Quandell Wright | The Scars of Abuse, Poverty, and Shame

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

The odds were stacked from the get-go for Quandell. He grew up on the poor side of Detroit, Michigan, falling into gang activity, and, although he never used drugs, his life trajectory was greatly impacted by his decisions.

He became a father at age 16 and again at age 19. Having never dealt with his past experiences, after a 3rd suicide attempt, he found himself admitted into a psychiatric hospital. And that’s when his life turned around. He learned where he was responsible for everything in his life and discovered a new meaning of success for himself in the process.

Follow Quandell’s journey, through his own words, from self-hatred to self-love, from acceptance to forgiveness, and how he is creating ripples in other people’s lives through his clothing line and support of others in his community today. He shares tools that helped him and the one piece of advice that changed his whole perspective of his unforeseen future.

Quandell’s story starts pretty heavy, but the mood quickly lightens when he begins to talk about his son and the pride he feels for him. Quandell shares his perspective on parenting from growing up as a teen parent and the lessons he gleaned from his own experience.

The interview concludes with Quandell’s book recommendations for life and business, and one final piece of advice the world could definitely practice more of – even behind the masks.

I was reminded of a piece of advice shared in Netflix’s series “Cobra Kai” that Mr. Laruso received in the latest season: “Put good into the world and, good returns back to you.” (If you loved the “Karate Kid” movies, you’ll love this series! Even if you didn’t see them all, it doesn’t matter. It goes back to specific moments in previous movies and is wittingly written.)

Resources/Quandell’s Book Recommendations:

Connect with Quandell:

Victoria Volk  00:00
Welcome to another podcast episode of grieving voices. Thank you so much for being here. My guest today is Quandell Wright. Welcome Quandell, thank you so much for being on my podcast today. Let us get to know you a bit. Share your story?

Quandell Wright  00:21
Yeah, so yeah, my name is Quandell Wright. I’m currently I’m a fashion designer from Detroit, Michigan. I have a brand by the name of William Pullman. I’m always at the home at the end but it’s William Palmer. I’m grubbing born and raised in Detroit Michigan. I lived in Georgia for a little bit with my mom maybe from the age of five and six we stayed in Columbus Georgia for maybe like a year and a half until my grandmother got sick, and we moved back so just a little bit back and forth. But yeah, right now like I’m I’m I’m 30 I’m married have children and every day life issues like everyone else so nothing too special. But um yeah you know I’m very hardworking dedicated to my my craft and my vision and everything like that. So, they’re just a little bit of behind the scenes of who I am just for briefly.

Victoria Volk  01:16
So how did the clothing line come to be?

Quandell Wright  01:19
When I was eight years old, I always loved clothes like fashion was like, it’s always been like
this big thing to me always love clothes. I love how you could just put it together and how people look at you and just admire your dress like clothes. It’s always been like everything to me. So, when I was eight, I started sketching clothes and shoes. It was mainly shoes I always design my own shoes all the time. And my mom I believe she still have some of those sketches hopefully. I think she did say she said I have some but um, that’s what I always wanted to be a fashion designer make clothes and my own clothes dress the best be the best. But unfortunately, growing up in Detroit, single parent home, you know, that wasn’t always the case that happened like the newest gear. And I got bullied a lot. But I always told myself like, you know, I’m gonna make my own clothes. And I told people I would make my own clothes. Of course, they laughed about it and things like that, but it actually happened. So, I officially started William Palmer 2017 I started off with 12 t shirts. With no sense of knowledge at all, like, I do. Just get out here. And people start to buy a little bit, but then I just kept coming back creative, killing them each time and 2018 I started I got into the store called elbasan elbasan His name is Bassam. He’s the owner elbasan one of the most popular coat designers in the Michigan region. He’s actually he’s located in Dearborn but the leather coats and the fur hood and man like everybody wanted to elbasan coming up in middle school high school like that was like the biggest thing to have like I need an owl whoo that’s what we called an owl and all of you had it we most definitely thought he was rich so everyone else was everything but he gave me some some some great advice about how to start and how he started and he gave me my first opportunity like the year later because I ended up getting better at what I was doing. And again, better like resources, my connections got better so he was like hey, I’m ready to get into the story ready to give it a shot? I was like what? And I was like yeah, let’s go and I ended up putting like 50 t shirts in this store and it’s sold out after like a couple months, but it did good in there. It did really good. And my name started to buzz a little bit but um yeah William Palmer my desk is named after my grandfather. My grandfather’s name is William right. But my grandfather was a designer himself he was a tailor he may suits for like the first and he made like suits for like the pastors and the First Lady’s and the churches and stuff like that in in Flint, Michigan. He also made accessories handmade accessories as well. So, like leather wallets, clutch purchase, and the big church hats and things like that. So that’s what he did on the side. And I found that out maybe last year, and it’s crazy. I didn’t know that the whole time. He never liked Oh, love it or anything like that. But my uncle ended up telling me like yeah, you know, your granddad this way. That’s what he did. And he used to make my clothes because he couldn’t afford the stuff I wanted. So, he made me my clothes. I knew I took it for granted. You know, he didn’t really like it as much and you I should have learned how to do it myself. But I just wasn’t into it. You know, I just took a different path. But he but he would have loved like what you’re doing right now. Oh my god, like he wouldn’t put his whole life savings into you know, like, this is it but polymer came from a friend of mines named Dorian. I was in class I was just sketching a very good handwriting. I was writing William right over and over again a different, like, cursive fonts. And he was like, What is that? I was like, Oh, it’s a clothing line. He was like looking right, almost like yeah, that was gonna be the original name for it. And he was like, Oh, that sounds cool. Oh, yeah, you know, and I was like, so how about William Palmer? And I’m like, oh that sounds nicer like that. That’s kind of you know, that hit the spot. And I was like, who was Palmer? Well Palmer is the last name of his grandfather. So I just took the first name of my grandfather and the last name his grandfather and put it to put the two together and so I came over William Palmer so yeah it’s a it’s a it’s a great beginning story but it’s a start it’s a start but that’s I was born and I just took it from there and just kept trying and trying to learn when I can to get where I want to go I’m still here today still moving forward. So yeah,

Victoria Volk  05:57
When that dream was first, when you first felt it when you were a child what happened in between?

