Covid-19 has stolen so much from so many people and left people with a desire to start a new life. It’s not enough that life poses challenges, many unexpected, then additionally having to deal with the stresses, changes, and losses that Covid brought to many lives. It’s grief on top of grief on top of more grief. The weight of all of this change and loss can feel overwhelming, even for the rich, poor, famous, and person next door – grief doesn’t discriminate. If Covid-19 has brought any light to the world, it’s shown us where the systems in place for mental health are broken and where improvements need to be made. It’s changed how we live and work in the world, and the only way is up from here. It has to be the only way. Anything but is settling for how things are and that’s does nothing to help us collectively recover from the mess it’s left in its wake.
Mental health is a tricky subject to talk about for most people, and it’s hard to admit when you are struggling. A lot of people would rather give their left kidney than explain to someone that they feel as though they are sitting in a dark hole, all alone, and don’t know what to do. I especially felt this way when I was experiencing post-partum depression. Meanwhile, other people aren’t as severe as this, but still not in the best life possible. I’m going to be looking at some of the things that you can do to leave this feeling behind and create a new life (and the perception of it) for yourself. I’m going to share three steps that can help you begin the journey to a new life – alongside the grief. That is if you’re ready to do some inner-work and look at life (and grief) differently.
First, you need to understand that you have the ability to change. You need to be able to see that there is an issue that needs to be addressed rather than avoiding or burying it. Most importantly though, you have to want to change, to be better, and move towards the new life that you have been thinking and dreaming about. If you are more attached to the pain out of fear of change, that’s understandable. People would rather be comfortable than venture into the unknown and uncomfortable. I recall many years where I was adamant I was “fine.” We learn how to put on a show and wear a mask of illusion when we’re out with others. Inside, however, it’s a different story.
Becoming aware that you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, overwhelmed by fear and worry about the physical symptoms in your body that were manifesting is one way people become aware. This was my experience. I never fully dealt with the grief in my life and, after having children and in my 30’s, experiencing post-partum and other life challenges, I found myself experiencing another loss. By that time, I had done a lot of personal development work; even felt “fine” for several years. But, I was far from “fine.” We all have our own “rock bottom.” Even when I was abusing alcohol, nearly got fired from my job, and had my driver’s license suspended, I hadn’t met my “rock bottom.” When I say “rock bottom,” I mean in the sense of grief. Because grief, as I would later learn, is the catalyst for most of the problems in our lives – even the cyclical, repetitious situations we find ourselves in (the toxic relationship, addictions, financial gains, and losses, career change after career change). Grief, as you may have already learned through my work and the content I share, is both the thief of joy and the bearer of many gifts. However, we never see the difference between the two if we refuse to look at it.
Moving beyond the feelings of having no choice and recognizing the lessons grief holds, is what the step of awareness is all about.
Seeking the Right Help – for You
Society has been taught that it’s shameful to seek help – to need help. You may have grown up in a home where you didn’t talk to other people about your problems or issues in the family. Or, you may have never had a safe person in your immediate family growing up who you could go to. Any and all painful emotions were then likely stuffed down or were expressed in unhealthy ways. If you’re reading this, perhaps you have a child that’s struggling. Do you believe you are a safe person your child can go to where they won’t be criticized, analyzed, or judged? If you didn’t have that emulated for you growing up, there’s a good chance you may not know how to be a safe person for others because you never learned how to be. Are some people naturally better listeners and communicators? To a certain degree, yes. But when it comes to grief, we don’t know what we don’t know. We can easily say something that is hurtful or harmful without realizing it or without intending to do so.
So, in seeking help – follow your gut instincts. If you aren’t drawn to a certain mental health professional, friend, or family member, there’s a reason. Not everyone will be able to hold your grief with you, and this is especially so if they haven’t addressed their own. We can only help others to the capacity at which we’ve addressed our own grief.
