Have you felt like you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride, emotionally, lately?
My kids are now home due to COVID. So, aside from that, and all the other things come with life, work, and business, I’m tired. And, I know I’m not alone.
One thing that I’ve found that has helped me not to lose my marbles lately is taking at least 45 minutes every morning for myself. Every weekday, I do a workout. Periodically, I give myself Reiki. One day this week, I also journaled. The point is, taking time for my body, my heart, and my mindset has dramatically kept me from lashing out in frustration.
How often, though, do we go about our day without making our body, heart, and mindset a priority? How often do we lax on our self-awareness and go about our day mindlessly? A lot.
I recall many times throughout my life, where the littlest things would set me off. This response is not uncommon to us when we feel as if we’re on an emotional rollercoaster. So, how do you suppose this quick-to-anger, being easily poked by the bear – way of being is impacting your life, work, and business if you have one?
Back when I had my first business, I was struggling in a lot of ways emotionally. I was having physical symptoms, including unexplained body aches, headaches, and hair loss. Also, I had or have never been diagnosed with anxiety. However, since having a better understanding of our energy, I look back in hindsight and recognize that the physical angst I would often feel was anxiety. Even today, when my thoughts start to tailspin around overwhelm (which I’ve come to learn is due to lack of prioritizing) and the future, I begin to have episodes of heart arrhythmia and feel like I could jump out of my skin. Again, I don’t know if this is what anxiety feels like to those diagnosed, but this is when I know I am out of energetic balance.
I’ve come to understand that grief and energy go hand-in-hand. I do feel that is why Reiki found me after going through the grief recovery program and starting to unravel the years of emotional dis-ease I had carried.
When I look back on the years when I first joined the workforce at 14 and onward, I recognize (with new awareness) what emotional dis-ease (i.e., grief) has cost me. There were many jobs I never applied at because I didn’t feel like I had a snowball’s chance in you know what of getting the job. I also got so scared about the future, finances, and all the things when it came to college. I spent a weekend in a dorm when I turned 18 to pack the car and leave before ever giving myself a chance. I gave up on myself before I even tried. And, all because of fear and money.
I did not trust myself. I did not understand intuition and how to tap into it. I always looked to the external for affirmation that I was doing the right thing or looking for permission or just someone to tell me what to do. It was this confusion, and yet, also a knowing that I could do hard things that led me to join the military. If money was the problem in attending college, well then, I found my solution. What I didn’t realize was that I still had to pay that money upfront (which, I believe, is still the case).
I’ve learned to become resourceful through struggle, but I’ve also learned how to be resilient. That said, it’s taken me decades to dig in and tap into how to utilize my resourcefulness and resiliency. You see, when we’re emotionally suffering, it’s often difficult to see potential and possibility – in ourselves. Our minds become a fog of illusion that we’re okay and fine. However, if we take a birds-eye view of our life, we often see that we have blocks that keep us repeating the same self-sabotaging behaviors. Or, we become hyper-focused on performance, results, and outcomes – all the while neglecting ourselves and those we love (hello, burnout)!
Below is a rundown list of all the ways, I believe, emotional dis-ease creates blocks and hinders our progress in life and business. These are ways I self-identify with, and I am sure there are many more I haven’t thought of that I could add. If this list resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you! I’m curious if there are others I haven’t included that you found to be true for you?
The Ways Emotional Dis-Ease Impacts Life & Business
questioning/second-guessing every decision or difficulty making decisions
seeking outside validation/affirmation
unable to see other perspectives
lack of discernment
money drama – money comes, money goes // lack of growth in account or savings
quick to anger
difficulty connecting with others
feeling like others are out to get you // victim mindset
lack of self-awareness or not conscious of your physical body // desire to “numb-out.”
The more of these that resonate with you, the more likely you’ve got some emotional weeds in your heart garden that need some tending and pulling. With each weed we pull, we’re clearing out space for more beauty to enter and unfold in our lives.
