking back on it, when that I had this voice say you need to go see him and just let him know that you love him and get it out. And so at three o’clock in the morning, I drove from the party I was at to the hospice, which was like 10 minutes away. And I went in to see him and I sat down. And I literally just lost it all, like I just I said everything that I’d ever needed to say in 21 years to him. Knowing that he was not going to hear me specifically like he, his spirit would be there. But he wouldn’t actually be able to respond to me. And I remember letting myself feel okay about that. Because it was like, I’m finally going to get the last word. Like, my dad was one of those people, you could never get the last word with him. And I had so much as I’m sure you know, growing up with a parent who is a cool, while I mean, you were younger, but even still in that that those first eight years, I’m sure you might have experienced the PTSD. And that is really tough for a child to live with to see their parent going through something and they don’t understand why. And it’s just it is it’s, it’s, it’s challenging. And so my dad and I did not have a great relationship. And we argued and fought a lot. And he loved me fiercely, but he was also very critical of me. And so that night, I just sat there and I told him how I felt. And I let it all out and I cried and I screamed at him and told him I hated him for leaving me. And then I told him that I loved him, and that it was okay and that he could go. And I left and I went to a party and I got a call two hours later, my mom said that he had passed. And I was like, oh, he was waiting for me.
Victoria Volk 13:39
I imagine that was very healing for you.
Shandra Shultz 13:43
It was um, and yet it was kind of surface level. Like I didn’t really allow myself to feel it because I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to have to deal with it. It was like I just wanted to keep going and move on and be like, Okay, it’s gone. It’s over with my, my mom had grieved, but not visibly in any way that I knew how to see like, like a healthy adult grieving. So, she kept it she’s she always kept everything in. And it was like, I’m going to put it away in this file cabinet. And I’m done. So that’s what I learned to do. I was like, Okay, I felt it. Now it’s gone. I’m just ignore it. It’s never going to come up again. I’ve learned that’s not true. It will come up. You can’t just file something away and expect it to be done and come back.
Victoria Volk 14:37
Eventually
Shandra Shultz 14:38
Eventually, yeah. And sometimes usually in the worst possible time in moments. So, if you’re like, Oh, well, darn. That’s there.
Victoria Volk 14:49
And quite often after we’ve experienced another loss, and everything floods everything else comes back up to the surface.
Shandra Shultz 14:58
Yes. And that is what kept me as using that is what kept me abusing drugs and alcohol because my dad died when I was 21. And then, after I had my daughter at 22, I found myself in a really abusive relationship. And I had a really close friend who was like my reason for like getting out of that relationship. He died right after my birthday when I was 23. In a very traumatic way. And then again, I didn’t deal with it at all, like I just tamped it down started using, I’m not gonna, I’m not going to do it. And then when I was 25, my other best friend, both like brothers died in another traumatic way, it all rushed back to me. And I said, Nope, not dealing with it, tamped it down again. And it just kept going like that, when I would have traumatic things, the loss of animals, the loss of people in my life, then when I lost myself, that was when I finally had to start actually looking at it and start feeling it and dealing with it. And it’s funny. Because this Pat, like two weeks ago, I had had been originally scheduled to be with you. And I ended up losing my cat the day before he ended up dying of kidney failure. And it was one of those things where it was like, it smacked me in the face so hard. Because I was no longer, I’ve been sober for nine years now. And I wasn’t going to misuse or abuse anything. So, I was like, Okay, I’ve got to feel this. And every single solitary grief that I had, for 38 years hit me in the face. And it was like, Whoa, that’s a lot of grief. So, hey, thank you, I appreciate that. It was it, I kind of look at it as like an empowering lesson, because it allowed me to finally feel it all. Apologies. It allowed me to finally feel it all. Something that I’ve been hiding from for years. So, every traumatic event, every grief that I ever felt, it was like, I had to feel it finally, and I had to do it in a productive manner. I couldn’t let myself you know, hide it anymore. And it’s so funny, because it was at that moment that I realized how much healing I’ve actually done. Because I looked at my husband and I said, you know, I know that. In society, they teach us they show us on TV, they write it in books, that if you have a traumatic experience, and you’re in a relationship, go have sex. But that’s a bandaid. And not to discredit the feeling better, or the being intimate and actually like connecting with someone say, Oh, I’m happy, I’m alive. However, it’s that we don’t allow ourselves to fully feel that grief. And we shove it, we shove it away, we mask it, we do something with it. And in this moment, I looked at him and said, we can’t do that we have to feel this pain was like a child to us, we have to feel this pain.
Victoria Volk 18:11
Well, and what do we do when we’re doing that? We it’s this fear of connecting with ourselves. I think so many of us when we’re deep in grief, we almost detach ourselves from our hearts and our emotional selves, or it’s, we can’t even we aren’t even comfortable in our own skin in our own bodies. And like you you just alluded to, like, every, almost every conversation I have with people on this podcast, it’s like all of my guests get it, you really get it, you really get that these things that you’ve learned growing up have not been helpful on how we are taught to process and treat grief that we have in our lives and loss experiences. Because we’re not we’re taught how to acquire things, but we’re not taught what to do when we lose them.
Shandra Shultz 19:06
Yeah, definitely. That’s so true.
Victoria Volk 19:08
Yeah, that’s why I’m so passionate about Grief Recovery and in the work that I do, and that’s why I started this podcast for the educational piece that you bring home for people that you’re not a pile of mess on your floor and when you are that’s okay. But then you’re honest about it. Like Be honest with yourself about that. And what you need and congratulations on staying sober nine years. That’s incredible. So what did it look like for you these past two weeks? What have you been doing?