How do you know if you’ve found the right person to help you? You’ll know when you have – it’s a feeling. Follow the cues of how you feel after you speak with that person initially. Does your body language close up and drawn inward? Do you find yourself not wanting to reveal much at all about yourself? On the flip side, do your shoulders relax, your speech slow, and a sense of calm and hope come over you? The body is always giving us cues and, it’s no different when we’re in the presence of or connecting one-on-one with another person.
Hold on to hope that there is always help available. There are many more resources today than there ever has been; likely some services you’ve never even heard of, too. I am aware there are waiting lists and cost is also a factor for many, too. I personally struggle with this because, although I know the value of Grief Recovery and believe every single person should have access to it, However, I am not in the position at this point in my life where I can give it (and my time) away either. Not only that, I do know that if a griever doesn’t have any “skin in the game,” meaning, they don’t have anything to lose (monetarily), that they are more likely to drop out of the program completely or not put 100% effort into it. I have personally witnessed this – both during my training and otherwise. This avoidance to do the work (with little to no financial attachment) is especially true when the inner-work gets hard – and it does get hard. As hard as it is for me to not give it away or for next to nothing, I know, without a doubt in my mind, I would be doing a griever a great disservice. That being said, I’m not opposed to bartering. If you are interested in Grief Recovery and have a skill or service I would find beneficial to me, please reach out. This may also be true for other mental health service providers, too. Get a little creative with how you can receive what you need while also giving your gifts and talents, too.
Bartering aside, there may also be grant or scholarship programs for which you can apply at certain agencies/businesses. I’m looking into how to implement this for my own business.
Once you find the right help for you, it might be the case that your needs entail medication, it may be heading to rehab for a little while, or include therapy sessions. Help could include all three, but that doesn’t matter as long as you are trying and working toward the new life you envision for yourself. No matter what, listen to your gut instincts when it comes to your mental health.
A Plan To Stay Healthy
The final thing that you are going to need is a plan to stay healthy in the long term. A lot of people find that having a routine helps them manage their life, keep out of overly stressful situations as much as possible, surround themselves with kind and loving people, as well as so much more. Be honest about what you have been through, and tell yourself you won’t be going back there as this will encourage you to stay on track as much as possible.
I personally have learned the importance of doubling down on self-care when life around you is in chaos as of recently. I denied myself self-care, completely stopped meditating after 93 days straight, and completely disregarded my mental, emotional, and physical health. As a result, I ended up getting Covid-19 within two weeks of stopping all of the things that grounded, centered and brought me a sense of peace and security. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. When the chaos ensued with all of the unknowns and uncertainty, the one area of my life where I could have created certainty and security, I didn’t devise a plan to maintain it.
I recently read this quote by James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, and shared by my mentor, Kristin Sherry, which is short but profound…
We don’t rise to our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. – James Clear, Atomic Habits
As an entrepreneur or as a mom that wears many hats while raising a family, I have systems in place that help my home and business run smoothly. However, we fail to recognize the importance of systems, as James Clear suggests, for personal well-being. Think about how you can create systems for success in staying healthy. Maybe, if you are wanting to exercise, you place your workout clothes right beside your bed, have your water bottle already ready to go for the next morning, and your workout planned out so you know what you’re doing before you head to sleep the night before. These are the very steps I take to set myself up for success, by having a system that helps me make better choices. I also don’t start, first thing, with exercise. Instead, I start with 20+ minutes of meditation. This is what I was doing before my self-care went out the window and, what I’ve since learned is that, no matter what, I can’t let go of and especially when life gets challenging. Because, when your cup is empty, it’s empty. You won’t have the motivation or the energy, even if you wanted to, to tackle physical demands, much less emotional ones. Create a plan, have a system in place, and stick to it as if your life depends on it because, in truth, it just might.
I hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see some of the things that you are going to need to do to move forward, towards a new life for yourself. It’s important that you understand the cost of not doing anything to move forward into a life you desire. Mental health is hard, but you don’t have to stay in the dark hole forever, there is a path into the light. Follow where your curiosity and intuition lead you, and when you’re ready to take your life by the horns and create lasting change, reach out to me or someone, but don’t suffer in silence.
