In my work with clients in grief recovery over the past few weeks, my clients and I have talked a lot about the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations. And, anything they wish would’ve been (or would be) different, better, or more.
So many people believe that grief is only an experience after someone dies. When in reality, no one has to die for you to grieve. Recently, during a consultation, the client shared that after listening to my podcast episode about the myths of grief, they realized that their life experience was, at the root of it all, grief. And, they had plenty of grief-causing experiences, too. And, another area of grief that’s come up with my clients lately has been how, in their relationships (and we all do this), both they and their significant others are bringing their luggage of what they wish had been different, better, or more in their lives, well before the relationship even started.
What happens when you have two people get together that both have unresolved grief? You get a simmering pot of unexpressed anger, sadness, resentment, fear, insecurities, you name it, that all come together. Circling back to the luggage analogy, and as I shared with my client, it’s as if you both dump your bags of luggage onto a bed, and your stuff mixes with their stuff and then something happens that shakes up the relationship, so you go to grab your stuff again, however, by that point, it’s hard to know what’s yours and what’s theirs anymore.
If every person who’s had a past that’s created emotional dis-ease and emotional restlessness and discontent were to address the grief itself (and calling it for what it is – grief) at the root, before getting into an intimate relationship with another, then we’d have happier and more emotionally stable homes, communities, and world. And more importantly, the children of our world wouldn’t become the byproducts of adult emotional pain.
I challenge you to look at who you are today and consider how the wounds of your past have shaped the decisions and behaviors you’ve resorted to, in an attempt to feel better, and how those decisions and behaviors have impacted others throughout your life. When we’re overcome with a long-standing undercurrent of grief, we easily become stuck in that “woe is me” mindset. As that quote goes, we can’t see the label from inside the jar. In other words, take your blinders off and look at what you’re trying so hard not to see.
A big hug from me to you, my friend. 💛
P.S. On 6/23 at 8 PM CST, I will be offering up a FREE, live event! It will not be recorded, so you must attend live! If you want to make sure you don’t miss the announcement or the opportunity to register, my email list will be getting the info FIRST (and spots are limited) next week Wednesday (6/9) when my newsletter goes out. Want a heads-up sneak peek? Sign up HERE. 😊
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