Shandra Shultz 19:46
Well, the first thing that I’ve noticed is that there is a part of me that doesn’t want to let me have feel it like there’s still this part of me that’s like no, I don’t want to go there. It’s unsafe. Don’t feel that like don’t know and I’ve So I found myself like having this like internal battle with I’ve come to know, as my adolescent, because it’s my, it’s the adolescent or the ego self. That is like, no, no, I’m just gonna, we’re gonna skim over that we’re just gonna go and do whatever, let’s, let’s scroll on our Facebook, let’s do this and, and I’ve had to, like, really just hold space for that part of myself and say it’s okay to have these, this, this fear of feeling. But it’s, it’s feeling that’s going to allow you to not have to have fear anymore. Because once you allow yourself to feel the feelings, it’s gone. Yeah, it might come up again, when it gets triggered. And the more you work on it, the less it it hurts. That is true. And I truly believe they say time heals all wounds. Yeah, as long as you’re actually willing to acknowledge that that wound is there, and you’re willing to shine some light on it. Because if you don’t, then it’s just going to kind of sit in the shadows. And eventually, it’s like a tea kettle, it will tell you, it’s there.
Victoria Volk 20:58
I’m gonna piggyback that, because that’s actually one of the myths of grief is Time heals all wounds. Time does nothing but pass. So, but you alluded to, it’s the action you take within time. Yes, is what heals action at time itself. But the action, so yes, thank you for bringing that up.
Shandra Shultz 21:19
Yes, of course. Yeah. And that’s, and that’s so true. Because, you know, they say just like, I think about my mom, and she’s been single now for 17 years. And to this day, I love my mother immensely, she is one of my biggest heroes. But to this day, she still says that she’s married to my dad, she’s she’ll say, I’m married to a dead man. And like, that’s because you haven’t allowed yourself to actually feel the grief of what it is that lost, you got stuck back then. And there’s no judgment for me on that. It’s just the truth. It’s what she did. And I’m like, how, you know, living a half life. To me, the way that I’ve seen is like, she’s happy, but there’s still a sadness there. Because she’s never fully allowed herself to feel the sadness of that loss. And I’m sure that there’s much loss compared to more than just that. That’s just the most recent. And then of course, there’s what I went through, you know, in how she felt like, she lost me. So it’s, it’s interesting, because, yeah, time hasn’t healed that wound for her, because she’s not done anything with it. She’s just kind of, okay, it’s there. I’m gonna go, I’m gonna leave it there. And that little filing cabinet locked up.
Victoria Volk 22:44
And I ask how the communication has been between your mom and us. And during all these years of, you know, but you kind of were struggling yourself. But yet, you know, the, the ripple effect of that impacted her life, of course. So how was the the communication then around that?
Shandra Shultz 23:05
Yeah, so interestingly enough, there, there really was not ever a lot of communication around the loss of my dad. I didn’t even actually know much besides the fact that he had cancer, and he was dying. That’s all I knew. They never told me it was like, protect her, keep her safe. She doesn’t need to know this. But that in and of itself actually led me to rebel. Because it’s like, at 18 years old when you find out your parents sick, and they don’t want to tell you anything. And they say, oh, no, no, we’re gonna be fine. And then you’re seeing especially as someone who’s so empathic, like myself, I’m literally watching my dad and seeing him waist away. I’m like, No, he’s not fine. But why won’t you tell me. So, there was a lot of a lot of disconnect there. And we and when he did pass, we just kind of left it. Like, occasionally we would talk about him on a holiday, or something came up. But for the most part, we never really brought him up until last few years. last few years, I’ve talked a lot more about him. I’ve talked a lot more about my own grief. I’ve allowed my mom to know how I was feeling around things. And that has been probably one of the most healing things I feel that we’ve gone through because when I went through my accident, and she didn’t have the daughter that she’d grown up, no, you know, grown to know and all of these things. It really caused a rift in our relationship. And it took me to speak to the ripple effect. It took me actually going and doing the work on myself. And the more I showed up differently than she started showing up differently. And so now she’s a lot more open and the communication between us is amazing. And we don’t talk as much we used to talk every day like ours. However, when we Do talk, it’s meaningful. And we do spend time and though I do know that it’s challenging for her, because even to the point of like, when I told her I was changing my name, it was like, Oh, so you’re not that you you once were. And it took her probably about a year and a half to actually start not screwing up. Like she would call me by the name. She called me by for years. And then I’m like, Mom, this is my name. And then I let her I let it go for a while. And she would screw up and I’m like, Mom, this is my name. And finally, it was like, okay, and I and I told her, I said, Look, I’m legally changing it like, but it has, I’m honoring the me that I once was by using my first name that I was born with as my middle name. So it’s still part I’m still here. It’s just I’m different. I’m healthier, actually. Like, I look at the mean, before the accident, I’m like, Man, I was really unhealthy. And I was on, I was actually probably on the road to relapse. So, the accident really saved my life.
Victoria Volk 26:12
You know, in the last, I think it’s only been the last two weeks add has been years as the second story of name change that I’ve heard. Oh, wow. Yeah. And that was on another podcast, I had a guest by the name of Victoria Shaw, on my podcast. And on her podcast, she had a gal that does numerology readings. And she had changed her name. And had spoken about that and talked about the significance of, of our name of our birth, birth given name, and the self identity that we kind of have either a good way or a negative way. Yeah, imagine with life experience things. You know, we can change how we feel about our name. I happen to I actually changed my name to I didn’t change it, but I go by a different name. I was always Vicki growing up. Everyone always called me Vicki. Except when I upset my mother would be Victoria. When you know, the first middle. Yep, stay the whole name when you’re in there mad? Yeah, I go by Victoria now. And it just feels it feels more fitting for me. So I resonate with that idea of, you know, it’s almost like a coat we put on. So, can you share a little bit more about that?