There is hope on the other side of all of this. I’ve been having some wonderful conversations with some incredible healing hearts for my podcast, Grieving Voices. And, these guests have proven this to me over and over. There’s no such thing as joy or sorrow – the two co-exist within a matter of moments of each other. However, when the scales tip further one way than the other in a way that doesn’t sit right with you, then you have a choice to do something about it.
There is no timeline for healing emotional dis-ease. However, how much time are you willing to give sorrow? How much of your life are you ready to gamble? We all reach a point where we get sick of our own crap. My friend, that’s when the magic happens. That fire in your belly for wanting more for yourself and your loved ones – it’s the stuff that dreams are made of, and we often give up on our dreams before we give ourselves a chance. We often don’t think there’s hope.
Take your life by the horns, my friend. It’s waiting for you. Will there always be painful and challenging things that put a boulder in your way? Of course. Life isn’t a fairy tale or movie. But, why write the final chapter before you’ve lived all the chapters in-between? Resiliency is learned through experience and growth, a by-product of suffering. I don’t care which way you slice it. It’s just some people are more willing to allow the unfolding than others. Fear and resistance keep the rest stuck in the past.
The future will not be found in the past. It took me 30+ years to discover this. That said, our pain often becomes our message. And, maybe that’s just a part of my walk here on earth. I don’t know. As a podcast guest stated recently, “I feel more awake now than ever.” And you know what, this woman lost her 17-month-old son suddenly. A loss I cannot even fathom. So, please don’t take it from me; tune in to the podcast and hear the stories of hope for yourself—just incredible stories I am honored to share with listeners. I feel so inspired by their faith and trust in what is possible for them. And, for a time (like myself), they didn’t see it for themselves, either.
There are gifts of grief (i.e., emotional dis-ease/suffering). Get empowered by what is possible, regain emotional control of your life (and body), and watch that list above fade into the rearview.
P.S. Need a lifeline of hope? Reach out to me. Here to serve and create more healing ripples in the world.
Do you believe you are worthy of healing? It sounds like an odd question, I know. Really, though – do you?
If you believe it’s an easy “yes,” do your actions reflect that you are?
For many years I struggled to cope with the events of loss and trauma that occurred during my childhood. Well into adulthood, my self-worth was in the toilet. During my teen years, although I was pretty thin, I would wear baggy clothes. I hid my body. I hid a lot during those years. I didn’t have a boyfriend until going into my senior year (even then, I couldn’t believe it). And, I had big aspirations for my life (travel was at the heart of every endeavor I considered).
As you know, life can be planned down to the letter. However, life always has other plans. Plans that are sometimes better than what we imagined, too.
However, what had held me back in so many ways was the fact I did not feel worthy of good things. And, even when I thought I had a good thing, I anticipated it (or them) going away or leaving, which is what happened, too. Relationships in my life were either strained or ended. I never let anyone get too close. I allowed others to take advantage of me (I didn’t know what boundaries were). I didn’t appreciate the good things I did have (including my job that I should have been fired from more than once). I even flooded out of my apartment. It was as if, if I had both shoes, I was creating chaos for one to drop, or, I was barely hanging on because I was losing one. Do you know what I mean?
It wasn’t until my now-husband came back into my life after many years of friendship, where he showed me what I was worth to him. And, slowly but surely, I began to understand my worth and how I contribute to the world around me (positive and negative). I discovered faith (and hope) for the first time, and I started to turn my life around. But, this didn’t happen until my eyes were opened to the fact that I was worthy of good things because I am, and no other reason was needed. I didn’t have to do or be anything to anyone else to be worthy. I didn’t have to perform or be someone I wasn’t to please someone else – I could be me, and that was enough. This awareness was only the start, though. Because even from this time, it took me another sixteen years (sixteen years!!!!) to put that feeling of unworthiness to bed – for good. And, it didn’t happen until I resolved all of the trauma and pain that was the catalyst for it in the first place.