As I’ve previously shared on my podcast, Grieving Voices, you’re already suffering; you may as well suffer while moving your feet. You have so much more to lose settling for a life not lived unleashed of suffering.
Have you ever thought about how your body responds when you’re doing something you’d rather not do? When you say “yes” to something you wish you had said “no” to?
When you find the courage to say “no” to something or someone, do you feel guilt or shame if the other person responds to your “no” in an unkind way – when they don’t respect or honor your “no?”
Or, do you say “yes” because you’re a people-pleaser? Do you want to see everyone around you happy and don’t want to be the reason someone is angry, upset, or disappointed in you? Even if that means you are going against the grain of what your heart (and energetic body) wants you to do?
On the flip side of all of this, have you thought about what you feel when someone tells you “no? Are you honoring and respecting the “no’s” given to you?
Whether you are asked to change seats on a flight, take on more responsibilities at work, or join a committee, if it’s not feeling like a “heck yes,” there are two ways to approach your response that will serve you.
Make a “yes” okay with you.
Say “no,” which is a complete sentence. Period.
I have taken the first approach many times. I have said “yes” to things with good intentions and because I really wanted to, but then found out the “yes” wasn’t what I thought it would be. Have you found yourself in that situation? You feel like something will be no big deal, and then you realize the experience becomes quite the opposite. You do still have choices in that scenario. You can either find a way out of the situation and respectfully bow out or change how you feel about it. You may have to do some internal digging, but it is possible to make an unpleasant experience pleasant simply by shifting your perspective (making the “yes” okay with you).
I feel like I’ve become a master at that one. Most of my life has felt like test after test for learning how to shift my perspective (and energy) around how I feel about certain things. You may recognize these people (like me) when they say: “Well, at least…XXX.” I have always tried to think about a scenario or someone else who “has it worse” than I do. Especially in my younger years, I was also trying to minimize my own experience, which is also a common thing many grievers will do.
What does all of this have to do with grief?
What Happens When You’re Out of Alignment
Grief is sneaky in this way. It’s like a spider finding a crevice and creating this masterful web that seems to attract, not lunch, but rather scenarios that will continue to test and challenge you. It just seems to take us so damn long to get the memo. Meanwhile, all of these scenarios and experiences stack up. And, if you’re not committing to experiences or people that are in alignment with the energy you want to be in, then it’s easy to see how this kind of grief, of not honoring yourself, is self-inflicted.
What you may begin to experience, then, are anxiety attacks (or ever-present low-level anxiety), headaches, canker/cold sores, bowel issues, rashes, frequent colds/viral infections, body aches/pains, unexplained fatigue, adrenal fatigue, feelings of burnout, etc.
When this self-inflicted grief goes on long enough, you will eventually find yourself feeling like a victim – to life and, if it goes on long enough – your body. And, all because you are not honoring your needs and desires – of what would feel to be in alignment with who you are and who you desire to be.
More than two years ago, I would not have recognized the signs and signals my body would give me. I would not be aware of my energetic body response, and I definitely wouldn’t have paused long enough to tune into either of these things. Today, however, it’s a very different story.
Our body is always speaking to us. We only need to tune out and tune our antenna inward to know what we need to do. Then, follow that inner wisdom with action that aligns with our heart, mind, and spirit.
The day you can do this is the day that grief’s grip starts to loosen.
Love +light to you today. Thank you for reading. If this message speaks to you today, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Reach out to me on Instagram / FB or email me at victoria@theunleashedheart [dot] com 💛
P.S. I recently launched a FREE Energy Type Quiz! If you want to dive deeper into understanding your energy type and learn some tips, too, click HERE to get started! There’s a free guide to download as well!