Shandra Shultz 27:41
Yeah. So, it’s actually funny that you mentioned that like, how growing up you changed it from Vicki to Victoria, because growing up, I was Nikki. And then in high school, I was like, Nope, it’s Nicole. And then after that, I actually went by another name when I was partying. So like, I had two names. And then I went back to being a coal before the accident, and after the accident, I actually shortened it to an a nickname for Nicole Coley. Because it was like Nicole didn’t feel right. It just didn’t roll off my tongue and feel like who I was. So I was like, Okay, I’ll go to Cali. It’s really interesting. But then it just sort of shifted into Shaundra. And that’s when I took on Chandra Nicole. And it was interesting, because for me, it was a very, it was a very smooth transition it always throughout it, because now that I do remember why I would go by different names throughout time. It was just a very smooth transition. Like, even as a child, I never felt comfortable with Nicole, or Nikki, or any of that I hopped around spellings, all of that. So it just never sat with me. It was like, okay, and it’s funny, because my mom actually told me like, they were thinking about a completely different name before I actually showed up. Like, they planned out all these other names. And Nicole was not even one of the names. It was supposed to be Katrina. I’m like, well, I could have resonated with Katrina more than I could, Nicole, but okay. And it was but it was interesting, because when I when I my husband picked up really easily on calling me Shaundra um, and it was it was even, you know, even my friends, a lot of them have really just been, there’s some that still try to call me by the name that I was and I’m like, No, that’s not my name. Like I would appreciate it if you call it me this and it’s also funny because like, I get a lot of people calling me Shandra and I’m like, No, it’s not Shandra ich Andhra. But I knew like Nicole would have been a lot easier, right? Yes, exactly. It really was it was like um, and it’s interesting though, because at the beginning when when there were certain people in my life that I was not opposed to them calling me my former name or by misc. Missed that saying the name I use now. And then as time moved on, and I was really feeling more and more in my identity of Shaundra, it was like, No, I’m not going to accept anybody not saying that, right. So like, I’m going to, I’m going to correct you in a kind way, but I’m going to correct you and no, this is the name. And I also have reversed it. And I will always ask anyone that I’m speaking to, what would you like to be called? Because I can understand, like, not being called what you want to be called. It’s it to that effect. Actually, I recently just saw a post I made about two years ago about transgender individuals and their, their dead name versus the name they choose their choose. And I was like, why is it that we have such a problem calling people the name that they asked to be called? Like, why? Why do we have such a, and it is it’s about identity as we get to know someone as they are. And we just expect them to continue being that person. So whether they change their name, they, they just they realize that they are in the wrong body and are finally fully expressing themselves in the in the way that they want to be seen. Whatever it is. We struggle as a culture as a society with accepting the people knowing that they know who they are over who we think they are.
Victoria Volk 31:15
Yeah, a lot of projection.
Shandra Shultz 31:17
Oh, yes. And it’s so interesting, because I myself, I am a Celtic, pagan. And I look back on my ancestors, my Nordic ancestors and the Vikings and a lot of the the older tribes type. They didn’t choose names for their kids, they actually waited a couple of years to let their kids personality start to show up and then found a name for them. So, they would just call them cute nicknames. And then the kids got to choose themselves.
Victoria Volk 31:47
I think you also did.
Shandra Shultz 31:49
Yeah, I did. I did. Yep. That’s exactly what I did.
Victoria Volk 31:54
It’s almost as if, like, it’s this. You lived you. You experienced the life into your name.
Shandra Shultz 32:03
Yeah. And it came to me in a meditation. So it felt right. I was like, oh, okay, cool.
Victoria Volk 32:10
I love that intuition is, our intuition is Oh, is speaking to us.
Shandra Shultz 32:15
Yes, it is.
Victoria Volk 32:18
So, there’s another last, though, that you haven’t touched on yet that I know that you put in the information you sent to me? It is with your husband?
Shandra Shultz 32:32
Yeah. Yeah. So, he was in the military as well. And about four months into our relationship, he suffered a pretty big brain injury. He was playing for the military lacrosse team and took a 75 mile an hour bowl to the face. Now he had his helmet on, but it broke his helmet and still hit him and knocked him down. And it changed him. And he was no longer the man that I first met. And over the course of the last few years, it his personality has completely shifted as well. So he’s very much there’s there’s things that I’ve looked at him like, Oh, there he is. And then I look at and I’m like, but it doesn’t, it’s kind of like, it’s, it’s, it mirrors in a lot of ways my journey of how I came to be me, with him coming to be him, because we, we was probably five months difference between when I experienced my brain injury, and then he experienced his. So it was like, we were kind of on concurrent paths of healing. But we were healing in different ways. And it was, it was very challenging, because a lot of a lot of his trauma that he had not known about started to show up. And it really he he ended up going, I went from being his wife to being his caregiver. And I had to put wife on the back burner. Because he wasn’t the man that I mean, it didn’t feel good in any way to be in the role of wife with him when he himself was still very childlike. And thankfully, he’s recovered to a point that he’s not as childlike. There’s still times when he needs me to remind him because he can’t remember things he doesn’t know, you know, medication or me handling like doctors and things like that. But he has done a lot of healing, thankfully, to a point where we can actually start to be partners again. That was really I was I was afraid I was never going to get that. I was afraid that I had lost him forever. And that was just going to be one more grief that I’d have to experience and accept and continue to survive through.
Victoria Volk 35:01
But it’s still grief. Right? Because it’s not it. You know, in Grief Recovery Institute, we the definition of grief is the loss of hopes, dreams and expectations and anything we wish that would have been different, better or more so. Yeah. I mean, I’m very happy to hear that he seems to be healing. You know, it’s coming along, at the same time. Don’t minimize that. There’s still that, you know, you don’t want to minimize that. There’s still that grief there that. Yeah. What could be your what? You know, we don’t want to start we don’t know, stay stuck there either, right?