Our lack of self-worth is very much tied to childhood grief. Whether your parents were divorced, a parent died, you were sexually abused (a big, big one), adopted, in foster care, you likely weren’t raised knowing you were in charge of your own agency. Meaning, you weren’t encouraged to make your own decisions (reasonably, of course, for safety reasons) and weren’t allowed to express your opinions. Perhaps you grew up in survival mode.
I’ve learned so much about the power of choice after going through what I have gone through in my life. Fortunately, my husband and I are on the same page as we raise our children, too. We do not force our children to do anything they do not want to do. And, we ask probing questions to help them come to their own conclusions about what matters to them.
Something as simple as having the ability (and choice) of not wanting to play a sport serves them well into adulthood. We don’t force our kids to do any sport they don’t want to do. However, once they start, they’re finishing. It is important to us, as parents, they learn what the word commitment means. These lessons serve them later when their friends have all gathered around and “they’re all doing it (drinking or whatever “it” is),” and they have the know-how and the conviction to say “no.” Regardless of what others may think, and because they’ve flexed their “decision-making” muscle, they can confidently stand by what they feel is right for them. I always ask my kids, “what does your gut tell you?” And, I conclude with “it will never steer you wrong.” I also tell them that nothing good happens after midnight. But, isn’t that the truth in adulthood, too? Lol!
What does the power of choice have to do with self-worth and healing?
Had I learned the skills and been encouraged to exercise my right to choose, I would have known and understood that my desires had worth. I would have grown up understanding that, what I feel in my gut, is what is right for me and would have created boundaries early on to protect myself from further pain and suffering. Instead, what happens, is we become detached from our own inner-guidance system. That muscle doesn’t get flexed, so we look to the external for all of the answers. We don’t know where to go, what to do, or why we’re here. We lose touch with ourselves. And, we base our decisions on the feelings/actions/behaviors of others.
Grief is the catalyst for lack of self-worth, and our learned behavior and generational teachings influence us like gasoline on a fire.
You want to build self-worth and heal? It takes inner-work, and it’s anything but easy.
If you don’t have boundaries in your life, aren’t sure what they are, or are reading this feeling like nothing you ever do is good enough, that you’re everyone’s doormat, and why bother because life only seems to hand you lemons? Start by digging deep, my friend. There’s healing to be done. And, you are worthy of it. Always have been, and forever will be. If only you could see it.
If your days have been feeling as though they’re all running together – know that today is FRIDAY! Woohoo! I hope you can find some joy this weekend.
If you feel like every person you cross paths with is cranky, rude, or negative – know that their emotional gunk isn’t yours. But, it may help you feel better to continue to be you. Don’t dim your positivity for the sake of making the other person feel comfortable. I’ve been on the other side of this. I’m sure you have, too. You’re in a cranky mood, and someone you speak to is just full of smiles and joy and, you wonder to yourself: “How can you be so damn happy all of the time?” And, you know what? It’s more of a reflection of ourselves. We can project our joy onto others, or we can project our pain.
And, I realize that’s the difficulty. I’ve written about telling the emotional truth about ourselves many times before. Yet, here I am saying that if you’re feeling negative, not to mention the emotional truth about yourself- not to project it onto others. However, there’s a difference between telling the emotional truth and treating others poorly because we feel – emotionally deficient.
We will not always be happy – about our life situation, the state of the world, a decision that’s been made, our health, the weather – you name it. However, if we can acknowledge, within ourselves, that which isn’t working, feeling right, or aligning our soul with joy, and meet that hurt within us with compassion, then we are more equipped to share the truth – without mistreating others in the process.
As we start to work through our emotional stuff (and continue to do so), we are less affected by others’ emotional dis-ease. And, I can tell you, I am much quicker to recognize now (because I keep applying grief recovery to my life) when I am a projector of the negative. I have learned that that’s when it’s time to step out of my head and into my heart, and know where there’s emotional work to do. As a result, this makes me a happier person – in my skin and to be around.
Life is for learning. When you feel like you’ve messed up – apologize. When you feel like you’re at your breaking point – step away, take a break, and hit the reset button. Ask yourself what you can do in the situation rather than focusing on what is out of your hands (I’ve been doing my darndest to put this one into practice as of late).