In a recent podcast interview, the guest, a fellow Grief Recovery Specialist and Parent Educator, used the phrase “living forward” instead of “moving on.” I like that; I think it speaks to the positive more than simply saying “moving on.”
The thing about moving on or living forward is neither is about forgetting, condoning, or minimizing.
Things to Keep in Mind for the Griever You Know
After the loss of a loved one, well-meaning people say things with the hope of encouraging or motivate action for the griever not to dwell. However, what this may cause the griever to do, instead, is to brush aside their grief, minimize what they’re feeling, and do their best to put on a brave face. None of these actions are likely authentic to how they’re feeling and, in turn, only cause more harm and delay healing.
What would be more positive and helpful is if the griever were allowed the time and space to feel how they feel, at the moment they feel it. Anything less is a disservice to themselves, and frankly, anyone else they’re in close relationships with – especially children if the griever is a parent.
What would also be helpful is reiterating to the griever exactly what this post is about; moving on and living forward and working towards healing doesn’t mean the sadness will end. There will always be an empty seat at the table or the relationship that never was quite what they hoped it would be. And, that’s okay. But, as a supporter of a griever, or as a griever reading this, it’s allowing that to be okay, too.
Things to Keep in Mind as a Griever
If you’re reading this through the lens of a griever, I would like to dig more deeply into this idea that moving on (or living forward) means that you’re somehow abandoning that relationship in your heart or betraying the dearly departed in some way. That couldn’t be further from the truth. What would be more hurtful to your loved one is watching you continue to suffer in your sadness.
There are many reasons why grievers suffer in silence. Many reasons are pretty general and similar across the board, including this idea that you have to be strong. No one wants to be looked at like they’re a trainwreck. Rather, it’s far better to look at the role of someone who has their grief game put together, right? You’re not fooling someone like me who is empathic and not only trained in grief but grew up with it being a part of me. I can smell suffering a mile away. Truth be told, I don’t smell it, I feel it, but you get the idea. Your body speaks to me before you even say a word. Sometimes, I can sense what people are struggling with, too. Anyway, I talked about the Myths of Grief on my podcast, which can also be found on my blog. These myths are pretty universal. If you read that article or listen to that podcast episode, you may see yourself in the descriptions of how you’ve responded to life while grieving.
What I would share with you today is that living forward, in other words taking action, is the best thing you can do for yourself today, tomorrow, and for the you that will be reflected in the mirror ten years from now.
Who do you want to be looking back at you?
Do you want to see the grief-stricken, wrung-out from life, beaten down you that you may be feeling like today?
Or, do you want to see yourself as a Phoneix that had risen from the ashes, emotionally stronger than ever before, resilient in your heart, and overcome with gratitude that you found exactly what you needed when you needed it and turned your life around?
How could you possibly forget your loved one?
How could you condone the behavior of someone who hurt you?
You can’t, and you won’t. However, you can take steps forward that enable you to remember your loved one with joy. There may be sadness, too, but it won’t be debilitating or derailing sadness.
And, you can live forward, rewriting your future script that doesn’t include the trauma or the pain of what was done against you that hurt you. Or, the relationship won’t continue to have the same effect on you, acting as the driver in your life, dictating and influencing every future decision you make. Even if we end a relationship with someone living, don’t be fooled to believe that the relationship ends. If you have anything left emotionally incomplete, that relationship is continuing whether you like to admit it or not. And, even if you do work through it, there will always be things that come up within less than loving relationships or estranged relationships that require attention. It’s how you will choose to address those things that will either impede your growth or aid you in your evolution.
My hope is that after reading this blog post, you recognize that honoring your future by taking action today is how you honor your loved one, too. For those less than loving or estranged relationships, it’s how you honor your present and future.
What small action can you take today that will help you live forward?
How many conversations have you avoided because you were afraid to rock the boat, appear to be too emotional or analytical, or downright scared to expose your heart?