Shandra Shultz 35:39
Yeah, I totally get that. And I actually did for a while because I’m in the process of him having this personality shift. One of the things that shifted was he realized that he was polyamorous, and that he desired. While having a stable and loving marriage with me, he desired having other partners, not just sexual, but like emotional partners. And when he came out to me with that, it was literally, it like rocked my world, because I’m sitting here going, we had planned our life a certain way. And not only had I lost a lot of that, because of his brain injury and how he changed. But now I’m like, Is this even what I want? Do I even want to be with someone who wants to be with more than just me? Like, like, all I literally, I’ve said, I said to him so many times. You can’t tell me that. One of the things he used we used to say when we first met is that while we may have had firsts, we were each other’s last. And then after the brain injury, and he started to shift, one of the things he was like he actually I remember him saying this to me sometime last year after he came out to me about being polyamorous is he said to me, as long as I’m coming home to you, at the end of the night, that’s all that matters. I may experience my last call somebody else. But if I come home to you, and you’re the person that I end up, you know, passing next to your still, that’s me, and I’m like, okay, but no, because we said we were going to be each other’s last. We said we were going to do XYZ, we said we were going to do all these things. How can we do that now? It felt like I was losing us. And in a lot of ways I had because of circumstance. And so this last, and then of course with COVID, and everything, it was kind of like it was kind of a little miracle, because it was like, Okay, now you can’t do that right now. So, we got to figure this stuff out between us, and then get to a good place. And thankfully, I’ve used COVID for that for sure. To really help us like heal and get on a good path to where I’m like, You know what, I don’t feel a lot of the grief that I felt what I realized is he was so much like my dad and I was kind of looking at him to like fill the role of what I missed growing up. And he filled it and then all of a sudden it was gone again. So retriggered all of that like traumatic. There one day gone the next. And so it really took me on this journey of having to dive really deep inside myself and find out. Okay, what’s showing up for me? Where’s this coming from? How can I? How can I heal this so that it’s not affecting me daily, day in and day out? And I can actually have the life that I desire living.
Victoria Volk 38:23
So how have you done that?
Shandra Shultz 38:26
Oh, so a lot of parts work a lot of inner child work. A lot of energy healing, too. As I’m sure you’re familiar with being a Reiki Master it energies, me everything and realizing that there was so much stuck, like I had so much and actually in 2020 is when I fully remembered all of my life. Like it was it was just like in an instant click. And it was like, Okay, it’s like and I know that it wasn’t an instant. I know it was it was all the the six years of healing that I had gone through all the energy work all the inner child work, everything. But it was just like in a moment. It’s just like one day it just poof, it made sense. And I was like, Oh, okay. I’m here now. And I remember now that I remember I can actually like, it felt like coming home to myself. It’s really like the best way to describe it. And it was like, Oh, now I understand. Now I have context. It’s so funny because it felt for the first. The first six years it felt very much like being a child. Because I couldn’t remember I like I would have things come up and I was like, I don’t have any context about this, what the heck. And then I’d have to go in and do some healing around it. And then I’d find the context. I was like, oh, okay, and that was like, kind of like updating old computer programs. It’s like, hey, now I understand why that’s happening. Let’s let’s update this. This is really what’s going on in the year 2020 Or the year 2021. So, it’s been a lot of that.
Victoria Volk 40:04
It’s like you have this loose thread in a blanket, and you just keep pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling until everything, you know, and, or likewise, it’s like you keep creating over and over just evolving yourself and recreating yourself. And yes, its path to self discovery is really what it is. And I say it all the time. But grief is cumulative. And it’s cumulatively negative but but healing. Healing is cumulatively positive.
Shandra Shultz 40:39
Oh, yes
Victoria Volk 40:40
Every step you take everything, you’re doing all the modalities, you stack them up, you bring them together. And yeah, like very much like you like it’s this. I’ve had stuff come up that I didn’t even know through doing Reiki work. It’s in a phenomenal addition to my life. I it found me I had no idea what the heck it was. Even had a session and I went and got certified Reiki what level wanted to and then I went from my master, and then I added on Corona. And it’s been, yeah, it’s been a phenomenal addition to my life, as I see in yours as well.
Shandra Shultz 41:28
And to that part, it’s so funny because what I realized in my mom, when I went and got Reiki certified, I did the full, one two and master teacher in a six-month, timespan, probably less than that because you need the 21 days, I literally only let myself do the 21 days in between. And then I went and got the next one. And one of the things is my mom actually said to me, she’s like, well, you realize as a child, you used to do this, you’d go and you put your hands on people and tell him you’re sending them love and light. And I was like I did. So I was a healer as a little kid. Except back then I didn’t understand that. It wasn’t my energy because I was always depleted. I was sick so much in my childhood. And I never understood because they would get these random weird things happening. It’s like, what is she? What? How is she getting so sick? Her body is completely fine. And all of a sudden, she shows up sick. So it’s taking on other people’s stuff. I didn’t realize it. So, when I became attuned, I was like, that was like, Oh, I can let it all go. It’s not mine. It’s source coming through me. Okay, that’s cool. So, it really it started me to allow me to start letting things go that weren’t even mine that I’ve been holding on to for decades.