We are in community with each other whether we like it or not. So, rather than fret over others whom you can’t change, fret over a situation that’s frustrating the, you know what, out of you, and being frustrated with yourself – hit reset. Sometimes, we need to be alone – not in community with others, to do just that. When we’re in each other’s spaces, we’re also in each other’s energy. You’re doing the best you can steeping in everyone’s energy. But the most important person’s energy you need to pay attention to – is your own.
I know it’s not easy these days to manage our own energy either. I had been struggling with this, too. And, you know – I gave myself Reiki. True story. I gave myself Reiki before bed a few nights recently, and despite having fewer hours of sleep, I had better quality sleep. Another thing that feels like a reset at the end of the day? A shower. Yup. Sounds silly, as the majority of the people I know typically shower in the morning. However, I prefer to shower at night. You literally wash away the stress of the day down the drain and crawl into bed, feeling refreshed (and reset).
So today, I want you to pat yourself on the back that yes, you are doing the best you can. And, I hope this helps you to reflect on your energy and the energy of those around you. How is the energy of others affecting you? How is your energy affecting those around you, too? When I feel good, I influence those around me to feel better, also.
Even if it may seem annoying to others who project their pain on others (because they’re not tapped into their energy and their impact it has) – work on a reset for YOU. This reset is the best thing you can do this Friday and throughout the weekend, before the start of a new week.
Set the intention today for a fantastic weekend, regardless of the chaos that may be ensuing around you. Turn off the phone if you need to. Get a hotel room or an Airbnb by yourself for a night, if you need to. Take a drive on the backroads, or in the country, and photograph what you find along the way. Take a lawn chair and sit by the lake (or the ocean) and steep in the stillness.
Reset for your energy (and your mindset), so you can continue to do the best you can! And, if you need help with an emotional reset for life, reach out to me. I know the program that’s perfect for doing just that. 😉
P.S. Are you looking for support for a grieving child in your care? I am looking for four participants to walk through the NEW online group program, Helping Children with Loss. We meet on Zoom only four times – once a week, for no more than 2 1/2 hours each time. And know that there’s lots of material to cover. You won’t be a silent listener (bored out of your mind) as I lecture each week for four weeks. It’s participatory and engaging content, where you interact with others in the group, and learn some new skills and tools to utilize for the rest of your life. This program is prevention, so whether you’re a parent, daycare provider, social worker, school faculty, a child therapist looking for more knowledge around grief specifically, or work in the foster care/adoption system – this program is for you – the adult. The first group will be offered at a discounted rate, which will allow me to make sure all of my systems and processes are correctly in place and that there aren’t any hiccups—interested in learning more? Please email me at [email protected] or message via the Contact tab.
I look forward to sharing this amazing program with you – for the better of the child(ren) in your life!
In 2008, I started to dip my toes in business. The following year, I registered and officially started VLV Photography, LLC. For the next six years, I ran a boutique photography studio. I had a high-touch business, where I conducted in-person ordering, provided finished photo art, and custom designs for my clients.
From start to finish, when I worked with my clients, I held a very high standard for myself. I started out shooting weddings, which is literally equivalent to running a marathon when you shoot solo (or so it feels like). At least, for me, I needed two days to recover because I expended a massive amount of mental and physical energy to keep up with the demands that photographing a wedding requires.
A few years in, I discovered that my first favorite was shooting high school seniors. I saw myself in so many of them; a zest for adventure, excitement for the future, and unbridled energy that felt both scattered and channeled. There is just something about being 18. It’s a year of transition that’s filled with so much emotion and, being in their energy was just that – energizing. Weddings created the same kind of “adrenaline high,” but on a much larger scale that was energizing at the time, but depleted me when it was over.
That’s all great, but get to the point, right? Lol!