Quandell Wright  06:04
Um, you know growing you know, growing up in Detroit or growing up in any urban area that’s less fortunate for property you know, you either do one or two things you just you stay at it. Or you just venture off into other things that you think that’s going to help you get to where you want to be in life so like growing up on the east side of Detroit where I’m from like the drug dealers like the dope dealers was like the celebrities you know they had you know the best cars and they had the jury they had the money and whatever clothes clothes you know, whatever we admired that’s what they had it was our rock stars that’s what we looked up to but it wasn’t no that was the motivation you know we didn’t have I had let me see we didn’t have like the LeBron James from the hood that made it that came back to show you how to do it and be a mentor like you didn’t have to so I grew up into I always had that dream but I feel like the area the hood is what took me under instead you know so I wanted to get money quicker I wanted to make fast money I wanted to be successful like right now and that was my plan so got into like maybe at the end of middle school I actually um we started with I started music don’t rap so that was cool. But it grew into some deeper and more darker than that so went into some It was called like SWAT that was our group name and when we got into like high school it became like a gang it was misinterpreted and now we got rifles and now we carry in guns and now we you know so now is now we live in the life that we are leaving Where do you want to live for real but me and this is what it is every day you know so we’ve seen things so we actually copying this stuff I was carrying a gun at the age of maybe like 15.

Victoria Volk  08:00
I have a question would you say that like you had this you guys as a group, did you develop this persona? and then you almost are this identity and I’m you almost,

Quandell Wright  08:10
I believe so because you know we surrounded by everybody that want to be this this tough guy right so everybody want to be a tough guy everybody want to make more money we’re not really in high school focusing on high school you know we like hey look we get money you know we got to do this I got big homies over here they you know I work for them you know I typically really didn’t dip and dive into like the drug dealers and stuff like that, but I was around friends that did. So, when you are around people like that, that’s the energy you bring onto yourself. So, I’m around the wrong crowd. I’m fighting in school every day. Almost every week we get into gang fights we fight in it wasn’t really safe to go anywhere because now not only that we get into fights in the hood it’s after school because now it’s boundaries. So if you live behind cateran high school that people that stayed in front Academy in high school they knew they weren’t allowed to come behind categorizable you know it was just like and he was supposed to go over there and make territory and they come over here and across the bridge this way seven mile seven mile bloods the red zone is just crazy is it’s a lot so age limit on me anything if you in something like that, you know like if you weren’t if you represent in the street, a neighborhood you grown enough to get whatever is coming for you. And that’s the life that we are you know, we live in and out. And yeah, I wasn’t I wasn’t I wouldn’t say like I don’t know how deep I was or how deep I was, but I knew I was a mess. You know, I was in situations I was supposed to be in because I wanted to leave home early. You know and things like that. Like my mom wasn’t like No, no. Okay, and I’m like that, like she worked hard. She had three boys. She did her best. While I was in a rush of being successful because I took her pain and made it my pain as well. I will like to get out here to make some money. Maybe I could rap. Maybe we can use If we could do this, I can take care of my house so I’m gonna take care of my mom and that’s fine with that. But it was just very misunderstood and that’s what led up to like a lot of more other things like having kids and early childhood be growing which is a domino effect of the wrong term in my life we’ve just been going into spirals until I was able to realize and take accountability for my actions and forgive myself and start off fresh You know, I think that’s most important but yeah, you know, when you’re dealing with something like that it’s kind of hard to pinpoint the problem I don’t want to blame the system I don’t really I don’t really know I just know is that you know growing up in poverty you always just trying to find a quick way out and you don’t have the guidance what the right mentors around you want to take the wrong you want to take the wrong route every time because you’re just thinking maybe this is real quick I can just make this real quick and be done with it but you don’t never end that way. And never does he just get yourself deeper and deeper and deeper into situations that you can’t get out of. And I believe that’s what’s going on and a lot of like neighborhoods this you know that’s in property they don’t have you know, like you could come here now I’m quite sure you have urban neighborhoods like you can see like there’s no improvements there’s no there’s nobody successful as going back and really trying to create community rehab but how can we start with the kids Well, how can we start this we need to know this rehab for everyone in the community, this province like there’s none of that none of that is happening and I feel like that’s the problem that’s one of the main issues and I think cycling never stopped to somebody like step up and actually like get into the mix and really do it you know stop being apologetic about anything really get in there and just really see what’s going on you know why LeBron James like you know building that school I feel like he was like one of the the people that should go back to where he came from he got into the middle of it like yo I can build this I can create jobs for parents I can create you know transportation for the kids so there’s no excuses I got mentorship programs, scholarships, you know, so he found a way to try to like break that cycle of feeling like there’s no hope in areas because they feel like there’s no hope I can take that now like I talked to young kids all the time and he’s like, Man, this is what I do is no nobody comes to look out for us. I don’t know what to do and they really don’t know what to do so yeah.