Victoria Volk 42:37
Same, same, same, same. As a kid I needed so much sleep I cuz i There are so many pictures of me I don’t have a lot of pictures but like three fourths of the pictures I do have which fitness ziploc sandwich bag or me sleeping. And there’s actually one of my most favorite pictures of me and my dad, he was already sick or had been diagnosed already. Because he it’s he was staged for when they found it. But there’s a picture of me in my like Doctor garb I have a blue mid my Garfield long pajama gown and I got my blue cab and my got rubber gloves on. And I’m like, on my dad’s back, and I’m like, like playing Doctor trying to fix them. You know? So your your share there. Really, that sparked that memory in me. So thank you for that. But so in looking in what you do, like so I’m imagine like myself, everything you’ve experienced has been just like the stepping stone. It’s like the next natural progression to the work that you’re doing. Yeah, I would say the work that I do as well. So, tell me more about the work that you do.
Shandra Shultz 43:50
So recently, I’ve actually been trying to find a way to like, meld it all together. Because it feels like it’s like I spread it out too much and like and of course that’s the that’s my finger brain going you need to have specifics. Everybody’s got to know exactly what it is you’re doing. And then I think about like my intuitive self and like now you don’t you don’t they don’t need to they you can describe it as best you can and then let them experience it and then it goes from there. So I’ve recently started shifting what I what I was originally calling my coaching sessions are now I called Soul birth sessions. And so what I consider myself is to be like a spiritual midwife to help women transform their selves into the life that they truly desire, like the life that they really want rather than the life that they were told that they were supposed to have. Like I remember growing up, you’re going to grow up you’re going to go to school, you’re going to meet someone you’re going to get it and you know get a job meet someone get married, have kids and die. That’s it. It was like that doesn’t sound very fun. That’s like not a very fun existence. Like what? So, in uncovering what I truly wanted to do for myself and be of service to others and really find my truth and my authenticity, I was able to start seeing that I actually am really good at guiding others to do that, too. So that’s, that’s what I’ve been working on, I’ve been working on creating this soul based business where I actually guide others to do the same type of stuff that I’ve done for myself.
Victoria Volk 45:25
I love that. So, what is giving you the most joy other than the work that you’re doing now, what is giving you the most joy and hope for your future?
Shandra Shultz 45:38
So, for sure, I have to say my daughter, even though it’s been challenging, because they themselves came out to me as non binary, and as a lesbian in the last couple of years. So, shifting and like realizing that this is what my mom went through with me is like what I’m going through now with my daughter, and yet having such joy and such happiness around the fact that this, you know, teenage kid feels good to be able to be themselves. Like, that gives me so much joy that I loved them enough that they felt comfortable to truly be themselves. Like I, as much as my mom loved me, I didn’t feel comfortable being myself growing up, I had to hide who I was. And to know that I have this kiddo that I’ve actually done a really great job raising, and that they feel good about being themselves enough to the point that they chose me to be the one that came out to first. And they’ve always been just like, amazing. And so that really brings me a lot of joy to know that I’ve done a really good job as a parent. And then being able to be creative. My family is just part of that joy, of course, but then being able to be a creative individual. I’m very artistic. And I love to express that art in whatever ways show up for me. So that’s, I’ve been really focusing on a lot of that creative finding that creative joy again, so that I can actually live from that place. Because I for a very long time. I didn’t live there. In fact, I just kind of shut it down.
Victoria Volk 47:21
I love that that’s something which to get back to more of his just this creative play. Just following the curiosity, right, I talk about that with a lot of friends I have is just follow the curiosity wherever it leads you. And I love that you brought up about your child and how Yeah, I mean, to create that space for someone else to really be themselves. And obviously, your wonderful example of that of living your, your truth. And we really want to be in this world what you want to what you want to give to others. What were what is one tip that you would give someone who’s hurting today?
Shandra Shultz 48:13
One tip, I feel like the the biggest thing is, don’t judge yourself. Allow yourself to feel the grief, like in however it shows up. But also, don’t live in that like find a way to move through it like it’s okay to me personally, whenever I have a loss, specifically one word, someone who’s passed on, I tried to focus remembering all the good times that I had with them, because it’s those good times. They don’t want us to mourn them, they want us to remember them. Like that’s what I feel is like being able to bring the joy that they brought to you to continue to hold that and focus on that focus on the joy of having the of what it was such a joy to have them in your life. Like I think about my cat like, yeah, it was sudden, and I hated it happening. But then I think about all the joy that He gave me. And he wouldn’t want me to sit there and spend hours and hours and weeks and months and years ruminating on the loss of him. He want me to live life for him. And to that and that’s actually something that my husband and I promised each other when we got married is that instead of how so many people would say I’ll die for you. Live for Me. So we promised that we would live for each other. So if anything ever happened, we wouldn’t stop living we would continue on in their honor. And so that’s how I that’s that’s the advice I would give is honor that. Honor and honor the relationship you had with that person by remembering all the joy.
Victoria Volk 50:02
Can I follow that up with the relationship you had with your father then if he if it was kind of a challenging relationship? How did you do that, then?
Shandra Shultz 50:14
Oh, well, it took me a while I had to I it’s funny that I look back on it now and go, Oh, I was living the stages of grief over like many, many years, because I was angry for a really long time. And then, after the anger, I started realizing, like, how am I living my life to honor him? Like he wouldn’t? What was it that he wanted me to do in life to achieve in life. And so I started living it from that point of view. And then once I started doing the work of the spiritual work, and really working with meditation and things like that, I went in, and I actually called on his spirit, and I, and I had conversations with him, and how proud he was of me, and how, you know, just how I’m living life from this joyous place. And that’s all he ever wanted. That was able to allow me to see that everything that happened in our human existence, when we when we pass and we go into the spirit world, that it’s gone, it that we leave that like we leave it at the door just is like, Okay, I’m gonna check that here. I don’t need it anymore. I’m in spirit form, everything is good. You know, so it’s like, I was able to go in in the neck and talk to him and really have those connections and, and find out how much he truly loved me and really feel it in my, in my everyday life of like, seeing little signs from him that, you know, I look and I see Oh, my mom. And I used to say when, after my dad passed, we saw crows everywhere. So seeing a crow, I’m like, Oh, my dad’s thinking of me today, smelling his cologne, which I how I remember the scent of his cologne. 17 years later, I have no clue. I haven’t smelled it in 17 years. But if I’m in my room, and all of a sudden they smell it and like, Oh, my dad’s here. He’s watching over me. He’s making sure that I’m okay.