I do have one. However, I think it’s important to understand that through all of those years, I was a griever. Through the highs and lows of entrepreneurship, I was grieving. And, despite the “high” being a photographer gave me, it was kind of that – an addiction. I was addicted to learning everything I could possibly learn about photography, equipment, software, business, etc.. However, I gave little interest in learning about myself. I wasn’t interested in digging internally to discover why I was struggling in the areas of self-worth, self-criticism, focus, motherhood, and then some. In hindsight, I was using photography as my STERB (short-term energy relieving behavior).
Despite having young children when I launched my business (all were in diapers, and the youngest was six months old), I poured everything I had into that business – less into myself, and, if I’m honest, being present around my children. I was neglecting what was really going on internally.
I had experienced post-partum after our second daughter. To add insult to injury, she was a November baby. Within two years, we had our youngest, a February baby. And, after having the youngest, the post-partum was so bad I went to my nurse practitioner, shared how I was feeling, and I left with a prescription.
I was never asked what happened in my life up to that point. I wasn’t asked if I was getting enough rest, or if I had support at home (which, I often didn’t because my husband was often gone a week at a time). I tried that pill for two weeks before I stopped taking it on my own. I never once received a follow-up from the doctor why I never refilled it. I stopped sharing how I felt to doctors from that day forward. What I needed, at the time, was a good life coach, someone to help me dig into my emotional shit. And, I know now, not just any life coach, one that specifically addressed grief. Grief was the most bottomless hole I was finding myself impossible to crawl out of on my own.
How Grief Showed Up In My Business
I would have days where I couldn’t get myself to do a darn thing. I had days where I questioned everything I was doing. I second-guessed myself ALL.THE.TIME. I looked to others to validate and give me the affirmation I couldn’t find within myself. I did not understand what intuition was or how to tap into my own. And, I had a pretty intimate relationship with constant low-grade anger and procrastination.
These feelings and struggles continued for another five years. FIVE YEARS! Oh my gosh! Ask me if I experienced more grief after going through the grief recovery method, and it’s a resounding yes because I realized what had been the missing piece for me all those years. And, I was filled with the regret of not finding GRM sooner.
Since that time, and since completing GRM and becoming certified in helping others in their grief, I’ve spent a lot of time digging into what was truly going on with me. I’ve processed a lot of the emotional baggage that was hindering my ability to grow and scaling my business in a way that exceeded all of my expectations. And, I’ve learned that wisdom only comes from experience.
Those early years of entrepreneurship laid the foundation for the business I have now. So many of the skills, lessons, processes, and internal work I’ve completed since have made me a more level-headed, knowledgable, and wiser entrepreneur today. Eleven years is a long time to commit to being an entrepreneur. Many that attempt it often don’t survive beyond three years. It’s taxing work. And, I argue, it’s often taxing because we don’t give one thought to who we were before entrepreneurship, and the ways our experiences have negatively impacted our lives and then address them, so they don’t hinder us.
How we have learned to process our loss at an early age, and throughout life, have a direct impact on how we treat shortcomings, failures, or anything we perceive as negative in our business. Many entrepreneurial-geared programs and coaches focus on what needs to change in business because it’s easier (and sexier) than addressing the inner-work.
Also, the connection isn’t made that the issues we see in our businesses are a reflection of ourselves and the climate in our hearts. If you feel as though everyone is out to get you, life is unfair, people don’t respect you, and everyone is a cheap-skate; perhaps look in the mirror. Ask yourself if those are thoughts you are having being reflected back to you by external experience as a result of your internal one. Could it be because what’s at the heart of it is that:
You don’t trust others.
You have unresolved anger.
You have self-worth issues.
You lack boundaries.
due to, you know what I’m going to say – you guessed it! GRIEF! Grief causes us to feel all of these things, depending on what we experienced in our lives.
If you’re reading this and you’re not an entrepreneur, I bet you can still apply this message to your working life and the relationships you have with colleagues, as well as with your friends and family. I can only guess how much revenue grief caused me all of those years, and how much it has cost you in your business. Or, how much your grief has caused your employer, too, in lost productivity and focus.