Victoria Volk  12:31
I just got goosebumps. Is that like one of your huge motivators now in to get your clothing line really going is to be able to give back in that way?

Quandell Wright  12:42
Yeah, that is it is um you know, I talked to Rena you know, and when I told her like, just a kid I always felt I know like I knew like I know my mom like I knew she always like loved me and things like that. But I believe her raising boys she felt like she had to be like tough all the time. You know like like this because you don’t really know like you don’t have the father the father around to help out to be the father. So when single mothers especially raising boys, you have to be the father and a mother because you got to be confident and you got to be tough and the older we get you got to be more tougher and but the comfort level kind of dies down because you like he got it you know you just don’t this all day like he just got to get he got to get it and when I was eight my mom where I was, I was filling I wasn’t feeling like loved always felt like the black sheep always felt man Oh, I always felt alone or whatever the case might be. So I was drawing pictures of like me can like committing my own suicide I was in fourth grade and my teacher was concerned and she gave the pictures to my mom and my mom you know she was she was angry she was upset she was crying she didn’t understand but she was like more you know like more upset like and I think that’s because you know adults feel like like hey you know I’m paying all the bills I should be the press you a child you have no reason to be feeling this way you know like it wasn’t on purpose but I think that’s the that’s the message that’s the feeling that they give off and I kept going I kept I kept I kept attacking myself so getting bullied at school not feeling I’m mn school kids are like kids aren’t mean you know so so filling them always fill in attack. I’m not having the best I think I wanted to wear like the best clothes I wouldn’t get bullied you know, so I wouldn’t get talked about things like that I was always getting talked about but I always felt like I wasn’t like the best looking guy around either. Like always was like, self conscious. Like I’m like I hate it Hi look. I always wish I was like more handsome or you know, like up to like I was maybe like Oh man, maybe like a year ago I felt like that I’m 30 years old they’ll take a long time to actually accept yourself and ask you but you know what I really do love myself has nothing to do with how I look and I’m shaped and I gotta embrace that and a lot of people have a hard time embracing that feeling that way so I had a hard time with that along feeling that way and not feeling loved not knowing how to love I think they’re mad at my dad in a way I felt like I never was mad at them because I used to live with my dad being around because always is wrong kids where they have stories with a dad has been around so I didn’t want to be left out so I used to lie like my dad you know, but my dad was he wasn’t around and I don’t blame him he had his reasons you know everybody have a reason I don’t you know, but I don’t blame him I love him I be best for instance like right now that’s like that’s my buddy that’s my guy it just mixed emotions like I don’t know if I’m angry so he would just in and out he wasn’t he just come up to my school looking through like the door like the window and he said he used to do that just because he wanted to know like if I was here like he just wanted to see you know he but everywhere removed my dad will follow just trying to figure this out. And I remember I’m gonna get back to the story this suicidal stuff and all that I remember my dad he worked for the water department here and he was fixing on the manhole in our alley. And he called my name right here and I came to the gate I didn’t I never liked seen this guy before. I was like he gave me like $5 just so I ran into the house my mind his bald head guy gave me $5 working in the backyard you know so she lives that’s your bad you know and um, when she came out he was gone but he was just like this Phantom like this he’s here to he’s not he’s here and he’s not so when I was like 14 by my brother around because I have a brother that’s two weeks old and so of course you know, he had a he was cheating with my mom and my mom was way younger. She was younger she was underage she was older so that was probably like some of the reasons to he didn’t really want to be around he didn’t get it but I have a brother that’s two weeks older than me and I’ve met him the first time when I was like 13 or 14 years so that was kind of cool. But I went over there a few times and then he got the feeling again like I wasn’t here so then I was out of the picture again so I’m dealing with like glass I’m dealing with you know I got the stepdad at the house like he is terrible like he’s just like he’s aggressive he’s you know he wouldn’t be for everything and he’s like very old school because he’s Oh like this guy’s older way older than my mom so just keep your shirts tucked in and yes you know it would just so many rules get off my grass down on my tree everything was is like from the lawn to the tree to the concrete this around the house was he is it you know you getting slapped you getting popped you getting whooped for every little thing you know and it it wasn’t never no sit down and talk you know it wasn’t no talk he was always yelling and and that’s abuse a lot of parents don’t understand that either. That’s verbal abuse like I’m a human to some dealing with that so let’s just come back to that so at that time, my stuff that was in the house with like the suicidal attempts and things like that I didn’t feel like the love from him all the way either you know, I just felt like he was just there for my mom and I just thought he was just there just to me with around somebody and just wanted to be in control everything and images. I just felt like it wasn’t equal at all. So from that time until I got into my dog age, maybe like 1819 I tried to commit suicide again. Um, I started cutting on myself, so I still have my scars here. I don’t know if you’d like pricey but if I can see him, but I have scars all around like from here on Where’s that? Yeah, so this one and yeah, so I started off cutting and then I got immune to the pain so good to where it’s like Yo, when I’m ready to get ready, you know what I’m ready to do what I want it wants to be painful. And that’s what that is. That’s what they mean as well. And then I slip my neck here three times. I cut my jugular vein. Oh my gosh, yeah, um, so that was three times I felt like I was losing everything this is around the time like I think I had my second child It was 90 I my first kid at 16 and my second son and 19 but I just felt like everything was just falling apart from me, you know, and then I did that after that I tried to hate myself and my friend found me so he saved me. And the last the very last. The last attempt was I stabbed myself with a steak knife here. The scar is very small, but it’s right here and steak knife about this big so this much have you been through. I broke through the rails here and adopt this I was like literally maybe like one or two centimeters away that point. The point of the knife was like one or two centimeters away from my puppet heart and I woke up In the hospital I took a drive I was bleeding out and I fainted I woke up in hospital sent me to a secondary psychiatric hospital I was in there for like a week and a half or something like that. But I am a survivor of self destruction as a survivor of self hate not knowing how to love myself and everything like I was I’m a survivor of depression I am I’m not 100% I’m maybe like 75 steal it which is bad for me around that in that time frames of everything just going on this feeling like I’m not worth anything and you are your own enemy. A lot of people don’t understand that you could tell yourself the most meaning you will tell yourself the most hateful things about yourself that anybody else will in this world because you only know you leave and that’s what led to these act like not wanting to be here like I be I used to wake up in the morning looking at the ceiling I used to play shit I’m still here I used to be mad and I was here I used to be mad and I felt even more upset like I can’t even I can’t even fulfill what I want to like kill but like you know to off myself like I came to fulfill it the scar these are not no petty scars I had to get rush they had to like stop the bleeding from a juggler event like I was really trying to take myself out and every time I’m waking up I gotta do this again I go through this day again I don’t want to do this again. Well I can wake up here again um I was at my my lowest my lowest terrible bad very bad yeah so I know I’m everywhere with it but I really just want let your listeners maybe you know say going through what I went through and maybe this might help somebody but um I’m not going to talk about like all the bad stuff but I’m kind of like talking about I like like I started to hear the the healing process so the healing process started in the cigarettes hospital because we was having like these Amy’s like just to talk and get it off your chest and i was i was talking a lot I would just kind of like trying to like feel the vibe of everything and then I started like tell them about my story and most of it you know he like the guy was saying like you you’re not crazy. You know you want through where everybody else is going through in life You’re young you’ve got a lot of pressure on yourself. You just got to like just take it one day at a time. I think that was like the most simplest advice that anybody could have gave me at that moment take it one day at a time. Like Can you just imagine trying to put a whole week in one day maybe you will drive yourself crazy and I was like yo you like you right? And then I learned like music therapy so it was learn how to play the keyboard piano but that advice right there like just clicks on in my brain like dude like slow down because I had a fear of like getting too old and not being who I wanted to be I’m in my late 20s I’m trying to you know going through all this crazy stuff I got these kids baby Mamas and crazy job not making enough money because Child Support just wiping me out I have nowhere to go because at this point I just moved from Detroit a good friend so I just moved to FC to give me some time away from Detroit and you know it would just lie I felt like I had no friends I was homeless at a point in time I was sleeping in I was sleeping in a friend car all of a sudden he took the car so I was sleeping outside now I’m sleeping in the winter like it’s wintertime or sleeping you know like just really going through these phases of like nobody cares so they make you mad so now I’m mad at the World Of course I’m mad at the world I’m not letting nobody get into words out of a mouth plug off on them I’m not cooperating that work I can’t do my job right so I get fired I’m just like you know it’s just we’re just terrible you just like life is a roller coaster but that roller coaster I just felt like it just had so many spiral turns like it was a no straight away from me at all.