Victoria Volk 52:14
You make me think of I just got turned on to this Netflix Docu series called Surviving death. Have you heard of it? Haven’t? You are speaking the language of what that’s all about? Wow. It’s a six part Docu series, I think you’d be interested in watching that. But there’s yeah, there’s one that’s actually called Signs. But I almost wonder sometimes this is just my own inner thought pondering that if we had like a very conflicted life, in our human form. Is that somewhat still resonant in our soul form, or spirit form? And that’s one thing that you made me think of, too, is I heard you talking like, and I don’t know, this is, like I said, this is just me, my inner dialogue is that he’s I think that’s why sometimes spirits, because I do totally, absolutely believe in ghosts. And that sometimes they just have to make their presence known, or they just they cannot move on in that they got something unfinished, you know?
Shandra Shultz 53:33
I totally agree with you on that. Ever since I was a little kid, I was always very sensitive to the spirit to the spirit world. And there are definitely times when if it is a, like a highly traumatic situation that they passed in. Or even if it’s something where they feel a lot of grief, because they were leaving their family, and they didn’t want to or whatever, I find that it’s those highly emotional, whether it’s the, quote, good or bad emotion, but it’s the highly emotional times. That’s when sometimes the spirits will get stuck. And I feel like those that have been able to what’s the word I’m looking for? Like, they don’t have any unfinished business, like when they talk about it on movies and things like that, like, oh, he has unfinished business. Yeah, like sometimes we do. Like we, if we if we, like my best friend who felt you know, full 40 stories to his death, like he had a lot of unfinished business. Like, I’m pretty sure he was not ready to go. And so I’ve, you know, I’m sure that there’s times when people feel like, Oh, hey, like, I can actually feel His presence and it’s more of like, not not in a way of which I’ve like I’ve moved on, but more of like, I’m kind of still here. Like, I’m like, there’s something that’s unfinished for me. And I feel like as someone who I consider myself a medium, I know that if you can, sometimes those people those spirits just need to let happen. If someone has a beard goal is to be their voice and let them know. I’m okay. I loved you. I meant to tell you this, I never got to and then the moment you that’s done, then they can peacefully go on to their next existence. I truly believe that to be the case.
Victoria Volk 55:15
Yeah, I think this is a like, veered into a topic that we could probably talk for hours on probably. Yeah, it’s really deep. But I love deep conversation. Yeah. So what would you say overall, that your grief has taught you?
Shandra Shultz 55:35
To live
Victoria Volk 55:36
That’s good.
Shandra Shultz 55:39
Thank you, I truly feel as if I was given a second chance. And so many of us don’t get that chance, at least not in a, like we have an accident. And then well, we don’t get that chance anymore. So I’ve really taken this as, what do I want to do? How do I want to live my life now so that I don’t worry, you know, when I get to that point, and finally being old, because I know I’m going to live to a very right, right old age, I don’t want to get to that age and be like, Man, what did I do with my life? When I look back on on the me that I was before the accident, and I realized I had kind of come to that place, I was very, because I was so traumatized with all that I had gone through because of everything, I had just come to a place where I was like, You know what life isn’t good. I’m not really ever going to have what I want. It was just a very depressing, very down dark place. And I didn’t think it could ever change. And it did. And I’m grateful for that. Because what it did was it woke me up to realize that I was so stuck in all of the grief and the loss and that I didn’t focus on what I actually have right in front of me, which was this amazing life that I could literally choose to do anything with. So long as I allowed myself to, to do so. And part of that in order to do that is I had to heal all those all that was keeping me stuck in that in the darkness. And now that I’m like, Oh, I see that. I choose to say I want to live a different life, I want to be happy, I want to, to experience everything that I’ve set out to experience and it doesn’t know it, you know, I just I want to live. And then fine. It’s kind of funny, because that actually goes to the point that I used to make to a lot of people I said the meaning of life is to live it. Like everyone wonders what the meaning of life is. It’s to live it to experience it to to enjoy it. That’s the meaning of life. That’s what I’m choosing to do.
Victoria Volk 57:45
Amen. Can I asked one more question? And I don’t know that we completely answered it. And I want to share anything good that you have to share around the topic. And it goes back to your addiction. And what was the was there a defining moment? Or what was the one thing like? I guess 12 years is a long time. So what was the one thing or was there one thing that got you out of that?