Sharing your heart with others through uncomfortable conversations is a lot like being back in a middle school locker room. Just as your personal body is open to criticism, analysis, and judgment from others, so is the heart when your deepest feelings are shared in uncomfortable conversations.
An uncomfortable conversation can be speaking up for yourself for the first time about what you need, from a relationship to telling your parents you’re not pursuing a career they had their sights on for you since the time you were walking. Or, it can be coming out as gay for the first time or any other secret that’s leaving you feeling emotionally twisted in your gut when attempting to shield yourself from the truth of what you’re so afraid to share.
We are confronted with a choice to dive into uncomfortable conversations more times than we probably realize. Still, the decision to not “go there” is often made in a split-second thought that we quickly put that decision out of our minds. That being said, the restlessness we feel about the need to express ourselves emotionally doesn’t go away. Instead, by denying ourselves a release by lifting the weight of what feels like a secret or even conflicting feelings, you are only hurting yourself.
Sometimes, the suffering we cause ourselves by not unburdening our hearts is worse than the act or after-effects of sharing our heart’s truth.
Granted, there is a time and place for sharing. There is also a tactful and thoughtful way to express ourselves too. Information is far better received when we stick to how we feel rather than what we perceive as facts. Because our perceptions are all different, I can look at an image and see something completely different than the person next to me because we all perceive the world around us differently; filtering the world through the five senses of our personal experiences. I experienced this full-on in my Reiki Master certification, the same process as everyone else, but no two experiences of attunements and ignitions were the same.
If there is a difficult conversation, here are a few questions to ask yourself first:
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
We can sometimes make mountains out of molehills, so asking yourself these questions first may actually spare you further suffering. And, by necessity, I like to think of it, not as your feelings are not valid; rather, five years from now, will it matter? This comes back to possibly making a mountain out of a molehill.
May I Suggest…
If, after asking yourself the three questions above, you still feel that what you need to share needs to be said out loud (rather than working through how your experience may be a projection of your inner world), then it may be worth role-playing out loud. Create a checklist of the main points you want to express, then role-play in the mirror, saying the very things you need to say to the other person. After doing this exercise, you may even find that you feel better, and the situation seems to resolve itself, almost like magic. And, if it’s a situation that is complex or devastating, this will still be helpful. I suggest this to get clear and experience the emotions behind the words. When you go to have the conversation, you’re better able to focus on what needs to be said and not derail the opportunity to fully express yourself because you’re emotionally charged. Discharge some of that emotion first, so you can clearly articulate and express how you feel.
Grief recovery has helped me in unexpected ways, recognize the importance of addressing my emotions first before endeavoring into uncomfortable (and difficult) conversations. And, there have been more times than I can count, that after taking some time to step back and observe what’s going in within me, that I’ve been able to address the conflict in myself that was being reflected in the relationship with the other person.
Do you have a difficult time apologizing?Is there someone you wish you could forgive?
Apologies and forgiveness are two of the pillars and cornerstones of grief recovery. And, the beautiful thing about both, is they don’t require us to confront anyone, in person. And, even if the person is deceased, we are still able to process the feelings around apologies and forgiveness.In this episode, you will learn:
We’re not taught how to effectively process what it is we’re feeling. And a huge component of the work that I do in grief recovery is about apologies and forgiveness. And initially, this week was going to be about intangible losses, which are the kind of loss that it’s not the death of a loved one or divorce or it’s like the secondary losses; it’s those things that not specific to a person. However, it can be a ripple loss due to the loss of a loved one.
