When there is a decision you need to make, how do you decide? Or, if there is something you know you need to let go of, how do you come to the decision to take action?

A simple question you could ask yourself is this: “Does it feel heavy or light?” But is that even so simple? I’m challenging this idea in today’s post, so we’ll see where it takes me.

Typically, I share my blog posts every Friday, but, this past week, I was swamped between work and prepping for a presentation. I gave my first presentation yesterday to a room of educators on the topic of grief in children and teens. After the presentation, I had some work that I needed to do and a blog post to write. But, I just didn’t have it in me. The night before, I had gotten very little sleep. I was wiped out and the week had caught up to me. Mid-week, it felt like I was also coming down with something – so far so good.

Someone had shared a photo on Instagram that posed this question: “Does it feel heavy or light?” And, it’s gotten me thinking.

Did doing this presentation feel heavy? Yes, but not in a way that gave me a feeling that I shouldn’t do it. In fact, it felt heavy because of the weight of importance I had given it. Did I feel light in the process of giving it? Yes – energized even! I was excited to share what I’ve learned about grief and, with children/teens, in particular. This talk was about prevention. Prevention is also what the 4-week Helping Children with Loss program is about, too.

Circling back to the initial question; what does heaviness feel like, anyway? I would describe it as this feeling of resistance, tension within the body, and an intuitive knowing that it’s not easy.

If you’ve thought about participating in my next Grief Recovery Group starting August 28th, perhaps it’s a feeling of heaviness that comes over you that I described?

And here’s where I take issue with this question. Sometimes, it’s the hardest things we ever do in our lives that are the very things needing to be done. Going through the method myself, I knew what to expect – somewhat, but I knew, going in, that what I was dealing with was feeling extremely heavy.

So, perhaps this question works to ask yourself if you should go out with your friends in the evening or if it’s a Sunday afternoon and Netflix sounds better than an online meeting.

A Follow-Up Question to Ask Yourself

When it comes to the big decisions in our lives, I don’t think it’s a simple question, such as described in the first paragraph, that will help you with your next step. Maybe the best next question is: “Why?”

I wanted to educate and make an impact, with my talk, to those educators. I wanted to spread the word about the Helping Children with Loss program. I wanted to challenge myself in a way I never before had. Finally, I wanted to see how I would feel about the possibility of doing more public speaking.

Had I only asked myself if doing this felt heavy or light, I wouldn’t have done it. Yesterday in my talk, I spoke about the thought and feeling process. First, we have a thought, which is followed by a feeling, which is then followed by either action – or inaction. But, it also depends on how we choose to label the thought -with either a positive or a negative. When I first considered doing this talk, I gave the idea a positive label.

Therefore, the feelings that followed were positive, too. And, the action that I took moved me in a positive direction to where I did follow through by doing the talk.

So, going back to if you’re asking yourself if you should join me in my next group, why does it feel light? Or, more likely, why does it feel heavy?

Having gone through it myself and witnessed others going through it as well, I already know your answer.

The better question to ask yourself now is why? Why are you resisting? Why are you not listening to your heart?

At the core, is the more significant, million-dollar question that’s the hardest to answer because of the overwhelm of it…

WHAT DO I WANT?

We’re taught how to acquire things but not what to do when we lose them. And we’re taught that wanting more for ourselves is somehow wrong and selfish.

Do you want to heal your heart? If so, why?

What are you waiting for? If not now – then when?