It causes me to grief, to this day, having the awareness that I never met my potential for what was possible in my photography business either. So, I choose to look at it all as a stepping stone and part of my journey through grief. And, there’s still some gunk to unpack there, too, as it relates to my relationship with my children.
The blog post photo is an excellent analogy for entrepreneurship and life. Many entrepreneurs are walking on a shaky foundation. Many of us, including non-entrepreneurs, feel as though we’re walking on a rickety dock that is our life. At the end of the dock, however, is a small boat. You don’t know whether to trust the boat, though, either. That too appears to be in rough shape. Not to mention, will the waters always be calm? Surely they won’t be; we expect some waves, don’t we? Suffice this to say, the only way we know where life can take us is if we have hope, and faith in ourselves, that we can do hard things. For me, it was facing decades of grief. If this post resonates with you, grief is likely your culprit as well. However, you may not have perceived it as such until now.
You’ve walked the hard walk. Perhaps it’s now time to get on the boat?
What do you think?Do you think an undercurrent of grief may be the root of issues and inner-conflict you are experiencing in your business?
Have you become a master at busy-ing yourself in your business to avoid how you’re feeling. Or, are you aware of how you’re feeling is a problem but haven’t even considered that grief is the culprit?
Let me know in the comments below, or do you see the handy dandy “Leave a Message” button to the right? You can leave up to a five-minute message, and, if you enter your email, I can respond directly to you! Pretty neat, eh?
Narcissist, according to Merriam-Webster, isan extremely self-centered person who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Empathy, also according to Merriam-Webster, is defined as the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.
Grief, according to the same resource, is deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement. However, The Grief Recovery Institute defines grief as the normal and natural reaction to a loss of any kind. It is also anything we wish would be different, better, or more, and the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.
The Narcissist in Your Life
Where does narcissism come in then? If you have relationships with people (who doesn’t?), you may know of a narcissist or have one in your life. And, in my experience, it’s grief-causing to understand that the narcissist in your life will always fit the bill for grief-like feelings around the relationship that you wish would be different, better, or more. Grief also exists in knowing that there is a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations for the relationship, too.
I don’t know if a narcissist can change. They will always have a different view of themselves, as opposed to how others perceive them. How do you get someone to change their perception of themselves? In short, I don’t know that you can. That’s self-awareness, I believe, that has to come from within themselves. Only you have the power to change yourself for the better, and work through all of the feelings that arise. Unless, however, you cut them out of your life completely. Even then, the grief-like feelings don’t go away on their own by cutting the person out of your life. There will still be emotional incompleteness with that person and the relationship.
To better understand why you may be experiencing grief while in a relationship with a narcissist, read the following excerpt from this Psychology Today blog post:
Since an empathic response often involves an unconscious assessment of one’s vulnerability to experiencing shame, the narcissist’s inhibition of an empathic response (“unwillingness”) may simply be self-protective. This also points to the affective limitations that accompany narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists do not consciously feel a lack of empathy or experience an unwillingness to empathize. Instead, in many situations where one might expect them to empathize, their limitations activate a sense of helplessness—an imagined vulnerability— followed by scripted responses to shame, such as shame-fear (fear of loss of face) or shame-rage (protection from some trauma or imagined trauma from the past).
Thus, if you are involved with someone whose behaviors are motivated by shame-avoidance, your task is to protect yourself since they will be consciously or unconsciously unwilling to empathize with you. Commonly, heartbroken people explain their relationship rupture as due to their former partner’s “lack of empathy,” concluding they had been in love with a narcissist. However, it is possible to respond to our own shame by attacking the other who could not provide what we needed in the first place, given their restricted emotional freedom. Instead, by accepting our disappointment and misdirection, and looking inside ourselves, we can learn because we have the emotional resources and willingness that enable us to do so.
And, applying the last sentence, to my life, is what has given me the emotional freedom I desired, that I saw came so naturally to the narcissist in my life. It should come to no surprise that GRM (the grief recovery method) provided me with new tools and knowledge to do just that.