So, for example, let’s say you get a divorce. Well, it’s the loss of maybe the life that you had, the home that you had, the support the financial support that you had, there’s a lot of other loss that happens in divorce and death of a spouse or death of a loved one, things like that. In the case of being a victim or being victimized, we can have a loss of trust, a loss of self-worth, loss of faith. That’s a big one. So that’s initially what I was going to talk about. But there was a conversation with some girlfriends recently and it kind of sparked this. I got a little revved up about it, actually; in talking about, we often talk about the story of what it is that happened to us. And which is easy to do, right? Someone asks you to tell the story, but rarely do people ask how it made you feel. And if someone were to ask you well, how did that make you feel? That’s probably when you would get the emotions coming up for you. That’s when you might realize, maybe I haven’t processed everything fully. Maybe there’s more to dig into here. Maybe there’s something residual that is still lying dormant. Things can provoke us. That might happen and provoke us and cause us to reflect on a certain time in the past or when we were victimized or experienced trauma. And that’s an indicator if especially if you have a physical response to that, it’s that muscle memory.
When We Apologize
But there’s emotion tied to that. There’s going to be an emotional residual residue that makes sense, emotional residue. I’ll say that emotional residue from that experience unless we’ve learned how to effectively process it and take actual action with the apologies and forgiveness that I’m going to talk about today. So when we apologize, we’re actually apologizing for anything that we did or did not do that may have hurt someone else. So let’s say when we steal something from someone else, we apologize. That was for something that we did. When it comes to apologies, the focus is on ourselves and how we perceive our own actions or inactions. Grief recovery helps you work through the apologies like these for a relationship in which you are incomplete. And the beautiful thing about it is that you don’t have to apologize in person. In fact, some should remain private and indirect. For example, if you cause someone physical harm or emotional damage, what if they don’t accept your apology? You haven’t helped the relationship; there aren’t any mended fences, and what more likely, the person may not accept it. And that’s where forgiveness is often intertwined with apologies in this manner. The other person hasn’t worked through forgiveness, and they likely wouldn’t accept an apology.
That’s why it’s so important that we work through and process apologies and forgiveness, for the most part, privately. Now, I’m not saying never apologize when you know you’re in the wrong, don’t hang your hat on it being accepted, and acknowledged that it’s not their responsibility to absolve you of your feelings. And this is where we must forgive ourselves, which is also an inside job. So what if, though you are a victim, whether you survived a physical assault or emotional, psychological abuse, many people develop lifelong relationships with their pain and act like victims. I personally experienced this. And that’s why I have a whole chapter devoted to victim mindset in my book; this became one of the biggest veils of my potential in my life. And what do I mean by that the biggest veil? Because I like to think of grief as a veil, a veil that covers our eyes to ourselves and how we see ourselves and how we see the world. So when things didn’t go right in my life, or someone let me down or took advantage of me in various ways. Yet again, I didn’t see that my default and automatic response to my life circumstances were to slip into being the victim.
Being a child that is physically and emotionally taken advantage of lays the foundation of learned behavior, to be in survival mode, fearful of the future, an inability to live in the present, and a skewed sense of what nurturing love and compassion really look like. Therefore, victims have a really hard time apologizing. How and Why would I need to apologize to the person who molested me as a child? How and Why would I need to apologize to the person who sexually assaulted me? These are big questions and not easy ones to process. However, I have learned that even the slightest transgression should be given a voice. We, humans, have a desire to be right. And it’s this need to be right rather than happy that causes us additional suffering. We can be right, or we can be happy. And often, the hardest apology to give is the one that needs to be given. If I apologize, you may be wondering, isn’t that absolving someone of their responsibility, and what happened? No, it is merely owning your role in the relationship, not necessarily the incident. But no matter how slight it is, it’s important to give it a voice.
Forgiveness Becomes our Friend
To really move beyond the emotional suffering of being a victim. Forgiveness becomes our friend. Forgiveness is giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday. And being a victim, forgiveness does not equal condoning. These two terms are misunderstood in our society, and that the belief is that if we forgive, we are condoning the behavior. Webster’s dictionary, though, defines forgive as to cease to feel resentment against an offender. Whereas condone means to treat as trivial, harmless, or of no importance. If these two words meant the same thing, we would never be able to forgive. This implies we’re trivializing horrible events. And as a victim, you would never do that. However, if we talk about forgiveness, now that’s on the path to healing. When we get stuck on the story of past traumatic or victimizing events, it limits us and restricts our ability to participate fully in our life. And I can personally attest to this, especially once I had my three kids for sure. Forgiveness is the completion of the pain. The opposite is the retention of resentment. When we forgive, we are acquiring our own sense of well-being. Forgiveness is an action; it’s not a feeling. And you cannot feel forgiveness until you do it. Action first, feeling follows. Forgiveness is giving up the resentment you hold against another person.