Victoria Volk  23:58
Would you agree that grief had its grip on you since you were just a kid?

Quandell Wright  24:04
I believe, I probably just like went through the grieving process maybe this year because as humans we very good at ignoring our demons we are reached by whatever I’d be better tomorrow I mean not facing that different real life we’re not facing it for real we not going like head on what are what are emotions we not talking to nobody because at a point you won’t you don’t really know who to talk to you know you don’t want to buy in a judge you because we very quickly by you my judgment you know you can’t trust nobody because people may people are water balloons they’ve gone bust open to tell all your business so you scared about that. We can’t afford therapy. You know I never even thought about therapy until this year but I’m like so expensive. I don’t even know. You know, like, and then I’m like Do they really listen for real because it’s just for the check like, I want to get a four hour but do I gotta I got I got 27 years. We’re for stuff to tell you, you know, but it’s, you know, like, you want me to break this off in sections, and then some notes may happen tomorrow, like, I gotta get this, you know, so it’s hard it is it’s hard. But I agree like this year, once I’ve started to, I started meditating, I got out of like, the religion aspect of things, I just got out a, I got a religion is a box to me, like I don’t, you know, I’m, I’m not stepping on nobody believes anything I love that people can go somewhere and release whatever they need to whoever they believe in is great. But to me, I felt like I just felt boxed in and then just seeing how everything was going, like, everything is so hypocritical with religion, and it was just too much I got out of religion, and I just became more free spirit. You know, just like, What’s the good for me like, I don’t want to be in this box, no more, I don’t really feel like this helping me at all. Because I’m praying, I’m doing things and it’s not working for me, I got to find something that works for me. And what worked for me was like meditation, being free minded. Um, no burning sage, buying crystals and you know, doing some great things and that actually started working for me. And then as I started to do research and re I had to, I had to change my mindset, I had to stop living in my past, I had to forgive whatever was going on in my past, I had to bless my past I have to just leave it alone, which I’m still doing to this day because it’s hard. But I had to bless my past and just let it be that and I have to learn I every day is a new page and this is a fresh page. It’s a fresh sentence. And you are in control of your tomorrow you’re not in control of yesterday yesterday you don’t even matter no more you can take bits and pieces from yesterday and try to incorporate it with with your present moment and your tomorrow but most of the time, and just start fresh. So I started to I started to apply that a lot into my daily routines is getting up meditating, looking in the mirror smiling because I had a real I used to hate smiling. I you know my teeth, I got gaps. I started embracing it like cuz I always wanted braces and everything. And the dentist was like, you actually have perfect teeth cut your teeth is not supposed to be close together. You have perfect teeth. I’m like, really? He’s like, Yeah, you got floss easier. And you have some like the cleanest teeth I’ve ever seen in my career because your teeth are spaced out. So you have room to really clean real good perspective, right? Yeah. Oh, sweet. I thought I had to fit in to the perfect you know, you get great your knee brace you like you know and then when you get braces, you got to remember you have to wear a retainer for the rest of your life and my wife was telling me the same thing as y’all want to do that and you’ll keep going go right back to what they weren’t so you wasted 5000 for what my area so I had to learn how to accept that like I love my smile. I love me. This is who I am so I’m starting to do this. I used to hate taking selfies like I could never get that perfect picture. I just take them all the time now like this is who I am. I can’t just I can’t die off and knowing being on my deathbed like I never enjoyed life because I was worried about how I look and what people thought about oh this sucks. I’m really gonna die like this. Like I can’t live like that. I want to live open and happy like this is what I look like and I don’t have I don’t look half bad I’m great. I’m fine I’m happy with them and I’m just living in my moment I’m living in my future and living in mind tomorrow and I started I started to do that a lot you know telling myself these things hold myself accountable because it’s not everybody fault it’s not the world fault it’s not the government fault it’s not my mom fault it’s not my dad fault This is my fault so what I let get into my mind and months into my mental and let destroy me in my spirit This is my fault I have to fix this because I have kids I can’t be around mophie around now can’t be feeling the way I used to feel I can’t keep having these thoughts I mean granted yeah I ran across thoughts of you know you know suicidal thoughts and stuff like that I feel like people that deal with depression you get better and better at self healing some days my life go right you kind of some days maybe like really off you know you might already this you know you get that but you got to jump right back into the loop. You know what? Nope, I know I want to think like that. I got I got tomorrow. I got tomorrow do better tomorrow. I got tomorrow, you know so that’s how that’s how I live. I live like that. I believe that’s fair. I believe that’s right. I believe that’s the only way you could actually like cope with yourself because I feel like we don’t we don’t take time for us. You know. We too busy trying to make everybody else happy. I think that’s our problem.