I highly recommend reading the entire article. And, if you suspect someone in your life is a narcissist or not (or, are perhaps curious where you fall on the scale), check out this quiz. For funsies, I took it and applied the questions to myself. I scored a 6, which falls into self-sufficiency: a trait that refers to how much you rely on others versus your own abilities to meet your needs in life. I feel this is a very accurate result for me. I learned very early on in my life how to be self-sufficient. It’s also a trait that makes it hard for me to ask for help – as a life-long griever and otherwise.
Of all of the people in the world, with all of the variety of traits, characteristics, and personalities we encounter in our lifetime, it’s vital to have emotional intelligence and awareness about ourselves. Having this self-knowledge empowers us to work through whatever emotional disturbance we bump up against, that would, otherwise, have the potential to derail and emotionally block us in our lives.
Grief recovery has given me this emotional freedom, and it can provide it for you as well. After you learn what I have learned, and after you’ve worked through the hardest emotional loss of your life, you will view every other relationship (and person) in your life differently, with clearer goggles of self-awareness and emotional intelligence as previously mentioned. You then will also have the tools and knowledge to see those people and relationships for who and what they are – another griever who hasn’t addressed their emotional disturbances.
P.S. Do you want to work through a narcissist relationship that’s been a source of grief for you? Get in touch here.
Did you know that you are able to apply grief recovery to relationships with the living, deceased, and also the relationship to yourself?
Throughout the past year, I’ve worked through processing what is emotionally incomplete. I’ve worked through relationships with several deceased relatives, some living, and also with my relationship with my inner-child, money, and alcohol.
In the United States, it will soon be Independence Day (4th of July). We collectively celebrate our societal freedom, meanwhile, many of us feel as though we are stuck in emotional jail? What a paradox!
Do you feel as though you are in emotional jail, despite having all of the freedom in our country that we’ve been blessed to experience? That’s normal and natural because grief is normal and natural. Feeling emotionally incomplete keeps us feeling as though we are imprisoned. Grief itself feels like this. Do you agree?
I felt as though I was in an emotional prison in the context of a certain relationship for many years. It wasn’t until I processed and worked through those feelings in an action-based, structured way, that allowed me to, once and for all, experience emotional freedom. I learned how to release all that I could not change, the emotional pain I was harboring, and process the grief I had around the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations I had for the relationship.
Working through my relationship to alcohol enabled and empowered me to give up the emotional hold it had over me. It’s so easy to reach for a drink when we’re feeling stressed, bored, or upset.
Think about it – how often have you had a bad day and, a friend suggests going for a night out on the town to get your mind off of what’s bothering you? Or, do you resort to alcohol as a way to loosen up when socializing because, without it, you feel inadequate or uncomfortable? In a couple of weeks, it will be eight months since I’ve had a drink – even a sip of alcohol! I absolutely contribute the work I’ve completed around my relationship to alcohol, in grief recovery, to the fact that I haven’t felt the need (or, desire for that matter) to have a drink.
I am not anyone special. I am a griever just like you. I just happen to learn new tools and methods for finding my way to emotional freedom. And, every time I feel myself becoming emotionally reactive, I know that’s an area where I have some work to do.
Do you desire emotional freedom?
Are you a recovering addict – whether it be to alcohol, drugs, or otherwise, with at least a year sober under your belt and, are ready to work through grief, specifically, in a supported and guided way?
Regardless of the losses you’ve endured (grief is grief), grief recovery will help you complete what is emotionally incomplete –
I have two spots open right now for grief recovery online, one-on-one, if you are ready to do the internal work. Grief recovery is hope. And, if you’re a parent of a child struggling, know that, very soon, we will be able to work together online with the four-week Helping Children with Loss program. Stay tuned for more info on that!
And, if you’re not quite ready to work with me but are wanting to get to know me better and learn more about my teaching style, you can listen to my recently launched podcast, Grieving Voices. I am thrilled to give other grievers the platform and opportunity to share their grief stories as well. If this is you, please get in touch.
Have a safe and joyful independence weekend (if you celebrate)!