Shandra Shultz 58:21
So, it’s funny because during those 12 years, I did try to get sober numerous occasions, and I even stayed sober for you know, six months to a year sometimes. But then I’d always have something come back and smack me in the face. And what it was at the very end, I remember this it was I had gone to a I’ve been sober for a year almost. And then I met some friends and my mom ended up I was I was away on a cruise that I had been wanting to go on my entire life. I was a huge Backstreet Boys, man, I will not deny it. I’m I will own it. And I got to go on the cruise. The last day of the cruise, my mom slipped and fell and broke her knee. And I my daughter had been with her and when my mom when my mom called me and said to me, are you sitting down when I was in the airport and told me like the first thought was I thought something happened to my daughter. And she was like, No, she’s fine. And then it was like, okay, and she’s like, it’s actually me, and it triggered back everything. All of that great for my dad or being like my mom or like almost lost my mom all these things and I was like, I’m going to be alone. And so I lost the sobriety that I’d had up to that point. I started drinking and doing drugs again with some friends. And I went out on New Year’s Eve, and I woke up probably 12 to 13 hours into the new year. And I didn’t know where I was I didn’t know the persons that I was in. I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything. I later came to find out that they had actually went joy riding with my car, like all of these different things. And I was like, I sat up and I was like, What the hell are you doing with your life like you? We’re you’re sabotaging yourself, you’re like you’re creating more of this existence that you say you don’t want because you’re afraid of dealing with the truth. And the truth is you’re unhappy. It was like, Oh, okay. Well, if I’m unhappy, what do I knew need to do in order to get happy, and I got really quiet. And I heard myself say, you need to get sober. I heard this voice and it sounded like my dad, honestly, saying, you’ve got to grow up. You can’t be a kitten. You can’t continue to live in this victim, this victimhood that you’ve created for yourself. You need to be there for your daughter. And it was in that moment when I realized like, what am I I did to my daughter, inadvertently by being an addict what my dad had done to me by being a long haul truck driver, he left me alone for seven years, or over seven years. I rarely ever someone that was doing the same thing to my daughter that my dad had done to me. And it was in that moment that I realized, what am I doing? My creating another generation that’s going to go through what I went through, is that what I really want to be doing, I realized how unhealthy I was, and that I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing. Like it wasn’t healthy, I wasn’t healthy. And if I wanted to actually be there for my daughter, and and make 30, I had to get sober and like actually get sober and completely walk away from everything that allowed me to continue to be there. And so I did I actually picked up I had not I have not touched a single thing since that day. And I walked away. And I said, Okay, let’s, let’s figure out how we’re going to heal. Let’s, let’s head straight into the darkness now. But let’s do this in a constructive manner. So that’s what I did.
Victoria Volk 1:02:24
Thank you for sharing that and congratulations again.
Shandra Shultz 1:02:30
Thank you. And I think the thing that’s most important if I can, if I can is to say that I look at myself now. And I look at the the girl who wasn’t sober. And I forgave her. And in fact, I told her, I was proud of her. Because I kept myself alive. For 12 years, when I when there was a part of me that just wanted to give up and die. I found a way to survive until I could learn to thrive. And that is so important is it’s okay to not it. It’s okay to feel like you can’t go on but find one thing that can help you to get to the point and just keep following those little, those little breadcrumbs and you’ll get there, but have grace with yourself. Like I had to have grace with myself and be like, You know what, I look at all of these things as they helped create who I am. And I’m happy to be the woman that I am today. And I wouldn’t change any of it no matter how traumatic or how, you know, lost, I might have felt it got me to where I am now. And I’m grateful for that.
Victoria Volk 1:03:41
I just really appreciate all that you’ve shared because I think it really just comes back to there’s one common theme. There’s one theme that I’ve kind of picked up on among all conversations that I’ve had, especially when it comes to addiction, and I don’t care what the vices is shame. Shame really keeps us in the dark.
Shandra Shultz 1:04:11
Oh, definitely. And the thing of it is what I also what I didn’t realize is that that shame is what led me to gain all the weight that I gained multiple times because I was afraid of feeling. So I felt shame in that I was feeling all these things. So how do you do it? You just shove the shame down. So I’m just gonna push you down. And that that was the thing is addiction if like you said it doesn’t matter what the addiction is because you can be a workaholic, you can be an you know, a drug or alcohol abuser. You could be an emotional or any other type of disordered eating. Like there’s so many different gambling all of these things. They all have the same root is that we don’t feel worthy of something and that’s where that shame comes in. I feel ashamed of I’m not worthy but we’re all worthy.
Victoria Volk 1:05:02
But what happened? Right? What happened? what’s at the root? What happens? Trauma is what happens, Grief is what’s left.
Shandra Shultz 1:05:06
Yes, exactly. And it’s getting to the core of those roots. And saying, okay, you know what, I’m not going to, I’m not going to get down on you for feeling that way, I’m going to acknowledge this, this is what it is you feel this. And let’s honor that. And then let’s move on. And let’s, let’s find a way to heal the root. Because if we don’t heal the root, we can, it’s like putting a bandaid. And that’s what I did. I went from, I went from, you know, from drugs and alcohol, to sex, to eating, to gambling, to working to all these different things, because I was afraid of getting to the root of what was what was really pushing me. And then once I got to the root, it was like, Oh, well, that’s not so bad.
Victoria Volk 1:05:55
What we resist persists. And where our focuses is, where we are, and what have been some of the modalities other than energy work that you’ve that have helped you. And I really think you said, you think, I think you said meditation as well, which I’m a huge proponent of too. Anything else?
Shandra Shultz 1:06:18
So, I’m I, I’m a big fan of parts work, and specifically the modality that I that really kind of brought that around to me because I had a background in psychology and just forgotten some of it. And so it’s called the adult chair, I’m actually being certified as a coach in this modality. And what it is, is she basically broke down where things sit, whether it’s in the inner child, the adolescent or the adults well, and for the adult, it’s really the healthiest version of myself and the healthiest adult I can be versus a unhealthy adult. Because when we’re unhealthy adults, we’re really sitting in like adolescent and inner child stuff, just showing up with these masks. So being able to learn that I had these parts of myself that I needed to heal and going in and being able to, like update it like an old program and update the programming was really a beneficial modality for me. I also became trained in Akashic Records work. And then I have used other types of modalities that I’m not trained in, but that I’ve gone in and sought out like cranial sacral therapy, which was absolutely pivotal for really getting to be able to release some of the blocks. In my in my brain specifically, they use cranial sacral therapy a lot for head injuries, because it’s just, it’s a great modality to be able to really release some of the stuckness that happens. And the and the imbalance that can actually happen internally. I used the Emotion Code. So I’ve done some Emotion Code sessions, which I found were really empowering the Reiki energy, I think those were the main things that I did just a lot of the healing modalities and even Chinese medicine like finding holistic doctors so that I could heal my, what was showing up is like, actual physical things and find is it actually my body having something happen? Or is it emotion connected to the body? And it’s showing up that way?