Victoria Volk  30:03
Does it take waking up in a hospital bed after you try and stab yourself to turn your life around? I don’t think so, but I’m curious what you have to say about that?

Quandell Wright  30:14
It didn’t even take that, I was like disappointed I think I just want i wanted to i wanted to go home It took my parents to know to admit me into it was like look we gotta admit you into this cycle he has we have so we don’t we can’t we can’t trust you to get right back out of this band and go into the world like you okay like we can’t do it we came allowed it we got to see what we want.

Victoria Volk  30:39
So, it really wasn’t even waking up in the hospital that like oh my gosh what did what did I just do?

Quandell Wright  30:44
I was you know, it wasn’t, I would just so immune to like kind of do this all the time. I was just ready to get up and go okay, I didn’t die whatever, I want to go home.

Victoria Volk  30:57
So that shift happened for you, and you first had the opportunity to actually talk and be heard?

Quandell Wright  31:03
So yeah, it took for me going to the psych world a psychiatric hospital whatever the case whatever the facility was at the time to be in those a meetings and hearing other people’s story and granted their story was like worse than mine and I felt selfish about you know, like I feel selfish and I was like wow like these people went through like unbelievable things I couldn’t even imagine things I couldn’t even go through even if I wanted to like this is you know they you know this crazy so hearing their story in here near avize this what helped me like you also have a chance like I can do this like I’m here for a reason you know I got it I gotta figure it out. I gotta I gotta fix me No, I gotta change my mindset. So it took for me to go there not waking up in the hospital could that I was just ready to go home I was about to go home what I read and work they stitched me up I’m good you know whatever and my parents they they wasn’t having it because I think it was there I think it was their second time being down there you know only event like that you know me doing something crazy like that. So they were just like nah because the third time I actually beat a charm you might actually succeed you got to see what’s going on. And it’s like that’s after.

Victoria Volk  32:24
So after you made that decision for yourself, you made the choice to take responsibility for yourself is what I’m hearing. How did that transform your parenting and just everything else for you?