So what if the other person you need to forgive is living? That’s another beautiful thing about grief recovery. You do this privately without ever saying one word to the other person. We never want to forgive someone directly to their face. Because again, what if the person on the receiving end didn’t realize or believe that they did anything wrong? You’re your back in emotional jail, and the other person’s defenses go way up. Finally, what about asking for forgiveness? When you do this, it’s manipulating. You are asking someone to do something you need to do for yourself. If you are asking for forgiveness, what you’re really needing and trying to do is apologize.
Through Grief Recovery
Don’t ask for forgiveness; instead, make an apology. And through grief recovery, you can address apologies and forgiveness and so much more for any relationship to someone living or deceased through taking empowering action for your well-being. Well, there you have the information I needed to share today on apologies and forgiveness. And I really feel like I’ve kind of flew through it. But take your time, listen through it again if you need to, and reflect on your life on where you need to apologize or forgive where you’re waiting for an apology that you may never get and forgive that person for the apology you will never receive. Resentment is a poison that we take hoping the other person dies. And the apologies and the forgiveness components were probably the most significant portions of the grief recovery method for me personally because I was a victim of sexual assault sexual abuse. And there was a lot that I needed to process through too many relationships with people living in my life that required me to wrap my head around and fully embrace forgiveness and apologies and not for the other person, but rather for myself for my well-being.
P.S. So, this is very empowering work. And if you want to learn more, I encourage you to reach out if you have a question about apologies or forgiveness, don’t hesitate to email me [email protected], or you can DM me, I’m on Facebook, and Instagram messaged me there, wherever you feel comfortable to reach out. If this was helpful to you, if you found this informative, if it resonated with you, I would love for you to share it with someone who needs to hear this message today.
Today, I thought I would speak about what I do, how I’m different, and the type of client I resonate most with.
What I Do
Through grief healing programs, I walk you through the process of being leashed to grief – to being unleashed and emotionally free.
Through online and in-person programs, trailblazers like you realize that the one area of your life that’s always had a background presence is the one area you’ve also never addressed (i.e., grief). You have not connected the dots that loss, suffering, and grief have negatively impacted your life. But, you recognize that the chip on your shoulder, the poison (i.e., resentment) you’re drinking, hoping the other person dies, and the anger that’s been stewing from years past isn’t helping you live the life you envisioned for yourself. You know it could be better; you just haven’t found the how.
That’s where I come in – empowering and equipping you to help yourself.
There is no magic pill, and what I have to offer isn’t that. However, it does feel like a magical formula that works in magical ways in your life. When paired together, I believe I have found two programs that will be the key to you becoming unleashed from your past and unlocking your future. They have certainly done that for me. And I have already seen amazing results for my clients. While the Grief Recovery Method® was the light at the end of the dark tunnel (the hope and guidance they needed to leave the pain in the rearview), YouMap® was the lantern that has illuminated their path forward.
With empathy as my number one strength and the driver of my life, my approach is heart-centered. Please take a peek at my own YouMap® and, it’s clear to me that I am fully aligned in the work that I do with every service I offer, including Reiki and End-of-Life services (which I have yet to bring to the forefront). What brings me fulfillment is being of service in a meaningful way. I love helping others unlock their own potential, and, for the vast majority of us, the secret sauce is addressing the very stuff of our hearts we try so desperately to avoid or bury. And, an area of service I have yet to share fully is to help those dying die in a way that honors their wishes, helps them and their loved ones feel supported, and provide guidance for end-of-life, in general. There’s so much to share I haven’t even gotten to yet!
