Takeaways & Reflections | Mothering Yourself Through Grief

 

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY: 

This week’s episode is an invitation to look at how you had been mothered and nurtured by your mother (or mother figure) as a child and how that has influenced you today.

I also bring Mother Nature into the conversation because what Mother Nature gives us is a great analogy, in general, for the topic of experiencing mothering and nurturing.

When was the last time you gave yourself, as an adult, what you never received as a child?

This conversation is less about self-care and more about something deeper – an experience of loving unconditionally and receiving wholeheartedly, so much so that it is transformative.

A mother’s love, or motherly love, has the potential to be transformative. Listen to this week’s episode, and then sit with what comes up for you. Then contemplate how you can utilize mothering and nurturing energy to transform your life and the inner child in you that craves it.

RESOURCES:

______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.

💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️

SUPPORT THE SHOW:

CONNECT WITH VICTORIA: 

 

This is episode 110 A takeaways and reflections episode that I’m gonna title mothering yourself through grief. And it’s been a hot minute since I’ve actually recorded a takeaways and reflections episode. This is actually the first of season three. And if you’ve been wondering where these takeaways and reflection episodes have been, it’s my schedule. It’s a little bit crazy in my life right now with three teenagers and appointments and works in all sorts of things. And so I’ve been trying to find a way to make it a little easier on myself because in order for me to record this, I have to have peace and quiet. And also I need to be in a mindset of peace within myself. And that’s a little hard to find these days with the hustle and bustle of my home. And you know just the busyness of life with summer and things like that. So that’s what’s been shaken here in my neck of the woods. In case you missed the last several episodes since my last takeaways and reflections, I’ll just give a quick recap. Episode 106 with Elizabeth was titled “My Shattered Heart; Experiencing Stillbirth and being a Widow at 27. Episode 107 with Michelle Hernandez and hers was titled “The Soaring Spirit of Widow and Fatherless Daughter” and episode 108 with Rachel burns “The Space in Between”. And Episode 109, which was last week’s with Maha Bodhi and I don’t recall what the title is of that, oh, “The Quest for Inner Peace and Freedom. That’s what it was.

Reflecting on Mothering

And all of these stories had me reflecting on mothering. As I’ve thought about what each of these women had in common, and I think what any female or any woman who experiences loss and grief. And you know, even men, truthfully, even men, because we all want that feeling of being mothered, nurtured, cared for, loved. And a mother brings a unique gift to that experience. Now, not all people I don’t necessarily believe not all people have that innate ability to nurture. But I think we are all capable of learning how to be nurturing. And so when I’m thinking about these four women, and what they individually experienced in their lives, three of them are mothers, one is not, but all had a mother or have a mother. And we’re on the receiving end of someone being their mother. And I don’t even believe too that you have to biologically be the parent or mother of a child or someone else. It can be something that comes out of you or out of your spirits like this mothering spirit you have about yourself.

Mother Nature

You know like Mother Nature, we call her mother nature. We don’t call her father nature. We refer to nature as Mother Nature, the giver of all things beautiful. And the sights and the smells, and the sounds that nurture our spirit, when we are out in her environment, and taking her in, breathing her in, it’s nurturing, and mothering, to our spirit, to be out in mother nature, right? And so if we think about that, and how we go through grief, and how impactful the lack of mothering we may have received as children. Nature as an adult can be very nurturing the neighbor next door, who is a grandmother to other children, or who is a mother herself, to her own children can be that nurturing mothering figure in your life, can often see that in like foster homes or group homes, or some may call them a mentor. But to a child, that person might be more than a mentor, they might be the only mother figure that they have in their lives, which is so important to receive that nurturing in that loving for our spirit.

It’s Even More Deeply than just Self-care

But what if you didn’t have that experience as a child, like Maha, you have to learn how to give that to yourself? And that was a long journey for her to learn how to mother herself, give her the nurturing in the space in the comfort in this in the holding of her own heart. Now with Rachel and Michelle and Elizabeth, we really didn’t get into a whole lot of discussion about their experiences as children being mothered, because the stories were about they themselves as mothers through their grief. But you will listen and receive a lot of wonderful wisdom about how these women navigated the grief while being a mother while trying to nurture and Mother themselves while trying to also nurture and mother, children at the same time, who they themselves may also be grieving. I just think it’s so important that we really truly think about what it means to us, to be mothered. What we need to feel nurtured, and what our soul and our spirit need to feel held.

And so often in grief, we look to other people, or we look to others, we look to substances, or we look for that. Everywhere else but within ourselves. It’s about self-care. Yes. And I know that’s what comes to my mind is you think about self-care. But I just want to challenge you to think about it even more deeply than just self-care. Think about what was emulated for you by your mother about self-care. How were you nurtured? What did you learn about nurturing? Do you find that you are the nurturer as an adult but you didn’t receive that as a child but yet you probably give from an empty cup. You’re always giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. It’s very difficult for you to receive you don’t know how to ask for help. It’s often a familiar pattern is people pleasing. For those who have not received that as a child. You don’t want to rock the boat you don’t want to make and you know the other person upset will just use your mother, for instance, you don’t want to make her upset. And so you people, please. You do everything you can to make her happy. Meanwhile, you’re self-sacrificing. You’re not allowing yourself to be nurtured. You’re not asking for your needs to be met. And often that happens when the mother is grieving.

What We Learn from Our Mothers is so Impactful as Adults

Or there are other issues going on, that have nothing absolutely to do with you as a child, or when you were a child. But these patterns repeat into adulthood, and what we learn from our mothers is so impactful as adults. And so I just want you to think about as you’re experiencing grief, or maybe you know, someone who is grieving, what is mothering, nurturing thing that you can do for that person or for yourself? Think of yourself as that inner child. What would you so love your mother to do for you? If she was there? If she was able if she would have been there for you as a child, what would you have wanted her to do? And similarly, if you know someone who is grieving if you are their mother, what would you do? What is something you could do to make that person feel nurtured, loved, and cared for as a mother would?

Mothering ourselves it is the best gift that we can give ourselves while we are grieving, and otherwise, and so many of us have to learn what that even looks like. And often it’s in adulthood. And that’s a very challenging time, especially when you’re trying to be a mother. Because children bring up all of those insecurities and all of those unaddressed pain points from your childhood experience with your own mother. They often arise when you yourself, become a mother.

much love, victoria

P.S. So I just invite you to sit with whatever comes up. And ask yourself what you can do for yourself. What you would like to change, what pattern you would like to break and not repeat and pass on to your children or the child you are mentoring or the child that you want to help in foster care? Whatever role of a mother you are playing in your life, it is the best gift you can give others is to look into yourself. I think that about does it for today for this takeaways and reflections episode. I hope it was inspiring. I hope it was helpful. 

 

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This
Skip to content