Quandell Wright  32:37
So this being very open with my kids always you know we as parents we we get the habit of saying like you know I’m your parent I’m not your friend You know, I think there’s some that we need to stop that just advice to all parents out there what I say is be 5050 be both be or be the friend of your child because I was eight and I was thinking about hanging myself Hey, you know so you could just imagine what these kids want to do now with social media and they saw expose to the world and see and so I’m more open with my kids we talk about whatever they want to talk about my what’s going on I have teenagers now let’s talk you know what’s going on your life what’s what’s happening? Like I’m not like hey, you better not be you now you installing fear and even if they are doing it they might do it more or they might not do it at all but it scared me they don’t really cuz somebody go on whatever you tell them not to do and they don’t really know how to handle it. So now you know too much stuff get caught up into that like hey what’s going on? Are you interested in certain things like so? And we taught my kids all my kids like all of them all the way down? We like mega Tell me whatever like we kick it because I feel like talking is the talking is the real healing process. It is already have my kid been able to come to me and tell me anything and I’m going to be scared shitless like right now I can’t go to my dad with this hit me like I’m going to lay I’m gonna let you know you’re wrong like we’re gonna talk for show but hey look, you hear me you don’t make mistakes but I’m here to guide you though I’m not here to be like to dis control your life I’m here to guide you so I can kind of like help you you know sound on the right path that you’re trying to get on so you won’t make the wrong mistakes all the time because you’ve got to make mistakes the mistakes has come in Well yeah, I have two kids and I just started high school Oh the mistakes as they come in. They come in right now like but it’s better when I like my my son like he lives in Euclid Ohio. Great football player, great basketball player just got a 3.8 GPA. Oh, handsome ages. You know he he does think he did you know he everything. He everything that I Wish I was when I was. He is the man like, when they come to looks like he got it like he is my son. Like I’m proud I created that. Had he stayed fresh his mom is a successful nurse. You know he’s um, he never even live 1% of the lifestyle I was living is a whole different nice home a whole different environment don’t even live. I don’t even think they live in the hood, I just think is like a subdivision type. beautiful home, got every game, every Oh, I can’t even he’s it. He’s what I wanted to be like he’s it. But when come to know having that and being popular is a responsibility, because he bought it. So now on top of that he’s got all these little girls like fast. They all love them. He does I he does. But he’s very respectful. He’s a great guy, you know, he know what’s going on. His mom was like, hey, um, you know, you need to know these little girls, when you start talking to him. These little girls cannot control you talk to him about sex. And I’m like, ah, he was also good at school and sports. I forgot to even maybe mean you see my life, he know about my life. You know, by everything. I say, you see, my life is gonna be like that. Take care of yourself. No kids. And I’m not saying I had to break it down to them. We’re not agreeing with sex. So Get that through your head. But if you think you bout to have it, you need to sit down with me, your mom or me and your mom so we can properly prepare you because we cannot stop. We can. Because you will find a way to do it. Somebody’s going to take you to do it. Some girl going you is going to happen. I hope they don’t though. Don’t and when they do you need to be prepared me to be safe. You need to be responsive. And you could come to us when that time come. We’re not saying Oh hey, do it all the time. You can do your time. No. But it is getting there. You’re like hey, look, you know, I’m feeling this. I want to, now my job is to be like Alright, now stop feeling it. Chill out.

Victoria Volk  37:15
That’s not realistic, right?

Quandell Wright  37:17
But you know what? These are called condoms. Okay, this is some videos you want to learn how to Because? Because I had him at 16, my mom kicked in the door like hey, you have to say oh wait, huh? She didn’t cause me like better you know so it wasn’t really that was her way of that’s the fear tactic, it wasn’t like, Hey come on.

Victoria Volk  37:43
Open communication, yeah.

Quandell Wright  37:44
She was you know cuz she felt like the fear would and look what happened maybe two years later hey, you got a grandbaby. Yeah.

Victoria Volk  37:53
And it was probably a lot of her projecting her own fear right and I think that’s what we we often do sometimes and you know we project our own fears.

Quandell Wright  38:03
Yeah, cuz she had me when she was 17 so it was hard on her, and she was definitely wanting better you know? So, you know having my son at that age which is just crazy. I think my son said he got the youngest parents in the school but um it’s cool like every like his best friend that’s and I’m growing my son has grown up with his parents you know and we can relate to him might be a far behind like he could be thinking he’s slick like new we right there like our generation created social media do lie right here with you but we had a generation when everything was made we had our hands on your first all right so we rewrite with it you went to sleep we right there, but I love what he’s doing very smart. And I want that to you know, I don’t want to put my fear on him. scare him. I just find this. And I lost the scholarship in high school. You know, because I was fighting all day, like I know stuff. And I lost a lot of stuff. And I didn’t lost friends due to um, then I just lost a friend named Joe you know, rescue no less. So I lost the drug overdose. My best friend, one of my best friends since like fourth grade, one of my best friends and that was like the most painful death I’ve encountered. I lost a lot of people. Just people I know you bite down my anus. Great guy. That was a great you know; this is a friend in elementary school. I be so rasam recess and high school together like he lived like we live with my cousin. When we didn’t want to be home where he’s been hardheaded. You know, we went to school from his house. We lived there like no he. No, not like this. Oh man. We’re just terrible, you know, and he was there to take it in and see him go out that way it hurt him because that was In our dream, you know, we wanted to be rappers, we wanted to be successful. We wanted to you know, do things like that right? And he went down the route of he got too deep into the rabbit hole to being a product of his environment. And that’s what happened to him. We got old enough to get jobs and everything like that. He didn’t go that route, you know, he stayed in a hook start hanging out with different types of sets. And the first person actually got him I was the mother of his child, her mother, and she laced the she laced the wheat and ever since then, this the story that I’ve gotten maybe since then it’s been downhill for him. And I’ve seen him when I was 19 or 20. I was working at Comerica Park, one of my best job but I was working at Comerica Park, the Tigers he came with a group and I was saying them and I ran out the back and I was like Joe cuz I hadn’t seen him a year maybe like four or five years. Some years maybe maybe three four at the high school and I was like yo, and we have and he looked he was so skinny. He was missing teeth. He didn’t look like him. And I’m like what’s going on? And he was like man I’m cleaning now and the way he said it you know I was supposed to be clean like what do you mean like you dirty all the time like cuz I didn’t do drugs I didn’t even smoke weed you know I didn’t you know so i he’s i mean i was i was on I was on heroin outside and I broke down because I’m like the we NINETEEN’S no way like the people we see in O’Hare when they was older like them older dope things in the hood and we used to like have racing with the grocery baskets and stuff this little you know no no fees like we know you’re my best friend you schooling off gave him my number he always lose your number always Hey, you know I’ve moved out of the neighborhood and want to my life crisis and all that stuff. I want to say Joe pass four months ago but I see him maybe two months before he passed me withdrawal driving a friend of mines on Cato he was driving you see them walking in the middle of the street because we want to go do something and in the city so we stopped we got out man we heard them and he was looking the same way real skinny big clothes with no shirt yeah like a rope top that to his pants is this real bow and we talk and before he left I heard them all i mean you know I love you bro like because we wanted to help him get his ID and stuff like that so he got our number and I love you don’t have to get your ID I just built my studio that’s what you’re looking at so I renovated my garage to my design studio so I got my own creative space now so this week I was like yo can we get this together? Have you come out you know you’re gonna help print some t shirts you know because Cato you know or the boy Cato he print custom t that’s a side business he really he does a great job so let’s go do stuff with us we’ll make sure you get your birth certificate your ID we don’t get you away from here bro you know good things happen I just did the you know the know the collaboration with K Swiss with the T shirts the Unity t shirt happened in August so he already passed and I believe Yeah, he did. But you know I was still communicating with Mr. waters to see okay, Swiss. My mentors that ethica you know, like, good things is happening you know, like sunlight. Yo, you know, you won’t be doing something like they’ll be gonna get you away from even if you got to stay in the studio. And I heard him I told him that and we love He called me two weeks before he died. He was like one in the morning. He was at this gas station and he was like, man, I need to charge. Oh, my hellos. Like what? And I need a charger. I need a phone charger. I’m calling from the gas station phone. I’m like, Okay, well I look at it. Yeah, like I’m like Obama. And I’m like, Well, I have iPhones so I’m like well, I can use the PlayStation charger that I use for my controller bracketing he’s like nah man he was oh Joe was always caring he name you know the kids may play a game I’m like no bro who need to charge I’m gonna come I’m gonna come out you know he was a nominal Mario I’m like you sure you know they want to in the morning like yeah i’m sure so I was about to go he was like bro he called me and said you know I love you and thank you for always picking up my phone and that was the last words that he said and I was like, you know I got you rambling you know and and that was it and then I hear that he you know he had passed away from overdose. He passed away from overdose. And I cried for days because I felt like I failed. You know as a brother as a friend that I didn’t become successful quick enough to say my friend talked to his dad his dad was like you know we did so much to try to help them but when people in their mindset of where they want to be at where they want to stay who they are you can’t really can’t change that and I just felt so bad like his days I To this day, like I wish I just would have just stuffed him in the car like bro, you just go I had to stay here. Hold him hostage. I used to go. And I wish I would have did that, you know, but um, he had dreams he had door first had like, three girls, three beautiful daughters, you know, just just a great guy. He really was. Yeah, that was just, um, it was just tragic for me. And I’ve really put like a put a scar on my heart. For real my that was my best friend. So seeing that and going through that, it was just really like, I really have to do more for the community. I want to do more for the community. You know, I just, you can’t save everybody. That’s the sad part. can’t save everybody. But um, if I could save one or two people at a time, I think that’s that’s progress. And I can take that. I’ll take that over.