On a final note that supports what I do, I am the only Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist in the world certified as a YouMap® coach and vice versa. And, because 1 in 33 million people share the same top 5 strengths as me (or you), it is a particular skill-set I bring to grievers and those who want to uplevel their lives (and, in turn, their energy).
Be The Trailblazer of Your Life
The trailblazer is the go-getter, the do-er, a maverick, of sorts. You know you’re meant for more but have found yourself, year after year, stuck in the same old patterns of behavior that, well, keep you stuck. You may be the CEO of your home, wrangling all of the kids to their activities, all the while, you’re time is consumed by PTO/PTA, church council, city board, and the care of the household. Perhaps, on top of all of those duties, you also work outside the home, or perhaps, you have your own business, too.
You know your life (and/or business/career) could be better. You know you have a hard time making decisions. You likely feel inadequate in some ways, and if in business especially, you struggle with people skills and time management. You’re often feeling scatter-brained, have difficulty focusing, and most days could use a personal secretary. All the while, it feels like everyone around you isn’t struggling like you are. They go about their day unaffected by the little things that seem to set you off into a tailspin. – life could be better. You want life to be better. You want to feel better about your life. You know there’s potential for amazing things to come to fruition, but all of that seems out of reach. And, you also recognize that there’s a good reason for the struggle. You just haven’t connected the dots – yet.
You may not see yourself as a trailblazer, but if there’s one thing I have learned doing this work myself and with others, it is with momentum, you will become one. Once you start paving your path and blazing your own trail, you realize there’s nothing that can stop you. And, you’ll also feel far more prepared for the curveballs and sh*t-storms that happen in the future when you have the tools you learn through Grief Recovery to fall back on and rather than respond, approach the situation with a proactive mindset because you will have learned how to prevent yourself from further unnecessary suffering (through the knowledge gained in your YouMap®).
Connecting the Dots
You may be drinking more than you know you should be some nights. However, given the stress and anxiety you feel, it brings you relief and an escape for a time. The credit card debt may be racking up because spending money on things you don’t need has become another past-time to feel better. As a result of the shame and added stress these other behaviors (or behaviors like these) are causing in your life, you’re quick to anger. So, to combat the conflict at home, you’re becoming a workaholic.
Consider the losses in your life since childhood. These losses stack up. From losing a beloved pet, a grandparent that was more like a parent to you, a traumatic experience, or growing up in a dysfunctional home – perhaps with an alcoholic or witnessing domestic violence – your upbringing impacts your decision-making well into adulthood.
The cure to understanding the who, what, and why is to dig deep – in a guided, supported way. Unlike years of therapy (which has its place) and popping pills, tipping the bottle, or relying on mantras and affirmations (although these do have their time and place, too) – grief recovery is action. Through grief recovery, you go emotional mining, however, not in a willy-nilly way. Through an evidence-proven method, you’re guided through your inner, emotional experiences, thereby transforming your outer experience.
If a transformation of your heart, and your life, is what you seek, there is hope. If, what you’ve been doing, hasn’t been working, seriously ask yourself what you believe to be true about your life with grief. Are you exhausted by the emotional weight you’re carrying?
That boulder can be lifted, believe me.
And, I promise you – grief recovery is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. There is nothing else like it. It’s trademarked for a reason. Kent University studied it for a reason. It works. Experience the difference for yourself.
For those that believe you don’t have to look back to heal – I’m talking to you, too.
How has sweeping the pain under the rug been working for you?
I know it hasn’t because I did the same. And, because we’re all taught the same myths about grief, we’re all “under-the-rug-sweepers” to some degree.
Start sweeping your doorstep today, and you’ll see how the dust begins to settle in all areas of your life.
I’ve so been there, friend. I was you. It’s pretty amazing on the other side of the pain. I hope you join me.
P.S. Would you like to learn more? Schedule a free, no-obligation, free consultation!
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