Victoria Volk 1:08:38
Yes, and I don’t know, I’m sure I see this all the time in my Reiki sessions, where it’s grief manifests, and it manifests in what we do, how we behave, and how our bodies show up for us. Yeah, we almost feel like sometimes that we’re at battle with our bodies. Really, it’s upstairs, in our minds. Its where the battle really is.
Shandra Shultz 1:09:08
And that is so true. And that’s one of the biggest things that that I’ve learned is that if we ignore the emotion, it will, it’s like a little kid, it’s gonna keep poking at you and it will find a way to get your attention and a lot of times because emotions can get stuck in the body, it’ll show up it’ll manifest itself in the way of like pain or you know, so a lot of people who have for example, fibromyalgia, they if they go and do or which is I forgot, I’ve done tapping, EFT Emotional Freedom Technique. And so if you go and you do that type of work, where you’re actually allowing the, the you’re speaking it but also letting the body move it. Then a lot of times they find Oh, I don’t have that pain anymore. Or that thing that was bothering me if I haven’t been speaking my voice and I all of a sudden have, you know, thyroid issues. And I start speaking my voice and doing healing and then suddenly the fibroid issues gone. That’s what happened with me was like, okay, you know, so that’s it. It does, it shows up in our body in weird ways. And we were like, oh, okay, cool.
Victoria Volk 1:10:19
All connected.
Shandra Shultz 1:10:20
It is and I think as as I’m sure you knows a Reiki practitioner This is one of the first books that I found was Louise Hay is the the body heals itself. And she talks about that and that that connection of the body, it’s showing up physically, when it’s an emotion, or a feeling.
Victoria Volk 1:10:37
Yeah, she actually healed herself of cancer of a female, like believe uterine, one of the female organs. Yeah, that was actually one of the first books early on, I think, like in 2014, that I had come across my healing started, when I really started to dig into my own healing. And it creates ripples as, as, you know, our healing of ourselves creates ripples in our lives, as I know.
Shandra Shultz 1:11:08
It does, not only in our lives like or in our current everyday, even going back in generation ancestral, like, I’ve done some ancestral work with different modalities of ancestral, like, I think there’s like generational healing is one of the ones I did. And, like, when you heal yourself, you are literally healing up to seven generations back and seven generations forward. So, it’s like, okay, there’s there’s the incentive right there to heal yourself. You don’t just heal you, but you heal your family.
Victoria Volk 1:11:40
Yeah, yeah, that’s the thought I wanted, I think of, to come back to was when you take the time to invest in yourself and in your own healing, you break the cycle? Yes. Right, that cycle of that generational generational learning, which we talk about Grief Recovery, too. It’s all generational. Because we resort to what we know. And when we understand ourselves better, and we’re living in integrity with ourselves. changes everything.
Shandra Shultz 1:12:15
Yeah.
Victoria Volk 1:12:16
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
Shandra Shultz 1:12:18
No, I think that’s it. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you taking the time on me on.
Victoria Volk 1:12:24
Absolutely. I love this conversation, I think. Yeah, there’s, we could talk for hours, I’m sure of it. I’m going to link to everything that was mentioned in the show notes, the different healing modalities where can people find you if they will reach out to you?
Shandra Shultz 1:12:43
So, I have a website called Igotthewoo.com
Victoria Volk 1:12:49
Clever, clever.
Shandra Shultz 1:12:53
It came about in after my my certification program, like we were on our way back. And she actually like I happen to say I got the wool in my friends. Like that’s you that is so you, that’s what you need to use. And I’ve just ran with it. So, um, and then I am on Instagram at Celtic healer Shandra. And I’m on Facebook is healings of light and love. So, we need to the backslash healings of light and love. And that’s my business page.
Victoria Volk 1:13:31
Perfect. And I will link to those as well. Thank you again, for being here for sharing your stories of many stories of loss. This is a beautiful example of all the different types of loss that we can experience in. I mean, you probably feel like you’ve lived like three lifetimes.
Shandra Shultz 1:13:56
Or more. Yeah. Yep. I say like I’m like a cat. I’ve got the nine lives and how many do I have to have?
Victoria Volk 1:14:04
Yeah, and to I just want to bring up to the just acknowledge the loss of your cat because hat loss and miscarriage are two of the most minimized losses. And, you know, regardless of the relationship of who it is, or what it is, there was a relationship there, and it deserves to be honored. And so that’s, thank you for bringing that up, as well as one of your losses to talk.
Shandra Shultz 1:14:34
Yeah, I’ve had a lot of pet loss so I’ve kind of learned to move through it but it’s also one of the things like I I’ve come to realize that I would not want to miss out on any of that. It’s just like every every moment that I have with all the different people like I would never want to miss out by not having that experience. And so it’s like in the moment it’s really sad to lose them. But that’s why I think back on all like the night with my cat I had them too. Nine years like I have nine years I can be by my side and just loving me and all that. I focus on that rather than focus on the loss. And that allows me to say, You know what, I’m not going to stop myself from letting another animal come into my life in the future just because I’m afraid of the loss because with animals of course, you know, we don’t get as much time as we get with humans, usually.
Victoria Volk 1:15:23
Thank you so much, again, for being here. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.