Victoria Volk  45:47
I’ll tell you right now I really feel like you’re a ripple creator.

Quandell Wright  45:51
Thank you. Yeah, um, my life is this whatever, you know.

Victoria Volk  45:56
In your life? Yes. Just the fact that you turned your life around. You’re changing your kid’s lives in the process, the trajectory of their lives, of everyone in your life.

Quandell Wright  46:09
Banner, banner’s key yeah, kids is awesome. My wife is awesome. So great team, you know, you create a great team one day in life, you see one and I created that mindset. And I have that, you know, like my daughter, she made something actually out of hanging out. Think positive. Don’t think negative. is was dope though. Cuz I’m like, yo, she’s learning from what I teach all the time. And I’ve thought about it some time. I do. You know, you mean a note like that? And I’m like, oh, this is dope. So yeah, she listened. You know, my son listened. And my son had texted me like, hey, pops, telling you I love you keep it going. I see what’s going on. You know, like, I’m proud. Like as though you know, there’s really though so my kids they they behind me, you know? Sam, my wife, behind the man and we all we got, y’all we got so yeah.

Victoria Volk  47:05
I love that. Thank you so much for sharing all of that, Quandell. I know you couldn’t see but my eyes were welling up.

Quandell Wright  47:14
I appreciate it. I do. When people hear my story, and they just know me personally, they be like, I would have never thought that. Like you are just so happy most of the time you so giving, you know, and I just be like, Yeah, but people like that many been through the worse. And I just want to be that person, they don’t want somebody else to go through. So, you know, I always say like, you know, become that friend that you always wanted to have for somebody else. You know, so that’s how you become a great friend. Yeah. And that’s really it from there. Oh, yeah. I know. He was talking about the book said the Dr. Joe. Dr. Joe book about the this Vanessa?

Victoria Volk  47:57
Dispenza? Yes. listeners, there is a book that Quandell and I actually bonded over a little bit. It’s called breaking the habit of being yourself how to lose your mind and create a new one by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I don’t know about you, but it’s

Quandell Wright  48:15
Yeah, that’s a great book. And we have the becoming supernatural natural

Victoria Volk  48:21
Oh, becoming supernatural natural. I’ve not read that one.

Quandell Wright  48:27
Get it. Um, this book right here is, um, it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful. Yep. So this is a little torture, but it’s all about self healing. The law of attraction, you know, just healing yourself mentally, and how to how to balance your energy and how to make sure you you invest your energy into the right things that you want in life, you know, for it to come true and everything like that. So great book. I love it. And then if you’re entrepreneur thinking Grow Rich, have it read it. by Napoleon Hill. Napoleon Hill. This is a great book. And, and don’t give up. This is by Kyle Eidelman, don’t give up.

Victoria Volk  49:08
Okay, Kyle Idleman. Never heard of that one.

