Bury and Replace: this is what we do when we grieve. We bury our feelings to protect those of others, to avoid our own, and make attempts to replace the loss (usually) not in the best of ways.

Why You Bury Your Grief

While grieving, you’ve probably been told not to feel so bad; things could be worse and look at the bright side, etc.. Although others may have good intentions, this is only more damaging to an already broken heart. So, rather than feeling as though you can openly share your grief, you instead bury it. You pretend – for the sake of others. And on top of it, you then apologize for your sorrow and for getting emotional – often at the most inconvenient times like in the dairy section of the grocery store.

As time goes on, after burying it and stuffing it down, you decide it’s becoming too much, and you look to replace it. Or, maybe you’re quick to choose to replace what you’ve lost in the hopes that the sadness you can’t openly share, can be replaced with joy (that which society approves is shared). However, since you’ve been working hard to bury your grief, what you begin to experience is a temporary joy.

From personal experience, I can tell you that, in our human conditioned way, we avoid pain at all costs. And, there is no other situation where that is more prevalent than when it comes to unresolved grief. We replace grief with people and vices because it’s the joy-for-a-moment we’re chasing in the moment. When, in actuality, it’s short-term joy we get in exchange.

We sell out our future happiness because we fail to see that the baggage we picked up in grief, will follow us into every future relationship and experience that comes into our lives.

A Couple Suggestions

You can’t expect that every person in your life will be able to sit with you in your grief. Do yourself a favor and don’t hold on to that false hope. Instead, look to one or two people who you know will be a listening ear, without the need to do anything about it. If you don’t have that person in your life, I encourage you to seek support elsewhere – perhaps others who’ve shared a similar experience.

Before you look to bury and replace your grief, ask yourself the following: Have I fully resolved my grief? Am I replacing to avoidwhy

P.S. Did you like this post or know someone who could benefit from reading? I invite you to share it. Likewise, I share little nudges like this in my weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters, that you won’t read anywhere else. Or, if you’re wanting to move forward in life, regardless if you’ve experienced grief, I offer a FREE exercise you can do to figure out your Core Needs & Essential Values. Knowing these eight words will be the litmus test for every decision you need to make moving forward.

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