Quandell Wright  49:12
Yeah, great book. Yeah, I’d be reading that again. I read some books over again. And I’m in rotation. So I feel like I get some new ones. And this is from Robert. This is from the dude that wrote Rich Dad, Poor Dad, but it’s called the business school. Now, okay, very cool. Very cool. Very good. So entrepreneurs get this. And if you need help with marketing, 10-day MBA.

Victoria Volk  49:35
That’s a big book.

Quandell Wright  49:38
It is a big book. And a lot of these, this book is still being used. It’s still being used in it. And the budget business major universities. So if you’re into marketing or anything, the Wall Street, you know, Wall Street graduates, they know what this book is. And I’m self taught, and I learned everything from this book right here. So this is a great book. It’s very It’s beautiful. So, I got more books but these are like my favorite books. And these are like I mean a more than bugs these are like these are my Bibles. So, I always go back in and look at the notes and kind of re reread certain chapters that I like and and I go from there so read in this very very good for you especially if you are entrepreneur or influencer so read your books stay on top of your game and especially if you soft you self taught you need books. Okay. And YouTube University is great as well. Its good.

Victoria Volk  50:42
I love a book in my hand too. I will link to all those books that Quandell mentioned as well. And right now I’m reading love yourself like your life depends on it.

Quandell Wright  50:52
Oh, nice.

Victoria Volk  50:53
And I like how it’s written. It’s not even written in chapters. It’s like headings and it’s very practical too. I think you would like this so that would be my other recommendation.

Quandell Wright  51:07
Okay, sweet.

Victoria Volk  51:08
I see a bit of Quandell, right the life coach here. I don’t know about my listeners, but I see great things for you, just your spirit and your energy.

Quandell Wright  51:19
Thank you thank you yeah,

Victoria Volk  51:21
My pleasure.

Quandell Wright  51:23
You gotta you gotta you gotta smile smile people smile pleased This is actually beneficial to help in everything when I learned about smiling they are nice I could do that all the time like this self confidence and it’s a boost smile in the morning and they’re telling you a whole day it’d be right and when you smile you smile I mean peih Gee, can I even like interrupt their energy at all like me people came to be mean to you when you smiling they just give a smile that smile is gonna keep your confidence level up Believe in yourself and um anybody could contact me on facebook All right, Instagram q x William Palmer got any questions you just want to talk I’m here I don’t have to know you this is not a time for people to be like I don’t know you so I don’t care it’s me all human we all breathe and bleed the same you know you know this just reach out and I’m actually one more thing before we leave I’m actually doing every Sunday I have like a guy group um which is kind of cool. So um, the guys they come out and we talk like how are we talking about what’s going on in my life and what they want to accomplish and how to accomplish it and and we talk it’s and we got you know we got the PlayStation running got like 2k we got some beers got some food and the guys we just talk and we you know it might be deep it might not be so deep but we talk and the first time I had it people was happy about this they was like man I feel really good. I was able to write maybe talk to some people I really didn’t know um it was able to like network with each other like you know pass numbers like my friend um he actually he makes seasonings he got his own seasoning and he, so he saw like four or five you know so that was kind of cool you know, but he was able to talk and get it out. So, every Sunday I was called I hey can you do this Sunday? Can I bring somebody because my bro want to come Can you talk brangham Let’s go so I’m getting more man in here. Hopefully not too many to where I can’t fit them all but I’m getting more man here we are talking y’all laughing y’all smiling we’re getting off our chest and I’m planning on to you know hopefully get women in here. Women a little bit more feisty. But I plan on trying to get women in here sooner or later but right now I just feel like you know, man, it’s very hard for us to talk about anything. Especially black man. You don’t really know anything about therapy real No, we just I’m just we’re we just genuinely and I get people in here and we all caring and loving I feel like that’s enough. You’re not paying anything. You just hear for however long you want to be here you don’t even have to talk if you just want to just catch the vibe of things that’s fine too. You know, I just want to make sure that his energy and his vibe and and I make sure I save before anybody come so that way just all positive energy and then we go from there so yep, so this Sunday, I’m doing it again and people are excited. So if you in the state of Michigan or if you are not I’m here if you visiting. You just want to you know people Want to bigger than this, they like major sponsors, I don’t really want all that I just really want it genuine and very, very authentic. You know, I don’t really want cameras and anything like that I really want people to feel like they can talk without all this stuff going on camera and I want us to talk about it. It’s such a blow up bigger than that, and that’d be fine. For their sake. I want them to feel, you know, feel like they can talk to like a real friend. Yeah, so yeah, so that’s what I have going on every Sunday. That’s cool.

Victoria Volk  55:35
That’s amazing. You are so inspiring. I’m so glad you agreed to be on and I’m glad I met you.

Quandell Wright  55:43
Likewise. Thank you. I gotta send you some gear.

Victoria Volk  55:50
I would love that, thank you again. If you want to reach out to quando again his he’s on Instagram at qxwilliampalmer. And are you on Facebook? Did you say if you were on Facebook?

Quandell Wright  56:01
Yes, I’m on Facebook. Yeah Quandell H Wright (Q).

Victoria Volk  56:07
You send me the link, you send me the information and I’ll put it in the in the notes. Everybody hooked up there. That was all right. Thank you so much again, for sharing your story with me with my audience. I send you so much love and light and I just your ripple creator. And I thank you for being you.

Quandell Wright  56:29
Thank you. I appreciate it. Peace of love. Take care.

Victoria Volk  56:31
All right, till next time, everybody. Unleash your heart and you unleash your life. Much love.

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